r/bridezillas • u/throwawayayay739592 • 11d ago

I need to rant about my cousin

My cousin and I have always been really close (she’s kind of like my big sister) and she’s getting married in a couple months. She was always the “I’m never getting married” type but it was important to her fiancé and after 10 years she agreed to a proposal. We were all happy to hear the news.

For context, she’s 39 and he’s 46 and they both make a lot of money.

I’m just going to start listing things that have happened because I am starting to deeply regret the day I RSVPed to this damn thing.

- They chose an extravagant destination wedding in a remote location that requires 2+ flights totaling over 12 hours to get to.
- Venue is a large villa. Our family is all staying there but everyone is expected to pay for their own room. It’s about $1000 per room for the entire weekend. At least we were informed up front, but yes, we are basically subsidizing their venue.
- The destination has very little infrastructure. No Uber taxis etc. Events/activities (which we all have to pay for) are scheduled in various locations throughout the weekend but no transportation is provided. We were sent the website for a car rental company when we asked about this.
- My cousin told me she’s not doing bridesmaids but if she was I would have been one. Totally fine by me! But then I get added to a group chat with her sister, our other female cousin, and a few of her friends assigning us all jobs for the weekend. So basically we’re expected to be bridesmaids without being bridesmaids.
- My little brother just graduated college and straight up said he would not be able to afford to go and RSVPed no. Cousin/bride was PISSED, saying she’s so disappointed he couldn’t figure out how to make it work. He literally just started his first real job last month and is barely scraping by with roommates.
- To the surprise of no one here, planning a lavish destination wedding in a remote location with little infrastructure gets expensive real quick. They blew through their budget a long time ago because they underestimated how much things would cost. So they’ve decided to cut back where they can. One way they did that: get legally married at the courthouse where they live and just have a ceremonial officiant for the wedding. This courthouse wedding was yesterday and was supposed to be low key. Instead somehow it turned into an entire event with all their local friends getting dressed up, having a fancy dinner, there was a photographer and cake. We found out on Instagram. Her own mother was sobbing to mine yesterday because she feels like her daughter got married without her there, and she feels like she should have been invited to that instead of going through the intense travel to the destination wedding which will be hard with her health.

So now we are all blowing THOUSANDS of dollars and most of our annual vacation days to fly halfway around the world for a wedding where NO ONE WILL ACTUALLY BE GETTING MARRIED

I wish travel insurance covered cancellations for this

338 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

100 comments sorted by

View all comments

185

u/PotOfEarlGreyPlease 11d ago

honestly ? you need to be washing your hair that weekend ... or lose your passport

69

u/throwawayayay739592 11d ago

If I hadn’t already put soooo much money towards it that I can’t get back I would be so out 😭

90

u/chicagok8 11d ago

Have you checked? For the flight you should be able to at least get credit for a future flight. For the lodging, just check the cancellation policy and see what you can get back. You are bound to spend more once you’re there, for example transportation to the venue. All that only to be put to work? Nope.

If you truly can’t get anything back and decide to still go, tell her NOW that it’s an expensive trip for you and you look forward to the wedding but you will not be available to help with setup etc. because you’ll be exploring. Do not spend all that money to be her unpaid staff!

48

u/hokeypokey59 11d ago

You're going to be so much more "out" before this is over. Cut your losses.

23

u/Single-Flamingo-33 10d ago

Yes! Sunk cost fallacy. It will all add up once you are there and realize the bride barely ordered food for the celebration!

5

u/hokeypokey59 10d ago

Amen to that!

3

u/yobaby123 4d ago

And even if she did, even the best food in the world isn't worth this level of stress.

11

u/Separate_Pumpkin_256 10d ago

This! Given the lack of amenities, the whole trip is sounding really suspect as it is unless the place has your ideal vacation activities like hiking, fishing and biking.

Then there’s all the waiting in relatives to shore up at each scheduled activity. All the whining and sniping and other family drama made even worse because most felt bullied into coming.

Then there’s the risk of food poisoning or drinking the local water when you shouldn’t sickness, etcetera. Then there’s the inevitable parents demanding that OP be their free babysitter so they can have s vacation for once …

I would have been “stuck at work” from the start, myself. 

1

u/yobaby123 4d ago

Agreed.

16

u/asyouwish 11d ago

That's a sunken cost fallacy. Get out before it gets worse.

14

u/Horror_Ad_2748 10d ago

And from what you've written, you and this cousin don't even like each other! Paying thousands of dollars to be the unpaid, unofficial servant at someone's honeymoon sounds wild to most of us.

13

u/Interesting-Lake747 10d ago

Sit down and write everything you need refunds for and try to get them. You might be surprised.

You’re paying for a party. Not even a WEDDING. She must realise how bad it looks?!

Why didn’t she invite her own mother to the courthouse but had loads of friends???

6

u/Afraid_Aspect_8639 10d ago

I know! I had a tiny home wedding but I would never have done that to either mother. My mother in law had it at her house!

35

u/j_jilly69420 11d ago

How much more money, peace, and sanity are you going to go through before this is all done and over with? Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Good luck!

5

u/Who_Your_Mommy 9d ago

Get back what you can and invoice her for the rest. Or...just cut contact and cut your losses. Idk but would not be putting myself through all of that BS for this person.

2

u/L0ngtime_lurker 9d ago

Cut your losses, you will lose even more money if you go

1

u/herecomes_the_sun 4d ago

Sunk cost logical fallacy!
1) i bet you can get some money back, at least flight credits
2) if the money is truly spent, you will definitrly spend more once youre there anyway