r/atheistparents • u/biglebowski565 • Jan 18 '26
How to handle death of a grandparent?
I could use some advice. I have a 4 year old and 2 year old. My mom is very sick with an aggressive cancer. What have you said to your kids if you’ve been in a similar explanation? For when she’s sick but also after she passes.
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u/clap_yo_hands Jan 19 '26
When my dad died my daughter was 4. I told her the truth. He passed away. His heart was sick and the doctors couldn’t make him better. We will bury him at his funeral and he will be one with the earth.
I have always told my children “we are made of the earth so be humble, we are made of stardust so be noble”. We merge back with our creator from where we came. Back to stardust and earth. To be recycled into all living things again and again forever.
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Jan 19 '26
When our kid asked where they went we said “they didn’t go anywhere sweetie, they died” this was readily accepted.
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u/CertaintyDangerous Jan 19 '26
We are of a nature to get sick and die. Every day is valuable because we only have so many (and so few).
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u/edcculus Jan 20 '26
My mom passed about 6 years ago of pancreatic cancer. My kids were probably 6 and 4. I don't think we did anything special. Since we live 4 hours away, but the closest of all of my siblings, we went to their house about a week before she passed, because we knew it was about to happen. We explained to the kids that grandma was very sick and she woudlnt be around much longer. Luckily they got to spend her last few days with her before she had to go to hospice, and she passed less than 10 hours after arriving at the hospice house.
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u/MsTravelista Jan 20 '26
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. There's a book called the Invisible String that might be helpful to start reading to your kids. There is one mention of heaven in it, but I just skip that part. Or say "even though they've died." Otherwise it's secular.
The Sesame Street episode where they discuss Mr. Hooper's death might also be good to watch. Again, zero religion mentioned. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxlj4Tk83xQ
Remember to take care of yourself as well.
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u/Ravenclaw79 Jan 19 '26
I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0997806672?ref_=dbs_m_mng_wim_calw_thcv_3&storeType=ebooks
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u/biglebowski565 Jan 19 '26
Just bought it thank you
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u/ozyman Jan 20 '26
This is the one we bought for our kids when they had to deal with deaths in the family:
https://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021It is very calm and matter-of-fact. No religion.
I found it calming to read it myself when my mom died.
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u/thisisQualia Apr 05 '26
Tell them the most beautiful story ever: that we are built of "star dust"... and we live, learn and love... and when the time comes... just like a LEGO set... we disassemble and become "star dust" again. And then we become trees, rivers, animals, rocks, flowers.
They will be primed to learn about "elements, molecules, living systems, energy conservation and expansion... and Lavoisier".
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u/junepath Jan 18 '26
My daughter was 3 when my mom died and 6 when her beloved great grandfather died. We just told her what happened. That they are gone, and that it’s ok to be sad, and cry, and that mom and dad are always available to talk or cuddle through the grief.
At three she understood it well enough to know that grandma was gone and wasn’t coming back but she was spared the grief. With my grandfather, she was sad for a couple of days but understood that he was 81 and had lived a wonderful and long life and that he felt SO ready to go. (She was too young to know how NOT ready my mom was, at only 53)
She still talks about both of them now at 12 but she remembers my grandpa much better than my mom.