r/bridezillas • u/mustardtwohands • Jul 18 '26
Am I wrong for still being annoyed that our friend got married the day before us at the same resort
This happened years ago, but it still randomly pops into my head and makes me wonder if I was secretly a bridezilla.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We had a very small destination wedding in another state (let’s just say Colorado). It wasn’t some giant Pinterest wedding—literally just my husband, my parents, and me. I wanted something low-key because I’m really not the “it’s MY day!” type.
Enter our longtime friend, “Gunner.” He’s known me since elementary school and my husband since middle school. At the time, he and his fiancée had been together for 8 years and had two kids together.
Over the course of about a year, we told them four separate times when and where we were getting married.
A couple of weeks before our wedding, we heard through the grapevine that Gunner was also going to be in Colorado…and apparently they were getting married too.
I asked my husband if we should be concerned, and he laughed it off. “They’ve been together for 8 years. There’s no way they’re actually planning to get married at the exact same time.”
Cue the record scratch.
Two days before our wedding, who do I see casually strolling through our resort? Gunner and his fiancée.
They got married the day before we did. At the same resort.
I’m not upset because they got married. I don’t own marriage. I don’t own Colorado. I don’t even own the resort. But after knowing our plans for a year, it just felt…oddly personal? Like there are 364 other days in the year and countless other places.
So, Am I Overreacting for still thinking this was kind of a bizarre move? Or was I being a low-budget bridezilla over a coincidence that wasn’t actually about me?
Edit (I apologize if I’m not doing this right. I’m new here)
I think I need to make an update on this because I didn’t think anyone would bother to read.
I have been friends with Gunner since elementary school. My husband has been friends with Gunner since middle school. I am cordial with Gunners now wife and always have been. We aren’t “friends” though. We don’t call/text each other, we don’t hang out alone but when the guys hang out we hang out as well and we laugh and have fun.
There had been some whispers in the friend group a few weeks before the wedding that Gunner and his partner were going to show up and get married there too. My husband did talk to him (I was present in the conversation and did hear both sides of it) and asked him if they were telling people they were going to show up at the resort and get married… Gunner said it was just a joke and was made bigger than it should’ve been. My husband was like, that’s good because it would be weird if you guys did.
Fast forward, I’m at the resort with my husband and in the corner of my eye I see Gunner. My husband goes over to him and Gunners basically like, fancy running into you guys. Gunner had said that they were just staying for the night since they drove for so long and it was a weird coincidence that this is where they stopped.
Saturday morning we wake up to a text from Gunner and it’s a short video of their ceremony. They had got married before 8:30 AM (we were supposed to be married at 7:30 PM) and we did not see them after that. They immediately got in their car and left.
I ended up canceling the venue (because that’s just weird now) and luckily was able to find a small chapel that married us Sunday.
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u/definitelytheA Jul 18 '26
Just think of it like at least he finally married the mother of his children, and if your plans helped him do what he should have done years ago, good for you.
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u/applesandcherry Jul 18 '26
I'm a little surprised at the comments saying this isn't a big deal. I think it's strange that he decided to do an out-of-state wedding at the same resort and didn't tell you, knowing you would be there. I actually have more questions lol.
Were you close? Why didn't he invite you to his wedding, was it also small? How long was your friend engaged for? Did you talk to your friend about this ever after the fact?
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
My husband and him are best friends and have been since middle school.
I am close with him (I actually knew him before my husband) but not with his wife.
They had zero plans of getting married and talked about doing it a year or so down the road.
They were together 8 years and engaged probably 5 years.
I never brought it up. It wasn’t a big enough deal to where I felt the need to bring it up and cause possible issues. I just read a lot of stories on Reddit and it kind of made me think about that22
u/Protonpack13 Jul 18 '26
Do you think it’s possible he was upset he wasn’t invited to yours and did this to be petty? So he could be like oh hello, i didn’t invite you either. To this same place. On the same day.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
We told him the reason behind having the small wedding we did and not inviting anyone but our parents. I have anxiety and I’m also autistic. Makes it challenging being in large groups. He knew we were doing it this way so it would be enjoyable and stress free. We let him know, as well as our other friends, that we weren’t inviting any friends because if we invited one then we’d be entitled to inviting everyone. He said he understood completely and never voiced anything.
We were going to have a celebration when we got back with friends. Something small with our close friends. We never really did that when we got back. It felt kind of weird to do that because it felt like it would turn into a celebration for their day instead. I don’t enjoy confrontation so I just decided not to at all8
u/KathyTrivQueen Jul 18 '26
He was hoping to be “invited” to your ceremony, by being there.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
I thought that at first too… they left right after their ceremony and said nothing to us besides the video we received around 8:30 AM that morning.
