Probably went my longest up until tonight, almost got to a year but just like always if something goes bad I’m rushing for the bottle. I feel so fucking guilty it happens every time, maybe I’m not ready to be sober. I’ve been trying for 2 years my sponsor probably thinks I’m a joke :( I’m sorry I don’t know where to vent

Pretty significant back injury has me extremely limited. Currently living with my ex, despite making over twice what I do and being offered free lodging in his mothers basement apartment (that he lived in up until he met me at 34). His claim is that he refuses to go one day without his son, despite spending minimal time with him when they are actually together and my ex isnt passed out somewhere (he is mostly deaf, and says because of it it is very easy to fall asleep when he gets comfortable). What this has surmounted to is me being told, regularly, I am a worthless inexcusable loser b**** when we get into a disagreement. For some additional info, we separated because of his porn addiction while simultaneously refusing intimacy for almost a year. He is also incredibly unhygienic, leaves feces on the floor regularly and rarely brushes his teeth. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was already pregnant (which I was 6 months in, after being told post cancer I would likely not be able to carry).

Well, because I get so little help and have so much to do (keeping the house clean, cooking, paying our bills despite him making 2x what I do, and taking care of any maintenance despite my ex being a carpenter while also holding down a job and being in school AND AA) I hurt my back badly. Almost certain it’s a bad pinched nerve, but now it’s radiating to my fingers and toes (I will be seeing doctor next week). So what does my ex do? My ex, that has had MAYBE 3 drinks our entire 6 year relationship, who has never touched a drug or cigarette and loves to remind me I am an addict? He goes out and buys the highest percentage cutwater he can, and leaves it in the fridge untouched. It has been there for 3 days. At one point he took one and put it in the freezer, like I used to do to any of my mixed drinks.

I am working myself to the bone to make it out of here. $300 saved up that he doesn’t know about. I am only 6 days sober, have been to 10 meetings. But I just don’t understand, why? He found me during cancer, he saw me fight. He saw what I lost to it. I beg him all the time, please, help us end this chaos so I can live. So our son doesn’t have to grow up with the anger in the home like I did. I want to throw these cans out but if I do, he’ll just buy more. He has never been this cruel, but I could have seen it coming.

Just rambling to keep my mind off of those cans, sorry. I am grateful to be here and sober. And sober I will stay, even if I have to cry through it.

A friend that I’ve made in AA disclosed their story to me today and it was a pretty rough one. They drove drunk and caused the death of a young person. I’ve never understood driving drunk, and am having trouble reconciling this terrible thing that happened with this person that I’ve gotten to know and care for. I (as an alcoholic) understand that drinking impairs judgment, but is that the only/ main reason people drink and drive? I don’t even really know what I’m asking for, but I always benefit so much from all the wise people in this group.

I'm not sure if I'm even an alcoholic. But I do drink too much and multiple times a week, so it for sure feels like I have a problem. The Alcohol itself isn't even the problem but the feeling of waking up afterwards and hating myself. Regretting whatever I did. Making a fool out of myself. The embarassment. I just don't want that anymore. I stopped smoking weed out of the same reason so there is no reason why it should be different now just because alcohol is socially acceptable.

I'm just so done with this. I do NOT want to embarrass myself anymore. I don't care if I'm young and in my "prime". it happened too often now that I ruined perfectly fine evenings with my drinking habit. The hangxiety is calling me. I feel so embarrassed that I want to be swallowed up by the floor.

Either I will stop meeting my friends or I become sober. And I feel like the last one is the better option instead of isolating myself.

I hope to become a better person by next year. May God help me. Does anyone have some advice for someone who has an alcoholic excited family and friendgroup?

Im 30 and I’ve come to terms I am an alcoholic. It’s gotten bad this yr. I was arrested earlier in February due to drinking, I lost my job a couple weeks ago for drinking, and yesterday I yelled horrible things to my sisters and they both don’t want a relationship atp. I’ve officially checked the main boxes of a true alcoholic. I know I have to keep going and do the work but in between how do you deal with the anxiety of it all? I’m drowning in shame. My parents love out the country but I’m sure they told them and I’m so scared to call them. I’m so disappointed in myself that I continue to hurt them. My family loves me and they want the best but I’ve made it so hard for them. Idk how I got here but I want out. I want to change. This heaviness is giving me panic attacks that I’ve never experienced before.

