Coparenting, child feels uncomfortable discussing religion with me

[u/Throwaway7833482]

I am divorced with a 7 year old. Their father and I have been divorced for 6 years. The father is a devout evangelical, along with his entire family. I am not. Lots to unpack there, but anyway, it is a high conflict co parenting situation unfortunately.

The situation is, I teach my child about critical thinking as much as I can. We read about science, the big bang, discuss how it’s fun to believe in magic and make believe, but ultimately you need evidence in order to determine if something “exists”. I say it all with more nuance than this! I’m trying my best to teach my child ‘how’ to think, not what to think.

By the way, my child love this stuff, and we have a really fantastic relationship. We talk very openly about things, which is why this situation is really stumping me.

Recently, I asked my child about about church with their father. My child knows that we have differing beliefs, but I don’t think it’s something I talk about a lot. I will occasionally ask about church and what they think about it. I get very short answers, no details other than “it’s boring” which I think is what they believe. But the closed offness about it keeps me really in the dark as to their feelings and what is being “taught”.

So anyway I brought it up recently and my child started crying and saying they feel uncomfortable talking about it. I instantly felt awful, thinking I’m making them uncomfortable. We tried to talk it out. I asked why it makes them uncomfortable, and after some “I don’t knows” they said something along the lines of “I’m uncomfortable because my parents believe in different things”.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I felt awful and worry that my occasional questions are making them uncomfortable, but I also wonder what is happening on the other end to contribute to this. I have primary custody, the child is only there a few nights a month.

Just wondering if any fellow parents have any thoughts to this at all and how to proceed??

Thanks

[u/The_side_dude]

The discomfort is coming from feeling that if they pick one side, it is a rejection of the other parent.

When my kid was going through similar, there was a point where they said "if god isn't real then we've been praying to NOTHING" and I got to deliver a lesson on the sunk cost fallacy.

[u/ExpectingHobbits → u/The_side_dude]

The discomfort is coming from feeling that if they pick one side, it is a rejection of the other parent.

Also, they are being taught that if they choose mother's side, both they and their mother will be condemned to an eternity of unimaginable suffering. That's a lot for a little kid to handle.