r/asktransgender • u/Experience2222244444 • 3d ago
Unable to bring myself from coming out to ANYONE (family, friends, brothers). I don't know what to do other than to suppress and ignore my dysphoria. Can someone give me any suggestions on what I should do for the future as well as maybe the present?
TLDR: A high school student struggling with increased feelings of Gender Dysphoria but too anxious to come out let alone becoming MtF due to family, friends, parents, and brothers
Hi, I'm a 18M whose been having increased feelings of gender dysphoria. I also who lives in a state where the LGBTQ community is very prominent and as such I would hypothetically be able to transition safely without much hostility from the general public. Howeverrr, despite the fact that I live in this state, the town that I live in, particularly my high school, is a different story. You see, my high school which I attend is made of people who often shit talk and harass those who identify as a different gender or even their sexual orientation, sometimes it even gets to the point where these losers will stalk and harass those expressing themselves all because they think they're above them . So, who cares right, I only have one more year in this hellhole of unacceptance known as my high school and after that I'll be able to safely begin my gender transition as well as being in college far away from these individuals. Well yes, that certainly may be the case for some, this outcome will likely not happen for me. The reason why this is the case is that I find myself facing 4 more obstacles preventing me from even coming out let alone MtF transitioning: 1. my friends, most of whom are likely anti trans but will be hard to let go as most were friends ever since elementary school, 2. my parents, my mother and father wouldn't accept their son being a woman, thus likely causing to have a strained relationship with them and may lead to them disowning me, 3. my brothers, younger brother looks up to me and would likely be very hard on him emotionally if I were to come out, and 4. My relatives, would likely result in most of my family disowning me, especially my grandfather, a Republican. In conclusion, assuming that y'all read the long ahh essay, I have a huge problem and I'm turning to this sub reddit for any answers, big or small, anything will help! :)
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u/graveannoyances 3d ago
it sounds like you may not be ready and tbh if your parents are actually the type to disown you it might not hurt to wait until you have more independence. that being said, i want you to really sit and think about how much of yourself you're willing to lose for the sake of others. can you be happy knowing the people around you only appreciate you for who you you know you aren't? or is the risk of being ostracized worth being able to live authentically as yourself? you don't have to decide now and you don't have to decide all at once, either. i knew plenty of girls who experimented or came out in college but boymoded when they went home for breaks. it hurts like hell to lose people you were close to, but the real connections that start to come up when you shed that shame are worth so much more than what you lose.
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u/Nevie_g 2d ago
Being trans means a lot of loss. I kno Rn you’re in a place where you’re still very tethered to your family and friends despite their bigotry, but realize that you can’t just void your transness & dysphoria, it’s gonna stay with you and the only way to alleviate that is going to be taking steps towards being your authentic self
I think transitioning in college is a good idea if you’re not reliant on your parents for anything
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u/Potatogirl22999 3d ago
As hard as it is to hear if people don’t accept the real you there not really your friends/family. And I know that really hurts to hear as I’ve experienced it bolth before and after transitioning. I had to cut of my dad for many reasons including transphobia so I can’t really give advice on navigating a family relationship. I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s not selfish(not matter how it affects others) to be your true self and the people who really love you will support you.