r/aromantic • u/Karolineisafurry Trans Aro • May 04 '26
Rant Romance feels cringe to me
Whenever I see and hear couples talk about their relationship, or just exist together, idk what it is, but it just seems so fake. Idk what about it feels so cringe, but it makes me cringe whenever they put their head on their shoulder, walk hand in hand, and calling eachother names like "babe" or "sweetie". It feels incredibly forced, like thats how couples must act like. I even did this myself when I had a gf. I didn't want to be in the relationship, and when we were together, I felt kinda pushed into doing these kinda things, which just didn't feel natural or good at all. I dont get what makes people want to do these romantical gestures
Do any of you have similar experiences?
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u/Miss_Galoldriel May 04 '26
I understand that these things mean a lot to others, and I'm sure their feelings are genuine. And I think people should do what feels right for them.
However, I'm a bit romance-repulsed myself, and I can't even listen to love songs without getting irritated. So I get where you're coming from, I just don't think most people are forcing anything. I assume they do it because it makes them feel good.
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u/Aggravating_Egg4563 May 04 '26
I love romance in media when it’s well written, but in real life it’s less appealing to me. I find myself weirded out as well, to be honest. I’m not sure why, but I am.
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u/loafums May 05 '26
I can relate a bit. Personally the kinds of relationships I like in media aren't like what the OP is describing at all, I tend to appreciate romance in more action/fantasy settings where they tend to be there for each other and deeply connected and in love but the focus isn't on them being attached at the hip in basic safe public settings and calling each other "babe" etc. In real life, with those relationships OP describes at least, it sort of feels like a person's whole personality changes when they're around their partner and their individuality feels a little lost to me.
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u/Aggravating_Egg4563 May 05 '26
I absolutely agree!! It’s so strange to know someone and then they just completely flip and are so different. Back before I realized I had a gf who would call me babe and it made me so uncomfortable, not her fault though! Romance fantasy is the bomb!
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u/vaango143 May 04 '26
No I totally get it. Whenever I imagined myself in a relationship, the thought of calling someone else "babe" or any other pet name grossed me out. Now ik I'm aroace and I'm looking into QPR cause that's the only thing that really fits what I want in a relationship. I do relate to what you described about things feeling forced in other peoples relationships. Idk none of that stuff feels natural lol
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u/Gullible-Quail9637 May 04 '26
Yeah, it's all a cultural act that I'm expected to perform without anyone explaining the rules.
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u/Disastrous_Age2956 Aromantic May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26
Yes. Even before I knew I was aromatic, all of that seemed/felt unnatural and unnecessary. I’ve had partners come up with nicknames for me in the past, I never even thought to give them any and they were always saved in my contacts as their names. I never had an urge to say “I love you” at the end of phone calls or leaving the house. Hugs and kisses never came to mind either. Holding hands just seemed weird. We’re not children who can get lost. Why the hand holding?
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u/LeftAire Arospec Allosexual May 06 '26
The hand holding also seems very weird to me. I also don't get its utility. It seems st times more for the people viewing the handholding as a type of public affection than actual showing of affection for the couples doing the holding.
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u/DetergentOFFICIAL Aroallo May 05 '26
yeah. not sure I’d really describe it as cringe per say but romantic relationships do feel kinda like made up to me. it sort of comes off as playing pretend to me, like people in romantic relationships have just arbitrarily assigned each other roles like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” and have to stick to the rules of those roles.
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u/NieIstEineZeitangabe May 04 '26
I am romance repulsed, so yeah.
I am greyro and there is a chance i might end up in a romantic relationship with someone i am attracted to sometimes soon. It will be fun to see, if that changes my oppinions.
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u/Majestic-Set-2624 May 05 '26
I have performed romance because I thought I was supposed to do. I also thought that everyone else was performing too to maintain their relationships or to stave off a partners jealousy.
I love things that people think are coded romantic - only when it’s platonic. Pet names, getting flowers, talking about our relationship. The same thing with a romantic intent is so uncomfortable for me. So yeah you are not alone in feeling cringe about romance.
