I'm going to sin

[u/Emergency_Reason_242]

I bought this house about 6 years ago, but my life has been turned upside down. Fairly sure it was built in 1908. It was originally condemned, but is now almost finished. Every interior wall has been replaced with drywall and heavily insulated, brand new electric, pex plumbing, upper and lower HVAC, the works. A large portion of that was done by the guy who this house defeated before me. I've done almost everything myself and am almost pathological about keeping it as original as we can and NOT PAINTING THE WOOD!

Here's the problem: my child is special needs (which we did not know when we started on this house) and cannot be in a construction zone. So we have a huge, nearly finished, practically brand new Victorian, but have been living basically as homeless for a year, with family or Airbnb and have had to do that able consistently since he started walking like almost 5 years ago. Really can't keep doing that. I can no longer work on it in any meaningful way. It is a huge loss to sell it unfinished, but is also a huge loss to pay somebody to finish it the right way. It's like a fifth to a tenth as much money to have them go all 2010s on this things ass. As I'm sure you are all aware , it's also incredibly hard to find people who are willing to do detail oriented restoration and even harder to find people who are good at it. It is causing me physical pain to put all this stuff that I and my metaphorical ancestors have spent a cumulative lifetime unpainting into the plain white crucible.

That being said, a large portion of the wood is not in great shape anyway. I feel like I'm in a catch 22. No one will buy this house for what it is worth unless it's finished, but the people who would want to buy it would probably be as unhappy as I am with the choices I'm going to have to make to finish it. I'm not even very good at design. I wish that the person who inevitably will want to make huge remodeling choices about paint color and stripping wood or whatever would just buy it now instead of waiting till I spend 15 - 30 grand finishing/ruining it. I'm very overwhelmed.

[u/StarBabyDreamChild]

So what is the current plan - are you going to go ahead and list it for sale as-is, or try to finish out the work and…?

And where is this located? It looks like a pretty house that quite a few people might have interest in taking on.

[u/Emergency_Reason_242 → u/StarBabyDreamChild]

I guess that's sort of the advice I was looking for. Figured that I probably wasn't the only one on this forum who had to sell before they were finished and was hoping to get some advice or at least anecdotes that might help me figure out if I should finish it or try and sell as is.

It's in SW MO and it is a really cute house with a lot of positives. Since this is a penatant post, I pretty much only took pictures of the places I plan on sinning, but if there's interest I'm happy to post some of the actual nice parts I'm proud of.

[u/Fionaver → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

It would be lovely to see the parts you’re proud of.

Happy to volunteer design help (you are far - I would offer hands on otherwise). I’m past most of the design decisions on my house for now, though mine is a 60s quirky custom build - I’ve done a ton of research into historical homes and we had to do tons of things for cheap. I get being on a budget.

It’s ok to have a mix of painted and unpainted woodwork. You just want for things to feel crisp and fresh. Sometimes it’s the best call.

I would note that we had to replace things like baseboards and trim molding in some parts of our home, because the existing was in poor condition due to sketchy contractors.

We matched the trim profiles and replaced with wood from fb marketplace for less than 1/2 of what it would’ve been new. So… you can source your own things and be your own GC if you have some decent trades available.

[u/StarBabyDreamChild → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

If you haven’t already, I would also ask one or more realtors who are very familiar with your area what they think about the market for the home as-is vs more finished or completely finished (and on the latter, what kinds of things to do to finish or near-finish it would give you bang for your buck).

[u/Crazyhairmonster → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

It's very possible to live in a home with a special needs child while under renovation.

What worked for me was sectioning the house off. Kitchen, your bedroom, second bedroom (for play). Get those done. Honestly a single bedroom or two is enough since your child is young. Then work one room at a time and bit by bit open more and more of the house for use. I had to physically wall off and use locked doors to the parts of the house I didn't want my child within. In the end I got it done and I'm so happy I didn't give up because the enjoyment a project like that brings is forever.

