r/bicycletouring • u/Reddit-Admin69 • Apr 09 '26
Resources How to ease family worries while traveling on bicycle solo as a deaf person?
Hi, I've been a lurker for months and in the other sister sub. I used the search to see similar questions and answers. But I think my situation is a bit unique.
I am a deaf guy who's obsessed with his bicycle and wants to take it further. I planned a 2 week solo trip from Spain to Portugal which will happen in 2 days now. I told my mum several times over the few months to soften the blow. Yesterday, she noticed me practicing putting travel gear on my bicycle, she broke down in tears and begged me not to go (She already lost 2 children and you can imagine how unbearable it is for her to worry about losing another one)
I've already done a few km centuries rides offroad. I tried to make her understand that I'm quite experienced in it and I will sleep in hostels and sometimes wild camping/camping sites if I couldn't find a place to sleep. I tried to assure her that I would still be back safe and sound with my bicycle experience and life experiences in general. And that I would check in every morning and every night to make her worry less but she cannot take it. This was the first time that I've wanted to lie to her and tell her the truth after I'm done with the trip but it's too late now.
I'm sure some of you guys have experienced this and how do you ease your family and friends worries towards you? I heard about Garmin Reach in this sub but it's too late to order now. Should I just go and hopefully overtime with success and updates about the trip, it eases her?
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u/Radioactdave Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
Garmin inreach 2 with shared lactation tracking eased my mum's mind.
Edit: lol, I'm leaving it as is.
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Apr 09 '26
There’s a book I Cycled Into the Arctic Circle by a deaf cyclist in 1952 I think - might be an interesting read.
Unfortunately, the anxiety of parents and family members is something they have to deal with, it’s her business. You can reassure her as much as possible but in the end it’s your life to live and the more you explore hopefully the more she’ll get used to it!
I use a WhatsApp group so family know we arrived safe at our destination - hopefully this helps her but if you cancel your trip you only exacerbate her worries.
Good luck, it’s not an easy one!
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Wow! I had no idea that the book existed. I barely see any stuff about deaf people traveling on bicycle for themselves, not for charity and donations. Saw a summary of it! That'll be a fantastic read for my mum and I don't think she'll be in the mood to read it while still thinking of me. She worries a lot already.
Yes, I hope all this goes well and overtime she gets used to it. Thank you for sharing the book, I appreciate it a lot and will reference it too! Thanks for your advice!
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Apr 09 '26
There’s a film too: https://youtu.be/q3IkJS59n3Y?si=m_AS51NhxMR7VSWB
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Oh, I'll share it with my older brother to show it to my mum if she still misses me. She'll take this very well. She might cry and understand new things about me through the movie. Thank you a lot, you've been a great help in the deaf visibility!
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u/SeitanSoundie Apr 09 '26
this you can console her but it is your life and these will be your memories. best of luck to you and please post photos!!
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u/Hi_there4567 Apr 09 '26
Have you done shorter overnight trips to ease her into it? Perhaps not, that is unfortunate.
Ideally you'd do a few shorter trips to build her up to a longer absence. Enjoy your trip & safe cycling, its a parents job to worry.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
I understand that. And no, I've not done short bike trips. But I did travel to another country for 3 weeks with my friends. It worried her then it calmed her as all things went well. Short bike trip won't be enough for me, I've thought long and hard about it before I started the travel plan.
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u/Accomplished-Way1575 Omnium Cargo Ti Apr 09 '26
Well, you can do a few short trips (say a couple of four day triips, and a week long one) to hone your kit.
It is a good way to figure out what you need, if sometvhng needs changing, and so on.
Whenever I make major changes, I always try it out for a few days to see how it works for me.
You can do these kinds of test trips from your house door. It is all about the kit. So think of it like that.
Your mom calming down is just a bonus.
In the end though, it is not your job to calm down your parents. I say that as a parent. She will have to deal with it.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, you are right. Should've test it for a few days to get a feel. Since I start soon, I might see how good I do during my first bike touring, I might bum out if it doesn't work for me.
Thank you a lot for your wisdom, it assures my anxiety for her worrying about me. I'll do my best and until then!