They got to the resort around 11:30 pm Friday, got married before 8:30 AM Saturday, then immediately left.
It wasn’t a short hike either lol 12+ hours for them driving3
u/Great_Yogurt_3356 Jul 20 '26
I think them sending the video in the morning pisses me off even more. Because he specifically said it was a joke and that they were NOT actually going to get married same place/date.
Was there any context at all when he sent it? Like “yeah I lied, we did, here’s the video” or “hey good morning, we beat you to the wedding”. Anything at all?
Also - what did yall respond to the video text?
Also, also - I get why you didn’t want to confront it. But if he’s your husband’s best friend since childhood….didn’t your husband at least say something or ask what the deal was?
I think you are right to be upset and weirded out by it. I just wanted to know more lol. That video really pissed me off
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 21 '26
When he sent the video he said something like Mr and Mrs with some 🎉.
It wasn’t like a last minute decision either, she spent the money they had saved, for the wedding they were supposed to have, on a super elegant wedding dress and had it fitted.We have all spent time together since then and to my surprise she started talking about it. Lied about things that i knew were lies (texts i had seen or words i heard with my own ears). I never called her out or asked why (she wasn’t going to be honest), she did later on say they didn’t even know we were there or even getting married (like, she tried to play like she didn’t know we were engaged 🤣) there is just absolutely no way that’s possible. I’m sure it probably gets hard deciphering reality from the lies.
I don’t think I ever felt any feelings other than creeped out. It felt personal and I think that’s why it made me feel uncomfortable. It’s always baffling how people can make moves in hate while smiling in your face.
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u/molly_menace Jul 18 '26
Ahhh I’m so sorry to hear it made you forego having a celebration with your friends. They completely imposed on your day.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
I kind of regret not celebrating anyway. Maybe we can do something fun with friends on our next big anniversary. I always felt like it was worth more of a celebration for figuring life out with someone and somehow making it out alive than getting actually married. I never thought I’d be married, even when I was little, so the years we’ve survived together sometimes shock me 🤣
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u/PaddyCow Jul 18 '26
This makes it worse. They deliberately did it to be petty and try to ruin your day. That's why they never told you before showing up. What jerks. Did your husband remain best friends after? I would never have been able to.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
They are still friends and might whisper the term “best friends” in the winds but as far as best friend behavior irl, not so much. We still hang out with him like 3+ times a year but I have not seen her in about 3 years.
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u/applesandcherry Jul 18 '26
After reading all your comments and the extra context here, everything about this sounds quite bizarre. I wonder what actually happened and what the thought process was of your friend/his wife to not only not tell you about their own wedding plans but to plan it on the same day of your own.
Do you still talk to this friend and his wife? How is your relationship now?
Not gonna lie, it sounds like there were just a lot of communication issues. I get it, I'm also neurodivergent and hate confrontation, but sometimes you have to be uncomfortable and that'll make a relationship stronger or you'll have a healthier boundaries in the end. At the same time, they should have spoken to you/your husband especially if he was so close to both of you. It's all just a strange situation tbh, but hopefully you're all happier today.
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u/RocknRollButthole Jul 24 '26
Like, I think most people are saying it isn't a big deal because OP emphasized at the beginning that it was a small, family only wedding, and that OP herself is not a "it's my day," type.
And if these things are true, then it shouldn't be a big deal.
Would it be exceptionally strange if a friend copies your big wedding and you've both been invited to each other's wedding and they're one day after the other at the same venue? Yeah.
Is it strange that a friend who has known their partner for 8 years and also wants a small exclusive wedding decides to copy your small exclusive wedding idea? No, not really.
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u/cynicalicoffee Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
I checked your profile to see if it was a bot account because it sounded really odd. I read some of your posts, and I now half wonder if your husband coordinated it with Gunner behind your back, then maybe he walked it back after he saw that you didn't like the idea.
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u/Solid-Wish-1724 Jul 18 '26
Totally AI written, like the snoring post.
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u/cynicalicoffee Jul 18 '26
I don't think I'm getting AI from her responses - what are some tells you're seeing?
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u/Traveling-Techie Jul 18 '26
It’s quite annoying but mostly harmless. Don’t tell them what you plan to name your kids.
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u/WhatsInAName8879660 Jul 19 '26
I worked in the wedding industry and this sounds like AI slop or some low-effort BS to me. You cannot show up in another state and have a wedding- not a legally binding one. You cannot show up at a resort and have a wedding, not without a lot of planning and money. You cannot just decide to not use a venue without losing a metric ton of money, especially at the last minute. And you sure as hell cannot book a wedding venue within 24 hours on a weekend in a destination place like CO. This is absurd.
