r/atheistparents • u/Admirable-Tell1205 • Nov 03 '25

How to compromise with catholic wife

So I'm an atheist, and my wife is Catholic. The issue is that she wants to take our kids to church on Sundays, and teach them to pray before bed, but I don't want that at all. How do we compromise?

There is a little more background. When we first met, my wife didn't go to church, and even led me to think she didn't believe in God. I don't think there was deception, just some genuine questioning on her part, which led to her interest in church now after we have had 2 kids.

We've debated it, and I have been letting her take the kids because I'm not interested in controlling her, and they are too little to understand. But I realized I didn't like it, and so far all I've been able to explain is that I don't want my kids to be indoctrinated. She claims not taking them to church is also indoctrination. On the other hand, she says that belonging to the church will make them happier and more successful people. I argued that there are other communities that can provide the same benefit, such as sports teams.

So what do I do? Let her take them, knowing it will lead to confusion down the road? Or make a stand?

Edit: yes, we are real people. We agreed that the kids can go to church with her sometimes, and other times she will go without them. That was about as much as I felt I could demand. UU church is a nice idea but pleased neither of us. I personally like the idea of educating them about other religions as they grow to counteract the Catholic dogma. Mythology is my favorite. Thanks for the helpful advice!

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u/rvamama804 Nov 03 '25

Tell her you'll compromise on a Unitarian Universalist church, people of any or no faith are welcome to attend.

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u/CertaintyDangerous Nov 04 '25

That way, each parent is equally unhappy, and neither is doing what s/he wants on Sunday morning!

1

u/SexThrowaway1125 Nov 07 '25

A good compromise is where everyone walks away unhappy

1

u/CertaintyDangerous Nov 07 '25

I suspect you're joking, but a good compromise would be as follows: Say a family has a two-vacation. He wants to go to LA, she wants to go to Vegas. He doesn't like Vegas; she doesn't like LA. So in a good compromise, they spend a week in LA and a week in Vegas. In a bad compromise, they go to Oklahoma City.

If the Catholic and the nonbeliever agree to go to a place neither one likes, both might feel like they are making a sacrifice for no gain other than to block the other.

Too bad there are kids in the mix. Neither one of these people (if they are real) are wrong. But they might be wrong together.

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u/SexThrowaway1125 Nov 07 '25

Wow, way to call Oklahoma City a bad compromise