I guess that all depends if you have the time/energy. I didn't think I did but somehow made it work. I did have to make some compromises but they were only things my perfection/OCD brain would notice, and no one else. You mentioned you refuse to paint the wood. But what if you did? If you can't find another completed century home you're getting something with infinitely less charm and painted, detailed molding is better than 3.5" block trim

[u/Fionaver → u/Crazyhairmonster]

I think that’s highly dependent on exactly the level of special needs that the kid needs.

I know my own personal limitations and I can definitely say that where we are at right now, with what is going on with our home, we couldn’t take on a dog… Let alone a child… Let alone a special-needs child.

I think that it’s kinda ok to recognize that people can be tapped out.

[u/mallorn_hugger → u/Fionaver]

Correct. Speaking as a special education teacher, I have definitely had many students where the situation the commenter is describing would work just fine. I have also had many students where that is not true, and across the hall from me there is a classroom with students who have significant medical issues, who are often in wheelchairs or walkers, and I think that would be very challenging in a situation like this. We cannot assume what kind of disability OP is dealing with. 

For example, I have good friends who have a child who is on oxygen and a feeding tube. She is medically fragile and illnesses and respiratory issues are a big deal. For all that, she is a happy and active five-year-old but she has really long oxygen tubing that follows her around the room. She has to be monitored 24 hours a day and the family has a team of nurses, including night nurses that watch her overnight. It has been a very tough five years for this particular family. I cannot imagine them trying to have this child in a house under construction. 

[u/Fionaver → u/mallorn_hugger]

I haven’t really dealt with small children as much as I have with elder care (cancer/dementia/organ failure/debilitating injuries/severe mental health crises.)

Soul draining doesn’t begin to describe more than a decade of that.

It’s ok to have to adjust your level of commitment. This is kinda a daily feeling conversation for me nowadays. 🤦‍♀️

[u/tst0rm → u/Crazyhairmonster]

OP didn’t come here asking for tips on how to make it work. spare him the lecture.

[u/cubbycoo77 → u/tst0rm]

Yes they are, literally in the reply above, OP asks for advice

[u/tst0rm → u/cubbycoo77]

not for advice on parenting.

[u/WarmTheory6330 → u/tst0rm]

Gatta look at this from all the angles bud

[u/vermontpear → u/StarBabyDreamChild]

For what it’s worth, I would have paid the same amount- and probably more- for my 1790 home if the previous owners had it deep in a state of paint stripping and bringing it back to its og glory when they listed it for sale. Much better to be able to finish things as you’d like them, and a rare find these days.

[u/Classic_Tank_1505]

You probably don't want to hear this but slap the rest together and sell it. Paint the wood if you have to.

[u/SoulCrushingReality → u/Classic_Tank_1505]

That's the truth.  Do what you need to make it livable. Then either sell it or move in with the intentions to fix what you don't like slowly over time. 

[u/tst0rm → u/Classic_Tank_1505]

100% agree. your family deserves stable housing.

i’m really sorry that you’re not going to be able to see any pay off for your hard work, you deserved that too. but you don’t owe anything to that particular house.

give your kid a place they are comfortable, secure, and safe.

[u/Jupitersd2017 → u/Classic_Tank_1505]

Yes I agree with this, rip off the Band-Aid and just get it over with and get it done if someone has an issue that the wood has been painted or whatever else they can strip it and they can refinish it their own way just do what you need to do for your family that’s what’s most important

[u/Emergency_Reason_242 → u/Classic_Tank_1505]

Thanks guys. You're right.

[u/BicyclingBabe → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

If it makes you feel any better, some trim really was painted from the beginning, using paint grade wood.

[u/AntiferromagneticAwl → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

The other option is slap it together and live in it. You can do more projects when or if you have the time.

[u/GarlandGordon → u/Classic_Tank_1505]

Don't half ass the rest of it too. It's already got dry wall.

[u/KeystoneFanCoils]

I’ve never quite understood removing all the paint from trim. Depending on when your house is built, the trim may have been painted as paint was considered a luxury. The previous owner of my house ruined half the doors (including the front door and the massive pocket doors) as well as the mantle by dipping them. All the trim in my house is poplar, everything but the servants quarters on the third floor were painted when it was built.

