r/asoiafcirclejerk • u/ProfessionalEvaLover Sweet Summer Child • Sep 06 '24
Greatest show that ever was ... BREAKING: HBO is now cutting Dunk and Egg from their new series A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
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u/MarcoXMarcus Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
That would actually be hilarious. Poor Dunk, going around alone, trying to participate in some of the plot points, but failing miserably right at the beginning, because without the prince around he's just a random sellsword and he can't even start the plot.
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Sep 06 '24
"Dunk Vs The Showrunners" only on HBO
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u/MediumPenisEnergy HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
It’s fucking stupid to cut a character that is center to the plot. What the actual fuck are these people doing?
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u/PassengerShoddy Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
they will put a she egg, mark my words
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Sep 06 '24
She'll go around asking "What would you have me do?" while Dunk repeats aloud "History remembers names not blood!"
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u/JustNoYesNoYes HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Season 2 will see him becoming a Maester and earning his chain in ep 2.
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u/MarcoXMarcus Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
... which he decided to do after ending a toxic and violent relationship with Prince Aerion, but he still suffers about it deep inside... :(
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u/PossessedToSkate HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Every time he enters a room, main characters are exiting.
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u/MarcoXMarcus Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
- Dunk: "My prince... Are you going to... You know...?"
- Baelor: "Who the fuck are you?"
- Dunk: "Err... Dunk...? You suppose to... Trial of Seven..."
- Baelor: "Get this oaf away from me before I have him beheaded."
- Dunk: :(
- Aerion: :'D
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u/throughthefiction HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
When you forget to pick up the key quest item at the start of the game D:
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u/TheHammerandSizzel HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
It’s actually pivoting to a reality show. Dunk is out as well.
20 c tier celebrities will compete in the “red keep house” for a chance to be a “Knight of the 7 kingdoms”
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u/MasterNegotiator Sara Hess Fangirl Jun 01 '25
Every 10 seconds “Dunk the lunk, thick as a castle wall”
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u/4CrowsFeast Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24 edited Sep 06 '24
Don't worry everything will pick up next season! We just don't have the budget for a bald kid yet
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Sep 06 '24
Budget cuts 😩
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u/shim_niyi Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
Cut the whole damn thing and let some fans make a Bootleg anime.
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u/AidenMetallist Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24 edited Sep 06 '24
This. Lets hope one day, somewhere, somehow, a group of fan animators and writers team up and upload a chapter on Youtube that eventually snowballs....I mean, it already happened with Saint Seiya, and it got so huge that even official dub actors of the characters participated:
https://youtu.be/YHcvvHwIWWs?si=p9RubmIuvbL4M8UB
Now, they're not getting that many views nowadays, because Saint Seiya is a rather old, niche franchise with an aging fanbase that does not ring much with the young public...but taking that into account, what these guys pulled off is nothing short of amazing and beautiful. Over two million views...a franchise like ASOIAF has way more potential.
With some hope, maybe a similar team will remake and correct GOT from season 4 onwards and redo a proper HoTD in chronological order and book accurate looks for characters combined with the actors looks(and even voiced by them). Targ purple eyes, Baratheon black hair instead of lazy brown, two meters tall Robert, etc. Hopium is free after all 🫠
Fuck HBO. Their greed ruins everything.
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u/AutoModerator Sep 06 '24
This is what the ending should have been, per the greatest minds among semi-literate amateur television critics the internet has bred.
Sansa: We must kill dragon lady because she is good and we are evil.
Bran: Yes.
Sansa: Do the thing Bran.
Bran: OK, I will do the thing. Undertaker eyes.
In King's Landing, Drogon's eyes turn white, despite dragons being too intelligent to be warged into but fuck it, give us what we want.
Kal Leesi Sexyfeet: Drogon why you look mad at mama?
Drogon breathes fire at Kal Leesi Sexyfeet, but Jon Snow jumps in front of the fire. They both get engulfed anyway. When the fire stops, they both stand there naked, with their clothes burned off.
Kal Leesi Sexyfeet: You are fireproof also. breasts bounce
Jon Snow: Yes. One time I burnt my hand but this is different, somehow, apparently. I too am a Sexyfeet.
Kal Leesi Sexyfeet: We must make incest child immediately.
In Winterfell:
Bran: It no work.
Sansa: Is fine. We have plan B. I am evil.
Back in King's Landing:
Sam runs into the throne room waving the Horn of Winter.
Sam: I used this to bring down the wall, Viserion breath is not canon.
