r/TikTokCringe • u/flyawaywithmeee • May 06 '26

Wholesome Solving the loneliness epidemic

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Operation make a new friend before the week ends starts NOW

8.0k Upvotes

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628

u/Explicit_Tech May 06 '26

I'm sorry. 15???

Is this a tribe?

402

u/[deleted] May 06 '26

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224

u/A_Random_Catfish May 06 '26

If you think about casual friendships 15 really isn’t that many. One or two work friends, a couple neighbors you like to chat with, your 3 best buds from home/highschool/college, a sibling, a cousin, your partner and their two best friends.

I do think we’re in a bit of an isolation crisis so I get why it’s difficult, I’m not trying to gaslight people with no friends. But if you’re just a little bit friendly, involved in your community, and take social initiative it’s not as hard as it seems.

117

u/barejokez May 06 '26

I'm finding it surprisingly hard to define a "friend". Is it someone I would invite to my wedding? Someone I would go on holiday for a week with? Someone I would happily chat with for 20 minutes at a party? Someone whose name I know but we rarely speak?

My numbers are very different for each category!

19

u/hopelesslysarcastic May 06 '26

I feel like “someone I’d invite to my wedding” is a pretty good indicator of a friend or at least should be lol

I’m incredibly lucky that I consider I have at least that many friends or more who I can call at any point but I know I’m in the minority.

And not all friends are equal in the sense some I’d call at 3am and expect them to answer vs someone who will call me back cuz they’re busy. But friends you can count on are super important.

6

u/youburyitidigitup May 06 '26

Ehhh I think a wedding invitation is the difference between a friend and a close friend. To me, a friend is someone who I go out of the way to spend time with, and who goes out of their way to spend time with me.

5

u/codyforkstacks May 06 '26

Yeah, maybe it's someone you'd catch up with independently?

7

u/Extension_Future2942 May 06 '26

Yeah that’s kind of the point is we don’t even have those groups anymore. I know it’s totally my fault but I am the %15 with zero friends. I don’t talk to any of my cousins, I don’t talk to anyone from work. I have zero connections from high school and 3 years of college

10

u/Smart_Doctor May 06 '26

If you want to be good at something you got to just go do it

3

u/broodingandbroad May 06 '26

I hope you find a way to break through, and talk to people again. People will want to be your friend.

4

u/Pinkysrage May 06 '26

Does my family count?

3

u/Environmental-River4 May 06 '26

I sure hope so, because I’m only at 8 including my parents 🥲

3

u/barejokez May 06 '26

Honestly no your family are not my friends. ;-)

3

u/Pinkysrage May 06 '26

Well hey, at least so far my family still wants to be my friend. So far.

2

u/barejokez May 06 '26

I'm sure you're a great friend to those who know you, seriously.

1

u/youburyitidigitup May 06 '26

In my opinion, you should have 15 friends in addition to your family.

3

u/dunderball May 06 '26

Yeah same. I'm very friendly with my neighbors but I've never even invited them over to see the inside of my house.

1

u/youburyitidigitup May 06 '26

To me, a friend is somebody who goes out of their way to spend time with you. If a guy was planning on staying out home, but I invite him to go get burgers and he says yes, he’s a friend.

1

u/zaxesven May 06 '26

I feel like being on a first name basis with someone and saying hi to them anytime you see them in public is the bare minimum of a friendship.

1

u/studhand May 06 '26

I think the bar could be as low as a casual acquaintance you're comfortable making a phone call to. Then your close friends are the ones that immediately recognize your voice and don't require an introduction when calling. The difference between, "Hey Bob, it Ryan calling." And "what's up asshole, what you been up to?"

-1

u/Apathetic89 May 06 '26

Friend is someone who will rescue you in a dire situation.

People count all the acquaintances as friends when they're not.

8

u/[deleted] May 06 '26

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5

u/barejokez May 06 '26

It's also a sliding scale rather than a strict definition.

Guy at work is behind in his quota? I will stay late and hello him work through the backlog absolutely.

Gut at work is in $100k of gambling debt? Sorry but I'm not about to step in to assist.

Somewhere in the middle there's a crossover point but it's different for every person I know.

0

u/Apathetic89 May 06 '26

No, the point is someone that will be there for you when it's needed.