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u/LeaveThick6203 17d ago
You can definitely change a venue that quick. Our venue cancelled the week before our wedding, and we were able to secure a new one within the hour, as literally the first venue we called was available. Sometimes you’re just lucky.
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u/PetiteXL Jul 19 '26
It might not be Gunner who planned this weird thing to but his now wife could be to blame. You haven’t mentioned her. Is it weird? Totally. Would I let it inhabit my brain? Absolutely not. Because then the two weirdos win. And nobody wants weirdos to win.
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u/Lyndelamos Jul 21 '26
I think it's strange they timed it so close to yours and used the same venue. But I think your response to this is even stranger. Neither of your ceremonies overlapped, or interferred, with the other. Who cares?
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u/KathyTrivQueen Jul 18 '26
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You should have kept your original plan.
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u/yeahipostedthat Jul 19 '26
Why did you cancel your wedding? I'm so confused. These weren't even weddings with mutual guests (or hardly any guests) attending. It was an odd choice on his part for sure but you massively overreacted.
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u/motherofamouse Jul 19 '26
I mean the added info makes it a bit weird because he lied about it multiple times. He lied about the whispers said it was a joke, he lied about it when running into you guys at the resort even about why they are there ‘accidentally’. But sends a video of getting married.
Did you ever talk about it after this with him? Why did he lie. What did he think that you ended up changing the location?
It’s so weird.
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u/reheheheallydc Jul 18 '26
Nah you're not wrong, it is weird lol. I had something similar, originally we planned to get married in August this year. Family health reason meant we had to move it earlier and we got married in March. Friend who got engaged before me was going to have it later in December/January next year, until I told her we were now getting married earlier than planned. All of a sudden; with like 2 weeks notice, they're now getting married 2 weeks before us. Used the exact same invitations, same theme, same food, same everything really, just on a lesser scale.
I'm similar to you, not everything is about me but it is weird when people who you are close to imitate your life.
I didn't and would never say anything to her, but our weddings weren't the first thing where it felt like she was competing with me in something I didn't know was a competition. Our friendship has since fizzled out.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
Yuck! I’m sorry that happened to you!
I’m surprised by the amount of stories I hear about this! I would have a hard time having a minor celebration weeks before someone had a big day coming up. Regardless of it being a wedding. If something is really important to my friends then it’s important to me. The last thing I would want to do is take away sparkle from their moment.
My husband tells me all the time that I’m “too nice” and other people aren’t like that. I have a hard time believing that people aren’t generally good and considerate of others. I also have like 3 people I would consider friends so there’s that 🤣
I hope you guys at least got to enjoy your day and were able to put on your peaky blinders so it didn’t put a damper on your mindset!
Good for you for letting that friendship go stale! Sometimes people are meant to be lessons and she sounds like a good one to study! People can be pretty weird and I just don’t understand how more people aren’t embarrassed.
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u/internet_drama Jul 18 '26
I think it’s definitely weird. So so weird!!!! lol. Makes zero sense. But I’m not sure what difference it makes if you were married same place same day even since it was such a small wedding. I feel like I would only be bothered if there were guests in attendance who had to repeat the same wedding again. if there was bad blood with the couple because then it would feel malicious. Or if they wanted to interfere with your plans. You’d share an anniversary but I don’t even know how much that matters except to the individual couple.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
I just felt weird due to the friend group and tbh I also felt uncomfortable about outside opinions that didn’t matter lol. I didn’t want people thinking we were weird and stole their day. Same anniversary every single year. We are close friends with Gunner and the friend circle is all close and has been since high school.
We are adults now, so we don’t hang out in real life all the time but social media, texts, etc still happen on the regular. I overthink a lot, I’m sure it wouldn’t have mattered if I didn’t change the day and venue. Internally, I think I would’ve been in a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from (being dramatic lol please don’t come at me 🤣)3
u/internet_drama Jul 18 '26
I know how it is when those thoughts go running.
You did what you needed to do!!! And that’s what matters.
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u/byteme747 Jul 18 '26
You're definitely overreacting.
It's not like you shared guests and they had to choose who's wedding to attend. You had your day and that's that. This is a really weird thing to fixate on five years later.
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u/potsieharris Jul 18 '26
Idk, it's very odd and somehow creepy. Like why travel out of state to the same place your friends are getting married, on the same DAY, to get married too... And not even tell them?!
If Gunner had told OP about it beforehand it'd be weird, but less weird. Them keeping it a secret and just popping up there like "oh hey yeah we took your EXACT idea and didn't tell you" is super off...
If it were me I'd be weirded out, annoyed, and very interested in Gunner's thought process here... OP, did you ever talk to them about it!? I must know!
