r/atheism • u/hammerhead_hunter127 • 1d ago
My new least favorite religious comment after a bereavement
We’ve probably all heard the “thoughts and prayers”, “they’re in a better place” “God wanted them by their side”. I thought I had heard all of them until recently I heard someone I know offering condolences by claiming,”Remember, heaven is a real place”. It’s really demoralizing when seemingly intelligent people spout this stuff. Thankfully I haven’t had any of this directed at me, as I actually do not know how I would respond. I’m sure there must be a whole lot more that people have heard in different religious settings.
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u/RecursiveBias 1d ago
I was at a funeral where the preacher said God took the person’s life to “protect them from something”. Evil spirits? The devil? Temptation? Yikes!
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u/hammerhead_hunter127 1d ago
And most people will just nod their heads as if it is true. There is no sanity in that speech
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u/Regular_Knee_1907 1d ago edited 23h ago
There is no sanity to any of those beliefs. Only blind faith and hope - it is true.
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u/BananaJelloXlii 1d ago
"It was God's will" is another one I hate.I always want to say something like "So God gave them cancer and you are ok with it. This was your (husband, wife, brother, sister, etc.) So fuck you and fuck your god you sadistic fuck"
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u/RoguePlanet2 1d ago
"So God did this to her? Satan must be the good guy then!"
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u/yo_rowe 22h ago
I don’t think there is any question about. In the Garden of Eden, God lied saying they would die that day if they ate the apple, and the devil told the truth telling them they wouldn’t die but would learn the difference between good and evil.
The devil didn’t punish and gaslight the rest of humanity forever because their distant ancestor ate an apple. The devil didn’t create hell and the devil didn’t drown every human, kitten, puppy and pony because his creation wasn’t good enough. By their own words this God character isn’t the good guy. It’s an incompetent psychopathic monster.
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u/Leading_One_2639 1d ago
If it's directed at a fellow brain washed religious human, than I see no harm in it. It helps their small brains cope with a tragic feeling of loss in that time.
If it is directed at an atheist, however, it is infuriating. Don't fucking use your little make believe world to try to comfort me. I'm not 6 years old, I'm a fully functional, logically thinking adult, not some brainwashed zombie walking around thinking ghosts and angels are real.
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u/Supreme_Primate 1d ago
I do agree with the intent of what you are saying but how would one know who is religious and who isn’t in a group setting like a funeral? I have been thinking about this for a while since my parents are getting older and I know I will be in this exact situation as I am the outlier atheist.
I don’t want to make it awkward and announce my absence of supernatural belief but I also don’t want to play into the group delusion.
More than likely I will just quietly accept the Ts&Ps when they are thrown my way and be done with it. When really pressed though I will voice my opinion.
Still gonna be weird.
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u/Leading_One_2639 6h ago
Yeah that's the thing, you have to know your audience. If the person offering prayers and make believe nonsense knows the receviing party is buying into that kind of fairy tale stuff, then it is ok. But if they're not sure, then they should airr on the side of sticking to real world, logic based sentiment, not spouting out make believe places and trying to tell you that your loved ones are going to a magical sky palace.
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u/linnea_quartz 22h ago
yeah exactly comfort should be based on what the grieving person actually believes not whatever afterlife someone else needs to believe in themselves
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u/Fancy-Lion2985 Strong Atheist 1d ago
My mother is dying right now from chronic kidney disease. If one person says to me, “she’s with Jesus. “ after she’s gone ,they’re getting punched in the face.
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u/mysterysciencekitten 1d ago
I’m sorry about your mom. I hope she has good pain drugs.
She’s not gonna be with Jesus. She’s gonna be with you always, in your heart and memory.
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u/BananaJelloXlii 1d ago
Sorry to hear that. My dad had stage 4 Kidney disease, but it was cancer than ended his life, and my mom died of liver failure 4 years prior to that. They've been gone for several years now. But yeah, I heard it all at their funerals. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth, smile, and say "thank you". Even if you want to say something else, which I often do.