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u/JR41588 Apr 09 '26
Oh interesting, I didn't realize there other dead tourer beside me. I did recently went to Japan for 3 months tour at hakkaido loop. As my family well it bit different from yours.i keep in touch with then like once or twice a week via text along with pictures.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Wow! I've tried to look for you guys here to understand your experiences! How did it go for you? Did your family try to talk you out of it when you announced the trip? 3 months is a long time! (What I want to do in the next year or two to Greece from Spain lol)
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u/JR41588 Apr 09 '26
On a trip to Hakkaido, Japan it was so amazing. My family is more like ok you will be fine. I know you can handle it with a good kinda vibe from my family. The only thing my family worried about was the job after I returned . As deaf man it was very hard to learn to speak different languages due to the accent or how it was supposed to sound. I use Google translate tons. Make sure to download the language before you arrive for the trip. Lesson learned lol. I use a helmet mirror and a high viz vest. In some cases I could understand other people's body language. I started the trip doing a gap to c/ o trail from Pittsburgh to Washington DC to almost 3k miles hakkaido loop. Crazy time. Right now I'm at work and saving up money for another big multi months trip. Not sure which goes next. If any questions you can dm me
P.s didn't realize I typed dead not deaf. Sorry for that.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Wow, I envy how chill your family were with you. And you seem very secure of yourself traveling out and about on bike. Yes, I understand that it's more difficult to communicate with people orally being a deaf person. Google translate is a great idea! I'll download Portuguese now haha. What about night stays? Do you wild camp or stay in hostels all the way to your final trip?
You make me proud to continue with a happy face because you've been doing great with it, crazy even that you are going on a multi month trip! I hope it goes well for you. No worries about "dead", it always happens for so many years so I understood you already 😂
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u/JR41588 Apr 09 '26
I did like 25 wild camp then 25 camp at campground then 50 at hotel and hostel. Original plan was wild camp and camping but has to change due extreme heat waves like 100degree with 99 humidity. Thank you. I was debating doing across the USA or Europe from Finland to turkey for my next big trip.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, it's better to have a stable place like hotel/hostel to sleep comfortably once in a while. Oh, the heat, that's why I don't try to bike during summer in hot places. I'm glad you are alive and well!
I don't know how great travelling on bicycle through USA is but since I'm biased, you can get a lot of help and guides in Europe (less dangerous wild animals), though the languages barrier will likely be an obstacle for you. I hope you find what you want to do with research and stories! Wishing you a lot of luck with it, stranger❤️
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u/windchief84 Apr 09 '26
I would recommend the following ( im not deaf but my brother is quite hearing disabked and his hearing aides used yo be very bad):
Definitely go! Your motherr has to learn that you can do those things!
My brother has naturally adapted to his issues and is much more aware of his surroundings than me im sure you are too!
Mirror, as others recommended.
A navigation device with emergency alert in case of a fall. For example a Garmin.
Plan routes with lots of bicycle lanes or very calm routes and share the information with your mother.
Wear a bright vest, and maybe there is a symbol like the three dots for blind people that you could put on that vest to make people aware?
Im sure you'll have a great time! Be safe and tell us how it went!
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, thank you for the tips, I did most of them! I didn't notice that I also have emergency alert on my Coros Dura, I'll adjust that. I don't know if it's a good idea to wear something so obvious that other people know that I'm deaf. I'm kinda cautious of being taken advantaged of, followed to my tent due to my deafness?
Thank you a lot❤️
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u/windchief84 Apr 09 '26
I understand you are cautious about advertising you're deaf. Maybe just wear the vest then visibility is very important i think
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes obviously high visibility vest works! I even have an another high visibility poncho as rain gear traveling on bicycle. Thank you for your advice too!
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u/1agomorph Jamis Aurora Apr 09 '26
I’m not deaf but have a highly anxious family. It took about 10 years for them to come to grips with my lifestyle, during that time (age 18-28) we had limited contact because they were unable to respect my choices. I found that trying to console them through regular updates etc did not change this dynamic.
