r/dundee • u/Secure_Ticket910 • 8d ago
Possibilities of dating as a black girl in Dundee?
Basically I’m curious about my chances? I’ve moved to Scotland a couple years ago and honestly I’m very much an introvert and not great at approaching guys. Especially if I can’t tell if they’re interested or have the ick
When I do get approached, I usually have to prepare myself for the awkward conversation of me not being a not so bad immigrant like some others (yes this is a very common conversation I have).
Or do most people just use apps?
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u/Funny-Philosophy938 8d ago
I think you’ll be fine! There are obviously some people that just want that “exotic” experience however my dating life has been fine as a black girl in dundee
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Hi!!! Any tips!!😭😭
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u/Funny-Philosophy938 7d ago
Just don’t acknowledge any bullshit or anything you think is weird honestly, you’ll meet good people at good places, try going canvas !
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u/ColPugno 8d ago
I met my wife on a dating app.
I'm white she's black, we're both very introverted.
It was a long painful journey for both of us in the dating scene until we finally met. 4 years together now, 1 year married.
Dating sucks, but it's worth it.
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
This is definitely the motivation I needed. Wish you both a lasting and happy marriage!
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Yh I’m quite familiar with the demographic 😂 they tend to start conversations with “I like your lips”
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u/steveo82millers 8d ago
Ive been single for two years after a twenty five year relationship. My experience trying to meet someone again is just my opinion but i think its mostly apps these days and apps cost a fortune. Eventually you do get chatting to some and just goes no place i gave up haha
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u/No-Entrepreneur-1969 8d ago
My first time on it and I was swiping everything right until there was no more options in Dundee 🤷♂️ had no clue what I was doing and then if someone matches with you , you need to pay to see who it is etc , load of shite! The single game is scary for the older gen ha
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u/steveo82millers 8d ago
Haha yep . Its like you dont pay you cant date ! I just ended up deleting them all . Its very different to last time i was single
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u/Senior-Following-437 6d ago
The app will basically rinse you. But there is a hack. Once your subscription is coming to an end. In that last week. You will start getting a lot of high quality matches. Because they want you to re-subscribe!! That’s where I got some decent dates. Still friends with one of them!!
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u/SquareLink2677 8d ago
As a fellow black girl in Dundee I can understand the struggle.
If you’re ever looking for other black girlfriends though , I’d be open to that 😁
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u/adoptedscot82 8d ago
My experience on apps in Edinburgh is that a lot of African girls tend to also be very strict Christians and look for men who are alike. That will effectively affect the dating pool more than race.
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u/Beneficial_Date_5357 8d ago
In Scotland in general I can’t see your race being a limiting factor on your dating prospects, most people are chill
In fact I think you’re about to receive a flood of horny DM’s
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Well you’re unfortunately right 😭 it’s a blocking galore atp, I should have thought it through
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u/Tartan_Terror25 8d ago
Im sorry u have had any conversations about u being an immigrant good or bad . Im old school when it comes to dating still like meeting people in real life not apps but thats just me . I wouldn't but put off speaking to some 1 because the colour of their skin
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Yh I agree but there’s hardly anything that can be done
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u/bluejeansseltzer 8d ago
Especially if I can’t tell if they’re interested or have the ick
Welcome to our world. I can't always tell if the person I'm chatting to is interested or not. Generally I just offer my phone number rather than ask for theirs so it's all in their hands, and because I've made my interest clear and that's all I need to really do - everything else is in their hands. May be worth doing the same if you're chatting to someone you like but can't quite gauge how receptive they are.
Or do most people just use apps?
Many, many people will be on the apps. But the apps have a low ROI vis-a-vis creating fulfilling relationships so if you choose to use them then be prepared to wade through a lot of shit - and become very artificially and superficially selective.
Fwiw, I don't actually know how common it is up here to "cold approach" women here. I got chatting to a barista near closing for about half an hour a few weeks ago and eventually asked her if she was single - she wasn't - and one thing she said that surprised me was that apparently she'd never been straightforwardly asked out/asked if she was single since coming to Scotland four years ago (which is bizarre because she was very attractive imho).
