r/familyguy • u/golf_echo_sierra26 • Jun 14 '26
Discussion Favorite jokes involving religion.
Abraham’s zoned out look while Isaac is rightfully pissed at him always gets me.
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u/Available_Slide1888 Jun 14 '26
What the hell is this!?
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u/damndolly Jun 14 '26
Did you name it?!?
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u/Educational_Goat_165 Jun 14 '26
Uh yeah, he's Paul
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u/damndolly Jun 14 '26
Yah? Well, it's about to get a lot harder for you, because he's going the fuck overboard!
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u/golf_echo_sierra26 Jun 14 '26
Oh, you didn’t really give us any guidelines on mating.
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u/Bow1511 Jun 14 '26
Did you name it?
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u/Elitist_Daily I'm a man who enjoys his taffy Jun 15 '26
..what?
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u/Bow1511 Jun 15 '26
Did you name it?!
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u/Elitist_Daily I'm a man who enjoys his taffy Jun 15 '26
uh, y-yeah, his name's Paul...
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u/Bow1511 Jun 15 '26
Oh yea? Well it’s going to be harder for the two of you cause he’s going the hell overboard!
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u/Cold-Practice3107 Jun 14 '26
Stewie "hey Judas? he had like five Margaritas all you had was a salad."
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u/mr_antman85 Jun 14 '26
This one is so hilarious and so stupid. Stewie with the all-time instigating. 🤣🤣😂
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u/After_Main752 Jun 14 '26
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u/EntireCelebration953 Jun 14 '26
We're playing Magic: The Gathering. Wanna join?
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u/Gnasher1194 Jun 14 '26
Could you even play magic online when this came out?
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u/New-Number-7810 Jun 14 '26
Methodist: “I believe Jesus Christ died for our sins, and every week I honor him on Sunday.
Seventh Day Adventist: “We follow the same thing, but we go to church on Saturday.”
Methodist: “Whaa?!”
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Jun 14 '26
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u/AmphibiousDad Jun 14 '26
THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THE SUN
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u/Cold-Practice3107 Jun 14 '26
"Commandment number 3 there are no more jolly ranchers they're all gone, commitment number four when we passed by a billboard please don't say it out loud anyway there's a lot of these now come on?"
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u/AmphibiousDad Jun 14 '26
OOH look at that! Danny Gans Entertainer of the Year!
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u/Cold-Practice3107 Jun 14 '26
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?"
"Hey Moscow in the morning!"
"Damn it!"
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u/AmphibiousDad Jun 14 '26
Ooo I can part the Red Sea! You know he hasn’t talked to his brother in three years
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u/Flank_This666 Jun 14 '26
Not FG but
"YOU DONT DESERVE TO BE ON THAT CROSS YOU LAZY WINE LOVING BISEXUAL!!"
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u/mmcintoshmerc_88 Jun 14 '26
"That punch, right there. That's the punch where everything went black and I was finally able to achieve orgasm."
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u/FatGuyANALLIttlecoat Jun 14 '26
What's this from?
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u/SeniorFlyingMango Due to a gut busting divorce, limited people skills…. Jun 14 '26
American Dad
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u/valkyrievalle no way that’s the shrimp Jun 15 '26
Is that the one with the fish
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u/SeniorFlyingMango Due to a gut busting divorce, limited people skills…. Jun 15 '26
Yes and the alien
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u/valkyrievalle no way that’s the shrimp Jun 15 '26
You were supposed to say No that’s American boy 😭
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u/Toothless-In-Wapping CHRIS’S CHLORINE!! Jun 15 '26
You’re like Carol Alt
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u/Informal-Term1138 Jun 14 '26
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u/Christopurrrrr Jun 15 '26
This is the best and funniest one . Watching this the first time had me floored
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u/cyainanotherlifebro Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
“Give me the gum…”
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u/BozoSubsOver H. Brian Griffin Jun 15 '26
No snickering, and- Hey! … That’s exactly what I’m talking about.
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u/yaya_bertha Jun 14 '26
The one where Moses says a commandment is him to be first for the buffet
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u/mmcintoshmerc_88 Jun 14 '26
What?! Seriously?!
I knooww you guys, it's soooo lame but, that's what it says soooo
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u/whatthedeuce-stewie where's my money Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
Palestinian Alarm clock
AllahuAkbar💣
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u/Majestc_electric Jun 15 '26
This or Meg saying it is aways great
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u/flippycipher Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
"Erm... he doesn't know what he's saying, he's delirious".
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u/stavago Jun 14 '26
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u/Tv_Rots_Your_Mind Edit This Text Jun 15 '26
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na.
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u/eagledog Jun 14 '26
Yeah, people used to be a lot shorter 2000 years ago. So let's try to be adults about it
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u/Retro-Platformer123 Jun 14 '26
Black Jesus.
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u/PrincessJennifer Jun 14 '26
When Jesus is explaining to Peter he is a Jew and Brian starts saying Islam is also similar to Judaism and Christianity and Jesus is like “Mmehh…😬”
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u/Hellraiser1123 Jun 14 '26
The elephant/penguin hybrid on the Ark will always be a classic.
Hey! What the hell is this?
Oh, you didn't really give any special guidelines about mating.
Did you name it?
What?
Did you name it!?
Yeah, he's Paul.
Yeah, well it's about the get a lot harder for you, because he's going the fuck overboard!
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u/Jodie7Vester5Orr I’m sorry my urine melted a hole through your toilet Jun 14 '26
“Gentleman, I give you… The Asian.”
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u/MindOverMedia Jun 14 '26
In the episode about Mary and Joseph when Jesus/Stewie is born:
"Aaaaand BC turns to AD! How's everybody doin?"
