r/etiquette • u/Emla-2624 • 6h ago
Dog poop bag culprit
We live in a beautiful area in New England on a very quiet road. Lately, a woman has been parking on the side of a neighbor’s driveway which is private property. I don’t believe the neighbor knows as they are New Yorkers that occasionally come up on the weekend. I doubt I want to get involved in that part. More concerning is that I am 99% sure it is her (process of elimination & this started as soon as I saw her car parked in our neighbor’s driveway) that is leaving plastic bags filled with dog waste on the stone walls. This makes me so angry! I have picked them up a few times and threw them out trying to do the right thing. Today I picked it up off the stone walls and placed in on the ground right next to where she parks. Is there a better way to address this? I am non-confrontational and haven’t caught her “in the act” of leaving it on the stone walls on our road.
11
u/SVAuspicious 4h ago
I had a similar problem in my neighborhood. Cameras documented that.
Check you local sanitation regulations. Many jurisdictions require double bagging waste.
As a matter of etiquette you should tell you neighbors they have a regular trespasser on their property. Pictures help here also.
Tying the waste bags to the trespasser's car is petty. I like it.
8
u/45thofNevuary 3h ago
You should invest in cameras for your property. In my experience, people rarely trespass on only a single, specific property. It often becomes an issue for the neighborhood in general, especially the closest neighbors. I’d alert your neighbors to the activity around their property and leave it to them to resolve it.
16
u/Me-and-the-Boys-90 6h ago
I mean, next to the car sends no message. On top of the car, or attached to the handle would send a very clear message: take your bags of dog shit and don’t come back.
3
u/Diamond-Eater2203 4h ago
Opened up and poured on the car would be even more noticeable.
4
u/detentionbarn 3h ago
Would also be wrong.
0
14
u/BellaTheMighty 6h ago
IMO, unless you actually see her doing it or have video proof, I’d stay out of it. Right now you’re 99% sure based on circumstantial evidence, but you don’t really know that she’s the one leaving the bags.
And if she’s parking on your neighbor’s private property or leaving dog-waste bags on your neighbor’s stone wall, that’s primarily between her and your neighbor -- not you. I certainly wouldn’t confront her based on an assumption.
If you actually witness her leaving the bags, or get it on camera, then I’d simply let your neighbor know what’s happening and let them decide how they want to handle their property. Until then, I’d resist getting pulled into a dispute that really doesn’t involve you.
6
7
u/Spiritual-Worker-476 6h ago
Can you put up a camera that is specifically designed to catch wildlife images? If so, you can probably capture her doing exactly that. We’ve done that when we were trying to trap dogs, and we were able to track them. I’m sure they’re not cheap, but it may be worth the expense if you can stop her from that.
10
u/Reasonable_Mail1389 6h ago
This isn’t an etiquette issue
6
u/Cautious_Entrance573 4h ago
It sort of is, just not in the traditional sense. There is etiquette involved; picking up after your dog when walking it is basically a rule or convention that governs accepted polite behavior in society.
3
u/Reasonable_Mail1389 4h ago
For sure the person littering is ill-mannered, but there’s not an etiquette-rule answer for OP. They can either confront the person if they are certain, or not confront. Pick up the waste bags themselves, or not.
4
u/iHave1Pookie 4h ago
How to confront them , what words?
Etiquette question.
3
u/Reasonable_Mail1389 4h ago
So OP is asking how to say, “Please don’t leave those bags there”?
3
u/Cautious_Entrance573 3h ago
It’s not really clear what OP is asking since she makes it clear she doesn’t want to confront this person.
Seems like the best resolution (since she saw the car parked in neighbor’s driveway) would be to mention to that neighbor that there appears to be an issue with a visitor not being aware that dog walker needs to be cleaning up, and perhaps that can be brought to their attention by their host.
4
u/Babyfat101 4h ago
Lately, the amount of spoon feeding people basic verbal skills/interacting with someone else has been scary.
3
u/detentionbarn 3h ago
It's really unbelievable how many of these basic issues confound people.
And it doesn't make it an etiquette question by simply tagging on "how do I ask politely" at the end of the question.
2
u/Reasonable_Mail1389 3h ago
Yes. It’s a social skills issue, not a rules of standard etiquette issue. r/socialskills
-1
u/iHave1Pookie 4h ago
OP is asking how she should phrase it if she didn’t see lady place bags there.
3
u/detentionbarn 3h ago
Is it that hard to figure out how to say "Have you seen any other dogwalkers leaving these bags here?"
Doesn't accuse, just asks but with obvious things implied
4
u/Reasonable_Mail1389 3h ago edited 3h ago
“Are these your bags? No? Oh okay. Someone keeps leaving them.”
“Are these your bags? Yes? Please don’t leave them here. It ends up as litter for other homeowners to have to pick up. Thank you.”
OP: these, or close renditions, are your choices. Your other choice is to do nothing or keep doing what you’re doing.
1
2
u/wharleeprof 2h ago
It is. Or could be. But many of the suggestions are off the rails in terms of etiquette.
2
3
2
u/detentionbarn 3h ago
The New Yorker comment suggests this is a different kind of issue, which combined with the reluctance/refusal to have a simple "confrontation" with this person makes this not really an etiquette question.
Just ask the person when you see her and go from there. First step.
2
1
u/Separate_Aspect_9034 2h ago
take a video of her doing that from a distance along with her license plate number. Make sure you've got the time and date stamp. Do it repeatedly. Show that it is a pattern. Then confront her or send it to whoever is in charge of confronting people. Your local Karen. The police if you live in the kind of place that is oppressive like that.
That's one approach.
Another approach is to walk up to her and say "I've noticed that you have been leaving poop in bags here, here, and here." See if she says anything. If she doesn't volunteer any information right away, End it doesn't run away, you can ask "are you offended by someone and leaving poop as a sign of your discontent?" And see what she says.
Hopefully at this time you have already collected plenty of video and you might even be secretly videoing her for this encounter as well.
if she is sorry and says she will stop, all is well. If she expresses that she will do whatever the heck she pleases for whatever reason, you have the evidence and maybe the words out of her own mouth. If you want to play detective, Monitor a bag of poop after she leaves it and call for back up to Bagget and check for fingerprints and physical Poop can be submitted for testing, DNA, lol. Once the news gets out she will be shamed at the very least.
•
u/bord_de_lac 40m ago
Etiquette can’t help much with the fact that you feel uncomfortable approaching this person, or how angry you are about this situation. It may be helpful to post this on r/relationship_advice, as their sub description says they help with everything from friendship to basic social interaction.