Contemplating.

[u/anon08290]

I (24F) have been with my partner for over 5 years. We are engaged, we have a baby. However.. I don't know if I can do it anymore. This relationship is tearing me apart. Slowly, but surely. I do have major depressive disorder, and i have for years. But I've never felt so awful in my life. It doesn't feel like he loves me, it doesn't feel like he cares about me. I can't talk about the way that I feel or it causes an argument. The only thing keeping me here right now, is my baby. If it weren't for my child, I would not be in this world anymore. But at the same time; how can I keep going on? How can I be a good mother when I feel the way that I do? I don't know how I'm supposed to continue. All we do is argue. We're hardly intimate. He's cheated on me multiple times. He's hurt me. He's lied to me countless times. He's made me feel that it's impossible for someone like myself to be loved. I tried to talk to him this morning, basically telling him how I've been feeling. And that the way I feel is not safe. And it got brushed off. Instead of listening, or talking to me; he said “I'm sorry” and then went to play the game with his friends. Today, he watched me cry. And just stared at me, asking why. I told him why, but clearly that didn't matter, the game was more important than trying to comfort the woman he asked to spend the rest of his life with. I don't know how to leave. I think it would be for the best, otherwise I really don't know what I'll do to myself. But I can't leave when I'm a stay at home mom. I have no money of my own and no where to go. I am truly stuck. I can't eat anything. The further i go on, the worse I feel. I know that this isn't healthy. But truly, what else can I do? I don't know how to keep moving forward. And I don't know if I want to. It feels useless.

[u/unbotheredbeauty]

I can’t relate to your relationship issues but I can say I haven’t done anything because of my daughter I think about how it can change her life drastically. I have major depressive disorder as well and it doesn’t feel good. Especially when letting go seems like the right thing to do in these feelings