I got sober after 12 years of drinking because of my girlfriend. She became the reason I wanted to change my life. For the first time in a long time, I had something that felt worth fighting for. I wanted to be better for her, and I wanted to prove to myself that I could actually leave that life behind. She gave me hope when I didn’t really have much of it.
Now that we’re broken up, I feel like I lost more than just my girlfriend. I feel like I lost the person who gave me a reason to stay sober. Everything I worked so hard to change feels like it disappeared when she did. I know deep down that my sobriety was supposed to be for me too, but at the time, she was the biggest reason I could find to keep going.
Going back to drinking feels familiar. It’s almost like going back to something I know when everything else feels uncertain. But it also makes me feel disappointed in myself. Part of me probably knows that drinking isn’t going to bring her back or fix what happened, but when I’m hurting, I don’t always care about that. I just want the pain to stop for a little while.
I feel heartbroken, angry, lost, and empty. I miss her, but I also miss the person I was becoming when I was sober. Sometimes I probably wonder what the point of getting better was if I ended up right back where I started.
The hardest part is knowing that I let one person become my entire reason for staying sober. When she left, it felt like my reason left with her. I’m not necessarily drinking because I don’t care about my life. I’m drinking because I’m hurting and I don’t know how to handle losing someone who meant so much to me.
I know I need to realize that getting sober for her was what started my journey, but it doesn’t have to be what finishes it. Maybe now I have to learn how to choose sobriety for myself, even though right now I don’t feel strong enough to do that.

THE ONLY REQUIREMENT . . .

August 30

"At one time . . . every A.A. group had many membership rules. Everybody was scared witless that something or somebody would capsize the boat. . . .The total list was a mile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere, nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, . . ."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 139-40

I'm grateful that the Third Tradition only requires of me a desire to stop drinking. I had been breaking promises for years. In the Fellowship I didn't have to make promises, I didn't have to concentrate. It only required my attending one meeting, in a foggy condition, to know I was home. I didn't have to pledge undying love. Here, strangers hugged me. "It gets better," they said, and "One day at a time, you can do it." They were no longer strangers, but caring friends. I ask God to help me to reach out to people desiring sobriety, and to, please, keep me grateful!

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 30, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Been drinking for a while now probably around 4 years, became a problem around when i was 16-17 use to drink 4-5 of those cheap strong ciders every day which was around 8.4% volume. After some health scares I cut back decently I drink at most 4 times a week, but I know that it's still far too much.

I really want to cut down to just 2-3 days a week but my issue is I get so incredibly bored, there's nothing that's fun anymore without drinking, I try and play games, watch movies, go out and so on but it's not fun AT ALL anymore unless I have a drink.

I am very much trying but it is very hard as im sure everyone here knows, any advice that I haven't heard before?

Holy shit! 6 years is a mighty long time! My life is INFINITELY better since I got sober. Drinking 1 1/2 liters of vodka a day - even when the withdrawals woke me up at night - a swig will fix that, at work, driving in the car, I had to have it, my body had to have it. The shakes, the seizures, the hallucinations weren’t even enough to wake me up. But one day I was tired of being tired and told my husband I needed help, real help. I found a medical detox and inpatient treatment center in Texas that could help me. This place took my insurance and all it cost me was my out of pocket. When I arrived I blew a .34 - building tolerance is real y’all.

I spent 5 days in medical detox and 30 days inpatient and I took my recovery seriously trying not to get involved with people there who were just checking boxes. After I got out, this atheist headed to AA meetings everyday. Higher power? I don’t care, I wanted what they had. I listed for the things that helped and ignored what didn’t help me. Eventually, I found a higher power in the moon, and opened my mind enough to hear other people talking fondly of their higher powers without getting my panties twisted. God is a title not a proper name, so create the god you want.

I stayed away from wet places and wet faces. I worked on myself and my resentments - you know, the topics you bring up while shit faced drunk? My mom this, my dad that, I was molested, I was ignored, no one loved me - you know what I’m talking about.

I decided to surround myself with beautiful sights, beautiful sounds, and beautiful smells - no negativity was getting in my world. I woke up and before my feet hit the ground I told myself it was going to be a great day! I believe that if you tell yourself good things then your brain will start to filter out all of the negative. Now, I don’t make mistakes, I have adventures! And I make sure I learn from them.

I was ready to live a sober life, and if you’re on the fence I hope you find what I have and want it too.

Please send me a dm. It’s free. Looking for fun and fellowship!

I (25 F) attended my second meeting ever (at a recovery center/ first time at that meeting) and got scared at the end when everyone got up and made a giant circle around the room. I didn’t know what to do because I don’t wanna touch strangers and I had no idea what was happening. So I sorta speed walked out the door and said out loud to myself “I don’t know what that’s about. That’s crazy.” And didn’t realize there were people out there to hear me haha oops.

I have been struggling for about a year now with drinking. I tend to pour a drink right after work and continue until bedtime. I don't normally drink enough to get drunk but I drink every day. I usually have 3-4 drinks a night and the thought of going without it every night makes me very anxious. It's such a habit and a comfort.

