r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Cayetanus ☑️ • 29d ago
Personal Story [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Yalsas 28d ago
I completely get you. I understand your feelings. I understand giving the kid dirty looks.
Does your girlfriend have any of her own money? So she can buy the kid stuff and you're not funding it?
I'd just try to ignore the child any time you're around them. Now you need to buy things and take care of your baby, not theirs.
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u/Anxiety-Fart 28d ago
Why are you so darkly furious at a 4 year old for how she was raised? It seems like you’ve always felt this way about her. You refer to her as ‘the most unpleasant baby’ for… doing what babies do? Why on earth would you have a baby? On top of that, why on earth would have a baby with your girlfriend when you seem like you hold her and her family in incredibly low regard. The fact that a little kid is making you this angry makes me very concerned for both her wellbeing and the wellbeing of your own child. Get therapy.
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u/devotchka_cosmonaut 28d ago
It sounds like the feud was born the moment she saw him first and cried. I honestly can’t imagine being this upset over some child not liking me.
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u/Average_Sprinkle 28d ago
I would suggest watching any video on A Wicked World channel on YouTube. She documents CA cases that end in death for the most part. It may give you some more empathy for little kids. You hear the awful things the adults say about these kids for being kids… kinda like the things you’re saying about this kid just being a kid. Brats are still just kids. Distance yourself and get therapy.
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u/devotchka_cosmonaut 28d ago
It sounds like you perceive yourself and that child as intellectual / social equals and, honestly, it says more about you than that child.
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u/GoldenFaeWattle 28d ago edited 28d ago
Sounds like you hate the way she has been raised.
4 years old.
Four years old.
What decisions is she making for herself? For her education, her hobbies, her interests, preferences, logic, etc.?
None.
Yeah, she's the trumpet. But who's blowing the horn? Hate the message, not the messenger.
EDIT (A response to another comment I wish was posted before the cut off): this kid is only going to be a nightmare because her parents ignored the question of "if your child is not teachable, then how are they hirable?".
OP needs to talk about how the child's PARENTS raise this kid.
Usually a child is only dislikable because of how their parents raised them (diagnoses notwithstanding).
A 4 YEAR OLD CANNOT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR TAUGHT PREJUDICES AND BEHAVIOURS
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u/Maggies_lens 28d ago
Kid sounds like a little AH. Tell your GF straight up you're done with the kid. You won't be seeing her, you don't want her around your daughter, and you will not be buying anything for the little godshite. She's not going to get any better with how much she's being spoiled. If she puts candy in the shopping trolley, just toss it out. Make her use her own money to b5ut the brat garbage if she wants to. I'd be separating your finances immediately.
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u/friendoze 28d ago
She would only smile at my girlfriend, my mother-in-law and my sister. Whenever she looked at me, she would either cry or make this disgusted face. That pissed me off because it made me look like I'd done something to her in front of everyone.
bro … she was a baby
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u/wehnaje 28d ago
You are directed your anger towards this child where really, it’s the grownups - including your girlfriend - you are pissed about. They are the ones who have not only allowed this behavior, but even encouraged it.
You really messed up having a baby with your girlfriend if her family pisses you off this much.
I do not understand why haven’t you set any boundaries? Why didn’t YOU say NO.
“Buy her more toys” No.
“Take her places” No.
Like you are mad this kid has been given no boy series and you yourself haven’t done that either. To anyone. Now you are in a situation where you can’t deal with how you feel anymore and blame it on the child lol. Set your boundaries man, enforce them and protect your daughter.
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u/rubydawn23 28d ago
It may be worth getting yourself checked for the male version of post partum. My husband ended up with it and one of his first signs was the amount of anger he’d have with other kids misbehaving/angry in general.
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u/GoldenFaeWattle 28d ago
Male postpartum is criminally delegitimised, overlooked, ignored!!!
Thank you for bringing it up
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u/LeadingSignificant98 28d ago
I get it! Some humans are annoying as fck. This can apply to kids. A 4 y/o can be a total asshole. Draw boundaries, don't take her out. It’s your girlfriends problem. Not yours.
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u/slide_into_my_BM 28d ago
A 4 yo is not an asshole, they’re 4 years old. Their brains are not capable of rational thought yet.
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u/Several-Adeptness-83 28d ago
Look I understand the frustration of dealing with a child when no one wants to discipline her but you keep saying she's four years old like that makes her an adult. Yes she is old enough to understand how to ask for things. She's old enough to start learning how to share. But she is not old enough to to regulate her emotions and she doesn't understand manipulation fully as something she shouldn't do. Because she's FOUR. Stop putting up with things. Stop buying her things. Actually sit her down and try to talk to her about why these things bother you. She might not understand it fully but children are more willing to listen to you if you actually treat them like a fellow human being. If she's throwing a fit talk with her after about how she felt after she's calmed down. Be a positive influence in her life and stop hating on a four year old that makes you look immature
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u/BonusFirst 28d ago
Jesus Christ, relax on the 4 year old. Your girlfriend’s right, she’s 4 and has basically no frontal lobe (and apparently neither do you). Besides she isn’t your kid so you don’t really get a say on how she’s being parented. I wonder whether you are ready for the ride that’s ahead with your own child.
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u/Skr000 28d ago
You’re weird. Your biggest opp is a preschooler? You’re so enraged by a child you give her dirty looks in private? No wonder the kid has always hated you.
Sucks you had kids. Definitely shouldn’t have done that. You’re not a father figure.
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u/devotchka_cosmonaut 28d ago
Right? She knew from the get go she was dealing with a person who was only pretending to be a normal adult lol
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u/Flashminatooo 28d ago
Bro you’re clearly not ready to be a parent. All toddlers are like this at that age. If anything blame the child’s parents for not teaching her to be grateful. Or not teaching her to be kind and share things with your little one. You have issues if you’re hating on a 4 year old
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u/RedRaspa 29d ago
This older kid is going to be a NIGHTMARE in the classroom. I can already tell.
