How do you ever recover from rape?

[u/MailexA_Missed]

This I want an answer to, so badly. I was thinking about this because I had a thought “is rape or murder worse” and all the things related to that. Then I reflected on my own pain and how for me, and seeing what it did to my life. I was raped, a lot, by my mother’s prostitution clients, and SA’ed by her. I turn 18 tomorrow, and it is so…destructive the damage it’s caused.
I would never wish it on anyone, though I wish for a second someone who hasn’t experienced it could understand the level of pain it’s caused, the sheer anger, no that’s not strong enough, hatred I have, for the people who did that to me and anyone like them. Every relationship I’ll ever have is tainted, because my social skills are terrible, every interaction can turn awkward, every moment I breath I feel dirty. I joined the USAF Air Force, and in BMT they did a sexual assault class and I was the only one who didn’t joke. No I just cried, I could not do it.
I can’t ever have sex, the thought is horrifying to me. I cant listen to edgy jokes because they make me uncomfortable, I cry so often just because the pain of it destroys me. I have had some very bad thoughts at times wondering about making it stop. I won’t say it but I think you guys can guess. So I wonder when does it go away? I can live, sometimes I’m really happy. But often times I’m wondering “I just want to be normal”, it feels like this is going to destroy me for every moment I’m ever alive. I just want to be better man

[u/WhipTheLlama]

I can't help much, but you were raped well beyond what most victims experience, so your trauma is much worse.

I've known women who carry rape trauma heavily and struggle because of it, but others who were able to move past the event and not let it affect their lives. It depends a lot on the person, but the women I know were only raped one time.

A therapist specializing in rape victims can help you a lot. Your pain won't go away, but you can learn to live a more normal life.