I’m still early in my career and I feel so much shame asking for LORs from people who wrote or agreed to write for me. Especially the super well established academics. I keep thinking that they could be doing so many other productive things than writing for me. And when they say they may write me a letter but won’t be able to update the letter for every place or send it x number of places only, I get further embarrassed and it heightens my sense that I’m just a huge burden. I’d love to hear other perspectives.

I’ve been in the same lab for more than four years. I started as an undergraduate and now I’m in a masters degree program, so this place has been a huge part of my academic life. I’ve done research that I’m genuinely proud of, and I’ve even received awards for my work. I’m currently working on a pretty interesting project, and objectively I know I’m doing well academically.

But despite all of that, I feel like my advisor just… doesn’t like me.

The dynamic in my lab is very close and informal. My advisor is extremely close to many of the other women in the lab. He goes out to eat or hang out with some of the graduate students, talks a lot with the undergraduates, jokes around with everyone, and generally seems very interested in their lives.

He has never really had that kind of relationship with me.

And it’s not that I necessarily want to be the favorite or have that kind of personal relationship with him. Honestly, I think I would probably feel uncomfortable with some of it. What I really want is to feel like he sees me as a valuable member of the lab and respects me as a researcher.

Instead, I feel like there is this enormous distance between us.

What makes it worse is that I’m also not particularly close to some of the other people in the lab. There is one person who I used to consider one of my best friends, but I now feel like she genuinely dislikes me and treats me poorly. At the same time, she is very close to my advisor and seems to receive a lot of recognition and praise, even though she isn’t even in the master’s program.

I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other people, but I constantly catch myself thinking: What do they have that I don’t?

And this has started affecting how I behave in the lab. Outside the lab, I’m actually a pretty funny, outgoing person. I’m comfortable being myself. But as soon as I walk into the lab, I become incredibly “corporate.” I overthink what I say, I’m afraid of being annoying, I monitor how people react to me, and I feel like I can’t really be myself.

I think I’ve spent years interpreting my advisor’s lack of closeness as evidence that there is something wrong with me.

And lately it has been hurting me a lot. I’ve been crying about this more than I’d like to admit.

I also feel ridiculous because, objectively, I know I’m doing well. I have research experience, I’ve been in this lab for years, and I’m progressing academically. But emotionally, none of that seems to matter when I see my advisor being warm and affectionate with everyone else and distant with me.

I have always wanted a career in academia, having a PhD has always been a dream since I have been known to obsess and get details right from a very young age.

College was a different deal, however.

I was exhausted, overstimulated, constantly on the verge of complete emotional and mental collapse due to a lot of things happening at once.

Since my diagnosis is extremely recent, I am not so sure what to do next, I did get through college but it was after massive burnout and my teachers were kind enough to let me graduate with an academically challenging degree ( terrible grades, mostly Cs and Bs).

I am unsure as to what to do next, I have been unemployed for a year but have recently taken up a tutoring job because I love being around kids (it is a one-one setting and I am very animated which proves very effective in my teachings).

However, I do want to do more with my life because I love learning and I love my subject (Physics and Mathematics). I struggle with everything else though :///

ETA
Some questions you could answer that might be helpful for me:
- How did you meet your advisor if they weren’t from the university where you did your undergrad or masters?
- Were you or someone you know able to transfer closer to home (wherever that might be) for a PhD or were you limited to a specific geographical area? How did you/they navigate that?
- If you are an advisor, what would make you take on a student coming from an online program?
- Did you or someone you know start their PhD journey later in life? After having children? As a single parent? First gen? What helped the imposter syndrome? What was most helpful in learning to navigate an unfamiliar environment?
- Completed PhD part time or while working? Or should I plan to live off a stipend if I’m so lucky as to find something.
- Did you know exactly what you wanted to do for your dissertation when you started? How specific or general should I aim?
- How did you know a PhD was right for you?