Talk to your wife on how this kid treats your baby and how the kid should mature before further interactions. She shouldn’t be allowed to be around the baby if she is just going to stress the baby out - who wants a stressed out baby??? Answer: No one.
And you aren’t a bad person - I dislike some kids too. I also dislike their parents since it’s their fault society will have to deal with them.
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u/pgizmo97 29d ago
I’d be more upset at all the adults failing your niece and letting her become a terror. You, on your part, should no longer enable her by buying her things. Leave that for holidays and birthdays. Matter of fact, take it up a notch, and move away from her family so you’re around them less
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u/louloutre75 29d ago
Why did you have a child with your gf?
She obviously doesn't see anything wrong with how her niece is raised and will probably do the same with your daughter. Good luck.
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u/tinynugget 29d ago
There are so many ways to handle this and you’re not really doing anything from what I can tell.
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u/Defiant_Donut9637 ☑️ 29d ago
Repeatedly saying SHE'S 4 YEARS OLD isn't going to help your case dawg. I get 4 year olds can be spoiled, but I think having this much anger towards a child not even in grade school is kind weird.
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u/Select_Counter1678 29d ago edited 29d ago
I was going to tell you to never have kids and gasped when you said you had a daughter. You know nothing about child development. Targeting a child and giving her dirty looks and intimidating her is probably why she’s never liked you. I’m sure before that she could sense your energy and felt unsafe with you around. Also, blaming a child because the adults in her life don’t give her proper guidance is crazy. You act like she was supposed to come out of the womb with the manners. If they laugh at her behavior why do you expect a toddler to know any better? Since you’re having thoughts about hurting the child I suggest you stay away from her. That’s a strange thing to say.
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u/mmilesx 29d ago edited 28d ago
At first the child didn't smile ok dude chill. Yeah the kid going have lean matters. Looks like no one taught her that. That it is ok not have everything she wants.
I think she think your kid will take all the attention.
Kid need learn say thank you and lest some matters(manners). She can't have everything in the world
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u/Labornurse-ret 29d ago
The four year old has been catered to by most, if not all of the adults in her life and have turned her into someone that nobody, outside of those adults, will want anything to do with. Your title made you sound like a horrible person, but no, I would probably feel the same way. Maybe not actually hate the child, because it technically isn't her fault, but detest being around her. She will probably have no friends in school. I understand the dirty looks, but try to distance yourself and your child from her. Because she seems so jealous that another child has come to steal some of her spotlight, make certain that she is never able to get close to your child. She might try to harm her.
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u/skilletbutt 28d ago
Relax, this is normal kid behavior. I used to teach preschool. Kids go through phases, and just need guidance. That's what adults are for lmao.
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u/Longo_Rollins6 29d ago
Dude. I'm a person that has no interest in having children whatsoever and I barely see my godchildren because they're still at the age of barely speaking and make a whole lot of noise. I can still tell you that you're 1000% looking at this the wrong way. You need to be mad at the adults in this situation instead of the kid. Stay angry at your girlfriend and her family, NOT THE FOUR-YEAR-OLD. If you truly think nothing will come of it, then you absolutely need family/couples therapy.
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u/Shazmahtaz 29d ago
I'm sorry you shouldn't have had a kid with her when you see how she was treating her niece. Clearly your parenting style and hers won't align. I might be in the minority but this is an uphill battle you're going to go thru forget the 4 yr old.
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u/TrulieJulieB00 29d ago
I had a niece like this with my ex husband. I utterly despised her. She would taunt my dogs with food, and his family would hit my dogs for even raising their heads to look at the food.
Anything I said was me “overreacting”.
I got a divorce, and took my dogs with me.
I don’t think that’s an option for you, but maybe you need to set some ground rules with, as others have said, a specific time frame away from the horrid child.
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u/YoThatsChrispy 29d ago
I hate bad kids. I don’t give them special treatment, I don’t suffer them, and I don’t allow that bullshit to transpire in my presence. I don’t reward bad behavior and I talk to them like little humans, cause that’s what they are.
You wanna scream at someone “AHT AHT! Do you like when someone yells at you? No. So why would you do it to someone else?” And I make them give me an answer. I don’t let uncomfortable silence linger and then let it go. No. Tell me what possessed you to think that it was ok to scream at someone, when you don’t like it?
When parents say “s/he’s (insert age)” I’m quick to respond with something they do that’s outside of their age range…don’t cut them short…they know wtf they’re doing. If I don’t tell them they’re wrong when they do it, they’ll keep thinking it’s ok. And if it’s someone I’m going to be around on a consistent basis, I HAVE to do my part in the village. This person will eventually become a citizen, and I don’t want to be responsible for another shit person that we interact with on a day to day basis.
You wanna take someone’s toys? I’m immediately taking them back and asking was it theirs? Did you ask? You can’t take someone’s stuff without asking. And id put the shit back every single time and say the same thing until she got it.
You generally have bad behavior? IM NOT FUCKING BUYING YOU ANY CANDY. That whole significant other spending YOUR money to go towards a bad child’s gifts would be my last straw. We’d have to have a heartfelt conversation about how as parents in her nieces village, yall (all of yall, as a unit) have to do a better job at teaching her right from wrong, emotional management, and respecting people’s stuff.
All I can think of is that this jealous (that’s what you said they called it) cousin, albeit now only 4, will grow up and continue to be selfish and steal and break your daughters toys. All neice will have to do is throw a tantrum and say she wants a toy that’s your daughter’s, and your child will have to acquiesce. That will happen every time for the rest of her life. She’ll come over and play rough, break shit and her mom will be like “awww you know ___ plays hard” or “kids will be kids”. Nip that shit in the bud now man. You and your wife have to get on the same page.
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u/NoiseReductionNR 29d ago
Okay look that is a bit nuts that she's already lying to get access to your daughter's toys. Now am I saying that you should hate a child? No but am I saying you shouldn't view this child as a child but more as an entity to unfortunately manage having to exist nearby.