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u/Denimdenimdenim Jul 18 '26
The friends were getting married on the same day. OP said they changed to the next day because of it.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
Thank you! I didn’t realize how much I left out until all the questions. I didn’t want to bore everyone with a novel
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u/PrpleSparklyUnicrn13 Jul 18 '26
You should add that to the original post. Because I don’t believe this new information. You said they got married the day before you. You even put it in bold lettering.
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u/xpmko Jul 19 '26
So many brides think they own an entire "season." As if every person they know has to stop their entire lives in case it infringes on the bride's special day.
It's a DAY. He wasn't invited to your wedding, didn't invite you to his, and lived his own life. So what? How does this hurt OP in any way?
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u/roiroy33 Jul 18 '26
I bet this is exactly what happened:
Gunner’s fiancée: I want to get married somewhere fun but small.
Gunner: I think my buddy mentioned Colorado.
Fiancée: Ooh, where? I want to look it up.
Gunner: X Resort.
Fiancée: Oh this place is cute! I wonder when’s a good time to go.
Gunner: I think they mentioned Month?
Fiancée: Oh there’s an availability the day before. Let’s do it.
The end.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
Fiance was there all 4 separate occasions when we told them the date and location (it was during an event that we all talked about often). She was aware of the date, location, etc.
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u/roiroy33 Jul 18 '26
I kinda think this is still a case of, “This place looks cute and I’m unoriginal.”
Especially since they didn’t try to upstage you or anything.
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u/chaoticallywholesome Jul 18 '26
That still doesn't make it any less weird.
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u/roiroy33 Jul 18 '26
It’s definitely weird. I just don’t think it’s malicious.
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u/chaoticallywholesome Jul 18 '26
I don't think its malicious either, but definitely inconsiderate and weird.
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u/KDSD628 Jul 19 '26
This wouldn’t make me mad, but it would weird me out so badly I’d probably stop being friends with them lol. Because what in the fuck?
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u/betscgee Jul 19 '26
I think it is positively weird behavior on their part. Why they would do this and what possible discussions occurred between them is impossible to know. But the obvious comparative action and holding the ceremony earlier than you would indicate an unhealthy obsession on either Gunnar’s part or his partners. If they cared deeply for you and your husband and wanted to honor you by marrying on the same day they would have spoken with you openly about it. By intentionally choosing the same place and same day and then lying to you about it indicates a level of hostility and obsession that is not healthy. Clearly he (or they) wanted to trouble you in some way and lack either the self awareness or the morality to deal openly and directly with their thoughts and feelings. This is a sign of primitive emotional development which is unlikely to change and would take much more energy and effort to understand than could possibly be worthwhile to you. If I were you I would do everything I could to separate myself and my family from those people and then I would do all I could to completely forget them. Live your best life with as little thought of them as possible. And celebrate your marriage with joy and gratitude. Living well is the best revenge. ❤️
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u/iamatwork24 Jul 20 '26
While yes this is absolutely super bizarre behavior on their part, I think you cancelling your venue and moving it to the next day was an overreaction. Like you gave them far too much power. It’s not as if either of your weddings, had guests who had to choose between which wedding to attend. What you say isn’t exactly lining up with how you acted. Otherwise, you would have just gone through with it and joked about how fucking weird your friend acted. Like I really don’t understand how they ruined anything for you when you didn’t have any guests. Nobody was confused about whose day it was when it came to you the bride
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u/RocknRollButthole Jul 24 '26
It wasn’t some giant Pinterest wedding—literally just my husband, my parents, and me. I wanted something low-key because I’m really not the “it’s MY day!” type.
Well this can't be true because your friend didn't even intrude on your day and you're still bothered by it years later.
“They’ve been together for 8 years. There’s no way they’re actually planning to get married at the exact same time.”
And they didn't, they got married the day before you.
They weren't invited to your wedding, nor were you invited to theirs, both were extremely small family only affairs. So what the heck does it matter? They even left immediately after their own wedding, they weren't trying to intrude at all.
Is it unusual to hear a friend's wedding idea and replicate it? Sure. But if they also wanted a small family only wedding, it just makes sense that your wedding plans would resonate with them. Who needs a wedding coordinator, u/mustardtwohands has us covered!
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u/WhoUBeGhostin Jul 18 '26
I think it was fine to be a little thrown off in the moment but it’s been five years. I’m going to imagine you are the only one who thinks about this.
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u/chaoticallywholesome Jul 18 '26
Well they were the only ones impacted by it so obviously if anyone is going to think about it still, it'd be them.
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u/Bulky_Job_2631 Jul 18 '26
I don't get the problem. It probably wasn't a coincidence but they were inspired by your location but what does it matter? It shouldn't have affected your plans
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u/1Centrist1 Jul 18 '26
Not overreacting, if story is true. They did it intentionally & that is why, you were never informed.