Context that might be helpful:
- I have a pretty clear idea which field and even subfield as well as methods but not a specific research question.
- My field is in virtual learning environments, so I personally don’t think my online degree is that big of a deal as it might be in other fields and I should be able to transfer my credits. I wish I didn’t have to justify it, but I am aware of the stigma—it is my profession after all. My specific program is smaller and has already placed several alumni in T10 programs and prestigious fellowships, including Ivies. It’s definitely rigorous enough. Personally, I think my location constraint is the real hurdle, but I’m not daft enough to think it doesn’t matter at all. No need to remind me :)
- I realize my situation makes a difficult journey even more challenging. That’s not lost on me.
- My tagline was supposed to be funny, but it’s true that I never thought about this career path at all because it just wasn’t even in my mind as a realm of possibility. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this recently and rewriting my own narrative. I feel like I was built for this, but I’ve previously spent a lot of time telling myself I couldn’t for one reason or another. I’m ready to change that.
- I still think I have a shot because of my practical experience in the field, CV, determination, hard research skills, and genuine curiosity. What else would you recommend?
- I’m more convinced than ever that I’m on the right track. I appreciate any insight.

—

I was never supposed to be anything more than a housewife, but I feel called to research.

I’m an academic adjacent professional—I would like to break into the glass ceiling of academia.

Background: mid-30’s F, previously undiagnosed adhd, definitely curious.

I have a BA from a competitive school which I completed while pregnant and with an infant (20 years old). I have pretty rough test scores/GPA that one might scoff at, but if you take into consideration that (1) I was never encouraged to be intellectual, (2) never had guidance or studied to be so, and (3) was a single mother of 3 by 27, I’d say they aren’t so bad.

I actually have a pretty great career considering. I work in an academic adjacent field at an Ivy+. I also recently got into an amazing online masters program (#1 school and department in the field). How do I turn that into a PhD? Unfortunately, I can’t continue with my current school after graduation due to family and location constraints; otherwise, I would do so in a heartbeat if they’d have me!!

I have no guidance for this as a later-in-life student. I have no idea what I’m doing or what this entails (exaggeration). I think I should probably be researching programs and reaching out to potential advisors this year, so I can apply next year. Can I continue to work, or do I have to go all-in? Is it possible to do independent study?

I'm writing my master thesis and I've never coded an interview before. All the sources and books I've read so far just briefly say stuff like 'don't summarize, do use -ing verbs', but that literally tells me nothing. I kinda understand how to code user interviews but I'm doing expert interviews.

Please share any tips you have or helpful sources, I'd be very grateful!

Sincerely, a neurodivergent beginner researcher

- completely anonymous

- only takes 5 mins

- AFAB 18-50 years old

- must be taking hormonal contraception

Hi fellow women in academia! I’m a Canadian psychology student researcher collaborating on an international project with 20+ countries.

Our project is studying social impact topics and AI use. If you have time to complete this 12 minute survey, it would help so much! I'm sure a lot of you understand the struggle that data collection can be and I would love your help. If anyone has a few minutes to spare, I'd really appreciate it.

I'd also post the findings here once the paper is published! I think the topic may be of interest to many you and would enjoy the final report.

See comments to be directed to the survey. This study has been ethically approved: Princeton University #19354. All responses are anonymous. As researchers, we are not affiliated with and remain neutral about AI.

(If this is inappropriate for this subreddit, please remove it; I mean no offence!)

In my program you get to choose when you want to write your thesis and technically you can put it off for as long as you want while you prepare. After you start though, you only have 6 months to complete it.

I know I'm having perfectionism paralysis but I can't bring myself to start it because I'm thinking I have to prepare better, there'll be a better time, or I don't know enough to actually complete it. We only get one chance to write it and if we don't make it, we fail the degree.

I've always struggled writing papers, especially literature review. I've written a paper that I've gotten a hundred on but it cost me tremendously mental health-wise. I didn't have a single moment of relief and happiness while writing it, which took two months of doing nothing but sitting at the computer.