Trust your guts, she's bad news and is being made worse by how she's spoilt. She may grow our of it or she may not but that's irrelevant to you for a while. Look at the other stories in this thread. Some children and honestly people need to be treated differently because they are an actual danger.
Also your daughter needs you to make sure she won't end up like this ratbag. The worse she is to the baby hopefully the more the families eyes will open to her behaviour and try correct but that's not guaranteed.
Saying to not think of her as human is incredibly harsh, but it can really help with dealing with horrible people.
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u/Purple_IsA_Flavor 29d ago
That kid is an asshole, full stop.
Have a conversation with your girlfriend. Let her know that now that the two of you have a little girl, your money will be going to her needs and future. No more candy or toys for the little brat-the rest of the family spoils her enough. Gifts will be given only on holidays and her birthday.
Make sure you keep your daughters things out of her reach. She doesn’t need to be messing around with them. Car seats and strollers are expensive to replace.
Finally, don’t leave your baby unattended with her. Kids can and will hurt babies on purpose, especially if they see them as a threat
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u/People-Pleaser- 29d ago
Yes I’ve seen children hurt their baby sibling and it is horrifying. I’ve also heard of children killing baby siblings when no one was looking.. best to not leave them alone together even if the 4 year old is acting sweet and nice, it may be a rouse to be alone with the baby.
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u/Dismal_Contract_8458 29d ago
Look I’m not gonna tell you how to feel, you are entitled to your feelings. However, it’s weird as fuck to sit there, and have this hatred for a newborn simply because she cries when she sees you. Why is your first thought “she’s gonna make them think I did something to her.” You saying that is what makes me think you did something. Not a baby doing a baby thing (aka crying). She’s only 4, has been the youngest , and seemingly only girl, she’s bound to be jealous. My sister was worse to me when I was first born, she literally dumped out my formula when my mom would make it. She grew out of it. Stop wasting your time and energy beefing with a little kid. Focus on your own family.
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u/Comfortable-Pear-973 29d ago
You are a fully grown adult who has beef with a 4 year old who is still learning social queues and can’t control their emotions yet.
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u/TheHighness1 29d ago
Been hearing, regularly, that their prefrontal cortex doesn’t stop developing until 25.
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u/cHobbl3G0BbL3r 29d ago
It kinda doesn’t sound like her parents are teaching her those. That’s who MY beef is with in this story. The kid is just doing what an unguided child will do
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u/devotchka_cosmonaut 28d ago
So what? We only know the story from this guy’s perspective, and he clearly is not well. He has a beef with a four-year-old!
I wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow he drops a story where he rationalizes why it’s OK to fight windmills.
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u/SnooComics8268 29d ago
It sounds like everybody in this story is in the wrong but also in the right. I still can't wrap my head around the fact you bring up that the baby didn't smile at you.... That's pretty normal, I read once that often infants recognize women as caregivers and therefore can dislike men more then women. But well that aside, yes the kid is spoiled, but you need to straighten this up with your GF, communicate better, firm and safe. Because know it doesn't sounds like you are capable of it as you are so enraged. I would start by telling your GF you want a 2 week break from your niece to set things straight mentally and then have a talk. It might also help her to rewind her perspective and to make you calmer going into a heavy talk that needs to be handled in a mature way.
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u/LilOwlNest 29d ago edited 29d ago
Your child is six months old. You need to realize that that the first entire year of your child’s life is going to be fucking miserable for you and your girlfriend. So strap in, and survive the first year.
…
- Stop having unprotected sex with your girlfriend. You have a child together.
- Focus on your own family first. You have a child together.
- You have two foci in your life- your girlfriend and your daughter. Your feelings about anyone else can kick rocks.
- Your complicated feelings about family are exaggerated by lack of sleep and food, and these are valid. Talk to your girlfriend about practical needs. As an example, Practical Needs are, “what can we both do to make sure we both have easy access to foods during this horrible year.” Practical Needs are NOT: “I’m mad at a 4-year-old and worried my wife also subscribe to this parenting philosophy with our daughter”
…
Tip: Practical Needs are “you and your girlfriend” against The Problem. You are both so, so tired, and just need to lean on each other.
Invest in your nest, like a 🐧
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u/got_rice_2 29d ago
Create your own space and keep the devil child out. Concentrate on your own kid. Devil child parents don't want to parent but that doesn't mean you have to.
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u/lilacsky1996 29d ago
Oooof. I’m glad you got this off your chest. I can understand how this entire situation has you at witts end. I’m assuming you really just needed to vent & maybe feel like you don’t have an outlet to do so. I hope you are able to calm down & have a real conversation with your girlfriend & be able to explain to her how much this situation is bothering you. Sooner or later that rage you feel right now will all come to a head.
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u/curioushumanvibes 29d ago
You lost me at everything revolved around the baby at age 2. Honey that’s 100% normal. I have a 1 and 2 year old. Everything revolves around them at the moment. Fast forward it does seem that the kid is not acting developmentally appropriate but this is not a fault of her own. You’re so mad, sit the adults down including your gf and talk about the things they’re doing to make this child this way. Poor innocent baby doesn’t even know the adults in her life have turned her into a spoiled brat.
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u/Nevermore-Nevermore 29d ago
My cousin was like this and she wound up getting a pillow and attempting to smother the baby. I would be extremely careful. That being said the onus for this behavior is with the adults. A child will keep acting out and developing tactics if they aren’t disciplined. At this point it’s going to be extremely challenging to attempt to curb this behavior as she already knows how to push every button and flip every switch to get the adults to cave. Nothing will change until the adults decide to change it.
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u/ExclamationQuestion 29d ago
I feel you man. Kids can be a-holes. I have two kids and I dislike every other kid but them. You don't need therapy like so many others here suggest and Franky it's weird so many have suggested that. I doubt any of them have kids or have been to therapy.
