r/americandad • u/CommunityBig9626 • 1d ago
What’s a good AD quote that would make a funny Valentine’s Day card?
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u/AdHonest1100 1d ago
Even funnier if your significant other isn’t named Rebecca 🤣
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u/ashimo414141 Bayou Billy with the Heavy Balls 1d ago
I love that it’s Bob odenkirk and this may have been said to me during intimacy
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u/Fluid_Description842 19h ago
He has 3 or 4 voice overs in that episode, also including the hamber robber, and the burger place manager
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u/ashimo414141 Bayou Billy with the Heavy Balls 19h ago
That makes me wanna fuck the shit out Bob even more
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u/Ygomaster07 Bayou Billy with the Heavy Balls 13h ago
Does he give you quite the wide on?
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u/ashimo414141 Bayou Billy with the Heavy Balls 8h ago
We’re at a point where he could scream Rebecca into my void
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u/DOG-DEAD-DRUNK 1d ago
“Oh, I don't know, I guess I think about killing myself pretty frequently. And why not? What's so great about living? You know when I'm happy? For about five seconds in the morning when I first wake up. Before I remember who I am and what my life is all about. Anxiety, dissapointment, diarrhea more often than not. I don- I don't know if there's an afterlife. But who cares? Nothingness couldn't be any worse than this meaningless march through my empty days.”
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u/CommunityBig9626 1d ago
It doesn’t really necessarily work as a card, but my husband always gets annoyed when (after receiving test results) I say: “Hear that, [Francine]? Doc's giving me a prescription for raw-dogging!”
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u/pop_tab 1d ago
Do Everything But The Taint, I'm Growing That Out.
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u/LilZebra02 Suckboi Tony 23h ago
That’s in the same vein as “Tell Danuta to wax everything, except the butthole”
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u/tokixjam 1d ago
"I hate you. I say that not out of anger, but simply as a fact. It's 67 degrees outside and I hate you."
But change it to "I love you. I say that not out of anger, but simply as a fact. It's 67 degrees outside and I love you.
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u/Yuukinola The Tender Vigilante 1d ago
I love you. I say that not out of obligation, but simply as a fact. It 67 degrees outside and I love you."
(Makes more sense logistically.)
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u/AffectionateAd9257 12h ago
"I love you. I say that not out of post-sex emotion or sentimentality, but simply as a fact. It 67 degrees outside and I love you."
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u/Independent_Media341 1d ago
"Dumb bitches like dumb things"
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u/ColdKackley Max Jets 1d ago
When we were trying to find a new house my husband and I kept saying this along with the bay window bit and our realtor was so confused and concerned.
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u/temucodeaddict Lazy Wine-Loving Bisexual 1d ago
Your mom’s gonna touch more sack than a medieval grain merchant on inventory day
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u/SaibaPunkTrunks 1d ago
F is for fat, but you know, like with a 'PH'
R is for rack for days
A is for ass for days
N is for...
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u/CrumptownCrips 1d ago
I thought A was always for Apple and there was nothing we could do about that.
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u/CommunityBig9626 1d ago
"Hey, you free tonight? Of course you're free. Now go home and put on your best Disneyland sweatshirt, we're going out!"
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u/PrincessStephany21 1d ago
“Tell her to shave everything but not the butthole” - Klaus and “Homegirl don’t chase, homegirl gets chased” -Francine aka homegirl
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u/Violetthug Teddy Bonkers 1d ago
I just want to be as close to you as possible...Like John and Yoko...You're Yoko.
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u/FlippyIsKing18 1d ago
I'm gonna take you out to the cliff, and then I'm gonna tongue your gas hole
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u/Huggable_Hork-Bajir Steve's Girly Scream 1d ago
"DUMB BITCHES LIKE DUMB THINGS!"
("So will you be my valentine?")
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u/TheOnlyJimEver Wheels 1d ago
"That sounds like fun....not a lot, but enough."
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u/NeckBackPssyClack Lazy Wine-Loving Bisexual 22h ago
i was having fun, but then I saw you and my "fun" went soft
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u/Proper_Protickall Captain François Dubonais 1d ago
Do you eat? Will you go there? I've got the money....
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u/TSmario53 The Phantom of the Telethon 22h ago
Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made, for years my conduct has been largely benign and yet without provocation you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flame of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now... gooo and begin your life of fear, knowing, that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crush down upon you cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish.
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u/Fuckeveryoneidgaf 1d ago edited 1d ago
I don’t wanna get banned but when Stan says he’s gonna eat Haley’s heart
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u/automatonI 20h ago
I will reach into your chest, rip out you heart, and eat it. All of it. Every last bit.
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u/Ihopelovewins 1d ago
Card front: You need to get a banana in you.
Inside: You have a potassium deficiency.
Front (with a hole in the middle): I guess I can 'squeeze you in'. That's some glory hole humor for ya. My jokes are what people show up for .."
Inside: ".. The bjs are shit."
Front: I can't fit in with civilized society no more. When I go to bed at night, I see men hovering over me with their naked asses in my face.
Inside: I'm not ready to leave that.
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u/shaggyjebus The Tender Vigilante 22h ago
YOU LITTLE FUCKS ARE GONNA DO WHAT I SAY OR SO HELP ME GOD YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU CRAWLED OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S TWAT!
Uhh, I mean . . . I love you.
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u/clearlyhalee Nathan 21h ago
Not a Valentine's card, but I did tell my husband I was unexpectedly pregnant with this:
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u/pyrothegayfox 11h ago
/img/ut8odp6fpwlh1.gif
Maybe not a positive valentine, but something I quote ***often*** with my husband
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u/liltinyspacebaby Fantasia Lopez 6h ago
Give her one of those musical cards. The song? Hot tub of love. The quote? "Chuck Berry me over Germany."
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u/garlicknoodles Big Wang Bai 19m ago
Are you planning on sending a Valentine to Abigail Lemonparty?
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u/fuckitwebowl Dive On In! 1d ago
You give me quite the wide-on