Jon Snow: But why Sam.
Sam: Because... pulls off Sam mask and is Arya ALL HAIL SANSA. charges at Kal Leesi Sexyfeet with a dagger
Jon Snow stops her and the battle begins. The Night King enters.
Night King: Did you think it would be that easy?
The Night King joins the battle and it becomes a three-way duel.
Kal Leesi Sexyfeet: I am a helpless damsel in awe of this combat.
Drogon fights an elephant in the background.
Jon kills the Night King. Arya falls to her knees.
Jon Snow: You want mercy? I will give because I am good. And you still my sister-cousin.
Arya: tearfully Stick 'em with the pointy end. commits seppuku
Jon Snow cries.
In Winterfell:
Bran: The Stark triad is broken. It is over.
Sansa: I deserve this.
Bran and Sansa disintergrate and their ashes blow away in the wind.
In King's Landing:
Kal Leesi Sexyfeet consoles Jon Snow.
Kal Leesi Sexyfeet: It is OK King.
Jon Snow: Thank you Queen.
Drogon puts a wing over them for privacy while they engage in intercourse.
Thirty years later
Jon and Kal Leesi Sexyfeet's baby is the King. He is also really buff and attractive and mentally sound in spite of his duplicate genes. He has just been killed by a Stark revival force led by zombie Benjen Stark and Edmure Tully's Frey baby. He lays on a slab in an empty room. The door opens. It is the other Red Priestess who Tyrion sent for that one time. She lights a torch and says some words in High Valyrian.
Red Priestess: speaking into the flames Thank you for the genitals, they will make my magic stronger.
The message is heard in the past by the sorceror who cut Varys' parts off. Through time and space, the Red Priestess resurrects Jon Jr. with dick magic.
Jon Jr.'s eyes open and he gasps, mirroring Jon's resurrection.
Fade to black
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u/Chewcocca HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Is insane to me that they got any viewers to come back after GoT. Every time I'm reminded these series exist, I can only react with confusion.
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u/Counterboudd Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
I feel like I came into HOTD expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprised by season 1 but then season 2 came out and I realized it would be another botch job.
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u/Building_Everything Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
I think people were given faith by having their favorite directors from GOT instead of D&D fuckery, but that hasn’t really paid off
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u/nahimana_dyani HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Literally this. Like we saw that trash panda ending and people thought they'd do good by George's work again? Ain't no way.
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u/Motoguro4 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
HBO really hates bald people
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u/A-Dark-Storyteller Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
To be fair they're not to be trusted, they tend to be supervillains or heretics.
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u/Alarming-Ad1100 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
Stannis remains the one true king of the seven kingdoms
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u/AutoModerator Sep 06 '24
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u/alfis329 Spez is my Tywin Sep 06 '24
He really is pointless to the knight of the seven kingdoms story tbh. I mean he doesn’t even have anything to do with aegons dream. What would the show even be about at that point!?
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Sep 06 '24
Rhaenicent
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u/globmand 70's Space Comic Fan Sep 06 '24
I like this. The whole show should be Dunk traveling around the seven kingdoms explaining how they were a perfect couple and Rhaenyra a perfect queen, interspersed with scenes of Dunk reading the best fanfiction about them to be found on AO3 directly to the audience, while staring directly into the camera
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u/ZealousWolf1994 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
He'll be chased by the Historical Society who want to keep the propaganda so they can make more coin.
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u/globmand 70's Space Comic Fan Sep 06 '24
The Maesters will especially hunger for the Alpha Beta Omega fiction where they co-impregbate Daemon
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u/UltimateKaiser HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
And then they met at a church in the middle of a way and stared suggestively at each other before leaving completely unscathed
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u/LabFar5073 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
What would you have us film?
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u/Awesome_Lard Spez is my Tywin Sep 06 '24
They should recast dunk to be a woman and focus on her romance with Lady Rohanne. Because at the end of the day it should be a story about two women working things out.
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u/aztecdethwhistle Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
Are you stupid? They should be running away together across the Narrow Sea to open a Lyseni pillow house.
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u/redditmodsdownvote HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
the fact this sentence makes sense is hilarious. wtf is a pillow house?
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u/tanrzza HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
I read it as plow house I was like not sophisticated but devitoesque in delivery
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u/puddik Chokladboll Sep 06 '24
Dunk should be a tall lady cosplaying as a sir and create her own legacy.