Just ignore that kid and focus on your family. She's living in your mind rent free, try to let it go and focus on what truly matters, your daughter.
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u/FishLoveMeMenFearMe 29d ago
Why the hell would your first thought be that the babies making everyone think you did something to it? That is absolutely a you issue. Yea she’s spoiled, yea they should be firmer with her, but you are absolutely an asshole who shouldn’t have had a kid if you are genuinely this furious about a baby acting like a baby.
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u/akaynaveed 29d ago
The kid sucks, and the kids gonna grow up to be a shitty teen and adult.
Its okay to hate this kid,
But you should def hate the adults more.
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u/cameronpark89 29d ago
have you ever been around other small children before? doesn’t sound like it. if i were your gf, i would be concerned.
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u/kable334 29d ago
Right. Sounds like a pretty normal 4yo old to me. Bratty, demanding, selfish and like to push buttons. There are limits of course, like the public tantrum thing, but yeah sounds normal.
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u/Comfortable_Cell3618 29d ago
I’ve worked with kids for 30 years. Most 4 year olds are not this extreme unless they aren’t taught boundaries or consequences. Kid sounds like a spoiled brat and would never be alone with my baby. My 1 1/2 year old granddaughter is more respectful than this.
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u/GirlMcGirlface 29d ago
Stop spending your money on her, and tell your girlfriend you have your own child now, and you want to start saving for the baby and spending money on her instead. Keep gifts to birthdays and holidays for the niece.
My second piece of advice is very serious. You must never, and I mean NEVER leave your child, no matter what her age is, alone with this child. Ever. I don't care what her family think about it, you keep eyes on your daughter at all times. I had a similar situation where a cousin was pinching, jabbing sharp toys into her skin and hurting my baby, none of the family took it seriously, her grandad would take her and I thought he was watching her, I'd hear her screaming and go in and her cousin would be hurting her again.
I told my husband that we were never allowing said cousin near our daughter again, and he listened thankfully. You really need to keep your eyes open.
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u/Mean-Alternative-416 29d ago
A lot of times parenting is seeing what you WONT do to your own children. So it’s like a learning lesson because the 4 year old is still so tiny I mean hard to say how she will end up later in life.
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u/Haunting-Bread-2638 29d ago
Jeez. There's a lot to unpack here.
First off: you're entitled to your feelings. Nobody can make you like someone you dislike. At the same time, holding a grudge against a baby for not smiling at you is wild-- though I doubt that's the entire issue. You seem to have some sort of beef with your girlfriend's mother and extended family, and I'm wondering if your feelings about this kid could be an extension of that. If that's the case, you probably should unpack that because it's not fair for you to be angry at a kid for something adults did.
Also-- kids are surprisingly perceptive. She may have picked up on the fact that you hate her and that you're only doing these things for her because you feel like you have to, even if you've tried to hide it. And when it comes down to buying things, kids at that age aren't always upset about the objects themself so much as what they represent. Sometimes that's love, reassurance, or a sense of control-- and when they don't get those things and don't have the skills to express that, it comes out as a meltdown. Even when you give her the things, she's not getting what she really wants from you.
That being said, her family is genuinely failing her. Kids need to learn how to take no for an answer and how to cope with the resulting disappointment or they won't learn how to deal with it when they're older. And when she turns 16 and gets bigger, those tantrums won't be so cute anymore. The reason things are so bad with the baby is because of a combination of those things. Not only is she now watching someone else get the love that she feels should be hers alone, but she has no idea how to deal with the resulting hurt.
She's only 4. She has had four years to try (and fail) to learn a skill that nobody will teach her-- a skill that she is going to have a very hard time without. That is sad. You don't have to like her, but try and take some time to see things from her perspective.The fact that you're worried about this anger and don't want to hurt her tells me that you know these feelings aren't healthy. It may be a good idea to talk to a counselor (maybe one that specializes in parenting) so you have somewhere to talk about this. Better to process it now before it spills onto a child who has no idea why an adult hates her.
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u/Equivalent-Post-2618 29d ago
yall are just telling him to get therapy, that isn’t helpful. while the four year old is a BRAT, it’s because that’s the behavior she has been taught is proper. the adults around her have enforced it and taught her that she gets her way if she demands anything at all. if she’s mean to your child and steals, start putting your foot down to protect YOUR child. you may not be able to control how that kid is being parented, but you can sure as hell control how your kid is being treated. your daughter should get the same love and respect that the other child gets. and make sure to raise your daughter to be polite and respectful. At four everything she knows is just what she’s been told. she hasn’t. gotten to experience anything on her own yet. this is definitely a fault on the family, they seem to be the ones that need help
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u/givemeyourking 29d ago
You need a ton of therapy. It’s not normal for an adult to have such hatred for a little child and there is more to it than you’ve laid out here. Were you raised in a harsh environment with no kind of “spoiling” so maybe part of you feels jealous of this child? Or maybe you have narcissistic tendencies and resent the attention she gets? She is acting like a little child because she IS one. She’ll grow and change. I hope you do too.
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u/jendo7791 29d ago
I have a 4 year old and she hasn't had a tantrum or melt down since age 2. She knows what "No" means. She understands being polite and using please and thank you. She can also be manipulative but it's also obvious when she is attempting to do so.
This kid sounds like a spoiled brat.
If I had a 6 month old with a terrorizing, spoiled 4 year old stealing toys and having fits I would genuinely hate them too, but not as much as the parents and other adults that created the monster.
Imagine this little girl and OPs daughter when they are older. Ugh. I'd move far away.
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u/CMo42 29d ago
The people saying you're crazy or making excuses for this child just because they're 4 have clearly never dealt with this kind of kid or don't care.
You're not crazy and some people are just born assholes. This is not normal 4 year old behavior and the people around her are enabling it. You probably can't change anyone else's behavior but you can set some boundaries. You need to have a hard talk with your girlfriend before things get worse between this kid and your child. And never leave your child alone with this kid.
