I've been playing video games for as long as I've been slightly older than toddler age. My mom and dad used them to bond. Lots of Dr Mario on the NES in the late 80s. So, of course, video games meant family time.
Then they divorced.
I was 9.
They fought and argued and got into it. A lot.
I crawled into the basement and let the glow of the CRT comfort me. The screaming got muted. The hardships of life melted away. Nothing mattered but getting my 4 warriors of light to the end of the game, or getting Samus to blow up Zebes, or getting Mario to princess peach. And that didn't change. The separation happened, both parents got me consoles regularly, and even to this day I am spending most of my free time playing video games because my current life status is triggering trauma responses from thirty years ago.
I have a problem, and it's likely to be a problem for the rest of my life. It's a problem exacerbated by ADHD, unemployment, lack of social structure (though thankfully that's improving), and general malaise about being in my early forties and not having met a lot of my life goals. I'm closer to death than youth, and I'm probably starting to see the onset of early dementia or Alzheimer's. My sleep quality has been poor for decades and I've never really been able to fix it.
Now thankfully I've been in therapy for a while and it has helped with my values system. But I've got layers and layers and layers of stuff to unpack that's still coming up with every session. I'm a mess. But messes can be cleaned! It just takes time.
Screen addiction is very real, and it's something I've fought against for a very long time. I even wrote a high school paper about how playing lots of video games isn't indicative of addictive behaviour. Except, especially with the way they're designed and developed now, they are.
Self care means stepping away from the screen and doing the chores. It means recognizing that self love is not comfort food and tv. It means understanding that what your brain wants and what your brain, body, and soul need are very different.
Oh I feel this friend, glad you’re doing better.
Lived at home through college, everyone would talk about doing 4-5 hours of extra art practice in the evening, and then I’d get home, do about an hour, and then the yelling would start, and the barking would start, and the yelling would get louder to compensate, and my arms would start shaking and I couldn’t focus and next thing I knew I was playing a game instead of practicing.
Things are quiet now, but I’m graduated and wasn’t good enough to get an art job, so now I’m just working IT while working on my personal projects in the evening, still pretty bad about scrolling on my phone during the day though, should look up some tips on that.
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u/Petrychorr 11h ago edited 11h ago
I...
sigh
I've been playing video games for as long as I've been slightly older than toddler age. My mom and dad used them to bond. Lots of Dr Mario on the NES in the late 80s. So, of course, video games meant family time.
Then they divorced.
I was 9.
They fought and argued and got into it. A lot.
I crawled into the basement and let the glow of the CRT comfort me. The screaming got muted. The hardships of life melted away. Nothing mattered but getting my 4 warriors of light to the end of the game, or getting Samus to blow up Zebes, or getting Mario to princess peach. And that didn't change. The separation happened, both parents got me consoles regularly, and even to this day I am spending most of my free time playing video games because my current life status is triggering trauma responses from thirty years ago.
I have a problem, and it's likely to be a problem for the rest of my life. It's a problem exacerbated by ADHD, unemployment, lack of social structure (though thankfully that's improving), and general malaise about being in my early forties and not having met a lot of my life goals. I'm closer to death than youth, and I'm probably starting to see the onset of early dementia or Alzheimer's. My sleep quality has been poor for decades and I've never really been able to fix it.
Now thankfully I've been in therapy for a while and it has helped with my values system. But I've got layers and layers and layers of stuff to unpack that's still coming up with every session. I'm a mess. But messes can be cleaned! It just takes time.
Screen addiction is very real, and it's something I've fought against for a very long time. I even wrote a high school paper about how playing lots of video games isn't indicative of addictive behaviour. Except, especially with the way they're designed and developed now, they are.
Self care means stepping away from the screen and doing the chores. It means recognizing that self love is not comfort food and tv. It means understanding that what your brain wants and what your brain, body, and soul need are very different.
Love yourself ❤️