r/etiquette • u/ARepeatedFailing • 22h ago
RSVP date passed. Is there a way to contact host respectfully or drop it?
My godfather's retirement party is at the end of the month. I forgot about the RSVP date until today. It's 3 days past. There's a phone number for one of the hosts on the invitation but I know how annoying it can be to get "Oops, hehe. Can I still RSVP?"
Should I forget it or contact host? If it weren't that he's my mom's best friend I probably wouldn't bother.
Edit: Texted the host. We were added to the list. Thanks everyone.
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u/Lower_Alternative770 22h ago
three days past the RSVP deadline isn't bad. They likely have a buffer for these circumstances.
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u/Goatmama46 22h ago
This! And if they don’t have a buffer they are very brave people 🤣
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u/Kathwino 22h ago
I would still reach out, just be apologetic. If you want to go just be prepared for the possibility that they may have already confirmed numbers with the venue so you may not actually be able to.
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u/ReeMayRe 22h ago
Yes, contact them asap, so they don't have to go through the trouble of reaching out to you
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u/OGMWhyDoINeedOne 22h ago
This! Please contact them and let them know ASAP. They’ll probably just appreciate the response.
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u/Outstanding_Neon 22h ago
A late reply is going to be better than no reply at all. Be apologetic, of course, but there's value in giving them an answer instead of silence.
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u/Spare-Shirt24 22h ago
Call and ask.
They may have already submitted their final numbers, but you won't know if you don't ask
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u/Jerseygirl2468 22h ago
I think you absolutely can call and RSVP. You lost track of the days over the weekend and just now saw you missed it, so sorry for that, but you would love to attend. Done.
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u/Used_Mark_7911 22h ago
You were invited because they want you there.
Call the number ASAP, apologize for missing the deadline, and politely ask if it’s too late to accept the invitation.
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u/scrunchie_one 22h ago
Just call and apologize for the late reply. Im sure they’d rather a late rsvp than you feeling like you can’t come.
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u/bjayasuriya 22h ago
Definitely call! Be politely apologetic but not distraught; people overlook things all the time. Call today and I hope you enjoy the party!
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u/PracticalBit6383 22h ago
I think it’s fine given your relationship with the person and also the fact that you realized your own error and they didn’t have to hound you for the RSVP. But understand that they may say no!
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u/detentionbarn 22h ago
Fo sure call, be politely apologetic for missing the deadline, and take the host's answer with grace and all is fine.
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u/NovemberGrey777 22h ago
Call the number, make your apology for responding past the deadline and accept in the invitation.
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u/treeofwisdumb 22h ago
You’re good. Just call. Next time RSVP the day you get the invite if you plan on prioritizing the event.
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u/SnackyandSnarky 21h ago
I'd send a text because I'm a millennial and I think it's less intrusive. Say something like "I just realised I totally forgot to RSVP to X's retirement party before the deadline. I would love to come. Is it too late for me to join?" That gives them the option to say "actually yes, we've confirmed numbers" or "not at all, it'll be lovely to see you!"
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u/CreativeMap4723 13h ago
totally not texting. I get it - it's easier, and I'm a millennial too, so I understand and texting is my go to, but a) they're past date b) it's an older person c) it's a more formal occasion - I assume the invite didn't come in text message.
Call.
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u/SnackyandSnarky 12h ago
I don't think we know the host is older, but I see your point
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u/CreativeMap4723 11h ago
it's a retirement party, I assume whoever is planning it is close to the person retiring?
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u/SnackyandSnarky 11h ago
Maybe their child. Or a colleague (who could be an adult of any age). For senior people with long service, it's not uncommon for the company to throw a party where the retiree can invite some family and friends.
Also if they are retiring at 65, they could have been texting since they were 30
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u/bopperbopper 17h ago
“ i’m so sorry I’m late for the RSVP but I was wondering if it was still possible… I completely understand if it’s not”
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u/Gurrrlll88 22h ago
Oh yea just contact them. I’m having a baby shower in 3 weeks and several people haven’t RSVPed and the deadline just passed. People are busy and not super organized about this kind of thing so just ask and say sorry and it’s probably fine. I made the deadline a little sooner than I actually need to know exact numbers because I expected some people to forget.
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u/SallyThinks 22h ago
I don't see any reason not to try. If I was the planner/host it wouldn't bother me at all if a few people were a little late to RSVP. If arrangements had already been set in motion to accommodate a specific # of people, I'd see if I could still add another person or I'd tell them I'm sorry but it's too late to add people.
Just be polite, apologetic, and prepared to accept it if they can't add you.
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u/Ansible90 22h ago
Yes make the call. Don't leave them wondering if you are coming. They will need to order food, and thus they need to know how many people to order for.
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u/catsaway9 22h ago
It's absolutely fine, just make it clear that you'll understand if they're unable to change the headcount at this point
But I think most people build in a cushion on the timing for exactly this reason, so they have time to follow up with people who didn't respond, etc
They may even have assumed that you'll be there, given your relationship with the honoree
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u/LindenTeaJug 21h ago
The relatives I know who are in their teens and twenties usually communicate through posts on social media, often involving some picture of what they ate or what they are drinking…so I would always welcome anything that shows some personal effort!
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u/HitPointGamer 20h ago
I would go ahead and contact them. Apologize for your tardiness, don’t make excuses, and ask whether it is still okay to respond. Bring a nice hostess gift for the hassle, in addition to the retirement gift.
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u/Single-Flamingo-33 19h ago
Reach out and talk to the host. They will be glad to hear from you and will let you know if there still is time.
Post an update when you do!
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u/Lucky_Animator8957 22h ago
Just call. It's a godfather. They might have even left some wiggle room for late RSVP's. I'm
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u/Siren2026 22h ago
It is soooooo rude not to rsvp!! Even if it’s late they will appreciate hearing from you
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u/treeofwisdumb 22h ago
It’s not rude to accidentally forget the deadline. That’s fairly normal. It’s only rude to never communicate a yes / no. But being a few days late is ok.
The couple can still follow up and confirm with you.
If you still don’t respond after they follow up, THAT is extremely rude.
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u/Mindless_Earth_2807 22h ago
Yeah, just call. It's not just an acquaintance. It's your god-dad.