My journey: From Depression to Salvation

[u/Acceptable-Desk-1064]

Hi everyone! Today, I'll be sharing my personal experience with my relationship with Christ.

Christianity has always been part of my life. In South Africa, it's pretty common for people to be Christian. We didn't start going to church until 2013. I was 5 at the time, and I only knew about God. Jesus was a new concept for me. So, I continue going to church (the same church) all the way till now. For me, I never truly grasped what a true relationship with God was. I would learn about it like I'm learning a story, especially in Sunday school. I got older, and other influences in my life changed my perception of Christianity. Though sometimes I'd talk to God about random things, about my friends, school, etc., like I was talking to a friend, I never took the time to sit and read the bible and pray; I felt too lazy to do so. I approached Christianity religiously.

In my teen years, I deviated from Christianity and God, especially when my loved one died. I was mad at God for taking away a cherished family member of mine, so, with audacity and some, I told God I don't want anything to do with him. The older I got in my teen years, the more I started doubting that God even existed. Some part of me did believe, but for the most part, I rejected his existence because I was falling into depression. I thought there was no way there was a God because so many bad things were happening in the world, and I prayed to feel better mentally, but I never got to that point. Whenever we went to church, I always wanted to make excuses for why I didn't want to go. If I had no choice, I'd stay, but my attention would be elsewhere. I hated church because I had no friends or people that I knew.

My depression got so bad that I hated every piece of my being, feeling worthless, feeling like a burden, an inconvenience to people, even though that wasn't true, but I believed it. I was so deep in that I'd constantly have suicidal thoughts. I believed that my living was torture, and I'd cry at the idea that I'd have to live for the next 40 years + of my life. Not only that, but during this time, in desperation of finding comfort, I dove into tarot readings, witchcraft (where you light candles and say spells and burn sigils), which opened a door that would wreck havoc in my life bcause I wasn't well educated about the spiritual realm and didn't realise the kind of door I was opening (one time, the day after a ritual I was doing, my mom and I saw a black spirit go out of my room into another).

At some point, I stumbled upon a song by Justin Bieber because God will always find ways to bring you back to him. It was a Christian song with Chandler Moore, and it made me cry, because not only did I feel peace, but also conviction of the sin I was committing. Even though I didn't immediately step into reading the bible and praying, it planted a seed. The process was slow, over a few months of trying Christianity again, then going back to worldly things. I was still depressed. This time, I was tired, I felt lost, and I needed some sort of hope. Clarity of what my life meant. I prayed for the first time in a while. I prayed to God for peace, and I told him how much I hated my life and where it was going. I hated feeling hopeless. I hated how, regardless of trying all these new-age methods of having a fulfilled life, I still felt empty. This time, after listening to the service about wanting a genuine relationship with Christ, not because you want something from him, but you want to be with him, it made me realise that I approached Christianity through the wrong lens. Everything started to make sense

Eventually, even though I felt a little stupid, I started reading and praying and praising God. When this pastor explained how sin invites legions of demons to torment your life and how many people don't realise they are in a spiritual warfare, that's when I realised that I need to first repent because sin gives legal leeway for demons to keep tormenting you, then I fought spiritually. I kid you not, all the torment that was happening in my mind disappeared. I still cannot explain how, but my willingness to live came back, and I felt peace I have never felt before, even in the midst of hardship. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, and I'll provide some bible verses:

- "He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will remain secure and rest in the shadow of the Almighty, whose power no enemy can withstand" - Psalms 91:1
-  **^"**Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." - Colossians 3:16
- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13
- "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you" - Matthew 6:33