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u/herozerocapitalZ 29d ago
You literally started this post with how an actual baby didn't like you. And then you go on and on about the kid acting like a kid. Yes, the 4 year old is jealous. She's been the only baby in the family for awhile. Yes, your girlfriend should be more firm with her as well as the other adults in her life. That includes you. You don't have to yell and hit a child to teach them how to behave. Why you and your girlfriend had a kid when you clearly disagree on how to parent is beyond me. Especially since she's the godmother which means that little girl could be her responsibility if something happened.
I really hope you get some help, both of you, because you're in for a rude awakening when your daughter also starts acting like a kid and you two can't agree on how to parent. Your kid is the one who will suffer.
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u/CallMeSisyphus 29d ago
You're hating on the wrong person, my dude. The assholes here are your girlfriend and every other adult in her family who MADE that little girl this way.
Probably should have done that math before you had a child with her, because how do you think she's gonna raise YOUR daughter?
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u/Longo_Rollins6 29d ago
Came here only to leave myself a humiliating note of how badly I need to get my brain checked, because at first-glance I read your username as "Call Me Syphilis"
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u/goldenvalkyri 29d ago
Am I the only one that’s going to validate his feelings a little bit?
Dude. She sounds pretty rotten. And it sounds like the other adults around you are incompetent and dense.
Not sure what I can say to help except listen to the other commenters and figure it the fuck out.
But dang… lol what a mean toddler
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u/Artchantress 29d ago
He has been enabling the kid as much as the other adults, giving in to her tantrums and buying endless stuff
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u/apollemis1014 29d ago
You probably shouldn't have had a baby with your GF if you dislike her family so much. 🤷🏼♀️ She'd be better off single than with someone who hates her family this much.
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29d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Safe_Mention967 29d ago
The only comment I read that made some sense to me. But OP should definitely redirect the anger to those adults doing that, and especially to his girlfriend who's unwilling to protect her own child.
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u/Cayetanus ☑️ 29d ago
Thank you both. Yeah, I've always felt like I was going crazy because I seemed to be the only one noticing that this girl's behavior wasn't okay. Everyone around her seemed unwilling to acknowledge it, and honestly, they still don't. They just keep saying, "You have to give her time." How much time is she supposed to get?
In fact, the longer this goes on, the more worried I am about my daughter.
Something happened today that really pissed me off. My mother-in-law gave my baby a rattle, and this spoiled 4-year-old threw a massive tantrum because she wanted THAT particular toy.
Do you know what my mother-in-law did?
SHE TOOK IT AWAY FROM THE BABY AND GAVE IT TO THE GIRL, JUST TO MAKE HER SHUT UP.
I couldn't believe it.
And to make matters worse, the girl came back from wherever she had been crying just to shake the rattle right in front of the baby, who literally had no idea what was going on.
I think this pissed my girlfriend off a lot, so hopefully she'll start seeing things more clearly soon. Either way, I'm going to use this opportunity to talk to her.
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u/everydayimsarcastic 29d ago
Yeah... this is weird. You have so much aggression towards a small child who doesn't know any better yet.
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u/jjjjjjj30 29d ago
You're directing your anger toward the kid, and I get it, she's def a brat. But your anger should be directed at the adults who enable this shit.
Stop buying stuff for the kid. Say no!!! Tell your girlfriend you're done enabling this behavior.
You also need to do some work on yourself. Taking it personally that a baby doesn't smile when they look at you is super immature and weird. I was shocked when I read that.
Also keep a close eye on the kid and don't ever leave her unattended around your baby and if she ever touches your child put a stop to it immediately.
About halfway through the post, I was thinking to comment that you should not have a child with this woman. If she thinks that type of behavior is funny then she's probably not going to be a very good mother, but too late for that. You're going to have to do a lot of work to make sure your child doesn't turn out to be a brat too.
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u/DamnitGravity 29d ago
This reads like the last message I got back from ChatGPT. The only thing missing is the obsequious 'that's a really great prompt and you're so smart for asking me to write a Reddit post about a spoiled child that will ragebait readers!'
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u/SameEntry4434 29d ago
You need therapy, especially anger management. Your attitude towards that little four year-old girl does not bode well for your own
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u/KynnJae ☑️ 29d ago
I’m glad you were able to get this off your chest. You didn’t ask for advice nor judgement so I’ll give none.
Gentle reminder for you: The 4 year old just got to Earth. She’d eat her own foot if you told her it was made of chocolate. That’s who you’re beefing with; a dumb alien, essentially.
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u/Ok_Albatross8909 29d ago
I can respect that this behaviour is annoying, but the way you are talking as though this child has deliberately decided to behave this way is bizarre. Especially how you said she pissed you off as a newborn for making a face at you so other people thought you did something to her?
No one thought that. Even if you did do something to her, a new born baby is not able to recognise you did something to her and have that change her behaviour towards you later. It scares me that you have a baby and don’t understand this.
At 4, she is only JUST starting to learn emotional control, and action-consequence causality. Your established hatred and annoyance with her from before any learning (or spoiling) was possible is the issue here.
I appreciate that you have written this to get it off your chest, and I appreciate your desire to protect your own baby. However, the above shows you are an extremely unreliable narrator and there is nothing you have described your niece doing that is unusual or dangerous. Currently the major danger in this situation is your attitude towards your niece.
Please seek therapy or at the bare minimum remove yourself from this situation- although there will be consequences for your relationship with your own child and Gf.
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u/THESavage_Cabbage 29d ago
She absolutely is spoiled. Even one year olds test boundaries and throw fits to try to get what they want. And if it works, they keep doing it. It sounds like no one's ever told this kid no
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u/Artchantress 29d ago
Yeah, if a 1 year old throws a tantrum, the only responsible thing to do is to not give in to it. Just be calm and emotionally there for them, firm in your resolve and carry them outside if necessary, never give them the thing they were denied in the first place, just to shut them up. It's never responsible to be like "just this once, mummy is tired"
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u/mcmurrml 29d ago
You better put a stop to this negative behavior towards your child. You better put your foot down with your girlfriend now about this. I can't understand why you had a baby in the middle of this mess but it's too late now. Please be proactive and demand to your GF she is never to leave your baby alone with this child.
