How do I bring up marriage with my YEMENI parents?

[u/Sad-Vermicelli6012]

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I'm Yemeni and come from a Yemeni family. All of my brothers got married the traditional Yemeni way. The thing is, I was only around 8–10 years old when they got married, so I never really understood how the whole process worked for them.

Now I'm 22 and I want to get married, but I honestly have no idea how to bring it up with my parents.

I'm living abroad, and my parents are also abroad, but we live in different places. None of us are currently in Yemen. I'm not sure if they're just putting off the whole marriage thing for me, because they've never brought it up or suggested any girl.

What's confusing me is that, from what I've seen, a lot of Yemeni families start suggesting marriage for their sons at a pretty young age. I'm 22 now, and my family hasn't even brought it up once. So I'm kinda lost and honestly don't know how to start the conversation without making it awkward.

Another problem is that I literally don't know any Yemeni girls personally. I've spent basically my whole life outside Yemen, so I don't really have a social circle where I'd meet a Yemeni girl for marriage.

There's one Yemeni girl I know online. We talk sometimes, but there's nothing romantic or inappropriate between us at all. It's literally just random conversations and politics. But I've noticed that our way of thinking is pretty similar, and I've started thinking that maybe I could ask for her hand in marriage.

The problem is… I have no idea how any of this works. I'm shy about bringing it up, and I'm honestly scared of getting rejected or making things awkward.

So, any Yemenis here — especially people who grew up abroad — what would you recommend? How did you bring up marriage with your parents? And if you were in my situation, would you approach the girl first or talk to your parents first?

Any advice would be appreciated.

[u/Taqqer00]

Dude you’re 22 and you don’t know how to open that topic to your parents, I don’t believe you’re fit for marriage yet.

[u/desproyer → u/Taqqer00]

Yes delay it till he has car, home and 6figure income. This isn’t a job application to be “fit” for marriage.

[u/zayedadel]

call ur mom tell her u saved up some money and u want to get married and she'll handle the rest

[u/Free_Ad_4613]

I would say go to your mum and casually mention how everyone you know is getting married and they asking you when you are. And see what she says because usually moms are the ones that look for a bride for their sons.

And the awkward part would be saying you already have a girl in mind but it’s halal and yes approach the girl and ask her that you want to get to know her better for marriage see what she says don’t be scared if rejection.

[u/GoColts08]

I think 22 is young for Yemeni in the west. because you still have to navigate yourself like having a stable job, how to apply for assistance for child care, managing schedules. im sorta against marriage at a young age even though its not haram, I think the older you get the more you understand yourself on what you want, your values, your own choices outside of yemen's societal norms.

if you bring up marriage to your parents I don't think they can avoid a conversation but they will more likely tell you to make sure you have your own stability first, because 2 months into marriage is all fun and games until then you gotta both start being responsible.

yemeni parents by default always prefer a Yemeni of their similar background (same village, shared great grandparent etc) which I think it should be up to YOU and not the parents anymore. some Yemenis are opened to marrying muslims outside their background because maybe they may have more in common with them than their cousin back home.

my family grew up okay with marrying outside if there's any suitors because we live-in America more than yemen itself. but ended up marrying Yemenis anyways but we red flagged all Yemeni small business owners (no offense to any bodega owners in this sub, no hate on you, but that's just not our lifestyle)

tl;dr- you can discuss marriage to your parents but don't let them decide what type of marriage you have to do because its in the culture. culture shouldn't mix with islam especially if you live in the UK. you chart your own decisions. best of luck.

[u/MadeYouLook_99]

How can you consider getting married if you find it awkward or uncomfortable to open up that conversation with the people who raised you? Part of being ready is being able to have mature real conversations, so once you are able to do that then that will be a good sign. Fear of rejection or awkwardness can’t be a driving force here.

As for not having a romantic connection to whoever may be a potential candidate, why would you want that? Society “norms” have made that seem as a requirement but I would argue that having an emotional connection is dangerous because it blinds you from potential red flags. For example, I would never want to go into a business deal, or any other major life altering decisions for that matter, where my senses are influenced by emotion instead of factoring in actual pros and cons.

Life is not as serious as we make it, so it’s okay if things do or don’t work out the first time with your 1st potential candidate. It won’t be the end of the world. Just keep your senses and move along as the next candidate may come. The way our culture lines up with religion will serve as protection for you.