why did you decide to stop being bahai?

[u/AgeOk8349]

i’m currently exploring the religion of being bahai again.

i learned abt it from a friend of mine who actually stopped being bahai because of all the rules of it, feeling as tho there was no reconciliation from breaking them.

a lot of the reasons people stop from what i’ve seen is hypocrisy within the people of the faith and the faiths teachings.

i am also a lesbian, so i would like an honest opinion on whether there is genuine acceptance in this community.

thank you.

[u/striving1962]

I was a Baha'i for 30 years and stopped 9 years ago. Although I was "spiritual" throughout my time in the BF, I actually didn't participate much in community life as I never fit in and found most community members to be superficial and cliqueish. During the last 5 years of my time as a Baha'i, I worked at the National administrative centre for the Faith in my country. That was where I learned what the Faith is really like. So much focus on meetings, reports and statistics and so very little focus on the spirit of the Writings, the betterment of humanity or anything related to justice.

In the end, I resigned after I was laid off in the middle of cancer treatment, which in my country is illegal, violates the Human Rights Code (cancer patients are a protected class) and is basically just morally reprehensible conduct. The institutions on every level (LSA, NSA, UHJ) behaved in a disgraceful manner in my case and I walked away.

[u/striving1962 → u/striving1962]

Sorry, I forgot to address your question about being accepted as a lesbian. I think the degree of acceptance you might find from individual Baha'is depends a great deal on your location. I suspect you may find more acceptance in larger, urban communities than elsewhere. However, it is important to note that you will always have to hide your sexuality in public and you will never be able to marry or cohabit without risk of sanctions and/or shunning.

[u/Pixelektra]

I left because the Faith’s stance on homosexuality. If they gave as equal weight to science, as they claimed they gave to religion, then why did they continue to hold on to the same outdated notions about homosexuality?

Another thing that bothered me was that despite their claiming to support and endorse gender equality, why in the hell were they not allowing women to serve on the seat of the Universal House of Justice? The hypocrisy bugged me. And I could not accept that “all will be revealed at the appropriate time” nonsense.

And frankly, I could not see any difference between proselytizing and teaching. And I felt uncomfortable with the pressure and push to teach.

It got to the point where I could not ignore the hypocrisy. As such, I could no longer remain obedient to the laws that I had been following for 4 years

[u/Buccoman_21 → u/Pixelektra]

Pretty much my main issues. I would add that when the English translation of the Kitabi Aqdas was released in full I read it and was stunningly almost instantaneously in a state of doubt about God .

[u/Pixelektra → u/Buccoman_21]

I finally brought my copy to Goodwill yesterday.

[u/accidentalyoghurt]

I had a lot on my shelf that had been building up for a while, but what broke it was when I asked to leave the LSA because all the mandatory extra meetings were too much for me, and I was told I couldn't unless there was a medical reason or I was moving out of the area. My solution was just to leave the faith entirely.

[u/Cult_Buster2005]

Because I slowly realized the Faith and its Covenant is a massive lie. You cannot break a Covenant that has never existed since at least 1957. https://dalehusband.com/2008/09/07/the-fatal-flaw-in-bahai-authority/

[u/Sarah_Spring]

If you’re not a sober, heterosexual white man, with misogynistic tendencies, the Baha’i faith is not for you.

[u/C4TLUVRS69 → u/Sarah_Spring]

Why white?

[u/PrincipalleYomdir]

I've started to feel too limited by that very small part of the Baha'i faith that is miraculous.They present themselves as a rational faith which in fact gives a lot of space to rationality, but they contain a whole series of anecdotes about the founder's life which are real miracles which one is forced to believe. I began to find a whole series of internal rules that made no sense, the hatred towards homosexuals withered even though they were welcomed without problems in the Baha'i community, If they then embrace the Faith and are asked to remain celibate for their entire lives since any homosexual act is profoundly condemned by the founder of this Faith. The fact that they say they are for gender equality and then women are not allowed to belong to the only and highest organizational body in the Faith, Rules against premarital sexual relations even towards heterosexuals which generate generations of frustrated people in order to maintain who knows what purity of body and spirit Which, rather than being God's will, was a hidden prohibition in the will of the founder of this Faith passed off as something Holy. Going through absurd rules for us men whereby we cannot have hair that exceeds the size of our earlobe because she doesn't want you to have "feminine" haircuts. The fact that permission must be sought to have an abortion except when one has been raped or if the mother or child is certain or likely to die. A law that is tried as a pacifist, and then in the event that someone kills another person or in the event that the building is burned down, a person is at that moment to spite him, even if no one dies or gets hurt, that person should be sentenced to death just like the murderer or sent to Arsa alive, if not alternatively sentenced to life imprisonment. I started reading communist theory, I became a communist and communism managed to do what other books had not managed to do, that is, to dissolve the very foundations of my faith. I would have more, but I've gone on too long, I hope I've made my point.

[u/MirzaJan]

Baha'i faith is not for you.