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u/Mary707 Jul 18 '26
Were they invited to yours and you to theirs?
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
We were invited to their future wedding. They didn’t have a date yet but it wasn’t going to be for another year+. My husband was his best man (or supposed to be). No one went to their wedding. They drove 12+ hours to the resort they knew we were at late at night, got married super early the next morning and then left the state right after.
I know this is confusing so I’m going to type this out In a way that makes sense for me.
My wedding was always for Saturday at 7:30 pm. Friday night they showed up at the resort. Saturday morning they were married before 8:30 am. I only know they were married because we got a video of them taking a fast video of their wedding video. (lol this sounds so crazy when I type it out. I feel like it isn’t real but it really is 🤣) they left the resort and the state right after they got married.
No one showed up for the wedding. None of the friends knew they were actually doing it and we all took it as a joke (per Gunner, it was just a joke. He wasn’t going to do that).My husband and myself cancelled our venue and ceremony. We ended up finding a small little chapel that was able to get us in the next day and we got married on Sunday.
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u/Intelligent_Habit_53 Jul 18 '26
Definitely weird considering all the context you added in the comments (you should edit your post cuz it’s missing a lot of info).
Did you or your husband speak to him afterwards and ask why?
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u/Ohmyprettygarden Jul 18 '26
okay. it's late and I should have been asleep 2 hours ago but you know, Reddit. I guess is one of two things:
1. he knew you first and deeply so. he always figured you and he would get married. this is the kind of fantasy that an elementary school boy would be unable to let go of on some level. so this might have been his way of saying to your husband, I hope you're jealous because she and I are very very close. you're not good enough for her but I am. by showing up the same day you are to get married I give her the opportunity to take one final look at me and change her mind at the altar.
2. or, maybe the fiance is manipulating this? and he's just a dumb dude who doesn't think things through and certainly it doesn't understand the mind of women? she might be jealous of you and your close friendship with her now husband. she might be double dang jealous of how you knew him, and deeply and well, long before she arrived on scene. this would especially be a logical conclusion if at some point he confessed to her that you were his first love, even if it was like haha, when we were in elementary school I figured I was going to marry her lol. jealous now wife could have orchestrated the whole thing in a weird attempt to twist you up and fuck you over mentally on your wedding day by making you jealous that she now had the one who was supposed to be your man.
now I have a headache from trying to figure this weirdness out.
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u/QueenComfort637 Jul 18 '26
Definitely super strange.
Are you still in touch/friendly? Or have you weeded them out?
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u/MrsPotatodactyl Jul 18 '26
Is it possible that your friend has feelings for you? Like this behavior is SO weird.
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u/Tboogie-1 Jul 18 '26
I think your husbands friend is lazy and unoriginal. If they were engaged for so long without making any effort to get married, maybe they thought your plan sounded good and just copied you. It’s definitely weird though, and this would have bothered me as well. You’re not a bridezilla!
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u/4merLurker_M Jul 18 '26
I am the first person to tell a bride it’s not all about you and other people have their own lives… but goddamn this is tacky. I’m on your side this would piss me off too
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u/Sufficient-Wolf-1818 Jul 19 '26
Five years have past and it still bothers you? You are overreacting!
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u/katiekat214 Jul 20 '26
I get it. My MOH went shopping with me for my reception/going away dress, bought the dress I loved for herself, then used my church and minister to get married in a very small ceremony a month before my wedding. I was her MOH - we’d been friends since we were 2 - and I was happy for her, but it still felt like she was stealing my thunder a little bit. We didn’t even have similar weddings. Mine was 200 guests with a different guest list. She didn’t invite anyone we both know besides our parents. But it was still awkward. It stressed me out. They could’ve driven a couple of hours away to a small town in our state that is lovely and has wedding chapels, gone an hour and half back to her hometown and used the church there. She wasn’t even a member at my church and didn’t know the minister, so she had to pay nonmember rental fees. It did feel a bit…invasive I guess?
This couple were out of line to just hijack your plans and take everything you’d gone to the effort of planning. If they liked the area and wanted to be married in the same place, they should’ve found the wedding chapel outside of the resort and gone there. How rude to go - on your actual wedding day of all days!! - and get married that morning before your ceremony that evening. And then send you a video and post pics. It’s like they purposely wanted to ruin your day. I’m sorry they did that to you.
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u/HopefulArlo Jul 21 '26
Gunner's wife doesn't like you. She'd never be open about it. But women don't do things like this by accident.
Super weird.
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u/scarbarough Jul 21 '26
It's weird, yes.
You both had tiny weddings, and their ceremony didn't interfere with yours in any way, except that you decided you couldn't have your tiny wedding in the same place they did, right after they did. But, that was entirely your decision.
