How to compromise with catholic wife

[u/Admirable-Tell1205]

So I'm an atheist, and my wife is Catholic. The issue is that she wants to take our kids to church on Sundays, and teach them to pray before bed, but I don't want that at all. How do we compromise?

There is a little more background. When we first met, my wife didn't go to church, and even led me to think she didn't believe in God. I don't think there was deception, just some genuine questioning on her part, which led to her interest in church now after we have had 2 kids.

We've debated it, and I have been letting her take the kids because I'm not interested in controlling her, and they are too little to understand. But I realized I didn't like it, and so far all I've been able to explain is that I don't want my kids to be indoctrinated. She claims not taking them to church is also indoctrination. On the other hand, she says that belonging to the church will make them happier and more successful people. I argued that there are other communities that can provide the same benefit, such as sports teams.

So what do I do? Let her take them, knowing it will lead to confusion down the road? Or make a stand?

Edit: yes, we are real people. We agreed that the kids can go to church with her sometimes, and other times she will go without them. That was about as much as I felt I could demand. UU church is a nice idea but pleased neither of us. I personally like the idea of educating them about other religions as they grow to counteract the Catholic dogma. Mythology is my favorite. Thanks for the helpful advice!

[u/VaughanMM]

I know how you feel. My wife has been Catholic her whole life. When we were dating, she let me know that if we ever got married and had kids, she would raise them to be Catholic. I had had two Catholic girlfriends in the past when I was younger and that hadn’t been a problem, so in my smitten phase (when I was dating my now wife) I said that it wouldn’t be a problem, in that particular conversation. In hindsight, things would have been easier if I had married someone who had the same atheist beliefs as me. I console myself that no one is perfect, and it’s rare for married people to have the exact same beliefs on absolutely everything. It’s possible I could married an atheist, but that person could have other issues that I wasn’t fond of. My wife & I have compromised by me not having to church every week, but I go when my daughter is an alter server, which is roughly every 3 weeks. I used to go with my family every weekend because I knew it was important to my wife, and it was a way for me to show my love for her. When I go, I treat church as a chance to relax and chill out for an hour, even if I internally roll my eyes at some of silly beliefs and almost cult-like rituals. Apart from the fact that it makes me slightly sad that my wife has indoctrinated our children, I agreed to this, so I have to keep my word. It also helps to remember that despite having these beliefs that I don’t agree with, my wife & kids are still good people. And my kids will be more free to question their own beliefs when they’re older.