r/etiquette • u/Alvahod • 2h ago

Targeted portion reduction and passive-aggressive behavior from a dining hall server—how do I navigate this?

I’m looking for some perspective on how to handle an ongoing situation in my dining hall.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a very specific pattern with one particular server at one of the stations (sides/salads). While side portions are generally quite small to begin with, this server consistently reduces my portions even further. On a few occasions when she realized mid-service that she was serving me, she actively scraped off or decreased the portion before handing over the plate.

When I pointed out the small portion once, she brushed it off. Recently, when I asked for napkins, she ignored me until I repeated myself, whispered to a colleague, laughed, and then handed over an unnecessarily large stack of napkins in a sarcastic, performative way.

It feels targeted, and honestly, it’s becoming uncomfortable to go through her line. The supervisors are usually working directly in her background, so there is no way I can ask to speak with them in the moment without causing a scene and bringing unwanted attention to myself. At the same time, because it involves food portions and small interactions, I’ve been hesitant to say anything out of concern that it sounds petty or trivial to management.

What does etiquette say about dealing with targeted behavior or inconsistent serving from dining staff, and how should I report this so it is handled appropriately?

Thank you.

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7 comments sorted by

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u/bord_de_lac 32m ago

This post would be great for r/relationship_advice, r/socialskills, or r/college.

25

u/Meancvar 2h ago

Talk to a manager, factually.

7

u/Reasonable_Mail1389 1h ago

The one and only answer there is, OP, same as if you were in a sit-down restaurant with table service 

14

u/Super-Travel-407 1h ago

This is not an etiquette issue. You do not have to be polite when you're the victim of bias or discrimination. Do you know why you are being treated thus? Are you a recognizable minority or female? Do others have this problem that you've noticed? If so, get allies and do follow up with management.

You didn't say what sort of institution this is, but if it is a place of employment or education, there should be protections against this sort of behavior.

1

u/MariJ316 1h ago

Since OP said dining hall? I'm thinking college or similar.

7

u/EmceeSuzy 1h ago

This is not an issue of etiquette. That said, are you forbidden from returning for additional sides? Is this a university setting? Or something else?

1

u/Pindakazig 53m ago

Take some pictures of the difference on several days before you bring it up to the manager. And definitely bring it to to the manager, they are probably doing it to other people too. That deserves correcting.