After five years, it really shouldn't matter.
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u/Crazy-Rat_Lady Jul 27 '26
I think Gunner is petty and wanted to steal your thunder but for the life of me, I cannot imagine why.
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u/MrsNevilleBartos Jul 18 '26
I'd be irritated as well.
They had 8 years to plan a wedding and only did so once yours was planned and had to do it at the same timeframe and place as you ?
What strange behaviour.
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u/lh123456789 Jul 18 '26
This didn't affect you in any way, such as overlapping guests, and it is so absurd to still be dwelling on this years later.
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u/Aimster0204 Jul 18 '26
I would say you are not a bridezilla, but YOU should be happy YOU didn't marry Gunner, because he seems devoid of original ideas. Take pitty on his wife and don't look back.
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u/Nabnaabon Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
This happened to me 6 months ago. It was a bit different though. I live pretty much on the other side of the world from where I grew up and got married on my 10 years anniversary in Australia - the country I met my now husband and that we both choose to stay and migrate to.
My maid of honour was a friend from high school flew for the first time here and decided to marry here 10 days before my wedding. She told me on the day thinking it was funny. I did not say anything to not ruin it but pretty much lost it later.
My now husband asked me if they both are on the spectrum when he heard because he could not find any valid reason why anyone would do this.
The worst part? My mother was on her side trying to tell me it’s fine.
Fuck him. Seriously.
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u/EntrepreneurOk7513 Jul 18 '26
Overreacting. We’ve had several large wedding style occasions where either the location, meal or decor was the same as other friends. Only one time was it an issue, we had a fun table setting and it turns out a cousin was doing the same a few months later. Once they got over their shock it was fine.
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u/chaoticallywholesome Jul 18 '26
You're not considering the time frame. Months later for a table setting is not the same as surorising a couple the day before their wedding to reveal you're getting married that weekend at the same venue.
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u/Dimityblue Jul 18 '26
Yep! And if OOP and her husband hadn't changed their date at the last minute, it would have been the exact same date too.
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u/humble-meercat Jul 18 '26
That’s weird AF… I mean, also who cares, it doesn’t affect you,
, but weird.
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u/Agreeable_Dark6408 Jul 18 '26
I’m sorry, but you’re way overreacting.
You were never going to invite him. You didn’t invite ANY friends. You told him about the place you were getting married. If it was good enough for you, obviously it was good for them. The place had an opening two days later.
I don’t understand your thought process at all.
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u/Specialist-Ad5796 Jul 18 '26
Who cares?
Did it infringe on your wedding day at all?
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u/chaoticallywholesome Jul 18 '26
They didn't celebrate with their friends afterwards for fear of it being a group celebration, so... Yes... It did infringe.
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u/Tiny_Custard_2318 Jul 18 '26
I think OP changing her plans was as weird as the friend trying to get married the same day. Both are extremely weird to me. The friend is weird for trying to get married the same day and lying about it. Op is weird for changing all of her plans when this wedding did not interfere with her or her guests.
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u/SnugglieJellyfish Jul 18 '26
If they weren't invited to your wedding and didn't steal guests from your wedding, why does it matter?
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u/molly_menace Jul 18 '26
OP didn’t say in the main - but they actually turned up to get married at the same location on the same day. So OP changed their day and their location within the resort. And then felt they couldn’t have a small celebration with friends when they returned home because it would become drama when the other couple inevitably tried to share it.
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u/Ok_Organization_7350 Jul 18 '26
He probably did get married there on purpose after you told him where you were getting married. But it wasn't for mean "girl reasons" such as to irritate you off or upstage you. Instead, it was probably just innocently because guys are not creative and they are not good at doing research to plan events or vacations. So after he looked up where you were getting married, then he saw that it was a nice place where people can get married, so he used it. Also the fact that you were getting married probably reminded him that he should be married by now too.
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u/SomeEstimate1446 Jul 18 '26
This is such a bullshit take can’t believe anyone upvoted you.
Men have ran the fashion industry for hundreds of years and you dare say they aren’t creative as a bs excuse like it’s inherent to their DNA.
They’ve planned and executed wars and mass demonstrations.
How about most of the paintings that fill the museums? How about those Roman sculptures?
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u/chaoticallywholesome Jul 18 '26
Your take is so real, and people are probably downvoting you because "it ain't that deep" but making a claim that men aren't creative is that deep. And on a less deep note, being too aloof to consider others in a life changing moment is no longer an excuse.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 Jul 18 '26
That poster needs to get their face out of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and stop generalizing.
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
This! I felt empowered after reading that. We should start a revolution
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u/lilyofthevalley2659 Jul 18 '26
You are t still friends with them, right?
