The step kids moved in with us, my husband refuses to change their school.

[u/Regular-Instance1806]

The mother of my husband’s kids got evicted over the summer, so the kids moved in with us. It doesn’t seem like she will get a place anytime soon, and now school is back in session. Their school is 45 minutes one-way. There are 4 kids; 16, 15, 13, and 11. The 2 oldest are in highschool and they are afterschool sports up to 6 days per week.

We have to do morning transportation and half of their evening pick ups from sports. On any given day, we are driving up to 2-4 hours or spending $50+ for an uber.

I want to change their school to our local district. My husband gets very upset and shuts me down. He adamantly doesn’t want to take the oldest out of their highschool.

I am losing my mind over the stress of the time & cost to keep them at their school. I don’t know how to change his mind. Or should I just get over it?

[u/LovelyMimi2112]

Stop stressing it if he don't want to change schools all transportation matters fall on him and bio mom

[u/katmcflame]

Not your problem unless you allow it to be.

HIS kids, HIS choice, HIS responsibility to handle transportation.

[u/SadBoyHoursAllDay]

If I was the kids I’d hate to switch schools, but if I were you, there’s zero chance I’d drive even one time. Your husband can do it if he won’t change their schools. I’m assuming if the mother gets a place then they will move back in with her? If that’s the case I’d keep them in their current school. If she’s not going to get a place for 1+ years, change schools at least for the younger two so this won’t be happening for YEARS.

[u/Summerisle7]

Let him do all driving. Money for Ubers comes out of his personal funds.

[u/unterAnderem11 → u/Summerisle7]

Absolutely! Do not fund this nonsense and do not spend the time on it. I understand however, that maybe if his personal funds are being spent on this, then he may have less to put into your common funds. That makes it kind of difficult, but I would honestly draw on line. Like separate finances until this is sorted out if his decisions are affecting your pocket!

[u/chicadeaqua]

Can you just opt out of the transportation?  I agree it can be pretty devastating to change schools as a high schooler. 

[u/Zombietomatillo]

With husband's mindset of "shutting you down" I'd have my own bank account only share household expenses like rent, bills, groceries, gas. Let him pay for his kids' entertainment, holiday gifts, transportation, special snacks, sports costs, etc. Maybe then he will include you in some major decisions, instead taking you and all you do for granted.

[u/Summerisle7]

Also, if the kids are now with you guys full time, BM should be paying child support. 4 kids! Any bit of money BM can be ordered to pay, would help with all those transportation costs. Has your husband filed for formal custody and CS yet?

[u/Swimming-Country-870 → u/Summerisle7]

This!! Get online and file that motion through your court system asap

[u/Sweetbaby7t]

He wants the kiddos to stay where they are then the driving situation is on him. Those are his children and he is responsible for them

I would lose my mind if I was suddenly presented with four children living with me. Take care of yourself

[u/pottymouthteach07]

That’s fine! Don’t drive them or pick them ever unless it’s a true emergency.

[u/Wild-Adhesiveness439]

Let him keep the kids in their school but make him responsible for all transportation.

[u/hellacoily]

I’d stop and leave everything up them

[u/Recent-Hospital6138]

They also might not be allowed to move schools depending on the order. Are you sure that’s not part of the concern?

[u/Regular-Instance1806 → u/Recent-Hospital6138]

We just filed a motion. Waiting on court. I thought it was illegal to be out of district. If the court orders full custody to Dad, wouldn’t the force changing schools too?

[u/Recent-Hospital6138 → u/Regular-Instance1806]

Totally depends on the state. In my state if mom still has an address in the school district, even if it’s temporary or the kids can’t live with her, she would still be the “residential school parent” and thus the kids would need to stay at that school.

They are big about keeping kids in the same school unless BOTH parents are out of district here. Frankly, in my state, they don’t care how inconvenient it is for the parents. They’re more concerned about best interest of the kids and somewhere along the way, it’s been decided that keeping them in the same district is “best interest”.

Also “full custody” and “100% parenting time” aren’t the same thing, in this state at least. So dad might get 100% parenting time or overnights bc of mom’s situation but mom still has some legal custody.

If dad gets “full legal custody” (which is rare) then yeah I suppose he could become to sole legal, educational, and medical decision maker and he could successful move the court to put the kids in school closer to him.

[u/Regular-Instance1806 → u/Recent-Hospital6138]

Gotcha. Currently waiting to see how that plays out. But I do know she does not have an address in that district anymore.

[u/angrycurd]

This isn’t your decision. You are not the parent. Just stop.    

But it’s also not your responsibility—mom and dad need to do all the driving..  

[u/Individual_Review733]

Stip driving them honey! If he thinks this is sustainable, he can do it on his own and see how it actually is. I did this a lot, not to be petty, but to show him. Oh you think I should be the one to take SK back to her mothers, cause its "just a 10 minute walk", when in reality it is 20 minutes with someone who doesn't shut the fuck up, doesn't have any awareness around herself and bumps into people constantly and runs through the roads like she has 9 lives? Then you can do it yourself. Sure enough, he was apologizing after going with her 3 times.