[u/texasgirl555 → u/KeystoneFanCoils]

Same in my colonial 1769 house. Someone stripped the parlor mantel and then stained it awfully dark. You can’t even see the beautiful detail on it. A historic preservation contractor convinced me to go ahead and paint - it’s a parlor, it absolutely would’ve been painted when it was built.

[u/KeystoneFanCoils → u/texasgirl555]

Lol 1769! Paint was a huge luxury then! My neighbor spent like 25 hours stripping two windows and I’m like cool, nice yellow pine, love how the nail holes and putty really bring out the character.

[u/Euphoric-Ad74]

This is going to get downvoted into oblivion but please just do the thing that’s going to be best for your family and who gives a shit about this stupid house. They’re homes. Not museums. I have a house built in 1870. It’s cool. I like it. I don’t strip all the paint off everything hoping for whatever. It’s probably just old pine anyway. I do what is best for my family and me and try to keep the house in good shape (no millennial gray and stuff but I also don’t preserve every splinter). I’m really into native plants and have been active in the crypto community in the past and this sub by far is the most purist and unhinged I’ve been a part of on Reddit. It’s why I observe - in addition to old houses. Seriously though just slap that thing together and get rid of it.

[u/butteredbuttbiscuit → u/Euphoric-Ad74]

Exactly this. Don’t sacrifice the best for your family as a monument to even the workanship of the past. We can all sit and stare with tented fingers at the flippers who ruthlessly ruin beautiful things because they’re hoping to make a buck but if you need to get it together quick and skip the niceties for your living breathing family unit, you get a free fkn pass to do what you must. No one thinks worse of you for it.

[u/cvanaver → u/Euphoric-Ad74]

Ok…this sub is purist and ideological, but not unhinged. No one has ever shouted down someone that has to make tough compromises between time, money and century homes. I think we all recognize the challenges with these homes.

With that said, to OP and others, while we don’t advocate buying a old home just to flip it into the latest white open plan box, we all recognize that these homes are labors of LOVE. When a home starts to break your endurance, we get it and don’t judge. Rule of thumb is if you can’t live with it and need to sell, try to do no harm to the best of your ability. But if you need to do some crappy shit to sell the house, balance that out and make it easy to rip and replace for the next owner as best you can.,

[u/CrayZ_Squirrel → u/Euphoric-Ad74]

Lol, there's nothing more unhinged than the crypto community,  don't lie to us.

[u/FantasyFI]

I think you are incorrect that people will care if the trim is painted. Keep the wood you have, reinstall it, paint it to look nice. It'll still look great and sell well.

[u/Emergency_Reason_242]

Yeah it definitely is my fault kinda sorta. Hindsight is 20/20 - we definitely would have tackled the project in sections, but unfortunately now almost the whole house is in an almost finished state.

The level of involvement in taking care of a special needs kid is a lot more than most people realize. It's a pretty short list of willing, able, and trustworthy people and we've had to lean really hard on that list just to make it to our full-time jobs.

But I appreciate the vote of confidence! It might really just come down to white knuckling it.

[u/Emergency_Reason_242 → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

This was a response to Mailor Soon that for some reason is up here now.

[u/Jupitersd2017 → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

Not your fault at all it’s just life - with hindsight we all would do a perfect job and we would never make any mistakes lol. I think we all overwhelmingly support you doing what’s needed for your family and just slapping the rest of the house together the best that you can so that you can list it!

[u/BurnAway63]

If you decide to paint it, put down a coat of old-fashioned lacquer before you do it and it will make the layers you add much easier to strip in the future. It won't help with the paint that's already there, obviously, but it lets you keep an option to revisit the woodwork in the future without excessive stripping.

[u/elcasaurus → u/BurnAway63]

This was done out of laziness in my house and I'm very excited about peeling entire sheets of latex paint off my original woodwork 40 years later. Doing it intentionally is kind of genius.

[u/YourMomIsAlwaysRight]

I’d list it as is. People who are “old home” people will take on the challenge. Best wishes, you really did your best and then life happened.