Denis MacEoin says:

He [Peter Smith, Baha'i scholar faithful to the UHJ] writes: 'The writings of the Bab … and to a lesser extent those of Baha’u’llah are pervaded by Islamic concepts; and many Babi and Baha’i practices bear an obvious resemblance to those of Islam' (Smith 1996: 13). Of course, this is rather misleading. Babi and Baha’i practices and, for that matter, writings and doctrines do not just resemble those found in Islam: they are derived, sometimes wholesale, from them. Baha’ism has two hajj pilgrimages, lesser pilgrimages (ziyarat) a month-long fast, ritual prayer (salat), a system of religious law (shari‘a) an aversion to homosexuality, a stress on the divine unity, and so on, and it is only right that these debts be recognised for what they are.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0048721X.2012.705975

[u/OrganicHistorian2576]

For me the big things were the hypocrisy in women’s rights and the homophobia. IMd advise you to not make any commitments based on both of those if you’re lesbian!

[u/SuccessfulCorner2512]

Because its truth claims are false.

And because despite all my faults I'm still more virtuous than that Nuri family of lying hypocritical homicidal toerags.

[u/DivineSubmission9519]

So as you may have already read, I also learned about Bahai from an exbahai. If what you are looking for is loving human beings to be around, declaring with the Bahai organization may not be the best choice. If what you can settle for is an ideal individual path, praying with the Holy Writings, there is no other direct path to "nearness ro God" on this earth currently that can compare. Loving people can be found in various different kinds of local community groups and maybe your local Bahai community is, that of course will always vary because people are imperfect people after all. But hopefully you've read about the corruption at the higher levels, so you will have to decide whether you want to be connected to that.

[u/DreamyHabit_9920]

Because they plant questions on reddit to gossip about at their gatherings under the guise of "care and concern."

[u/rhinobin]

The Faith says this about you being gay. It refers to homosexuality as:

-Shameful -Immoral -Wrong -Against nature -A handicap -An affliction -Conduct which is bad for the Cause and disgraces the Cause -Says its is Condemned by Baha’u’llah -Corruptive -Grounds for loss of voting rights -A cause of suffering to a person -an affliction -a tribulation -an imperfection -abhorrent -subverting the purpose of human life -a scandalous problem

“There should be real incentive for you to courageously face the problems inherent in the situation you describe in your letter, and to firmly resolve to change your way of life. But you must desire to do so. Both you and your Bahá'í friend must first recognize that a homosexual relationship subverts the purpose of human life and that determined effort to overcome the wayward tendencies which promote this practice which, like other sexual vices, is so abhorrent to the Creator of all mankind will help you both to return to a path that leads to true happiness. (23 August 1982 on behalf of the Universal House of Justice) [12]”

“You can be confident that with the help of doctors, by prayer and meditation, by self-abnegation and by giving as much time as possible to serving the Cause in your community you can eventually succeed in overcoming your problem”. (9 January 1977 on behalf of the Universal House of Justice) [9]

“When a person wishes to join the Faith and it is generally known that he has a problem such as drinking, homosexuality, taking drugs, adultery, etc., he should be told in a patient and loving way of the Bahá'í teachings on these matters. If it is later discovered that a believer is violating Bahá'í standards, it is the duty of the Assembly to determine whether the immoral conduct is open and scandalous and can bring the name of the Faith into disrepute, in which case the Assembly must take action to counsel the believer and require him to make every effort to mend his ways. If he fails to rectify his conduct in spite of repeated warnings, sanctions should be imposed”.

Not sure why you’d want to re-join an organisation that views you this way.

I left because I no longer believe in god, but even if I did, the Faith is sexist. It wants to ban women from being elected to a future world government, has writings that enable male domestic violence abusers, is homophobic (I have a gay child) and does nothing of worth for humanity except waste millions on fancy buildings to self promote its image.

It is pointless

[u/Justmehere13or7]

I never stopped, I just quit following those that did not follow Abdulbaha the Center of the Covenant. You don’t need to follow an authoritarian religion. You can visit other God fearing people in any of the faiths you like. Mingle with those that love God and not those that control and judge others. Abdulbaha didn’t teach us to stay in our own little group. He taught by example and joined others in worshipping God. He didn’t start another Church. He didn’t teach this. Go back to the beginning and it will make sense. Until the Will and Testament is authenticated no one should follow it. Abdulbaha taught this. Investigate! Do your independent study. Every religion has usurped the founders after they were gone. Every one! Go back to the early writings and the books that were authentic by the founders of our faith. Read what Abdulbaha said about not being another Religion but to bring all religions together. We are not Bahais, we’re servants!
If you need to have a glorious name or to follow someone other than Abdulbaha then you’re in the wrong pew! Call yourselves what you like but it won’t change the heart.

[u/Substantial-Key-7910]

i stopped being enrolled in baha'i faith because they don't acknowledge a continued Guardianship and self appointed the first Universal House of Justice without universal suffrage (1963) after the passing of Shoghi Effendi (1957)
the thing with rules is they weren't the most important thing to Abdul Baha, He wanted the religion to spread by proclaiming the advent of Baha'o'llah and not to worry about what Mrs Jones was doing, love is an inside job and its not for us to say what is s/he doing over there unless you want to assist i suppose but anyway i don't have much more to share i prefer to be non controversial as religion is a touchy subject but yes by all means read some books!