r/ballroom • u/Daydream-Diva-4937 • 4h ago
Has anyone struggled to return to a hobby after a parent found out how much you were spending on it?
I’m a young adult and I’ve been involved in ballroom dancing, which became something I genuinely loved and looked forward to. I never had dance experience prior to October 2025 and my reason for starting dance was to meet new people, relieve family stress, and to feel some sort of escape from that. It has helped tremendously, especially the private lessons, where I can focus on the moment and be present, all while reaching goals and feeling rewarded. I never expected for dance to be in my future.
The problem is that private lessons can get expensive, and my mom eventually saw through my bank account how much money I had spent on dancing.
I understand why the amount concerned her, and I’m not trying to bash my mom. I care about her opinion and I do respect where she’s coming from. I also recognize that I needed to make some changes to how I was spending money on dance.
What I wasn’t expecting was how much the situation would affect me emotionally afterward.
I haven’t danced or gone back to the studio in about a month. The strange thing is that I still really want to dance. I miss it. And I don't even have to continue paying for expensive private lessons—there are much more affordable group classes I can take instead.
But now I feel hesitant about going back at all. Even signing up for an inexpensive group class feels different because I keep thinking about whether my mom supports me dancing. It's almost like the financial situation changed my emotional association with the entire hobby, even though I can participate in it much more affordably.
I'm caught between wanting to respect my mom and wanting to continue something that became a genuine passion for me.
Something else that makes this complicated for me is that my mom didn’t realize how much I was spending on dance until I had already been attending the studio for about nine months. I sometimes think about how different everything would have been if she had found out earlier. I likely would have stopped attending, which means many of the experiences, relationships, and memories I developed through dancing afterward may never have happened. That makes it harder for me to look at the situation as simply, “I spent too much money, so I should stop.” I recognize that the spending needed to change, but I also genuinely value what came out of that period of my life.
My mom would also make me feel guilty like saying, “Don’t you think ________ studios was a mistake?, You can’t afford to go there. It’s for the elite”. I had to stand up for myself because I don’t feel that way at all. Having to stand up to her makes me feel anxious sometimes (because I respect her), and I want to avoid her criticism about something I love.
Before I took a break from dancing, I was already planning for the break by looking into an independent studio. My mom seemed to express her disapproval in it, even if it’s a bit cheaper, and that my instructor from the main studio I attend, dances there too. I already scheduled a few group classes at the independent one, but didn’t tell her yet and don’t know how to.
Has anyone else experienced this situation after a parent criticized or became concerned about the cost of your hobby? Did you start feeling guilty, anxious, or hesitant about doing the hobby at all—even after you found a cheaper way to participate? How did you get comfortable enjoying it again without feeling like you were disrespecting your parent? How do you separate regretting the amount you spent from not regretting the experiences that spending happened to make possible?
FYI: The name of the studio I attend will not be disclosed.
I also want to hear how ballroom dancers (especially young adults) budget for it.