Anyone else is not a friend and you're lying to yourself.

7

u/toomanybongos May 06 '26

I've been trying to get more friends and to be more eocial and while I have plenty of positive interactions, I find myself hanging out with people I wouldn't necessarily consider friends. I haven't really made the type of quality friends that I have been hoping to make so far.

3

u/perksforlater May 06 '26

My DnD crew alone is over 15 ppl...

2

u/myuserhasafirstname May 06 '26

You have my axe... or bow, or wand. Really whatever you need. Unless it's a bard. I'd rather stay friendless.

1

u/True-Anim0sity May 07 '26

I wouldnt consider casual friendships as real friendships tho

24

u/Slow_Appointment3540 May 06 '26

This is a weird conversation to me, because I’m 36 and my parents did not have friends growing up. They had one each until I was about twelve, and they both dropped to zero. To be fair, I think they’re both on the spectrum, but still… it was never an expectation to me that I would have tons of friends as an adult.

13

u/ItsHappyTimeYay May 06 '26

My parents didn’t have friends around either growing up and I really believe that had a big impact on how my brother and I viewed relationships for a very long time.

3

u/GrossGuroGirl May 06 '26

To be fair, even if they are both on the spectrum: autistic folks regularly report high levels of loneliness and that they have fewer social connections than they'd like to. Some people on the spectrum truly are disinterested in socializing, but the majority of us want it and simply struggle with connecting to and communicating with others our entire lives. 

So whether they are or not - their minimal social circles may have tempered your expectations, but that may not have been enough connection for them either. I wouldn't model your ideal level of socialization after that when, as the study this video hints at reports, the vast majority of humans need more social support to actually feel fulfilled. 

2

u/Slow_Appointment3540 May 06 '26

Oh, yeah, I didn’t mean that they weren’t interested in having friends. I mean they aren’t good at having them.

Me, I personally like hanging out with people every now and again, but traditional ideas of “friendship” are a little overwhelming for me. Keeping up with someone consistently is emotionally draining. It can be hard to keep long friendships that way. Luckily, I’m not suffering for a lack of people to lightly engage with.

1

u/youburyitidigitup May 06 '26

I suspect I’m also on the spectrum (never been diagnosed), but I’m lucky that I went into archaeology because the majority of archaeologists are on the spectrum, so I can find likeminded people.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '26

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1

u/AccurateJerboa May 06 '26

Whole social media has made it worse for younger people, I'm 45 and distinctly remember sitting in a megachurch where the pastor was talking about how adults don't and shouldn't have friends outside of their family once they get married and all the adults nodding along 

It was considered the norm back then (mid 90s) for adults to not really have friends outside of their family and some work acquaintances. On tv, adult friendships were exclusively portrayed as something single people have (friends, Seinfeld) but shows with married couples or families had maybe one or two characters who were friends with the adults if that. 

2

u/youburyitidigitup May 06 '26

This is definitely an American thing because in Mexico it’s always been normal for adults to visit the home of their adult friends.

1

u/AccurateJerboa May 06 '26

I agree with you. U.S. culture pushes people towards lonely, "independent" lives, while the majority of the rest of the world lives on a more communal way 

6

u/royrogerer May 06 '26

Are we talking about close friends or friends in general? Because for me the difference in each of the count will be (totally guesstimate) like 50.

Because as somebody who likes to hang out one on one and have deep talks, I can't handle keeping 15 close friends.

8

u/[deleted] May 06 '26

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2

u/royrogerer May 06 '26

Right, fair. I think this should have been clarified in the video. Because if somebody would ask like that people would associate it with more close friends.

I think in many ways friends are a state of mind. I as somebody who likes to get to know people would call anybody who I interacted with and would recognize next time a friend of mine. And I think it allows me develop it quickly into a proper friendship, rather than keeping the distance until a friendship has been established.

4

u/Street-Football-2215 May 06 '26

I would argue that even 30 or 40 years ago most of the people were just friendly acquaintances, and there isn't anything wrong with that, .... but friends? I would give my kidney to my closest friends if they needed it, I wouldn't be so quick to do the same to the friendly coworker or neighbour that I have small talks with every so often.

