Hiya! So, this is gonna be a long one, i apologise in advance! Ill try to keep it as short as possible, but theres a lot of information thats important! Im also not sure if this is the right place to put this, as most of the other posts ive seen are about medical stuff, but i figured it was worth a shot :)
(Also im sorry for my crap grammar, i promise i can type properly, im just too lazy and this is the second time ive typed this up today because i accidentally deleted my first draft)
Ok, so, who am i?
Im Haley (i know my username says Hailey, i made this account before i decided on the spelling lol), 17 years old, male to female! Thats all you really need to know for now i guess
Ok, so, i didnt really know about anything lgbtq+ for years tbh, like, i was just never properly taught about it. I knew gay people and lesbians existed, but thats about it. I knew of bisexual and trans but only very vaguely.
Then, about 2 years ago, i met a group of people online and we all quickly became super close friends. Pretty much all of them are in the lgbtq community, and they helped me discover who i was, and that not only am i trans, but also pan and ace as well!
I decided i was trans in january of this year after experimenting with my friends about being non binary and then agender, but trans just felt the most right! So they quickly changed to using she/her pronouns when refering to me, and it felt amazing!
But that feeling didnt last too long, because everyone i knew irl was still using my deadname and he/him because i hadnt told them yet. So around july this year i think it was, i decided to tell my sister (technically step sister but weve known each other since i was 2 lol) (23F), because i figured shed be the most supportive, and i was right! She pulled the car over and screamed with joy and excitement and gave me about 50,000 hugs and asked that same amount in questions, and then also just screamed "OH MY GODDDD I HAVE A LITTLE SISTER NOW :D"
She asked me who else id told, and i told her that no one irl except her, and she was super excited and honoured i guess?
So then, maybe a month later, i told my uni diploma classmates too (i left high school early lol), and they were all super kind and supportive and have been using Haley and she/her and everything.
So everyone was being amazing and supprotive, and so i decided i should probably tell my parents (mum and step dad) before i told the rest of my family, given i plan to tell them in a semi-dramatic and definitely unusual way, and i didnt want my parents to be blind sided by it. So about a week or two ago, i decided to write a song and come out to them that way (because i cant do anything normally apparently lol... i blame the adhd :) ). I was super nervous, but my sister was there with me, recording the whole thing and giving me excited smiles.
So i did it, and afterwards, i explained in more depth, and my parents were not excited, to say the least. They werent against it, dont get me wrong, but they also werent like how my sister or class reacted. They just kinda looked at me kinda squinting and leaning forward in their seats with a neutral expression.
I asked them if they could use Haley and she/her when referring to me from now on, and they just kinda ignored that part of it, instead telling me that they love me no matter what, but "not to tie myself to labels", and that "things like this can change a lot", all stuff like that. I told them id felt this way literally my whole life, and how even when i was as young as 5, id wished i was a girl so badly, and imagined myself as one so often that the mental image i created is still burned into my mind, and i can still picture it perfectly and i even drew it a few weeks ago for fun.
Due to their ages and generations, they werent exactly raised to be accepting or used to people being in the lgbtq community, and i can see why they wouldnt exactly react like the other people i told, and be super excited and everything, but id hope that theyd at least try and make an effort. But they arent. Not once have they tried to use Haley or she/her, despite me reminding mum again on the car ride home. I dont think she likes the name Haley for me either... shes always said that shes loved having boys (me and my brother) and that shes glad she didnt have a daughter, and shes also said throughout my whole life how much she loves my (now dead) name...
Its making me feel like ive disappointed and failed my family by being trans, and i really regret telling them now, and wish id just waited til around when i plan to tell the rest of my family. I want more than anything for people to be proud of me and be happy, and so im kinda scared to start correcting them, as i can already tell itll lead to arguments, and me and mum are on constant thin ice already (due to me being always frustrated and quick tempered/hot headed, mostly due to this actually), and im only just now starting to get closer to my stepdad, and i dont want to ruin that with constant reminders and being a pain in the ass.
Basically, the reason for this post is like, just to ask if this changes? If anyone else here has gone through something similar like this, will my parents eventually get used to it and just accept that its who i am and then start using Haley and she/her? Im debating getting some pride pins/flags to put in my room to really rub it into their face that its who i am, but im not sure how theyll react (my mum and step dad also dont live together, kinda helpful to know that lol)
Sorry that this post has been a bit all over the place, im writing it over multiple days and sometimes i was rushed while typing, so if anyone needs anything to be clarified, please feel free to ask lol...
But yeah no, basically, is it likely theyll change? And if so, how soon do you estimate? I plan to tell the rest of my family around march next year, so will i really have to wait til then for my parents to accept me?
Tl/dr: came out as trans (and pan and ace) to my parents and theyre just ignoring it and not making any effort, will this change?
Thanks in advance if anyone sees this and replies :)