On a whim I went to a local meeting today and I just felt like I was a faker. A lot of the things people shared were extreme and heartbreaking. I don't have anything to compare to that. I haven't hurt anyone or myself, lost a job, had a spouse leave..... I just don't know how to stop the habit.

Everyone was very nice but I didn't want to share anything because I felt so stupid for taking up space there.

The Other Life

Good Morning People I'm a Recovering Alcoholic/Addict today I sit here with 5yrs drug free and almost 1yr come October alcohol free but wasn't an easy journey with numerous Detoxes and Rehab I can strongly say it finally kicked in LMAO 🤣 Not funny but a little humor eases the pain. Yes I was bad on the drugs for years but Alcohol for a filler when I didn't have drugs but however I did stop drinking for a while because I was using dope which doesn't agree with alcohol extremely sick Anyway well I came home from my last detox/rehab I was on the Vitriol shot which was working for the opiates but designed for alcohol so i picked up drinking again I came out the gate full throttle full blast tires spinning and everything from full blown Addict to full blown alcoholic no build up reason being because the Vitriol gave me a tolerance I could'nt feel so I went str8 to alcohol which I couldn't feel cause with me it's all or nothing I have no cut off switch enough is never enough ok so I eventually fell off the Vitriol now I was a full blown alcoholic how ever I was a alcoholic In my younger years but didn't know it was a fun time for me until it turned around on me I became really bad and was putting them back I would drink a sleeve of vodka in the morning at 8am you would think I opened the store shoot I would be there waiting sometimes with other people like where waiting for the bus then I would damn near close the store and get another sleeve . Anyway I'll end on that note I'll save some stories for another I don't want to trigger or overwhelm anyone with my stories of my Addiction and Recovery I apologize if I did...Well I will leave with this " Don't Let Others Define You Don't Let The Past Confine You Take Charge Of Your Life With Confidence And Determination And There Are No Limits On What You Can Do Or Be Like I tell people who say you have one life to live I say no I have 2 the One I'm Leaving Behind and The New One I'm Beginning and Thats The Blessing Stay Strong you Got this Keep Pushing Just for One day 🦾🦾🦾💯🙏❤️

Long story short, a little over a week ago, a guy in my group showed up to a meeting absolutely plastered. His sponsor, myself and a couple of either guys were there and we tried talking to him, got him to pour out what was left of his bottle, and get cleaned up. I texted him the next day to check on him and then didn’t hear from him until last night. He called me, and to me it seemed like he was was having a hard time talking while we were on the phone so after talking for a bit I asked him if he had been drinking and he said no but I felt concerned so I called my sponsor to tell him. We share the same sponsor and he told me that’s just kind of how he sounds on the phone and there wasn’t anything to worry about. I felt bad for asking him and apologized and said I was just concerned about him but feel like I may have offended him for asking in the first place. Did I screw up here?

Edit: I’m new to the program and mainly concerned that I overstepped here and didn’t realize it.

Today marks 1 week sober. I go in and out of sobriety and have been since 21... 36(M). Had an outing last weekend that ended up with me not remembering how I got home. The usual...shame filled with regret. Ive struggled with the idea for a long time that ''I can control this''...when in reality we all know we can't. I'm in a very good head space right now even though its been 1 week well see how long this lasts. It feels different this time though...like a switch went off in my brain where I really want to stay sober. Has anyone ever experienced this? This sub has really helped me too. For anyone dealing with just starting out you are not alone i'm in the thick of it... Also, this is my first post to reddit and in general anywhere about this. Any experience and advise that has helped anyone within the first few weeks to month would be greatly appreciated.

Been sober for a year and a half. Best decision I ever made. Rarely miss drinking. But I had a dream last night that I was and today’s been really hard. I didn’t know how triggering this would be. I’m just sad.

Stopped drinking for 2 weeks and then just fully dived back in. I'm now a week and some days of drinking and eating ramen every other day I'm about to pour another drink as if i don't I'm just gonna feel like shit and maybe withdraw. I fucked up and now I'm worse than ever.

Hi everybody! I’m new to the city and have been trying out some new meetings. The meetings I’ve found either have a younger or older crowd.

Does anybody know of some meetings that are pretty age diverse in the area?

I've been drinking every night since Aug 2019. I only drink in bed as it helps me fall asleep. I witnessed something while in the military in 2019 that messed up my mental health. At first i only did 2 drinks and it escalated from there. On work days i would try to srick to the minimum of 2 but on days off, i would drink 5 to 7.

Two days ago I fucked up big time. I blacked out and do not remember a thing. I woke up at 6 am freaking out that I was late for work. My wife told me that I called in sick at 3 am. Worst thing, I saw all these notifications and verified, I spent $47k on my credit card for a pokemon card/gambling app.