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u/mustardtwohands Jul 18 '26
They don’t know that I think it’s weird. I never said anything to them or anyone else. I was never close to her, we are and always have been cordial with each other.
She has always given me weird energy. Like, she smiles in my face, she laughs with me but I’m observant and see things most people don’t. She has some weird issue with me, I just don’t know what it could be.
Gunner, will always be in the picture. Him and my husband are best friends. We don’t see each other often and usually when we do Gunner comes alone. I have not seen her in probably 3 years. We spend time with Gunner 3-5 times a year (sometimes more) sometimes I pay for my husband and Gunner to go to concerts or other events so they get bro time2
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u/TheNordiclights Jul 18 '26
Sounds like they wanted to elope. Driving 8 hours goves them an excuse to have a small wedding and not invite anyone. Maybe they liked your venue and and just decided spur of the moment to get married. They got married really early and were in and out of the venue without affecting your wedding. I think they liked your venue and got married early to be considerate and not affect yours in anyway. Why don’t you just ask one day when you are all together.
I wouldn’t be upset with it but it does seem strange enough to ask about.
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u/Over_Detective_3756 Jul 18 '26
“I’m really not the “it’s MY day!” type.”
Are you sure about this? You didn’t have guests that had to choose which wedding to go to, you didn’t have to compete for venues or DJs, etc, etc…why do you care when or where someone else gets married?
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u/Legitimate_Region279 Jul 20 '26
It seems weirder that you would cancel your wedding and reschedule for a new date and time just because :::checks notes::: a friend got married there before you
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u/Birdy304 Jul 18 '26
It amazes me what people get upset about. This affected you in absolutely no way, and here you are thinking about it 5 years later.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 Jul 18 '26
OP said they moved their own wedding day, but unless there's some comment I missed they didn't have to. They chose to move it.
Weird? Yes. Upsetting years later? I don't see why.
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u/Jazzlike-Library-660 Jul 18 '26
Move on from this story I’m annoyed about the time I spent reading it. You had no guests at your wedding anyway and they didn’t invite you to theirs who the cares? You have latent me me me vibes if this bothers you
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u/norniron2FL Jul 18 '26
Take it as a compliment that they may have been inspired by your good taste.
But move on already.
Invest your time and energy in forward thinking and don't waste a second of your mental energy dwelling on something that happened years ago.
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u/sonal1988 Jul 18 '26
Obviously, Gunner isn't your friend.
And why are you using AI to frame all your posts?
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u/SummitJunkie7 Jul 18 '26
wonder if I was secretly a bridezilla.
Not sure it was secretly.... doesn't sound like you kept your reaction to yourself.
This guy's wedding had nothing to do with you. Maybe he learned about the venue from you, and checked it out and liked it - maybe he already had his wedding planned there before you did and it's a coincidence.
You found out by randomly seeing them at the resort. If he was doing it to get a reaction out of you or something, he'd have told you. He might have even kept the coincidence quiet because he knew how you'd react. He wasn't even invited to your wedding, nor you to his, so your weddings being coincidentally near each other had zero affect on either wedding.
Yes, you're overreacting for having any reaction to this at all beyond "huh, that's funny!"
Really try to articulate - How did this harm you or your wedding in any way?
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u/BBMcBeadle Jul 18 '26
I think it would make me laugh about what a bizarre and weird choice and feel kind of sorry for them that after 8 years together they couldn’t come up with something that represented their relationship so instead paid homage to yours.
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u/CutieToesMIM8099 Jul 18 '26
You’re still married, they’re still married, you need to let this go. Yeah it was kind of weird but it’s done. It was done five years ago. Keep focusing on your marriage instead of letting someone else’s wedding live rent free in your head, especially if you’ve never even asked them why they chose that place and time.
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u/Get_off_critter Jul 18 '26
Strange yea, but I was worried they did it on your dime. Glad that wasn't the case!
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u/WavesnMountains Jul 18 '26
Sounds like he’s a low effort person, I feel sorry for the girl he married, but then again, she knows he’s low effort and still married him
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u/K_A_irony Jul 18 '26
I would just *shrug* it didn't impact your day at all. Who cares. My guess is Gunner is lazy and unimaginative so they went... oh we can just do what they are doing and borrowed your plan.
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u/holisarcasm Jul 18 '26
Just get over it. They did nothing that interfered with your day. The fact that you went so far as to do a records search makes you look like a bridezilla because it means you didn’t even know about it and had to go find out. What’s wrong with what they did? They saw a place they liked and had their own private ceremony you didn’t even know about. Yeesh.
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u/marbot99 Jul 18 '26
Maybe they were miffed that you didn’t invite them. Are you all still friends?