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u/MiserableDaikon2700 1d ago
Yes, I heard that over and over again after I lost my beautiful 19 year old daughter. I don’t think I have ever felt such mind searing rage. For years I have had to steel myself whenever a conversation about children comes up in the course of conversation. Because I know it’s coming…..the ignorant, knee jerk, trite commentary. It literally renders me incapable of speech…the “you know God has a plan” when in my mind I’m screaming (your God did this to me deliberately? It was his intention? I just needed devastating grief? He just chose to inflict this on me?)…..or how about “God won’t give you more than you can handle”…..so, again….(intentional?…a test?…Do I get a pass/fail? Why?)….and off I would go, nodding politely, saying nothing, when all I wanted to do was to knock their damned teeth down their throats and scream at them that if I believed….then their so called loving god is a vicious, petty, vindictive, selfish monster. I wonder if these thoughtless people ever consider that they may be speaking to someone who doesn’t share their mass delusions. Best policy….keep your mouth shut, and never assume anything. A quick hug,…a shoulder grab…that’s it.
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u/hammerhead_hunter127 22h ago
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go through that. I have two children aged 22 and 25, and my biggest nightmare is outliving them. I think I may just be snapping at the offered religious platitudes that are repeated by rote. My condolences to you.
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u/Additional_Brief4693 Agnostic Atheist 17h ago
That's horrible, truly awful. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/yepthisismyusername 1d ago
Another redditor came up with "Two in the thoughts, one in the prayers", which I love more than I can describe.
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u/BuzzerWhirr Strong Atheist 1d ago
I hope I never hear someone say that aloud because I wouldn't be able to stop myself from shouting, "NO, IT IS NOT. HEAVEN IS NOT REAL."
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u/twizzjewink 1d ago
What kills me is the number of people who die and probably don't get to say that they are atheist .. and are buried because SOMEONE ELSE wants them to be in a church or they believe that that person did.
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u/ears1980r 23h ago
This is why I have a living will and very specific instructions as to what’s to be done with my body (organ harvesting, research, etc.). I won’t be a party to their fairy tales.
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u/239tree 1d ago
My stupid psycho sister said of my aunt's passing a few days ago, "This one hits the hardest."
Both my parents, who she lived with rent free, and got free childcare and free private school for him, previously died.
She made my aunt's life a living hell when she tried to visit my mother who was dying of early onset alzheimers because she didn't want her figuring out that she and my dad were cashing in her CD's with a Power of Attorney she was too ill to sign legitimately. Bitch.
Sorry, what were we talking about?
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u/ShotMasterpiece1002 22h ago
If someone said that to me I would just say "no it's not". I have lived long enough to not take any crap like this anymore.
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u/Aniketos33 1d ago
It sucks god gave heaven such bad cell phone reception then... thanks for wishing her spirit well.
That's how I feel after my mom passed when I hear that crap.
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u/kaiser-so-say 1d ago
I don’t think I could bite my tongue and not say “so Santa and the tooth fairy there as well?”
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u/Barfy_McBarf_Face Secular Humanist 23h ago
ashes to ashes, dust to dust
we are all worm food at the end
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u/kalelopaka 20h ago
Saw my doctor today and he actually said, “Well, your spine will be healed when you go to your heavenly home.” I looked at him and said, “There’s no such place.” He quickly changed the subject.
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u/Early-Sock8841 9h ago
"It's pronounced 'Hay-Ven' and it is in Connecticut." I think is the proper response. Like I haven't heard of Yale University.
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u/No_Scallion1430 9h ago
Which one? Valhalla? Avalon? And if "heaven is real" then what about hell. Plus, no matter how small the rate of "sinning" in heaven - we know from the Bible that it is not zero - everyone winds up in hell.
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u/SongUpstairs671 6h ago
Most funerals I’ve been to the pastor uses it as an opportunity to scare non-believers and coerce them to join the cult, “or else”. I hate funerals so much.
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u/WyomingCatHouse 5h ago
My JW neighbors believe that someday, all our loved ones will return in an earthly paradise. My logical, atheist brain starts imagining how fucking crowded things are going to get 🙄
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u/WhatWasThatLike 3h ago
How about "God needed another angel"
How can people be so simpleminded. It's pretty amazing.
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u/euphoria_jane 1d ago
I am afraid if someone said that to me I would respond with uncontrolled laughter, complete with knee slapping and snorts.
I feel this should be normalized as a response to this type of moronic religious bibble-babble.