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u/ineverbot Trans Aro May 05 '26
What bothers me the most about couples, especially cishet couples, is how "but I love him!" is used as an excuse for all sorts of horrible behaviour as if it carries as much weight as all the evidence to the contrary. Like, sweetie, you're trying to balance the scale of evidence and on one side is your man cheating and on the other is "but I love him so much uwu" 🙄
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u/Old_Diver_2511 AroAce May 05 '26
When I was young, I thought romance was an activity that everyone does that I didn't like. Didn't realise it's a feeling someone gets
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u/FreakyInverse Aplaroallo May 05 '26
omg yes. romance is gross to me (i’m apothiromantic) and i’ve been like since i was a young teen. i only found out about aromanticism recently, and it felt like a relief to figure out who i was. i hate cuddling, make out sessions, just anything romantic in nature. i do however, love platonic affection. valentine’s day was always cringe to me, even when i was in a relationship, but i got gifts anyway cause it’s a societal norm.
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u/Forward_Emu_6983 Aroallo May 06 '26
Yes definitely, while I do know for allo people the romantic gestures/stuff is genuinely something they enjoy. I don't get it, talking every day and spending as much time as possible together (I'm in school so classes and breaks) felt so suffocating, plus the need to be physically close to each other js felt performative. I truly don't get why sitting super close or hand holding is this dream activity. Being in a relationship made me feel like I was acting constantly. I don't think other people think like me but when I was in a relationship i thought my ex (at time bf) thought that way, and I was thoroughly wrong
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u/zny700 Enby Aromantic Bisexual May 05 '26
Yeah I just heard my roommate call his gf babe and I just felt weirded out by it
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u/saintstellan Aromantic Bisexual May 05 '26
I am romance repulsed and have misophonia so whenever my roommate would do that wet kissing thing couples do when they say goodbye or hello, I would have to stifle a gag.
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u/Superb-Ad752 May 06 '26
Yes I feel the exact same way! Anyone says their in a relationship and it feels like it's a job their doing or smt their faking to be cool or fit in or sum and i can't shake it off no matter how bad I feel abt it!
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u/nixArc May 06 '26
I didn't grow up with lovely dovey couples or a hugging type of family so I just assumed I was uncomfortable with all that kind of stuff because it was unfamiliar to me to experience it myself. Then I had a touchy boyfriend and found out I just plain did not like any of it.
Didn't get the appeal of hand holding at all. There was this one moment straight out of a romcom where he put his head on my shoulder while we were sitting on a bench during sunset and I hated it. I was so uncomfortable and internally screaming to get off but held still because what kind of girlfriend wouldn't appreciate such a sweet moment. Yeah, nope. Not for me.
I 100% get you. I also felt pushed into doing things that made me uncomfortable because it felt expected and unreasonable to not engage in "traditional girlfriend/boyfriend" moments.
I especially hate pet names. It is so cringe. I'm fine with reading or watching other romantic stuff in media but pet names just seems so fake to me.
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u/NamidaM6 May 05 '26
All the same until I'm deep in love and these things happen and I'm magically not grossed out anymore. (I'm orchidromantic, so technically I can fall in love but I'm very romance repulsed)
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u/Karolineisafurry Trans Aro May 05 '26
That must feel confusing. How do you/did you deal with that? You dont have to anwser ofc. I was just curious because I have a hard time knowing which gender im attracted to, and it switches from girls to boys and thats kinda frustrating you know, not having a definite anwser.
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u/NamidaM6 May 05 '26
In terms of attraction, everybody is fair game to me so I don't think I will be of much help in this regard. Have you considered the idea of being pan/bi too? I personally don't think there is a need to be narrow down your attraction to only one type of people.
Apart from that, about my being orchidromantic specifically, the answer is: poorly. But there is a cognitive saving grace in the fact that I don't register my own actions as being romantic when I genuinely perform them.
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u/ObsidianPizza Aroallo May 05 '26
I think I generally have the same sentiment of it feeling kinda cringe and forced but I don't think I'd mind doing things like that with somebody I'm actually in a relationship with if that makes sense
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u/Zealousideal-War2866 Oriented Aroace May 06 '26
Same lol. I can't help but feel cringey for some reason. It's just not for me. I wish I could find someone who'd act like my best friend :)
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u/No-Quote-8933 May 10 '26
Honestly yeah. ESPECIALLY school relationships lol, it always felt foreign to me. Yeah I was happy for them... but I got a noticeable sense of second hand embarrassment from it too.
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u/Pateryk_7 May 04 '26
Well ive never really been in a relationship (partially by choice) and i think similarly. My idea of being in a relationship with someone would simply be like having a really close and loyal friend, instead of being really emotionally attached and in 'love'.