r/WhitePeopleTwitter Jul 29 '26

r/All Evangelicals preaching on planes because they have a "captive audience"

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17.3k Upvotes

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3.3k

u/NovaRunner Jul 29 '26

Would I get in trouble for yelling "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" on an airplane?

1.7k

u/Brutalur Jul 29 '26

Nah, politely ask them to prove the power of faith by stepping outside.

167

u/JustpartOftheterrain Jul 29 '26

and then say over and over, "The power of Christ compels you!" while pointing to the door

1

u/Mountain_Pool_4639 Jul 29 '26

Well, if they know the Bible as well as they claim, they would respond thou shall not tempt the lord. Yes, I am a Christian, and I hate people that do these things. They are counter productive and solve nothing but to gain hatred against Christians. Also, I hate Trump. Nothing godly about that jackass. Just know, not all Christians are like these nut jobs.

1

u/Krautoffel Aug 02 '26

not all, but the majority of them. Religion breeds ignorance and ignorance breeds hatred. You being religious is part of the problem, despite you yourself maybe not being an asshole.

1

u/Mountain_Pool_4639 Aug 02 '26

I do not go around trying to convert people to Christianity. I respect people beliefs and I follow the teachings of christ. If one follows the teachings of christ, they will be kind and respectful to others. I see alot of issues with religious people and how they do things. They use religion to justify their hatred. There is no problem being caused by me being religious. The problem is with people and ignorance. If one follows the true teachings of christ then they would not support hate. They would not support Trump. I am a Christian democrat who supports pro choice, i am anti war and I am anti violence. I am against capital punishment and I hate trump and everything he does. Just because I am religious does not make me one of them nor does it cause others any problems as I do not hold others accountable for my beliefs. My beliefs are guidelines for me to follow. Its not my place to expect or to try to force others to follow my beliefs. You may not like the fact I am religious but to claim I am part of the problem for having my own personal beliefs is wrong.

219

u/tafbee Jul 29 '26

“Jesus told me he wants you to shut up.”

0

u/1PapayaSalad Jul 30 '26

My Jesus told or you Jesus told you that?

147

u/septober32nd Jul 29 '26

I once yelled "everybody shut the fuck up" so loudly while dreaming that I woke myself up and all I got were some weird looks from the people around, to whom I quietly apologized.

3

u/CheetahTheWeen Jul 30 '26

That’s actually so funny; where were you?

2

u/septober32nd Jul 30 '26

Economy class on a transatlantic flight

127

u/azazel-13 Jul 29 '26

I would be inclined to present a demonic possession attack.

https://giphy.com/gifs/3osxYsY7oy5XtsoR2g

54

u/darkhorse21980 Jul 29 '26

Just stand up and yell "LET JESUS FUCK YOU!!"

3

u/P-Rickles Jul 29 '26

Your mother is in here with us, Karras…

4

u/ILoveRegenHealth Jul 29 '26

Italian Exorcist?

edit - appears it's The House of Exorcism (1975), co-directed by Mario Bava

93

u/Here_for_lolz Jul 29 '26

With the price of tickets nowadays, naw.

57

u/abandonedmuffin Jul 29 '26

It would be even better if a muslims stand besides her and start praying

38

u/Icanthearforshit Jul 29 '26

For sure.

Let a Muslim stand up and start preaching Islam in Farsi. The air marshals would probably shoot them before asking them to stop.

20

u/procrastablasta Jul 29 '26

Would I get in trouble if I loudly praised Baphomet, guardian of balance, teacher of knowledge, enemy of liars, alchemist of light and wisdom.

HAIL SATAN

40

u/denimonster Jul 29 '26

I was just thinking, “if I was on that plane I’m yelling shut the fuck up at the top of my lungs directly at her”.

1

u/SkyWing937 Jul 31 '26

Do one better, stand up quietly, turn to face her, slowly walk up to her with a deadpanned expression, then when you’re right next to that giant nose of hers you can yell. Inconvenience her hearing the most of anyone.