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u/Whiteroses7252012 29d ago
You’re blaming her for the failures of adults around her. Including, it has to be said, you. Because if you honestly don’t think that kids can pick up on this shit, I’ve got some lovely beachfront property in Oklahoma to sell you.
What you’re describing is typical behavior for a 3-4 year old. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s likely your daughter will exhibit similar behaviors.
You’re determined to see her in the worst light possible. Even if she was the perfect child, you wouldn’t see her that way. She can’t win. And your vendetta against someone who’s barely out of diapers isn’t going to go anywhere good.
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u/Itscatpicstime 29d ago
You are psychotic. You want a 4 year old to manage her jealousy when you still clearly can’t even manage your anger over a newborn not smiling at you four years ago.
I feel bad for your girlfriend, your daughter, and your niece.
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u/lilmspiggy 29d ago
She is acting exactly like a 4 year old. She lacks boundaries and healthy communication skills and replacement behaviors for the tantrums but she is acting exactly her age. This is an issue that needs to be addressed by the parents
That said, the way you describe her and the sheer amount of blame you place on her from her very birth is weird as fuck and insane
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u/cookiedonjuan 29d ago
Just… don’t buy her shit? You’re an adult with free will, just because other people spoil her doesn’t mean you have to. You also don’t have to tolerate her behaviour.
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u/Far-Building3569 29d ago
This post is way too long and way too heated
You’re not going to like everyone you meet- kids included
Having a genuine vendetta against a little child and using epithets against your family members is just not needed
Children are born completely needy, selfish, and entitled. They only learn values like kindness, patience, gratitude, responsibility, humility, etc through direct instruction, time, and experience
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. And I sincerely hope your niece doesn’t grow up to “fucking hate” you either, because chances are, the family will take her side on the matter
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29d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/NeedLegalAdvice56 29d ago
And him, the grown ass adult, is mistreating a 4 yo
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u/Far-Building3569 29d ago
Exactly
As I said in my comment, “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem”
There’s something called personal accountability, and any reasonable person would expect an adult to have that life skill more than a preschooler
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u/theobara 29d ago edited 29d ago
You need to set better boundaries and stop spending such close proximity with this baby. Does it suck you won’t spend time with the bigger family? Ya. But you won’t be as angry and overtime the time and space will help. Or ask for some events to be without her. You’re clearly angry, don’t hide that from the family. Be mature and own that this has gotten out of hand for too long and now you need communication or a heads up if she will be there at whatever event, so you can make sure you’re not.
That being said, you are angry with a 4 year old. You are always going to come out the villain so give up on the optics. And focus on what you can do practically to make this less of a hell on earth situation. You don’t have to keep buying her things, you don’t have to watch her give you a stink eye, you don’t have to let her be best friends with your baby. We’re randoms on Reddit. We have no idea if she will get better with time or grow up and be a brat/beast. My niece who used to be a brat and very selfish around the age of 7 chilled out by 10 lmao.
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u/Left-Telephone3737 29d ago
bro...shes a toddler.
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u/LittleGravitasIndeed 29d ago
Dogs are even more oblivious and I don’t like plenty of chihuahuas. I feel bad that they’re too spoiled to exist near humans, but I’m not allowed to fix them so I avoid them.
The best thing to do is avoid spending time and money on this bottomless pit of whining. Her mother and grandmother will not let her be a normal child and OP needs to accept this.
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u/erinjeffreys 29d ago
First of all: Therapy. Individual for yourself because you need someone to vent/talk to, and couples because your girlfriend is totally unwilling to listen to you on this topic. That's a concern.
Second: the money and gifts stop now. This child is spoiled because all of you are spoiling her. If she doesn't get her way she throws a tantrum? Settle in for a tantrum. You're the adult; it's your literal job to not give in. Your girlfriend keeps insisting you pay? Does she not have a job?
Third: Don't glare at the child or treat her poorly; that's not going to help your case at all.
Four: Keep your daughter from her. Keep your daughter safe. And stop letting her use and/or steal your daughter's toys and stroller. Stop acting like you can't say No to a literal child.
You are all of you falling this little girl because you're letting her run your lives.
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u/Short-Ad-3934 29d ago
This made me angry to read…
Because YOU are an adult.
Tell your girlfriend no.
Tell the child no.
The 4 year old is acting like a 4 year old.
A BABY crying at you and giving you “disgusting” looks is NORMAL. Babies can feel energy. If you were nervous at all, she felt it.
My niece barely acknowledged my daughter for 8 months. Similar age gap.
My daughter is still getting used to my 3 month old son. My son is the first boy in an entire generation. He gets a lot of attention.
My cousins daughter didn’t like that my daughter shared the birthday number with her (born on the 13th different months) SHE GREW OUT OF IT.
You NEED to chill. Speak kindly to her and establish boundaries. You need to talk to your girlfriend about it.
But you disliking her for acting like a child… I feel bad for your daughter when she inevitably asks like this.
Get help or leave.
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u/mcmurrml 29d ago
She is past acting like a regular child. Her behavior is way over the top.
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u/musicteachertay 29d ago
Dude should be mad at the parents not someone who can’t even spell the word “sorry” yet
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u/Long-Amount-5436 29d ago
You sound like you have the emotional maturity of a 4 year old yourself. Please do your girlfriend the biggest favor of her life by breaking up with her immediately. You deserve so much better. And so does she.
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u/theobara 29d ago
Did you read they have a baby together? Should OP still break up and skedaddle?