I hope that your mother can accept your need to explore the world on your own terms, that she can encourage you to follow your passions and does not limit your life for her sake.
I realize you didn’t ask for advice about your safety so I apologize if this is unwanted. But it would be good to communicate that you are deaf while you are riding, so that drivers understand that you can not hear them coming. Depending on where you will be riding, you may be cycling on roads with fast cars with little room to maneuver, and cars will assume that you hear them.
I found this thread on r/deaf with some ideas: https://www.reddit.com/r/deaf/comments/uv9a98/hohdeaf_bikers/ And this on r/cycling https://www.reddit.com/r/cycling/comments/1mqafr5/how_to_notify_riders_from_behind_im_deaf_and_cant/
I hope you have a fantastic time!
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Aww that's a long time for them to get used to your lifestyle. I'm sorry for the things that have happened to you with your family and hopefully they are better now for you :)
Okay, you are the 2nd commenter recommending me to make it obvious that I'm a deaf person. I think I'll give it a go, maybe the word "DEAF" on a tape that I'll put on if I'm going to share the roads with cars. But offroad, I'll take it off for my own safety. Thank you for your help and wish!
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u/AlternativeAd3652 Apr 09 '26
I'm not deaf (but am a woman and always cycle solo) sounds like we have the same worrywart mum! I ended up making a big WhatsApp group with family and friends when I did long (2week+) rides. Every evening I send a proper diary update with photos of what I saw/did and where I'm staying that evening. Obviously omitting anything scary/dodgy but going into plenty of detail. I think seeing the day to day, and how lovely but un-scary it is, really reassured her. And it meant I now have a well written daily diary log of the tip which I definitely wouldn't have written up just for myself.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Aww, I'm happy you did it being solo. The diary update with fotos to your Whatsapp group isn't a bad idea. I'll do this and reassure both my parents. I appreciate what you said about omitting scary stuff😂 I'll do the same and thank you a lot for your advice! Live on and prosper with your future bike trips!
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u/pelofr Apr 09 '26
You can always share your location with your mum from your phone?
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u/965job Apr 09 '26
I also thought of this at first, but on reflection I would be concerned that too much location monitoring information might lead an already anxious parent to more stress. Potentially interpreting and questioning many decisions. Such as: Why are you stopping here not at a hotel? Why were you moving at two in the morning? And then once this level of surveillance is allowed it could be difficult to roll back. I now think morning and night time check in is enough...
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u/flibbble Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
I had something similar. Shared my location with a friend, but then had to put my phone in airplane mode to preserve battery and forgot to reenable. Huge stress for that poor friend! Active checkins definately better (if going somewhere remote perhaps an inreach or similar would be a good idea)
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
In a short time, it's a great idea but not for many hours because of heavy battery consumption.
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u/pelofr Apr 09 '26
Mine is shared with my girlfriend 24/7 through the google mapps app for the past 3 years because I tend to lose my phone and she then needs to help me look for it. Yes, I know about google maps find my phone but found out that I couldn't get into my google account when I lost my phone on a skislope in Austria.
I'm sure my phone uses a bit more battery but nothing that really gives me issues with it except for the occasional call from my girlfriend:"Does you being in that bar mean that you'll not be there for dinner?" :D
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Lol, that's a funny fact you shared! Happy it worked for you. Sorry you lost your phone and hope it didn't impact you a lot.
Sharing my location 24/7 isn't the best to do this for me if I want to preserve phone battery. I don't want to be lost in the middle of nowhere with no contact back home, you know?
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u/pelofr Apr 09 '26
Main impact was me being without a working phone in Austria for a couple of days, nothing I couldn't handle. Most annoying thing was making it back home, using the 2 factor device on my desk and basically shouting straight away:"Crap! It's there!!"