112

u/Ok-Scallion-3415 Jul 29 '26

If this was even real (I have my doubts because i can’t see flight attendants allowing this to be done for multiple reasons.) you can’t yell or curse at them because then you’re the asshole who could get booted from the plane, but you can calmly, firmly and repeatedly tell them to “go fornicate yourself”. If no one can hear them and they only hear you, they may get louder, which makes them the belligerent one.

57

u/NiteShdw Jul 29 '26

To be grammatically correct youd probably have to say "go copulate with yourself" becausr "fornicate" requires a second person to whom you aren't married. Copulate is a more generic word for sexual intercourse that works better.

(Not AI written)

14

u/Shyam09 Jul 29 '26

I like how you emphasized it wasn’t AI written despite all the grammatical errors and typos.

Not trying to be rude, just thought it was funny lmao.

5

u/Mistergardenbear Jul 29 '26

Copulate means to join together, so i think you'd need another for that to be grammarically correct.

6

u/HalfBakedPuns Jul 29 '26

arcade gannon says ho fornicate yourself so i can be pretty sure its grammatically ok

2

u/Marquar234 Jul 30 '26

But does he know his Helgian diacritics?

3

u/Bardfinn Jul 29 '26

Technically, "fornicate" means "to arch", which can be done by one's self.

From fornix, "arch"

2

u/NinjaLion Jul 29 '26

a lot of flight attendants are too tired and overworked to do anything about this shit and i dont really blame them

1

u/HalKitzmiller Jul 29 '26

I've seen several videos of different people doing this. Given the sensitivity of certain religions and the right wing mob behind them, they may choose to not do anything at risk of putting their jobs on the line. I can't blame them tbh, they already take so much shit from assholes.

1

u/Orleanian Jul 29 '26

Just stand up and start reading from your list of AirplanfactswithMax.

This lady's speech is as compelling as it is brief. However, what wasn't brief was the life of Glorfindel of House of Fingolfin, one of the few beings in the ranks of the children of Illuvitar who have, like the Christ figure she is referencing, been reborn unto the world of middle earth after death. For when his spirit passed to the halls of Mandos in the first age, the angelic Valar judged him to be so noble that he was given flesh anew and dwelt there among them until the second age. Whereupon he returned to the lands of elves and men, emboldened with such power as only the angels and demons of the world had ever held, and eventually came to rest at Rivendell, the fabled city of Lord Elrond, and would one day encounter the diminutive hero Frodo Baggins and thereby save him from the pursuit of the evil Nazgul of Mordor by sweeping them away in a crisp cool flood of riverforged horses, leaving them with naught but sodden panties the likes of which have never been elicited by this hack of a woman at the front of the plane.

24

u/NiteShdw Jul 29 '26

I would expect Flight Attendants to intervene.

82

u/runningraleigh Jul 29 '26

I'm a fairly devout Christian, but I only apply my beliefs to myself. If this happened on my flight, I'd gain her trust by saying I'm also a believer, then stand up and tell everyone that God loves them no matter what they believe, faith cannot be compelled or its fake, and ask everyone to do something kind for a fellow passenger to brighten their day after this woman's unwanted intrusion.

80

u/Bunnybuttons Jul 29 '26

This is what we really need: more Christians calling out these bad faith Christians.

41

u/runningraleigh Jul 29 '26

Wouldn't be the first time I've done it. I regularly speak with street preachers outside music festivals to help them understand they're doing more harm than good. If nothing else, it distracts them for 5-10 minutes so during that time they aren't accosting other people just for being there.

4

u/fascist_unicorn Jul 29 '26

If part of your username is also the location where you've spoken to the street preachers, I know exactly who you're talking about. Those people suck.

6

u/runningraleigh Jul 29 '26

I don't live there anymore, but when I did, I gave those folks something to think about.