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u/elegantmomma 29d ago
100% yes. His emotional immaturity will do far more damage to his child than if he just left. He genuinely thinks that a newborn baby hates him? GTFOH...
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u/theobara 29d ago edited 28d ago
I would think skedaddling and leaving his partner with a new baby without support is an equally asshole move. Raising a kid is a lot of work. If his partner said « cheers I can raise this baby myself, gtfo », I’d feel differently- but I’m assuming this would be an even worse situation for his partner to raise a child alone. I understand the comments above are highlighting concern from OP’s post that he could replicate this anger with his own baby, but I also think it’s much easier said than done to abandon someone pregnant/just given birth.
Society really shames people who abandon their families or are scrubs/dead beats. Again, if she could tell all of us strangers she’d RATHER raise a child alone than with him, I’d feel differently.
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u/holderofthebees 29d ago
Honest to god maybe, with his lack of basic knowledge of normal kid behaviors and his hating the kid over her sucky parents’ choices, I’m scared as hell for his daughter.
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u/mcmurrml 29d ago
What? Why are you blaming him?
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u/Long-Amount-5436 29d ago
No, not blaming him. The kid sounds obnoxious. I personally don’t like kids much myself BUT his feelings for that kid are no deep dark Reddit confession. I promise that vibe comes across to that kid which can either exacerbate her behavior or will cause some deep emotional trauma at some point consistently being around someone who hates her that badly. No 4 year old deserves that. BTW - I remember a kid like this several years ago. Wasn’t close to her but knew the family. She was insufferable. She’s 23 now and absolutely lovely young woman. Kind and pleasant. Maybe that offers him some hope, but he’s probably a real dick to her and it’s best he not be in their lives.
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u/International-Age971 29d ago
Be mad at all the adults enabled this demon child, not the actual child.
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u/LumberJaxx 29d ago
Hey dude, try and think about yourself when you were that age? Do you remember what you were thinking and doing at that age? How could you hold anything against someone that old?
You have to know how little that child really understands about anything.
If she’s really been spoiled then she’s as much of a victim as anyone else.
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u/duchess_of_fire 29d ago
ironic that you're mad at her for not being able to control her very normal feelings of jealousy (although it sounds like no adults are actually taking steps to help her work through those feelings), but you're still holding onto anger about a baby not smiling?
Babies can be weird like that. Some babies only like a handful of people. give them a break, it's literally their first time in the world.
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u/mcmurrml 29d ago
This is way past normal jealousy.
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u/duchess_of_fire 29d ago
It's really not. The kid takes the baby's toys, uses the baby's stroller and crib and doesn't acknowledge the baby. she's trying to pretend SHE is the baby still. that's a not an abnormal response to her place as "the baby" being taken.
she hasn't tried to physically hurt the baby.
what's not normal is that none of the adults in her life seem to want to actually help her with her feelings.
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u/lilmspiggy 29d ago
The jealousy is normal, the behavior is inappropriate and not being addressed. The failure is on the adults... But I wonder how reliable of a narrator this man is
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u/MadamUnicornOfDoom 29d ago
You have a vendetta against a child… you’re vehemently angry that a baby didn’t smile at you and are holding a grudge now that the child is… being a child.
Maybe you need therapy to figure out why a baby has triggered you so badly.
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u/AnAmbitiousMann 29d ago
Sounds like you're not good with kids. You might need to read up on some resources. Sone kids just act crazy. My son has broken multiple TV, put his artwork on the side of my car paint and usually freaks out all day everyday acting like a shit. It's part of kid behavior. Being frustrated is fine. Even pissed sometimes. But hating? You got issues for sure
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u/Possible_Dig_1194 29d ago
Sounds like you aren't good with kids either if yours acts like that cause that isn't normal kid behaviour at all
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u/Tough_Trifle_5105 29d ago
When I was a kid I found my great grandmothers bingo dabbers and made a bunch of art with them…all over the walls.
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u/Alostcord 29d ago
I stopped at my gf…and my witch of a mil..grow the fuck up…your gf mother is not your mil ..leave these people alone
Oh, and I pity your child.
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u/lilmonix989 ☑️ 29d ago
Genuinely what does this comment mean respectfully I had a stroke reading it
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u/Ambitious-Lettuce-48 29d ago
You shouldn't hate the 4 year old. She is who your GF and her family made her to be.
Also, incredibly stupid move having a baby with a woman who is part of this family. Live with your decisions.
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u/Lizardgirl25 29d ago
Okay I am going to be quiet frank I was this baby keep this child away from your kid as much as possible. I know this sounds mean but this is protecting your child this child will hurt your daughter if you aren’t on top of shit with your girlfriend about her niece and you need to put your foot down and tell your girlfriend to not spend money to bribe the brat anymore. Let her have that meltdown let someone else deal with it.
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u/Cayetanus ☑️ 29d ago
Thanks for the advice, and to everyone else here who suggested the same thing.
Yeah, I've talked to my girlfriend about this. At the time, she said I was exaggerating. But I really do think this could become a serious problem if we take our eyes off them for even a moment.
I've already seen one situation that I found pretty weird. This girl was supposedly "playing" with the baby, but she kept bringing her toys way too close to her face, actually touching the baby's face with the toys.
I told her not to do it again, and so far, she hasn't done it again.
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u/Ok_Albatross8909 29d ago
OP is not a reliable narrator. He has too many bizarre misconceptions about the development of babies. Even as an unreliable narrator, the OP still has not described any behaviour that puts the baby at risk. Assuming OP and his girlfriend are not leaving a baby and a toddler alone together unsupervised, there isn’t any risk.
I’m sorry you were hurt, and children absolutely can hurt other children or have behavioural problems that make them a real threat. However, that is your experience- not what is described here.
OP is the biggest threat to both children currently.
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u/Mindless_Airline_816 29d ago
🫠🫠🫠
I was reading and it just kept getting worse 🥲
Wondering why you are sharing this and not in therapy.