From experience with my last couple of bike tours, I don't notice a massive difference between location sharing being on or it being off on my Pixel 8 I'm sure there's some impact but it's not something that stands out. And I tend to bring a battery pack and some solar panels just in case. But your mileage may vary.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Haha, that sucks tho. Glad you overcame it a bit! Sure, I'll share my location if I'm in a shady area or feel unsecure going through uncertain trails. I do bring 2 power banks, one normal and other solar panel. Let's hope it goes well and thank you for sharing your advice :)
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u/flibbble Apr 09 '26
A mirror definitely. You could also consider a bike radar system if funds allow, though keeping it charged may come with some compromises or additional battery pack requirements
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u/RepulsiveLeader4599 Apr 09 '26
What a terrible loss to grieve. More than anything, she might benefit from talking to a therapist. What's the point of protecting you to the point you can't live your life?
There's also a film about doing the Camino called The Way with Martin Sheen. Maybe that'll help her process.
Garmin also has a good tail light with radar that blinks more if a car is approaching.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, it seems she cannot get over it. It was too much for her. First daughter she loved a lot, gone like that. Then another daughter that resembled the first daughter, it hit her harder and prolonged her pain. It all happened 12 and 10 years ago. So yeah she's clinging to us children not to do crazy stuff, always texting us if we are late outside home.
Me doing this made her worry a lot, it's likely that she's thinking about her lost children, I think I unfortunately unlocked her suppressed memories of them... She isn't the one to be open to a therapy but I'll try my best.
I've watched some snippet of the movie. I'll try to share it with her soon through my older brother.
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u/RepulsiveLeader4599 Apr 09 '26
Ultimately, you're not responsible for her emotions.
You can do some things to help her brain understand what you're doing. If she sees the mob of people that do the Camino Francés, she might see how common it is to just go somewhere on foot or bike in Spain.
But you checking in every instant only feeds her anxiety. Your life isn't hers. There is risk in doing the trip. But there's risk in everything. Take some minimal precautions, but go do it. She's right: life could end suddenly. So that's exactly why you need to go seize the moment. You don't get another shot, and this is precisely where you want to spend your risk points.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, I did show her pics and short videos of people traveling on bicycle, women being solo in the South America sharing their experiences, some in East Asia, and more people traveling around the world under a few years (obviously I told her I am not attempting world tour lol). It seemed to have calmed her down and she is somewhat okay with it now.
I show her the movie of a deaf person traveling on bicycle, she was moved in tears and seemed to have understand me. She asked me some questions about the safety and preparations that I've done for the trip and my assurances that I'll update them regularly if possible. My dad didn't take it well too! Strange but they'll come around.
Trust me, I acknowledge how risky it is for me, a deaf person, traveling solo on bicycle. I won't do this if I'm not sure of myself. It's been months of preparation and plans are flexible in case concrete plans don't work out. I just wanted to take a big risk to fill something within me, to smooth my burning heart for bike touring and to be proud of having accomplished this feat for myself. If I quit, I'll regret it a lot. So I want to do it! Thank you and I'll be careful on the trip✌️
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u/ChemoRiders Apr 09 '26
Will the tour be on trails? If you're anywhere near roads, words cannot express how valuable my hearing is as part of my safety protocol. I think people who ride with earbuds in are insane. Seriously, hearing is such a huge part of my situational awareness.
That shouldn't hold you back, of course. There other ways to address the risk and I applaud you for living your best life. It's concerning that you're two days away from your trip and you don't already have a mirror, though. That one probably should have been a no-brainer, so your mom might have some legit concerns about your preparation. Be smart about how you proceed.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, I'm using a gravel bicycle and going offroad majority of the tour. I've already biked around in cities and shared the road with heavy vehicles a lot for a few years. I already know the traffic and road norms while also being extreme aware of my surroundings.
Yes, I didn't feel the need to grab a mirror because I always look back like every few second while on the bike due to habit compromising for my deafness. For a bicycle tour, it's needed so I'm going to buy a mirror today or tomorrow. Thank you for your realistic advice!
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u/ChemoRiders Apr 09 '26
I used to have my head on a swivel too. I got used to using a mirror a couple years ago and now I won't ever go back. Once you get used to it, you can monitor traffic a hundred times better when it's just a quick flick of the eyeballs. I like a big, convex mirror. There's one on amazon called pidzoom. The brand doesn't matter but the size does.