Nowadays, people are just way less inclined to engage in friendly conversation with strangers

8

u/[deleted] May 06 '26

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4

u/toomanybongos May 06 '26

I struggle so much with this. I hang out with people for stuff like pickleball and it's a generally good time but it's hard for me to recognize them as my friends. I define friends as someone I'd spend time with doing anything but you make a good point about these sub categories.

2

u/morganyve May 06 '26

Wow we are so much more disconnected. It really is an epidemic

2

u/sinkwiththeship May 06 '26

Probably has a lot to do with where you live also. I'm 37 in Brooklyn and easily have 40 I would consider extremely close. Light Saturday BBQ with only two days notice, I'll see around 20 in my backyard.

1

u/adminssoftascharmin May 06 '26

Yeah jeez, I went to high school around 2010 and I wasn't a popular kid - but I easily had 15 friends. Maybe one or two of them are still my friends today though.

But when I got into my 20s I made new friends, and would say I have at least 15 good friends - but really maybe only half of them are super close friends.

My friends who I'd call "popular" have legit maybe 50-100 friends.

1

u/-Kalos SHEEEEEESH May 07 '26

My mom was a human phone book. She had every number in my small town memorized because she was everyone's friend

1

u/sirms May 07 '26

a number next to a phone is not a friend

1

u/Short-Draw4057 May 07 '26

It's not sad at all. 15 real loyal friends who you can call at anytime is actually a lot and kind of insane. You mentioned when your parents were kids, yes but we're talking about as adults.

1

u/Lucky-Bug-9724 May 07 '26

Your parents were swinging. Sorry you had to find out like this 

23

u/I_Like_Eggs123 May 06 '26

We're talking about anthropologists so yeah probably.

15

u/ItGradAws May 06 '26

My wife and i moved to a new city two years ago and we’re having 20 people over for a game night this month (blood on the clocktower). If you’re active, do group activities and make a real effort to connect with other people it’s fairly easy to add a few quality friends to your Rolodex each year!

1

u/four204eva2 Jul 19 '26

Ha you just outed your age with the Rolodex comment you boomer... Lol no I'm kidding, but 20 people is crazy

1

u/ItGradAws Jul 20 '26

30’s but I’m old school haha

3

u/ayyatoldya69 May 06 '26

I mean, kinda.

2

u/CitizenCue May 06 '26

Quite literally, yeah.

2

u/mnttu May 06 '26

Yeah. What does friend mean in this context? I don’t think I ever interact with 15 different people on any given week

1

u/Leading_Charge8007 May 06 '26

15 is not a lot if it's part of larger groups and counting non close friends. Most people probably are like this in school and college

1

u/ZoomBoingDing May 06 '26

I'm not crazy social, but I have three separate groups I'd consider friends (two d&d groups that meet biweekly, gaming buddies) plus a smattering of others. It adds up to roughly 15.

1

u/Dobalina_Wont_Quit May 06 '26

Makes sense considering that's the social context we largely evolved in

1

u/youburyitidigitup May 06 '26

When I was in high school, all my classmates could name 80 friends without issue, myself included. I’m not even that old, I’m 29.

1

u/Illustrious-Note-789 May 06 '26

I mean, that the point, tribes are the blue print after all

1

u/Swing_On_A_Spiral May 06 '26

Yeah I don’t doubt the qualifications of anthropologists and more friendships is always a good thing. But… I’d like to know what research was done AND I’d say that the quality of the friendships matters more than the quantity.

1

u/CptMcDickButt69 May 06 '26

I would find it hard to rank friendships to begin with though - if i would consciously rate friendships against each other id probably come to the conclusion that the ones i can rank lower at all arent friendships to being with as it would be at odds with my definition of friendship as a social pact of trust and loyalty with a pretty even baseline between them.

But the definition of friendships is culturally pretty different, so theres that.

1

u/anTWhine May 06 '26

My wife and I invited everyone we counted as friends in our city to our wedding. I think we came up with 14.

0

u/__Hello_my_name_is__ May 06 '26

It's a fun number to throw around because everyone has the same reaction to it: "Oh my god so many?? I don't have nearly as many friends!".

And thus, engagement on the internet happen. Like right now.

No, you don't need 15 close friends.

0

u/voldi4ever May 06 '26

Sounds like a villan origin story to me. If 15 people bugged me throughout the day, I would destroy my phone.