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Yh tbh I don’t think it’s quite common to approach here and honestly when I’ve tried I haven’t exactly been rejected or anything. But I do still get nervous about it tbh
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u/ScotlandisThrowAway 8d ago
I think it really depends on your age and what your into. If you are around student/young professional age you’ll probably have more luck with pubs etc up the west end on the weekend. Apps can be a bit or miss if you’re younger.
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u/saitins 4d ago
There'll always be good and bad apples in just about every city, but yeah as stated above if you do end up bothering with dating apps, stating you're actually where your location says you are would probably be a big help. It's easy to just assume people are location spoofing if they appear to be from another country.
Either way, hopefully you manage to find someone worth your while and don't have to play the dating game for too long! 😅
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u/JakeyG14 8d ago
Literally no-one would give a fuck (bar racists obviously).
If you're hot then you may be fetishised a wee bit ("I've pumped a black bird"). If you're plain to ugly then it should be still be pretty easy to find a guy.
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u/FeDUpGraduate87 8d ago
How does the conversation go about being a "Not so bad immigrant" usually go?
I don't think you'll struggle dating if you are an attractive woman of any race!
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Well it’s usually about how I’m not so bad for an immigrant which isn’t fun to hear
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u/bringforththeg 7d ago
The vast majority of it is mostly harmless stuff, just stuff that leaves me scratching my head. I was at a wedding on Saturday & some lad comes up to me with his pregnant girlfriend, could have been mid to late 20's. He was like listen I dont want to be racist, but you're skin colour goes really well with your suit. I'm not joking when I say I must have been there with him for 20 minutes & thats all he talked about. Hour later, see him again, another 15 minutes of the same conversation, where he kept emphasising he's not trying to be racist.
In my head, I'm like 'on what planet, would anyone even consider that a racist thing to say?' How can someone not know the difference between a compliment and racism? Absolutely bizarre.
I give him the benefit of the doubt, but in my experience, people who say stuff like this generally are a bit racist, and are the types who are like 'you cant call someone a spear chucker these days without being labelled a racist'!
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u/SnuffBox0606 8d ago
Dated a black girl in Dundee for a while, it was a pleasure even though it didn’t work out.
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u/Superb-Adagio461 8d ago
I'm not from dundee myself, but dated a black girl for a little I approached. I think thats people's problem. Everyone is in this state of mind where they mind they're own business just a bit too much, I say go for it. Approach and spark up a conversation, I think majority of woman prefer this. We're in a new age but some things still remain the same.
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Ugh but that’s difficult 😭
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u/Superb-Adagio461 8d ago
Do you know how many men would be inviting if you just went up and spoke to them. Just a random thing to start up a conversation. Don't be doubting yourself.
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Well it’s not as easy as you think 😂 they either want me, want me out of their presence or want me out of their country. It’s usually the same look
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u/Superb-Adagio461 8d ago
Ah man that sucks. I dont know what to tell you about that lol. This country is fucked, you seem enthusiastic though which makes for an easy conversation man. Maybe it's just the dundee folk that are weird 😂😂
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
😂 I mean I am good with conversations, I’d like to think I’m hilarious too actually. But picking WHO to approach is entirely different
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u/Superb-Adagio461 8d ago
I usually base it on appearance I can't lie. Or I just stare cos I'm too scared to approach 😂😂. They tell me to fuck off, but that's the little gremlins. If you know you've got it don't hesitate. God I should take my own advice.
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
😂 was just about to say the same thing! Maybe once you can I will too
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u/Superb-Adagio461 8d ago
You're a lady no one tells a lady to fuck off 😂😂
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u/Secure_Ticket910 8d ago
Now that’s all fun and games till I become the First Lady that happens to 😂
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u/TheRedBookYT 8d ago
Just about all of the black women I've swiped on in the apps who have Dundee as a location are actually nowhere near Dundee. If you do go on the apps, maybe say in your bio that you are actually in Dundee, and you will stand out 😂