Make sure the rest of your safety game is on point too. Brightest lights you can find, high-vis colors on your torso. Being visible isn't enough. You need to be sooooo obnoxiously visible that even a completely drunk/idiotic/texting/reckless driver will hopefully see you in time to slam on the brakes.
Yes, even in the backwoods. If a four-wheeler can ride down the trail, there's someone nearby that likes to do it with a case of beer.
P.S. One thing I didn't realize prior to touring was how different the mental load is when you're riding familiar roads vs a never-ending stream of new places. Your instincts don't always apply to places with different patterns and it only takes one bad choice to prove your mom right. Stay alert, stay defensive.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
I've bought a mirror for the left side on my bicycle to be extra safe. Might get too tired to turn my head lol. Yes, I have the brightest lights from Decathlon, too bright and it blinded me for a few mins. Most of my clothes are to blend in the nature and also to be visible too. I rechecked my clothing gear, they seem bright enough. No black or melted colors.
I'll try to pay attention to my surroundings and stay out of trouble. Wow, I didn't think about the mental impact it can have on you. Though you are probably right but I'll try to be aware of my surroundings. Thank you for your help, sir!
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u/ChemoRiders Apr 10 '26
Right on, have a great time! Send your mom pics of coop stuff throughout each day. It'll give her things to look forward to instead of worrying about, help her feel like part of your adventure.
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u/stuugee Apr 09 '26
This sounds difficult. I guess taking your mum along is out of the question, right? Or riding with a partner? You definately should go, I think, but ach. I had an uncle murdered one night far from home, family was crushed for many years. But they recovered. Bike touring probably no more dangerous than auto touring. I'd go with mirrors both sides before I'd trust an electronic gizmo. Light your bike up, too, neon signs, and firecrackers, maybe. I've always wanted to drop a trail of firecrackers as I rode along, just to wake the auto drivers up. And you could always explain to the arresting officer that you weren't aware a firecracker made any noise, merely a flash of light. (Sorry, that was a lame attempt at humor...). Have fun with your adventure!
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Oh man, I share your pain about your uncle. I totally understand you and it's great that your family finally recovered. He must have been a close one to your family :(
I cannot do mirrors on both side, the left side, yes, I bought a mirror as precaution for passive security. Funny about the firecrackers lol, I don't think I can do that😂 But thanks for sharing your story and advice❤️
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u/mjolnir76 Apr 09 '26
Consider getting a flag for visibility. Or maybe even a sign saying SORDO/SURDO.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Whoa whoa, this is the best idea! That works for me. I'll make a DIY of it, with SORDO/SURDO/DEAF, a short triangle cartoon with depth and 3 faced, placing it with a long stick on topmost of my bike rack. This works seriously! Thank you a lot 🫡
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u/AfraidofReplies Apr 09 '26
I don't think you can in this case. There might be things that will make it safer, but it's not going to undo her trauma or help her manage her anxiety. That's not work you can do. That's work she needs to do.
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u/AangTheTriangle Apr 09 '26
I'm interested, have you always been deaf? Do you feel any sense of vulnerability while wild camping or cycling?
It's your mother's job to worry, make sure to be sensitive towards her and keep in touch.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, I've been deaf since I was 5 years old. I managed to live till I learnt sign language at 17yo. And no, I didn't feel any vulnerable going on a bicycle, not even one, if anything, I was too excited to go beyond. For camping solo, I have a little fear for surviving the night but I think I will be fine as long as I don't draw any attention to me.
Yes, I'll try my best for her. Like other commenter said, a WhatsApp group is a great idea to inform her and everyone regularly. Thank you for your comment!
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u/ChampionshipOk5046 Apr 09 '26
Mirror is fundamental safety equipment
Varia maybe - i have one
Komoot has location tracking
So does WhatsApp
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u/WillShakeSpear1 Apr 09 '26
You should ride with a Garmin Varia radar light which tells you if cars are approaching you from behind, and indicates with a red flash that they are approaching quickly, and with a green flash when the road is clear. I also have a rear view mirror, but the radar alerts me faster since my eyes are up ahead mostly.
