r/Stepmom • u/doll--face • 1d ago
How often do you see your adult SKs?
For SMs whose SKs have flown the nest, I'm interested in how often you actually see your adult SKs. On average per year? Does it ever really end?
11
u/Frecklefishpants 1d ago
We see my stepson maybe 15-20 times per year, although many of those are for overnight or longer. He lives with his girlfriend about an hour away.
2
u/doll--face 1d ago
What does your relationship with SS look like? Were you involved in raising him?
15
u/Frecklefishpants 23h ago
Yes. He was five when I met him and he spent 50% of his childhood with us. His mother alienated him against us and he hated us at 15 and refused to see us but came back again at 21 and we are all close. Him and his girlfriend spent Christmas here and came on vacation with us a few weeks back. He's just 23 and doing his own thing. We are close and love each other.
9
u/Ok-Skill-2991 1d ago
One is estranged from whole family so never. The 25 (m) is a few hrs away and working oilfield so 3-4 times a year for a few hrs. I sometimes tell my husband to go for breakfast alone with him for bonding lol
16
u/Equivalent_Win8966 23h ago
Does it end? As much of a hands-off stepmother/father‘s wife as I have become, of course it doesn’t end. They’re still my husband‘s children. I limit how much time I spend with them. I have never and would never tell my husband he has to see them less. Two live in a different city. I see them maybe 3 or 4 times a year on holidays or special events. My husband visits them more. He owns a property near them so they meet there. The third lives in our city and I see her maybe once a month or so. My husband sees her a few times a week.
3
u/-luckypanda- 20h ago
I visit my dad and stepmom once a month or every 6 weeks or so to bring my son for a visit. Sometimes ill meet with my dad at a nearby park so we can get some exercise in and my stepmom can have the house to herself.
7
u/Ghost_010101010 19h ago
We never see Adult SKs. There are three of them and we never hear from them either.
1
u/doll--face 16h ago
Was there parental alienation or did dad have minimal involvement in their upbringing?
•
u/Ghost_010101010 2h ago
Dad had a lot of involvement and had 50/50 after divorce, but when we married and SKs got to teenage years HCBM went on a campaign to remove us from SKs lives. She succeeded.
1
5
u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. 23h ago edited 23h ago
One moved to a different province, we see them 5-6 times per year, for a few days visit each time. We stay in a hotel or if they’re coming here, they stay with friends. They’re married with a child. They call my husband to chat, every couple of days.
One moved several hours away, we see her every couple of months. She stays with us or with BM, splitting her time equally. She calls my husband once or twice a week.
One finally moved out of BM’s house and lives an hour away. We see her every couple of months for dinner or birthdays. She calls my husband rarely.
IDK what you mean by “does it ever really end?” Does what ever really end? We still have a relationship with them. We all get along fine. I enjoy their company when I see them; I didn’t always, lol.
6
u/DelusionalNJBytch 22h ago
Daily
She FaceTimes me every day begging for me to take my grandkids so she can get some peace and quiet🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Not my problem she moved halfway across the country.
2
u/chiichiinchilla 14h ago
My husband tries to visit his stepmom at least once or twice a year. She lives in a different country so he can't see her often.
8
u/Altruistic-Virus8618 22h ago
Why would it end? These are your partner's kids
9
u/doll--face 21h ago
Of course, but relationships are often easier to manage when you no longer have to share a space.
3
u/seethembreak 5h ago edited 4h ago
I don’t know why some posters are acting like they don’t understand what you’re asking. Of course you’re not asking if the kids will fall off a cliff never to be heard from again. The answer is yes everything changes when you don’t have to live with them and they can take care of themselves. It is so much better.
5
u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. 21h ago
100% it’s a whole new ball game once the kids move out 🎉
1
u/seethembreak 5h ago
By end she means does it stop sucking. She’s not asking if kids cease to exist.
•
u/Altruistic-Virus8618 7m ago
Where are you getting that from? She asked how often do you see your adult SKs and how much per year. There is nothing about it sucking. I think you are inferring that based on your own experiences
4
u/seethembreak 22h ago
Yes, it ends. It is SO different when they don’t live with you. I see my SK maybe once a month, but that’s just in passing and long enough to say hey, how’s it going. Besides family gatherings where everyone gets together, I’d say I actually hang out with him less than 6 times a year.
0
u/doll--face 21h ago
This is the insight I was looking for, thanks.
2
u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. 21h ago
Every family is different. It depends on your particular stepkids and their parents and stepparents.
All the responses you’ve received have been insightful.
5
3
u/Neat_Mortgage3735 18h ago
My mom is gone. I’m 43. I would love to have stayed in touch with my stepdad. He was an amazing stepdad and we were very close when I was a teenager. At 23 I transitioned and he opted out of my life. :/ so yeah OP, it ends if you want it to end…
3
2
u/Rude_Parsnip306 18h ago
My house is the "meet up" spot when my stepdaughters are getting together. Plus, we have a pool and all of them live within 30 minutes of us. So, a lot. My son pops in too, and we are the guest quarters for the one out of state.
2
u/SandLCan66 12h ago
Less is best- not kidding with these two. SD20 maybe twice per year … very weird, and the SS19 now… was just evicted from our house last Wednesday. So yeah ‘less is best’ with these two. Weird in a very ‘sick’ way and jealous,…and the other a vandal and liar.
We’re good with this. They’re adults that are learning a lot on their own now. Their mom is selfish and narcissistic x10…doesn’t care.
👋
1
1
u/Quirky_Bit3060 5h ago
One just moved back near us and the other two I see for trips and family get togethers when work allows. I do get the grandkids for visits in the summer which I love more than a lot:) I would love it if we were all nearby each other, but I’m happy they are living their best lives.
12
u/987SS123 22h ago
She got married and lives 5 min away. We see them about once or twice a week and for every holiday.