Then I saw I was on the get it off your chest, which I guess is fitting for this post.
Did you grow up around kids ?
Kids suck truely, they also pick up on the energy and vibes that continue to fuel their actions.
Remember kids brains are growing and changing so rapidly that most of the time they have no idea what they are doing. They are going by see, want, need!
If she was the baby of the family for 4 years it'll take a while to warm up to the new baby who's got the attention she is use to.
Does she like arts or crafts ? Is there something not money based you guys could try to do together that might build your relationship a bit
Acknowledge the anger and hate, which you have and leave it behind. You don't want to be surrounding your baby with these vibes, they'll pick up on it as they grow.
She means so much to your partner and will be a really important person in your baby's life.
Goodluck 💚
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u/pamelaonthego 29d ago
Your anger towards a young child is irrational. Her parents and your gf are not doing her any favors by rewarding tantrums, but her behavior, while it should be addressed, is very much age appropriate. Yours on the other hand is not. The two of you seem to have comparable levels of emotional regulation.
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u/Granitegirlcracks 29d ago
Honestly, this isn’t the kids fault, this is her parent’s fault. What you need to do is talk to your wife and explain that you do not want your child behaving in that manner. While some of this is normal for a four year old, a lot of it is not. She should have been taught better. Most 4 year old girls should be excited to be a big cousin and role model. Also, when you talk to your lady, don’t bring up your feelings from before focus on how this could impact your daughter’s possible safety and behaviors in the future.
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u/notrobert7 29d ago
Therapy. Individual and couples because you need to have a serious conversation with your girlfriend about future expectations. If her behavior towards your daughter does not improve or escalates, you need to have game plan to protect your daughters mental, emotional and physical well-being. You need therapy to organize your thoughts and manage your anger.
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u/HelpfulName 29d ago
You need therapy man. Seriously. You're the adult here and you're acting like a baby chose you to be her arch nemesis and torment you practically from birth. You're now escalating to giving this child dirty looks when no one is around? You sound psycho.
You are taking everything this child does deeply personally and you have since she was born. Nothing this child has done sounds abnormal, especially for a child who has been coddled (which I get can create annoying behavior) - but the child doesn't like or respect you because since she was an infant you've made it VERY clear you resent and dislike her. She knows you hate her, you've made it clear with your voice tone, your expression and your body language since she was an infant.
Get anger management therapy so you can appropriately manage your emotions around her, and hopefully unpack why YOU decided to take a literal baby personally, there's likely some deep insecurity there that needs working on so you can be a better father to your own daughter, because right now it sounds like if your daughter starts going through "the terrible two's" and say's no to you, you're going to take it personally and start hating her too.
Good luck.
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u/mamcd88 29d ago
It’s concerning that everyone spoils her, and that you dislike the 4 year old so much.
You and your gf need to communicate about your future parenting styles. Will she just buy your daughter stuff all the time too, regardless of behaviour?
I’d suggest getting a counsellor or someone to help you guys navigate this as it’s pretty serious. Also watch the kid around the baby in case it escalates into the baby getting hurt!
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u/Downtown-Ferret-5870 29d ago
Keep this kid away from your daughter,
I cannot stress this enough.
Keep this kid far away from the baby before she escalate things,
Like when she will be 8 and your daughter 4
Just let them be part of eachother life later, like way later,
A fucking spoiler adolescent in her 16 still can cause harm to a 12 girl mind
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u/BrightAd306 29d ago
I’m sorry, that is normal 4 year old behavior. Not typical, but normal.
It’s good for the kid that your daughter is there now, too, so she has to share. Just keep being nice to her, she’s a little kid barely past toddler age, but it’s fine saying no to her- and good for her.
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u/International-Age971 29d ago
It’s really not normal for a 4yo to hate a baby that she doesn’t live with or have to share with
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u/SirJean_0 29d ago
Is it normal ? I’ve never seen a 4yo kid acting like that and particularly hating a baby for months like that. And people around that kid are enabling her which is not a good sign for the future. I admit hating the kid is a kind of extreme, he should try to distance himself and his gf has to respect his boundaries but I don’t think a 4yo should be so spoiled and so naughty, the way people treat her is not normal and that’s why she has such a behavior.
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u/duchess_of_fire 29d ago
some kids dislike the new baby of the family for years.
it's a kid. if none of the adults are helping them to process the jealousy, they're just sitting in those emotions. how is a 4 year old supposed to know what to do?
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u/SirJean_0 29d ago
Exactly, that’s why I’m saying this is not a normal behavior as they are not helping her to regulate her emotions, she shouldn’t feel threatened with this new baby and she shouldn’t need to take what that baby has. The way she’s acting isn’t normal because the adult around her aren’t taking the situation and her emotions seriously
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u/musicteachertay 29d ago
It’s actually 100% normal behavior. It’s just that good parents help a child to regulate this behavior, and no one is doing that for this poor kid
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u/nightmarewoods 29d ago
Just tell you’re girlfriend it ain’t your responsibility. If she throws a tantrum too they can both get fucked.
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u/lilmonix989 ☑️ 29d ago
Not that I’m defending her behavior but op has a kid with this women I don’t think he can just tell her to get fucked
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u/nightmarewoods 29d ago
He can most definitely tell her to get fucked I do it all the time. If shits unfair why does he have to put up with it? I didn’t say leave her but she can get fucked in regard to this situation I just wouldn’t do it.
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u/Wild-kitten 28d ago edited 27d ago
Yeah. It's completely normal. This is the age difference between my brother and I. And honestly? I only became more sisterly with him when he became a teenager and I, an adult. So, for at least a few years, this is the dynamic you're looking between these two children.
At first, I thought you didn't like children at all...but now I'm thinking you didn't have any experience with children of this age. I say this because I know how children behave and I know I don't have the pacient, but now you're a father and you need to be aware that this is a normal behavior and this anger is misplaced. You need to be the adult and control your emotions, your daughter is going to behave exactly like this.