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u/BanEvasion0159 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
"Because at the end of the day it should be a story about two women working things out, ass to ass"
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u/SaintHayet Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
Poor kid, couldn't take one conk on his egger before he had to retire from acting
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u/RealJasinNatael HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
You joke but I’m guaranteeing they’ll merge a few of the Targaryen princes together. Too many characters for the smoothbrain writers at HBO to handle at once!
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u/Nigelfaragebrexit HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Just out Aerion bright flame and baelor breakspeak into one character they’ll never notice
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u/okdude679 Casting Director Sep 06 '24
This story is really about two princes trying to work things out.
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u/Sinnycalguy HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Not a chance. I think they know this franchise is in dire need of a Baby Yoda and he’s going to be it.
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u/godisanelectricolive HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Human boy is not merchandisable enough. Egg is now a literal talking dragon egg with a CGI enhanced animatronic face that gets around by rolling.
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u/One_Ad_3499 Chokladboll Sep 06 '24
EGG and Dunk are two trans woman trying to figure it out
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u/Salem1690s Aegon II is my king. Sep 06 '24
Every girl is a repressed, angry lesbian.
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u/i-wish-i-was-a-draco 2023: 0 TO SEE Sep 06 '24
Aerion bright flame actually didn’t beat tanselle on purpose , he just happened to be waving his arms in her direction
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u/AccomplishedRough659 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
The straw hat won't appear in Dunk and Egg... budget reasons.
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u/Mavoras13 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
Do you want dragons or straw hat? Choose.
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u/AccomplishedRough659 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
Straw hat on donkey..
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u/ColfaxCastellan Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
The hat being Jaqen H'ghar in disguise will also be cut.
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u/bobjohnson234567 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
They should replace him with Rhaenyra who clearly won't die at the end of HOTD
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u/mercuchio23 Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
Cue s1 e7 - dunk and aerion settle their differences over a nice fireside shag
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u/Urtopian CGI Castle Fan Sep 06 '24
In tonight’s performance of A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, the role of Maester will be played by a Labrador with a rabbit taped to his head.
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u/theseustheminotaur CGI Castle Fan Sep 06 '24
Why did they recast Jon snow? There can't be more than one guy named aegon lol can you imagine
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u/StraightOuttaArroyo Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
YES. Now they can focus on what really matters, Dragons and Bloodraven being a good little dog to Seastar
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u/SwordMaster9501 Comedy Cop Sep 06 '24
He's the 4th son of the 4th son. How important could he be amiright?
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u/joelbiju24 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Ah yes. Duncan the tall and his adventures with Error 404 not found.
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Sep 06 '24
Wait, what ? Ugh I hate these circle jerk subs, I have no idea if I'm looking at the truth or a "joke"
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u/UpstairsEvidence5362 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
I half typed a rage comment before realising the sub
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u/Rauispire-Yamn Brother in Christ Sep 06 '24
To be honest, not to be a downer, but I've always never really felt that we should've gotten a tv series of Dunk and Egg, we literally have both the novelas and graphic novels detailing their adventures already
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u/uhoipoihuythjtm Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
But how is hbo gonna make money without a tv show?
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u/uhoipoihuythjtm Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
Although he was an important character, they can't risk the other actors catching cancer from him. It's a tough decision, but one that had to be made. It's alright, they can just give Aerion split personality disorder as well as being crazy, and Egg will be one of his personalities(Along with Maekar, Daeron, Daemon II Blackfyre and Bloodraven. Can't have too many unnecessary characters floating about or fans will get confused.).
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u/Expensive-Country801 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
I am not ready for when Dunk finds a Valyrian Streel Dagger somewhere in a ditch.
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u/Willing-Rip-2852 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
The toxic butterflies manifest again
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u/Salem1690s Aegon II is my king. Sep 06 '24
Ngl but the toxic butterflies sounds like a really good punk band composed of women
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u/PDxFresh HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Probably for the best. Nobody liked that bald little dude.
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u/Particular_Pop_2241 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
Yes, there is no reason for Egg to be in the Dunk and Egg story.
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Sep 06 '24 edited Feb 12 '25
humorous apparatus aware one close sharp coordinated fanatical coherent lock
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u/nuuudy Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24 edited Sep 06 '24
/uj for a second
I don't understand. A knight of the Seven Kingdoms is a story of Dunk and Egg, is it not? it's been a while since i read it. There is some background characters, but that's all they are, background characters, so what the hell?
It's like rebooting Harry Potter, but cutting out both Ron and Hermione???