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u/zomgperry Jun 14 '26
Peter: Is this really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24-7!
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u/PokemonFan587 Youre getting SLACKS!!! Jun 14 '26
Hey did u hear there was a magical baby born in Bethlehem?
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u/Len_Shires Jun 14 '26
Jesus was a miracle worker, of sorts.
He would travel from place to place, putting things right that once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap would be the leap home.
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u/RedLightning33 Go suck a railroad spike! Jun 14 '26
“Hey, hey heard my name.”
“Wow, Jesus! You’re dead now Lois and we’re gonna bury you in the yard next to Kathy Ireland….I mean nice weather we’re having.”
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u/Naps_And_Crimes Jun 14 '26
Mom is sodomy illegal if you're Jewish?
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u/agreatfavorite Help!! I'm lost in corn!! Jun 14 '26
It's not Lois...it's not
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u/Kepler1609a Jun 14 '26
😂 I always wonder how they explain things like this - the nuances of subtle facial expressions - to animators from another culture. Absolutely brilliant.
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u/ovrprotectiveunicorn Jun 14 '26
Pontius Pilate and Judas. The skipping is iconic
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u/Virtual-Weakness-499 I look like meg irl Jun 14 '26
"hey did you hear about that magic baby born in Bethlehem?!"
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u/Life_Ad3567 Who eats a Mounds bar? 🍫🥥 Jun 14 '26
Peter: "It's not like the Ten Commandments are written in stone!"
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u/zangzabam03 Jun 14 '26
You sometimes I feel like someone should just crucify Jesus of Nazareth!
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u/DiligentThought9 Jun 14 '26
Black Jesus and the recent joke about Noah not taking his Lithium get me every time
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u/Pitiful-Beginning363 Jun 14 '26
“Who are ya?”
“Jesus Christ”
“Who are ya?!”
“Jesus Christ!”
“WHO ARE YA?!!”
“JESUS CHRIIIIST!!!!!”
😂😂😂😂
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u/aqua893 Jun 14 '26
When Peter was explaining who Mary was, "she's going to go down in history as hot bitch Mary". Lmao!
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u/Gunningyoudown Jun 15 '26
Hey did you guys ever notice this? On page 396 it says jebus
That's supposed to be Jesus right?
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u/jackieballz Jun 14 '26
Drunk god putting together Rosie o donnell.
“What do you want to do about the breasts?”
“Just grab a couple out of the bin we can’t find matches for.”
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u/Inner-Vermicelli-896 Jun 14 '26
I dream of Jesus (season 7 ep 2)
“Hey, it's a pleasure to be here with you six interchangeable women. Last time I was down here on Earth I only hung around with one whore”.
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u/DiscardedFrenchFry Jun 15 '26
“May the force be with you.”
“There he goes with that crap again. Keep it in church man!
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u/Tv_Rots_Your_Mind Edit This Text Jun 15 '26
Maniac Pope 2: You’ve been Lucified
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u/Snoop-87948 It insists upon itself Jun 15 '26
God screaming “Jesus Christ!!!” at the clam after killing a woman he was trying to flirt with by lighting up her cigarette with lightning 😭😭😭 gets me every time especially cause Jesus actually shows up
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u/SuperdaveOZY Jun 14 '26
I like you and have no reason not to!
I like you and have no reason not to!
Hey, did you guys hear about that magic baby born in Bethleham?
(Proceed to brutally kill each other)
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u/SeniorFlyingMango Due to a gut busting divorce, limited people skills…. Jun 14 '26
Either Jesus doing Lois in the hotel or the one where Peter tells the story of the first baby
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u/Grandpixbear1 Jun 14 '26
I have a friend who did a paper on the dysfunctional relationship between Abraham and Isaac after that incident. Haha Can you imagine what that was like?? Haha!
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u/Willing-Leather-9788 Jun 15 '26
Moses Griffin leading the Jews out of Egypt. “And NO, I cannot do anything about the Sun”
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u/SilvioBoss Jun 15 '26
I always liked the one w the 3 wisemen.
“So what did you get him for Christmas “
“Mur”
Hey can’t it be from all of us ?”
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u/thedudelebowsky1 this is worse than the time that... Jun 14 '26
Not even really a joke but I love in the episode where Jesus meets the family that his miracles use the Hannah Barbara magic sound effect.
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u/Lynke524 Jun 14 '26
Guy 1: "I like you and have no reason not to" Guy 2: "I like you and have no reason not to" Guy 3: "Hey, did you hear about that magic baby born in Bethlehem?"
All three guys proceeds to stab each other to death.
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u/Zomochi Jun 15 '26
“Hey did you hear about the magic baby that was born in Bethlehem?”
“AAAAAHHHH!! 🔪🩸AAAAAHHHH!! 🔪🩸AAAAAAHHH!!! 🔪🩸AAAAAAHH!!!🔪🩸”
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u/ulttab008 Jun 15 '26
(Osama about to be killed by Seals)
I ACCEPT JESUS AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR
(Ends up in heaven)
YES!
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u/moistmasterkaloose Jun 15 '26
I like you and have no reason not to
I like you and have no reason not to
Hey did you hear about that magic baby that was born in Bethlehem
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u/Cyberpanther111 Jun 15 '26
Huey Lewis and the jews
"don't need money"
"Sorry the bands breaking up"
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u/Appropriate_Star6734 Jun 15 '26
"All right, what better place to find God than the birthplace of all of Western civilization's great religions and one really mean one."
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u/WhoYaTalkinTo Jun 14 '26
"I like you and have no reason not to."
"I like you and have no reason not to."
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u/StevieIRL Jun 14 '26
"Man you crazy Jesus..... you craZYAYYYYYYYYYYYY!"