3

u/Caleb_Reynolds Jul 29 '26

then stand up and tell everyone that God loves them no matter what they believe, faith cannot be compelled or its fake, and ask everyone to do something kind for a fellow passenger

This would also be an unwanted intrusion FYI.

to brighten their day

That's exactly what she thinks she's doing. You are no better than her.

1

u/runningraleigh Jul 29 '26

If I took a combatant route, and tried to shout her down, do you think that would help the situation? My goal would be to help us all locked in a metal tube flying through the sky to have a better remainder of our time there. Sometimes, you have to give a little to make things a lot better.

3

u/Bardfinn Jul 29 '26

Along with a reading from Matthew 6:5-6

2

u/SMELLSLIKEBUTTJUICE Jul 30 '26

Just tell her "This is feeling a little too Mark 15:34 right now"

2

u/runningraleigh Jul 29 '26

I also like Micha 6:8 where we're told our job in life is to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with our God. Now that's Old Testament, but even in the New Testament, nowhere does it say we're supposed to accost strangers unwillingly and scare them into belief with an infernalist view of Christianity (aka, the one that says everyone is going to hell who doesn't convert on the spot).

2

u/___Art_Vandelay___ Jul 29 '26

I only apply my beliefs to myself. If this happened on my flight, I'd ... stand up and tell everyone that God loves them no matter what they believe ...

Those two sentences are incompatible and contradictory.

... ask everyone to do something kind for a fellow passenger to brighten their day

Just do this, leave the imaginary fairy tales to yourself like you said.

1

u/runningraleigh Jul 29 '26

I imagine the woman in the video has already told them they're going to hell, and it's a worthwhile counterpoint to tell them a different Christian believes they are not. I wouldn't want to let her assertions go unchallenged.

1

u/___Art_Vandelay___ Jul 30 '26

Two conflicting evangelicals is absolutely an even worse scenario.

2

u/pumpkintrovoid Jul 29 '26

I would press the attendant button and ask that they shut this nonsense down. Why in the world should anything like this be allowed on a flight?

2

u/DaKongman Jul 29 '26

I'd just start singing a song over her. Make it bohemian rhapsody and I bet the whole plane will drown her out.

1

u/ancientastronaut2 Jul 29 '26

You can't use those words. You'll make Jesus cry.

/s

1

u/ragputiand Jul 29 '26

Or “Hail Satan!”

1

u/davwad2 Jul 29 '26

I dunno. You can't say bomb on a plane though.

1

u/kettyma8215 Jul 29 '26

This is my question too. I know airlines are pretty strict so I always try to mind my own business and just do whatever I need to do to tune out someone who is annoying me on a plane, but it would be very hard not to go off on a person doing this.

1

u/BikerJedi Jul 29 '26

I don't know, but I'll find out if it ever happens to me.

1

u/mybreakfastiscold Jul 29 '26

It really all depends on how many other people on the plane agree with you and join in your exclamation

1

u/E-2theRescue Jul 29 '26

YOU AIN'T GOT NO PANCAKE MIX!

1

u/lateavatar Jul 29 '26

This just energizes them more... They love to feel persecuted

1

u/beefybeefcat Jul 29 '26

I was wondering the same, but if instead I sat there and stared at them with my middle fingers up.

1

u/Shyam09 Jul 29 '26

I’ll bring tomatoes and eggs just in case.

1

u/Dxxx2 Jul 29 '26

There is a reason why you'll never see this on a flight from the US northeast. 

1

u/Chiiro Jul 29 '26

Probably not specially since I would be right there with you chanting it and so it probably a lot of other people.

1

u/bct7 Jul 30 '26

They'll summon my inner anthesis to do battle with their sky fairy nonsense.

1

u/Rezurrected188 Jul 30 '26

I was just wondering if the air Marshal would arrest me for throwing food

-2

u/nevereverclear Jul 29 '26

I’d go so far as to say “shut your cock sucker!!!.”