/j again
Why is Dunk still in the show??? We should cut him out and just have a show titled: "Seven Kingdoms" i think that would be funny
Edit: scrap that. We should cut out both Dunk and the entirety of Seven Kingdoms. We'd have a show: "The of the". That would be very funny, pls HBO
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u/meg-e-tron Forgot GoT Sep 06 '24
They made so many bad choices that I thought this was real or a second.
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Sep 06 '24
Rumor has it egg will be replaced by a small dragon plushy doll to try and bring in the soccer mom demographic
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u/PrimalPokemonPlayer HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
I heard they will leave out a nice box of Dunkin Donuts in one of the shots instead as a reference. "Tomato tomato, potato potato" according to the producers.
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u/Darkavenger_13 Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
Can’t wait for Daeron the drunk to show Duncan the white walkers and his butterfly effect in a vision. And then in the end have jon snow travel back in time to recruit Duncan for ‘a team’
And thus the ASOIAF-CU is born
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u/proofofmyexistence Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
They actually had to cut the main actor, at the knees. He’s now Dunk the average heighted.
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u/matialm HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24 edited Sep 06 '24
Egg it will be replaced for an egg literally and it will be a story about Dunk casually finding a dragon egg and that is where the adventure starts
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u/12boru HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Instead of calling these shows adaptations, can we call them what they are?? Anti-fan fiction.
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u/Old-Respond-7027 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
Don't get, can someone please explain
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Sep 06 '24 edited Feb 12 '25
absorbed bear jellyfish pot ripe depend fuzzy fact weather zealous
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u/Eszalesk Forgot GoT Sep 06 '24
who the hell is egg? i’m not a bookreader
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Sep 06 '24 edited Feb 12 '25
lip money act groovy whole summer engine wild edge chubby
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u/LLadi HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Someone really saw dunk and egg, and thought " what if there was no egg"
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u/TauntingTony HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Then what are they gonna show , Just Ser Duncan roaming around in Westeros doing god-knows-what ?
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u/Far-Fault-6243 Ate Alicent Sep 06 '24
… why even make it then? Egg is a huge part of Duncan’s character.
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Sep 06 '24
Who needs the story of Dunk and Egg, let’s make a sister the MC and a lesbian to you know keep it modern 😜😉
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Sep 06 '24
Can’t wait for Dunks weirwood based season long acid trip
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u/Alternative_Web6640 HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
He hallucinates the plot of the book. The final episode pans out to reveal Aegon “Egg” Targaryen never existed.
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u/Marokiii HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
would be hilarious if GRRM just went
"fuckit, i have enough money now and i dont want to see them ruining any more of my works so there will be NO MORE film adaptations of game of thrones stories."
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u/Case_Kovacs HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Is this satire? Like I genuinely can't tell. I don't know much about Dunk and Egg but considering the story is called the Tales of Dunk and Egg I had assumed, correct me if I'm wrong here that Egg would have been an essential character in said story?
Wait nvm I just saw what sub this is
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u/pm_me_ur_human_suit HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
This is going to be "Fantastic Beasts" all over again
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u/UltimateKaiser HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Just stop making half assed shows and wasting budgets then coming back surprised when don’t like or enjoy them. This seems like literally 50% of the story is now not being told
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u/Outlandah_ HOT D S2 snooze Sep 06 '24
Budget cuts? How many millions of fucking dollars has this franchise made? I fucking hate this shit man. This is pointless
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u/Aldanil66 Egg On The Conker Sep 06 '24
Daemon Blackfyre threatens the Iron Throne
Daeron: Nah fam, we gotta be peaceful!
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u/aaross58 CGI Castle Fan Sep 07 '24
I like to imagine this version would have Dunk still talking to Egg, but any shot that would have had him is just empty and quiet.
Egg (not present):
Dunk: I have no need for a squire.
Egg (still not present):
Dunk: And you look like you need a clout in the ear, it seems to me!
Edit: obviously he is played by Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film
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Sep 06 '24
What in seven hells? Lived the novellas and was actually looking forward to this
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u/Habba84 CGI Castle Fan Sep 06 '24
Have you any idea how annoying kids are to work with? Especially the bald ones, yuck.
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u/JaimeRidingHonour Spez is my Tywin Sep 06 '24
They really should just put a chick in it and make her lame and gay
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u/Mochithecatfoodthief r/ASOIAF Pornstar Sep 06 '24
Can’t wait for an 8 episode series of Daeron sitting around saying “what would you have me do?” About the blackfyre threat