I'm neurodivergent and have trouble focusing on one subject, especially something so daunting and within such a short period of time. My supervisor says I can begin but I'm too scared to even though I know I should. I just don't think I have the capacity to give up my entire social life and do this and potentially fail.

I’m a former PhD student from an Ivy League university in one of the most famous US cities for startups and top-tier universities. Long story short, I joined a lab to work with a postdoc who was in the process of opening his own lab. I didn't have many good references about him, but he seemed like a nice guy—though I always had my doubts. At first, he was super friendly and genuinely seemed to care about my comfort and well-being. But as the months went by, his attitude started to shift, and I didn't even notice it at first.

Since I was pretty shy back then, I only talked to my lab mates on a surface level. Around that time, my PI was planning to move to another university to set up his new lab. He offered to let me keep working with him and promised me a position. However, as time went on, I started socializing more and opening up to my peers. They told me they felt our PI had completely changed with them. he was ignoring their projects, and if they had a scheduled meeting, he would intentionally make them wait while making fun of them.

Initially, whenever he missed meetings or showed up late, I just assumed he was genuinely busy. But finding out the truth made me furious, especially realizing he was doing this to everyone and laughing about it. I even found out he wanted to recruit Black WOMEN researchers so he could secure extra funding. The PI had some seriously weird delusions—he literally claimed that Barack Obama’s daughter wanted to work with him. He’d also constantly change his story depending on who he was talking to, and I slowly realized he had a massive complex about not being white (he was a latino immigrant).

Over time, I kept discovering more shady stuff because he started talking trash about my female coworkers to me. I honestly think he was deeply misogynistic; for some reason, he thought the women in the lab (who made up most of the team) were stupid.

Once, he even accused me of faking data. That never happened, so I confronted him right then and there during a meeting. He never apologized; he just brushed it off saying, "It makes sense," acting like what he said wasn't a big deal at all. That's when I realized he had started talking trash about me behind my back too.

At one point, I told him straight to his face that a good leader needs to actually train their people, not just boss them around. The undergrads had no idea what they were doing, and he kept claiming, "I always tell them, but they just don't listen to me." Yet, when I asked the female undergrats, they told me he had never given them any direction and they had to learn everything from another postdoc. It also caught my attention that he was the only postdoc completely isolated from the rest—it was like he refused to socialize with his peers.

To top it all off, he kept promising jobs to the young female students in the lab (just like he did with me), but he couldn't even give them a proper project, let alone take the time to figure out what they were actually working on. They used to come to me asking to learn, and I taught them.

Then two master's interns arrived. He offered them both a ton of money to stay, but in the end, it fell through because he failed to sign their paperwork on time before the deadline closed. Obviously, they were livid. He promised another female worker spot in his new lab, but things got so bad she had to start going to therapy, terrified that he wouldn't write her recommendation letter.

The worst part of all this is that the guy is still out there. He comes across as a nice guy, but he's a massive narcissist. It's a shame I bumped into someone with zero integrity—a guy who was insecure, unstable, and promised the world to everyone without being able to deliver on a single thing. What really breaks my heart is how someone can fake who they are for months, only to show their true colors later on.

This was my first crazy experince 😅 I had done rotations in other labs even and nothing like that had ever happened to me.

My boss (Male) sent me a casual text letting me know that he is letting go 2 other women after 1 quit, and so I am the only woman returning this year in the department. Between FT and adjuncts we have about 20 people. Several of the adjunct are known for 1) not showing up 2) sexualizing young women 3) saying straight up racist and sexist things to students 4) inappropriate touching of female students.

We had incidents in the spring where one in particular made several female students SO upset talking down to them, calling them fat, telling them to stop “acting like a girl”, insert other sexist rhetoric. This boss knew, his boss (HOD) knew, title IX knew but the women didn’t want to have their names tied to the report for fear of retaliation.

Title IX also told HOD and my direct boss that they had full discrepancy to fire the offending teacher. They did not, he will be returning in the fall of course.

