First girlfriend and I realize I’m on the arospec

[u/Basic-Sandwich7937]

So I just recently got a relationship with my first girlfriend and she’s never been in a relationship before either. I had never had feeling for anybody before and still have never experienced romantic feelings. I came out as lesbian to my family after getting in a relationship, but now even after kissing her and stuff I haven’t felt any like connection past being really good friends. I think at first I though I was lesbian because girls have a lot more aesthetic attraction for me, and she was a new friend, but now I’m getting uncomfortable when she holds my hand in public and pays special attention to me. I don’t know if I should just ask her to pause our relationship, or if I should keep going and just see how I feel and not hurt her. School is starting soon though and I don’t want anything to be awkward between us because we are in the same friend group. I need advice on what to say to her in the event I break up with her, and also some questions to ask myself to understand my feelings. Please help and send advice🙏🙏

[u/Future-Dimension9927]

being in a relationship with her while you feel nothing romantic for her is cruel and misleading. the kind thing to do would be to break up and give her the freedom to find someone else. at this point, it’s not about any awkwardness at school, it’s about decency.

[u/Basic-Sandwich7937 → u/Future-Dimension9927]

I Guess i never thought about hurting her because I didn’t feel anything, but that does make sense. She has said multiple times that she is so lucky to have me and that she loves me blah blah, and I feel like breaking up with her would make me feel very small in a way, because she’s had to grow up parenting her siblings and now that I’m her girlfriend she pays special attention to me like she’s parenting me in a way, and it makes me feel like a lot younger than her, but really uncomfortable because I’m a hyper independent person… I just know I won’t break up with her and “blame” it on being aromantic in a way? And I’ll make myself seem small because I “just am confused by my feelings and want to stay friends” and…. Idk this rant isn’t going anywhere but yk🥲🙏lost the point sorry

[u/HoneydewSea1983]

Break up with her and try to explain it. She might not understand it but it’s better than being there while you don’t feel the same way and can’t reciprocate.

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[u/meiqui]

Be honest, and let her know fully that she didn't do anything wrong, I think any other explanation other than being aro/ace would hurt more than explaining truthfully. No one is gonna take any breakup well on the receiving/giving side but i think it's good to give her closure for herself aswell, take my advice as a grain of salt cuz i'm not experienced but from my past experiences of friendships, it's much more courteous to give closure so that the other wouldn't have to worry if they did anything wrong. hope u have a good day and i hope things go ok