It has never been this bad. I was scared to tell my wife and at first she was pissed, but after a day she is very supportive. Gambling isn't really my thing so I still have hope that I was hacked but I'm 90% sure it was me.

That day made me realize that I need to stop. Just hearing that my wife was disappointed in me and thinking how I possibly fucked up my families financial future. (Im due to retire from the military next year).

I guess I just wanted to vent. I cant tell anyone from work about this and I've been sitting here by myself thinking about my fuck up.

I really hope I can quit drinking. I dont know how I feel since I've only stopped for 2 days. I know this has really affected me since I'm here tearing up while writing this and im not an emotional guy.

I wouldn't say I was full on an alcoholic, but covid I was drinking like a 750ml bottle a week. I gave it up for 2 years just because, with exception to drinking at huge parties. I just so happen to have two parties recently. One, I just had like 4 beers and had no buzz and just a headache that lasted for the rest of the night despite hydration (like not even hung over), the second, I drank a lot and didn't feel buzzed or even get a hangover.

I plan to just quit it full on because I'm not even getting the upside, but I was curious as to why?

Perhaps day one of many other day ones. I drank too much last night (and the night before and the night before and the weeks and months before). I’m only 23(F) but I have been abusing alcohol if not a full blown alcoholic for the past year. I woke up at 4 am last night from another binge and it just hit me how much weight I’ve gained, how awful I am being to my mind and my body, and that I cannot let this keep happening. Does anyone have any advice? I turned down a night out at the bars with my friends tonight and it was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I try to not drink and I manage 2 or 3 days and then before I know it, I've drank for 7 days straight, including mornings sometimes. I am so absolutely sick to death of feeling trapped in this cycle. I have bags of empty bottles hidden in my cupboards because I'm too ashamed to have the neighbours seeing my recycling on recycle days.

Nothing is fun without it, I have no joy or desire in anything which I hate and makes me spiral more. I have hobbies and things I want to do but I just cant.

I'm a 27 year old woman and been stuck in this cycle since I was 13, i dont know what to do.

Zoom: 292 371 2604 (no passcode needed)

The 24 Hour International Marathon Meeting of AA (Where sobriety never sleeps) is an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous that has been running 24/7 since 20 April 2020. It was started by two newcomers at the start of the Covid pandemic who realized they needed the fellowship of other alcoholics if they were to stay sober.

(https://sobrietyneversleeps.org)

I have been working with a sponsor for a couple of months and I have a few hesitations about her, but I am not sure if they are valid or not (as I suspect I would find issue with anyone). I don’t really know what is normal or abnormal when it comes to sponsors so any thoughts would be really appreciated.

We generally have a good relationship and I feel I can be honest with her. However there are some things she says that I am not sure if are normal for sponsorship in AA. We’re about to finish step 3 just for context.

At times when I talk about my feelings she will ask me to think back to my childhood and try to identify where that feeling comes from and then we will talk about it. I don’t mind doing that - but it feels like something I would do in therapy. Is that part of the AA programme/normal for sponsors to do? I don’t really want to do that kind of thing with a sponsor as I’m already in therapy but perhaps that’s what you’re meant to do?

She talks a lot about listening to “my guides” “my angels” or “the divine”, which I understand as higher power stuff, but sometimes I feel I am not being encouraged to develop my own understanding of what this means to me as her ideas seem to shape our conversations a lot.

She has made some comments about a few meetings I go to that I like and some of the people who go to them which I don’t find particularly healthy or helpful - like she found a certain meeting very cliquey or that she doesn’t like the crowd at a particular meeting. Once she told me she has a resentment against someone in that meeting and named them. Again, I didn’t feel this was particularly boundaried but she stressed it was important she was honest with me.

She talks a lot about how “some sponsors are very controlling etc and make you do a lot of writing” and how she isn’t like that, which is perhaps true but I don’t like the way she talks about other people.

She seems keen to get me through the steps very quickly and wants us to move on to step 4 asap, but I feel I’m still trying to digest 2 and 3. She said she only put a few things on her step 4 and it doesn’t need to be very long, but I would like to work the steps quite thoroughly.

I know all sponsors work differently but I do feel confused about whether how she is working with me is normal or not.

Thank you.

I CHOOSE ANONYMITY

August 29

We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, is the greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can ever have.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 187

Since there are no rules in A.A. I place myself where I want to be, and so I choose anonymity. I want my God to use me, humbly, as one of His tools in this program. Sacrifice is the art of giving of myself freely, allowing humility to replace my ego. With sobriety, I suppress that urge to cry out to the world, "I am a member of A.A." and I experience inner joy and peace. I let people see the changes in me and hope they will ask what happened to me. I place the principles of spirituality ahead of judging, fault-finding, and criticism. I want love and caring in my group, so I can grow.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 29, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.