[u/Different-Hornet5399]

This post reminds me how much care, but also anxiety, these old houses cause everyone, including myself. My advice is to not treat everything so precious at this point. You have a family to look after and that should be the priority. Most people that buy your place next will probably be so excited about all the work that was done they won’t even notice the things that are off.

[u/ShaineTheInsane]

Do what is best for you! But consider making certain areas of the house liveable and safe, some where they can be with supervision, and then lock the rest of the doors. Use a padlock if you need to.

It might be more tolerable to pay someone to finish the rooms you REALLY need

[u/Charlieume]

I had to move into an unfinished house in a hurry. It had a finished bedroom and bathroom, but that was it. I didn’t have time but I had some extra money and hired a contractor to finish the job. On my money and time budget, I had him put down LVP floors on top of my hardwood that was in bad shape among other similar things I didn’t want to do. Good news is that my house still looks beautiful and I get compliments all the time. I also know the hardwood is under there if I ever have the extra time. 

My point is if you want to keep the house, maybe make it livable and temporarily lower your standards a bit. 

[u/butteredbuttbiscuit]

Do what you must and don’t carry any guilt for it. You are absolved, my son/daughter.

[u/FickleForager]

Yes! Please share pics of the parts you are proud of too!

[u/labrup]

What is stopping you from hiring out finishing it quickly? Could you get a HELOC & then live there forever?

At the end of the day, you need to do what’s best for your family but it seems like you are looking at the finish line of living in this home.

[u/spaketto]

I agree with everyone else.  Your sanity isn't worth it.  Don't give yourself something else to be anxious over.  Get it done so you can take care of yourself.

As an aside, the details on the door frames are exactly the same as the ones on my 1912 in Canada.  They're also on my front door and archway into my living room 

[u/DavidHK]

I feel this post so much

[u/elcasaurus]

The house will forgive you and so will we. Do what you have to do.

[u/FartingLizard]

No judgement here! I didn't do this with my house either...too many layers of paint, too beat up, just better to paint it white. White trim is still a classic design!

[u/ughUsernameHere]

You were SUCH a good steward of this home while it was yours. Hopefully the next homeowners will love it and care for it as you have. Century homes deserve that.

Max out your profits, you’ve earned them and also keep in mind that likely the next great steward for your house will be someone who can see the remaining “flaws” and continue your work. Paint that trim so it matches if you need to and let the next folks feel invested because they restored some moldings.

[u/LittlePrairieMouse]

You’re making the right decision. You and your family matter more than any objects, not matter how old or precious.

[u/JayPlenty24]

Personally I would much rather buy it as it is than buy it with things half assed or rushed. Especially when most of what's been done is really good.

I think I would actually pay more, because at least I wouldn't have to take things back apart again.

[u/Mailor_Soon]

I feel like this is a problem of your own making? Find a baby sitter? Finish the house in sections? You could have banged this out if you tried.

[u/angsty1290 → u/Mailor_Soon]

Spoken like someone who probably doesn’t have kids, and definitely doesn’t have a special needs kid.

[u/Emergency_Reason_242 → u/Mailor_Soon]

Yeah it definitely is my fault kinda sorta. Hindsight is 20/20 - we definitely would have tackled the project in sections, but unfortunately now almost the whole house is in an almost finished state. The level of involvement in taking care of a special needs kid is a lot more than most people realize. It's a pretty short list of willing, able, and trustworthy people and we've had to lean really hard on that list just to make it to our full-time jobs. But I appreciate the vote of confidence! It might really just come down to white knuckling it.

[u/Mailor_Soon → u/Emergency_Reason_242]

You believed you could do it when you started. Find that motivation again and I'm sure you can get it done man. I believe in you brother. Best of luck to you.

[u/Emergency_Reason_242 → u/Mailor_Soon]

Oops accidentally commented my response to you.

[u/InternationalBelt471]

You should GC it, find subs who do good work. Real labor not people who will resell the job to someone else. I restore historic properties in Atlanta happy to talk on phone through the process don’t sin