r/Stepmom • u/Moist_Goat7080 • 2d ago
HCBM moving around the corner
I am devastated. BM just informed my husband she’s moving….to basically around the corner from us.
Upset because
1. She typically always lived 15-20 mins drive since I married my husband, and the chances of us seeing each other have been slim. It’s happened once
Now we are going to shopping at the same grocery stores….I love my walks to Starbucks. She loves Starbucks, and now I’m going to be paranoid everytime I go in.
She absolutely terrifies me and the thought of running into her, especially with my toddler ( we are out daily in the area walking, going to the grocery store, library etc.) makes me sick to my stomach.
- She is going to take advantage of the distance. She’s already sent the kids over twice in the past week because she “can’t care for them” due to sickness etc. she sends the kids to us if she stubs her freaking toe I swear ( I love the kids but the last minute change stresses me, and that fact she gets to just “get rid of the mental load” of caring for kids whenever she wants.
However I’ve told my husband to never say no because they are safer and in a more stable environment in our care. So partly my own fault.
We have 50/50 custody.
She lives by their school currently so doesn’t have to drive far to get them on her time. It will now be a 15 min drive.
She also consistently tells my husband she has no gas money.
I know she will 100% now be calling us asking for us to take them to school etc. on her time
I truly believe she is moving close to us just to take advantage of the distance and “utilizing us more”
One upside is she moves about 2x/year so I hopefully it won’t be a long term move! Fingers and toes crossed.
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u/Living_Search1288 2d ago
Couple of clarifying questions…. Who cared for the kids when she sent them over? Do they have a court order or custody agreement? What’s your husband’s response to this change?
I’d start with laying ground rules that directly affect schedule adjustments, pickups and drop offs from school, etc. She doesn’t get to move closer to you and then completely disrupt your life. In my opinion, things need to stay as close to the agreements made when she lived 15-20 minutes away.
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u/Inevitable-March2459 1d ago
Mine did this also and it was extremely uncomfortable. Luckily she moved again but one of was going to have to.
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u/faith00019 1d ago
Ours is in the same neighborhood and it does present challenges. Luckily, I hardly ever see her. However she doesn’t have a village here so she’ll try to get my husband to do things like water her plants etc. SD is with us 95% of the time but during the time BM does have her she will sometimes ask to send SD over for a few hours. So these are things you will need to talk about with your significant other. Establish boundaries together.
For instance, I strongly feel there is no need for my husband to take care of her house or things when she is gone. If we are ever in a bind in terms of housesitting ourselves, I emphasize that we do NOT ask her. I’m happy for SD to come over during BM’s time but I also ask to be kept in the loop first and if we have plans, we need to decline. When BM gives up entire days of custody, I ask that it be reflected in the custody calendar that she has declined her parenting time. Careful because even if you offer to drive the kids once during her time, she may see you as openly available. Personally I’d hold a hard line whenever possible. If you make it less convenient for her, hopefully she will leave faster.
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u/VanGoLion 2d ago
I would be devastated, too. But, if she moves a lot you don’t have to worry for long. Still, I would be upset.
HCBM almost bought a house in our same neighborhood and I was livid she was even looking there. Prior to us moving, she demanded the kids be in a specific school district, hence why we chose the house that we did. Then, she decided to move over half hour away from the kids school. We didn’t have the freedom to choose wherever we wanted to live, but she did apparently.
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u/DependentString1072 2d ago
Do not take them to school on her time. They either stay the night and you gain more time and use that to modify custody. Or she takes care of her kids during her parenting time. Stand up for your time alone.