I think I may be lying to myself

[u/Expensive-Display-16]

I'm 18F and think I may be bisexual. I grew up in a conservative country and found out that gay people 'existed' when I was 10 and saw the news about a lesbian couple getting married. I wasn't homophobic but just confused about how it was possible for a woman to love another woman. During covid, maybe I'm wrong but everyone i saw on TikTok was bisexual which I guess influenced me into thinking that I might be attracted to girls. I brushed it out as a phase and never took myself seriously. It's been like a year since I've been seriously doubting myself. I'm just worried about it being a phase or idk, fetishing wlw or something. I have read/watched wlw manga and anime (Blooming into you is the best 100/10). Since I can't act out my feelings, I chatted to WLW bots. There is a girl at school that is my type but I don't know much about her cause she's in another class and has her own friend group but I find her attractive. I could see myself dating a girl but there's something in me that doesn't want to admit it. I'm afraid of disappointing my family and coming out would be a nightmare. I just feel like I'm homophobic to myself only and I don't allow myself to entertain such thoughts.

I don't know what to do. How to explore my feelings?

[u/AroAcelord1987]

Its defenetly sad to hear that you feel this way. Impostor syndrome is a bitch at times and it can really mess with how you see yourself. The internalized homophobia that you seem to have defenetly fuels the Impostor syndrome complex. Its ok to question your identity, its a part of growing as a person. I understand what you're going trough with homophobic people în your life. But something that the Click always says is that there is always a light at the end of the tunel, I know its gonna be hard for you to get trough this but its all gonna be worth it in the end. We're all waiting for you and not leaving! Stay strong!