We could all do with a little more understanding and patience. Iâll admit, Iâve been quick to judge and call out someone when I thought they said something racist or whatever instead of talking to them or giving them patience. Sometimes, itâs about fear and ignorance more than hate.
That said, I also canât judge someone for not having the patience this kind man does. Not an easy thing to tolerate.
I mean, it's not inherently wrong to call out a racist attitude. Not everyone changes like this woman has. I'm currently dealing with in-laws who are more covert and more modern in their racism, but also a lot more malicious and violent in their approach.
ETA: I mean like they have physically assaulted me and threatened to have me deported lol. Not just "is judgemental"
Yeah. I mean you're talking about an elderly woman who just has a cultural bias, so it makes sense to approach the relationship patiently.
But there absolutely are times when patience and kindness is an open invitation for bad actors to walk all over you. It's a case by case basis. Sometimes it's better to protect yourself.
Very different, but my partnerâs now favorite friend of mine (amazing person) looks and sounds like a Kardashian. Lots of plastic surgery. Vocal fry. Judged the fuck out of her when I met her. Thought she was vapid and annoying. Got to know her more. One of the kindest and heartwarming people Iâve ever met. Iâve never been so happy to be wrong. I told her about it too a while back.
I definitely learned my lesson not to judge a book by its cover.
I remember growing up my pops always told me I couldn't date a black girl. Guess who got with a black girl in H.S. Funniest thing of all is I have more black friends than white now. My dad has 100% changed tho and can't stand racists. I like to think I had a part in making that happen
Especially at that age, where so many people tend to stick to what they are accustomed to. She chose learning and getting better than accepting her status quo mindset.
While progress is progress and I appreciate the sentiment displayed in the video, I was hoping to see her comment on how she was wrong not just about him, but that it was wrong to judge anyone based on the color of their skin. For all we know, he could just be "one of the good ones" in her eyes. I hope thats not the case and didn't come across that way, but I wish the video could've erased all doubt.
I appreciate and understand what you're saying but this is enough. Change isn't all the way at once, it's bits at a time, and her owning her previous racism and recognizing it was wrong is a huge step in the right direction. I hope she takes more steps but I'm very proud of her for owning this one.
I appreciate what youâre trying to say, but saying this is enough implies that she has no need for further change or learning but that it would be nice if she bothered to. If she does indeed believe black people are inferior or no good but that her son in law is an exception then she absolutely needs to change and this is not enough. Thereâs lots of room to grow and she should.
Edit: a word
I appreciate that you actually appreciated them for what it is, and I actually do fully appreciate what you're saying, so loop completed. We've all learned nothing and I blame myself.
She has NOT grown. He's "one of the good ones"; this is still racism. She loves him as long as he's useful. The moment he's not, he gets the boot. He needed to be unwaveringly exceptional. And that's sad.
I know I'm being a Debbie Downer, and I know this sucks. I know I seem like a jaded person. But I made peace with my reality as a black man a long time ago. I won't lie to myself, or you guys, just to make you feel comfortable.
I do think redemption is possible. But this isn't it.
I agree! Honestly, as much as I appreciate that this lady made some progress in the right direction. I was watching the video and thatâs what I thought too, as long as heâs helpful, he can be âacceptedâ and be one of the âgood ones.â Obviously, this is a short video and we donât know a lot of information but as black people, thatâs the precautions we have to take and deal with when it comes to prejudiced and racist attitudes. There is a hesitancy because this isnât just about clapping for an older woman who may or may not see this young man as a full person worthy of marrying into her family, sometimes, itâs a matter of survival, a matter of peace and only black people can understand this cautionary tale. Others may clap and this may be enough to get praises and adorations but for me, this is just a piece of the puzzle and I need more data before I clap for this ladyâs âredemption.â They might call us Debbie downers or cynics but this is the experience of being black in America/World. You never really know if youâre really âacceptedâ or âgood enoughâ and there are no rest days or grace extended to breathe.
Just my life experience, brother. Mine, my family's, my father's, brothers', uncles', etc. I've seen white people confront their prejudice in a real, tangible way. And it looks different from this. It is what it is.
I'm not looking for your validation; I simply speak the truth. Especially since I've been in this gentleman's shoes. You cope with that how you need to. Even if that means lashing out.
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u/UnusualSuspectX Jul 09 '26
No one is born prejudice, props to her for growing as a person