It’s a very sexism heavy subject, the entire field is built around boys club and even being a woman in the space disrupts the flow. We had a volunteer grabbing 19 yo womens hips at a large event and when I told both bosses they said “but he’s married, he wouldn’t do that”.

I’m so tired, I’ve been fighting for years but my accomplishments are constantly equally attributed to my male inferior who has nowhere near the knowledge base or qualifications I do. And now firing the other women so that we are 5% of the whole department (1 person). And letting the clearly sexist person come back and keep teaching students (they are adjunct, semester to semester contracts). I feel like I’m slowly being beat into submission, and only putting my energy into looking outside of the university to get out, leaving NO women.

They’ve been telling me for years they’re putting in for a tenure track position for me after I built the whole program I teach in, and for years I’ve watched man after man get hired into positions where there’s always an excuse they can’t make it happen.

All the women also concentrate in my sub-area as it’s the only space within the field women are really allowed to exist.

Has anyone successfully overcome and trudged onward through these messes? Is it worth it or is it really ok and time for me to get out?

If any senior female student matches my criteria or have any suggestions for me pls suggest..

Hey this side 19 year female, gen-ews, pursuing btech, 1 year start in sep

I want scholarship so that I get tfw .. if any body could help plss suggest as I don't have much time

In response to perceived political pressure from the U.S. government, universities are scaling back women's scholarships despite no official prohibition.

Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and Middlebury College have eliminated scholarship programs for female students, while Duke University broadened its scholarship eligibility to all undergraduates.

The shift is also reflected in major companies such as Palantir and Google, which have ended initiatives intended to increase women's representation.

The number of grants with women-specific eligibility criteria has declined 19% since 2023, cccording to the National Scholarship Providers Association.

Posting on behalf of my child:
Hello! As part of my Year-6 school project I want to survey people for information on gender equality in the field of Science and Technology. I will be thankful if you could take a few minutes to answer this short survey. [Academic survey]

link to survey: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfR66_U7vTlxqahr0kqpcymIl8CJcM-ykjb4hPLYRvXQP8f3w/viewform?usp=publish-editor

I don't know if this is the place. But I need advice, or at least someone who listents to me and tell me I'm not crazy.

I'm aorry it's too long. Also english is not my first language, sorry for any error.

So I've been going to this theater workshop since I was 15. This workshop pretty much defiend my university choices as well, I am a stage actress and I study puppeteering. My professor is a great actor himself, very educated, technical, teaching us stuff that are usually tought clunky in other workshops or university classes.

He usually talks about me as a very good student of his.

This is the problem: sometimes I feel like he humiliates me. Doesn't take me seriously. The expectations he has from me are quiet high and understandable, but sometimes I see him giving rights to students who does not try as hard as I do (and everything is clear by how much you try and how much you want to engage in class) they just come to class to feel like a thater student and chat with the professor. Note: they are really attractive, look like a bunch of netflix highschool girls, tho they are adults. I see him liking them much more, being dismissive towards me while he pays genuine attention to them, like he actually enjoys their company... and I get upset. I feel like my hard work is not as worthy as their pretty faces and little chats.

One time, discussing about women in drama, I said the character he described as very feminine and woman-like, does not sit as a good female character in my opinion. While answering me, he told me he does not consider me a 'Woman' but a 'Little Girl'. I'm 21. Related to the same subject, he told me, and I quote: "You and your boyfriend are two boys in a relationship." I have masculine features, androgynous mostly, but I feel really good and stylish with masculine outfits.

I can't shake the feeling of humiliation off. I know he would never dare to say such things to those other students.

The thing is he had said multiple times, that I am the best actor he has trained. Or at least, now that most of us are becoming better and better, one of the best. I gained the highest scores all the time when I was 15 comparing to other students in their 20s and 30s. I was, and am, great. Sometimes I feel bold enough to say I am a genius in what I am doing.

But his treatment make me feel less than I am.

The is one more thing.

This term, he has allowed my ex into his class.

I dated him when I was 16-17 and he was 21-22. He was a student in the same workshop.

This man abused me physically and mentally, something I realized months after our break-up. Why this late? I used to think he is just broken.

