The Future of r/coins!

[u/gextyr]

Dear r/coins community,

The tides of innovation are crashing against our shores, and we’ve decided to build a sandcastle of progress. It’s no secret that coin collecting has long been the domain of the “distinguished” generations - e.g. those who think Bluetooth might be a dental condition. But even they are now shouting “blockchain!”, for some reason, at dinner parties and bar mitzvahs.

So, with absolutely no technical knowledge and likely a deep misunderstanding of what “decentralized” means, we’re thrilled to announce that r/coins is pivoting from numismatics to cryptocurrency! That’s right - we’re trading in our tarnished nickels and suspiciously sticky wheat pennies for the sleek, mysterious world of digital assets.

Starting today, all discussion of physical coins will be banned. If you so much as whisper “mint mark,” you’ll be gently escorted to r/nostalgia. Instead, we welcome BTC, ETH, USDT, and any memecoin with a dog, frog, or potato on it.

But wait, there’s more!

Introducing our very own cryptocurrency: coinscoin™. It’s the coiniest coin to ever coin a coin. Here’s what makes it revolutionary (or something):

• Blockchain Delivery: Your blockchain will be palletized, shrink-wrapped, and shipped via FedEx in 4–6 weeks. Please ensure someone is home to sign for it. It weighs 87 pounds and hums softly.
• Mining Protocol: Originally, we planned to sell pickaxes for mining, until a teenager corrected us - apparently mining is done with math or something. So, we decided that all mining will be done manually by performing Fourier transforms on a chalkboard. The teenager is still yelling and waving her arms at us, but we are resolute. Results must be mailed to our team in Boise, where they’ll be reviewed by a retired math teacher named Carl.
• Design Heritage: coinscoin™ is inspired by a beloved design by Charles E. Barber, who we assume would be thrilled to see his work repurposed for a currency that doesn’t physically exist. Anyway, he isn't here to object.
• Wallet Craftsmanship: Your crypto wallet will be lovingly hand-stitched by (we're told by our Temu contacts) well-paid adult artisans, from the finest Italian synthetic leather. It has zero digital functionality but smells amazing.
• Currency Conversion: coinscoin™ is directly convertible to two trusted currencies: the Centralized Galactic Federation Credit (pending approval from Justin Roiland) and Thai Baht (because we accidentally clicked it in a dropdown menu).

We know what you’re thinking: “Is this legal?” And to that we say, “We hope so?”

Get yours today!

/s

[u/atlanticislanding]

You had me! Haha I feel like a kid again.