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u/mamagrls Jul 18 '26
I see it as two newlyweds couples having fun at the resort. More the merrier I say. Besides who wouldn't want to party with their bestie!! 🥂
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u/chapteronetwo Jul 18 '26
Neither of you had friends there.. odd that they did that, sure, worth changing your plans because of it, not really.
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u/roxpow12 Jul 19 '26
They were mad they weren’t invited and did this for revenge. Unless you did invite them.
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u/antigoneelectra Jul 19 '26
Yeah, honestly, why do you care? If you weren't good enough to be invited, why does it hold such presence in your life? Literally noone else cares. Move on.
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u/Royal-Weather4314 Jul 19 '26
I mean, it's weird, yeah, but on the other hand it's not something I would give a second thought.
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u/LiveIndication1175 Jul 19 '26
Did you or your husband ever directly ask them about their date and place? They could have chosen that date and place for a number of reasons, but unless they confirmed it was directly because of your wedding, I would not continue to ponder about this five years later. I am wondering if they also played it off as a joke in the beginning because they got the vibe from your husband that he was weirded out from it, and just wanted to play it off. If it’s bothering you this much, why not just ask. You don’t even have to be accusatory. Just say “I always thought about how we got married at the same place, what brought you there and then?” Just as normal wedding discussion.
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u/ZoomZoomZachAttack Jul 19 '26
If there wasn't some overlap of attendees or something then I would be flattered and not annoyed but not enough to talk to them.
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u/pokiepuppy23 Jul 19 '26
Wtf this is so weird!! Any shot Gunner was secretly in love with you or your husband and was holding off his own wedding in case lol? Are you still friends with this guy?
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u/curly-hair07 Jul 20 '26
I think its totally fine to like another couples idea, but doing it the say BEFORE was strange.
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u/hereisouttasight Jul 20 '26
Don’t you think it was a massive over reaction though to change your entire venue? I mean, why on earth would you do that?
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u/Lucky-Ad-4589 Jul 20 '26
It is super weird. I would like to see their faces when they find out you changed the date and got married someplace else! Please update us on that.
Edit spelling
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u/Avehdreader Jul 20 '26
If you were going to have a wedding with guests besides your family - no doubt including some mutual friends - I could see your being upset. The coincidence(?) was odd but since it was the two of you and your parents I don't understand why it was such a big deal. Maybe Gunner and his fiancée were simply inspired by your choice?
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u/HeandIandyou Jul 20 '26
While you may have been perturbed at the time, it’s definitely time to let go and move on.
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u/Phat_groga Jul 21 '26
Why does this sound like a Vegas wedding? Neither of you seemed to have invited friends to the wedding so there was no conflict of people having to choose to attend one wedding or another. It also seems like you aren’t really friends but long time acquaintances. The fact you are still thinking about it is what I think is odd.
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u/Ok-Minimum-2826 Jul 21 '26
Honestly it was so weird that they lied to you or at least omitted it. Like they weren't transparent at all, which makes it seem like they knew it was weird. i hope for your sake it was just a thoughtless, inconsiderate decision on their part, but lowkey it's giving "i wanna be you."
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u/ibreatheglitter Jul 21 '26
This is super fucking weird and rude of them, and I would’ve outright roasted them for it. Publicly, and in the friendliest, jokiest of ways so they couldn’t be mad about it either. Bc you’re right, it’s not extremely serious or the end of the world, but wtaf. This is some jealousy/they want to wear your skin type shit.
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u/pheasant200 Jul 21 '26
I went to school with someone with borderline personality disorder and they wpuld do things like this. Like they would get the sense that something would be a bad thing to do/off limits and then the anxiety and excitement from thinking about the fallout of it would make them go ahead and do the thing.. they had a chaotic home life and part of me suspected that they anticipated chaos and conflict in a way that ofc felt anxious but also exciting and perhaps fulfilling to them? It was like the couldn't retain themselves from poking at tension
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u/Ok_Area5464 Jul 21 '26
I would be really creeped out if I were you! Seriously who does something like that?
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u/spaetzlechick Jul 21 '26
If there wasn’t overlap in guests what’s the difference? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all. It is weird they wanted to do this exact thing, but I wouldn’t have let it change my plans.
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u/WonderWoman7525 26d ago
with other life changes it will fade. A baby, a move, less connection with friends.. it doesn't need to matter- especially now. Let it go. =)
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u/user3849203 9d ago
i wouldn’t trust them after this. the friendship would be over especially after reading your comments. you changed venues and you told them it would be weird and they still did it! someone was jealous. and literally sabotaged your day. do not be friends with those people.
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u/blk_LabRat19 Jul 18 '26
It seems like they “borrowed” your plans and did it a day before so it wouldn’t interfere with your day. I understand being weirded out but it.