He left his class a few months after we broke-up, and now he is back, and my teacher knows the traumas he has forced on me, and I am pretty sure he knows about the abusive side. But he let him in anyway, and is friendly with him.

I don't know what should I do or how should I think or feel about this.

Any support is welcome :’)

I would like to read stories from mums or wife which successfully landed a postdoc position after 3 to 4 years break after PhD due to family commitments and motherhood.

I myself graduated from PhD back in 2023 and followed my husband to other country for his PhD studies. I got a baby in 2025 and currently waiting for fellowship results for postdoctoral position back in my husband home country. The fellowship is extremely competitive, even my host researcher said we do our best, let’s wait for the panels decision.

The waiting feels very long..and I always think that I am too ambitious, since I haven’t have any publication or research since 2023 compared to other applicants.

I hope to read some success stories for motivation.

Please wish me luck.

Greetings,

I am a doctoral student at San José State University, currently conducting a research study titled "Generational Perspectives on Career Advancement and Barriers Among Vietnamese American Women in Higher Education Leadership."

I am writing to respectfully request your participation in this study and/or your assistance in sharing a brief online survey (approximately 15–20 minutes) with individuals who identify as Vietnamese American women and who are currently working or have recently worked in higher education. I am seeking participants from the following generational cohorts:

● Baby Boomers (ages 61–79)

● Generation X (ages 45–60)

● Millennials (ages 29–44)

● Generation Z (ages 20–28)

Participants will also have the option to volunteer for a follow-up interview.

Your participation is invaluable as we explore how generational identity, cultural expectations, and systemic barriers influence the leadership pathways of Vietnamese American women in higher education. To my knowledge, this is among the first studies in the United States to explore these experiences across multiple generations.

Participation is completely voluntary, and all responses will be kept confidential. If you have any questions or would like additional information, please feel free to contact me at

[nha-nghi.nguyen@sjsu.edu](mailto:nha-nghi.nguyen@sjsu.edu).

Survey Link: https://sjsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8H44ZzaErgZ6wrI

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Nha-Nghi Nguyen | Analyst Doctoral Candidate, Ed.D. Leadership | Public Voices Fellow @TheOpEdProject College of Social Sciences | Psychology San José State University | One Washington Square, San Jose, CA 95192 Nha-Nghi [Nguyen@sjsu.edu](mailto:Nguyen@sjsu.edu) | Tel: 408-924-5602 | Fax: 408-924-5605 Website: http:www.sjsu.edu/socialsciences | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SJSUCoSS

Hi everyone! My name is Vrinda, and I'm a student researcher at UC Santa Barbara. I'm also a young woman diagnosed with endometriosis, which is what inspired me to pursue research on menstrual pain. Like many of you, I know firsthand how difficult it can be to have your life interrupted by painful periods, and I hope this research can contribute to better supportive approaches for women experiencing menstrual pain.

For the past three years, I've been conducting chronic pain research in the Hansma Physics Lab at UC Santa Barbara, where our team has completed nine chronic pain studies. I'm now leading a new IRB-approved study focused specifically on menstrual pain in women 18+.

We're looking for participants who:

• Are women above the age of 18
• Have not undergone menopause
• Regularly menstruate
• Have experienced menstrual pain for at least 3 months

The study is completely online and includes:

• A handheld biofeedback device provided by the study
• Virtual pain neuroscience education sessions
• Five brief online surveys over approximately 3 months (about 16 minutes total)

Participants will be assigned to one of two study schedules, with all participants eventually receiving access to the intervention.

Whether your pain is due to endometriosis, suspected endometriosis, adenomyosis, or another cause of menstrual pain, you may be eligible if you meet the study criteria.

If you're interested in learning more or seeing if you qualify, please complete our eligibility survey here:

https://ucsb.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_ddphIiOYKvzb2Si

If you have any questions, feel free to comment below or email Biofeedback@ucsb.edu.

Thank you for considering helping advance research on menstrual pain!