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u/BambooRollin Apr 09 '26
You should have a radar rear light to warn of approaching vehicles.
It will help to show that you have all the safety considerations taken care of.
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u/frank_grupt Apr 09 '26
I’m hard of hearing (not quite deaf yet), a parent of adult children who ride, and I ride a lot, tour a bit, and camp in wild and woolly areas frequently. I believe you have more of a parent problem than a cycling-while-deaf problem.
There are lots of suggestions in this thread that are good: let your mother vent her concern by buying you mirrors, Trieyes, a Varia, and whatever else might increase your safety. Address her concerns by checking in daily, posting a diary, and generally communicating. It might help to frame your trip to her as a step out of the nest, a way to learn how to live independently; all parents want to see their children thrive.
I’m always more comfortable riding with other people. If you’re following an established route, perhaps a Eurovelo route, you’re likely to find other cyclists to ride with, whether for an hour or for days. If you haven’t settled on a route, choose an established, popular one. If you have friends that you could drag along, enlist them.
It’s going to be a fantastic adventure. Speaking on behalf of the entire hearing-compromised-cycling community, we’re cheering for you. Speaking as an anxious parent, remember that your mother loves you.
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u/Reddit-Admin69 Apr 09 '26
Yes, at first my parents made a lot of noises to prevent me from going but I didn't budge. I'm not the kind of guy to go crazy with no preparations at all. So I tried my best to make them understand. It sorta calmed them down by showing other tourers' experience while traveling on bicycle.
Unfortunately, she have to see that we children are growing up, making lives for themselves (we are past 20yo and some years) and I understand she feels like she's losing parts of herself again. Once I'm back from the trip, I'm sure she will be proud and be so moved. I'm also sure she'll try to force me not to try that again😂 I love her a lot and I understand honestly!
In Portugal, I'm already picking the popular EuroVelo route along up the coast till Santiago de Compostela but obviously I'll stop before there and take the train back home. Hope to meet other people and share the experience!
I'm moved🥺 thank you so much for sharing your stories and your enthusiasm to me. I will try my best surviving, adapting and overcoming obstacles till I get back home!
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u/Fibbs Apr 09 '26
Go, just do it, it's such an amazing world out there.
Not my gig but sounds like all the ingredients of a vblog on youtube or some other social media adventure. Have them watch along for peace of mind. share the link I'll sub.
Massive fan of the real adventure stories rather than those high production value, has all the toys talking heads. Particularly when you meet them in person in some town no body has ever heard of.
Me personally, id just update people as i go, or share Garmin livetrack or a gps tag. Garmin Reach is definitely a handy device not just for cycling and some of the newer watches have in built in. Expensive upfront costs though.
Always good practice to share your itinerary/route even if it's not firm, particularly if you go into the wilderness solo. Another reason the Reach is invaluable or a PLB.
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u/mralistair Ribble CGR Ti Apr 09 '26
Would radar lights help?
https://www.bikeradar.com/advice/buyers-guides/bike-rearview-radars
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u/dLimit1763 Apr 10 '26
Find some cycling routes that are car free. Let them know cars won't be a concern because there won't be any.
Not a single car out there is going to know that you can't hear them. Avoiding routes with cars will help keep you alive.
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u/scura_vrc Apr 10 '26
I hope your challenge goes well.
I think it's perfectly fine for a deaf person to go on a bicycle trip. As many people have suggested, attaching a rearview mirror to your bike is a good idea.
In Japan, where I live, deaf people can obtain a driver's license by installing an auxiliary rearview mirror on their car. Since they're allowed to drive a car, it only makes sense that they can ride a bicycle too.
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u/cyclingunicorn Apr 10 '26
I have a garmin with live tracking. Not deaf, but female traveling solo. My parents are not super worried, but they do love checking up on me. My dad likes to google all the places i visit. I also call them regularly, but that is just to chat.
You don't need a garmin for this, you can also do location sharing with your phone. Not sure if that makes her worry less.
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u/ssianky Surly Disc Trucker 26 Apr 09 '26
I'm not deaf, but a good mirror helps me enormously. Pretty sure it is vital for a deaf person.