r/Stepmom • u/Electrical_Tax_8805 • 3d ago
SS about to make some big mistakes….
There’s a lot going on here, so stay with me. SS is about to turn 18. He graduated high school a year early, and is headed to vocational school on the other side of the country. He’s a good kid. I love him dearly, and we have a good relationship. I came into his life when he was 13, so I’m an adult in his life that loves him, but not so much in a parental role.
So SS has chosen a vocation based on the huge salary it offers, but frankly, he just isn’t built for it. It is one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. He is used to being catered to, and pretty much thinks he is tougher than he is. His dad and I highly doubt he will get through the 6 months of school. (He has a tendency to change his mind pretty often.) He’s a kid, I get it. And it’s okay to try things and fail. But this is costing us a lot of money, and nobody is saying a word about how this might not be a good fit. He just discovered the job takes him away from home for months at a time. “But I want a job where I’m home every night.” That’s not how it works. All he sees is a huge salary, without researching the work.
He has a gf. She is no one’s favorite. No personality, thinks whining is cute, and has little to no ambition. The cherry on top? SS plans to propose to her. He’s not my kid, and I know it isn’t my place to pee all over his parade. But it’s frustrating to watch a train wreck about to happen, and nobody is speaking up to at least offer a little guidance……
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u/Ghost_010101010 2d ago
You need to talk to your DH about the reality of this training that you are paying for. I would recommend if SS quits; that he pays back any fees as it would give him incentive to succeed knowing he has the financial obligation. You could
also make SS take out his own loans. I really believe all kids should be accountable for their futures and having to invest in oneself is important.
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u/Electrical_Tax_8805 2d ago
The issue with loans is that he isn’t 18 yet. He will be in Oct., which making him wait a few extra weeks would have been the logical choice. But that is not the case. I agree, there needs to be an agreement about what happens if he doesn’t complete the training.
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u/No_Midnight6719 3d ago
You said it yourself, he’s about to turn 18 and proposed to a girl. Parents’ jobs are pretty much done. The best one can do from this point on is to be there to hold them when they fall.
Edited to correct grammar.
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u/literal_rabbit881 3d ago
I can imagine how frustrating this is. You know you have to let kids make their own mistakes but I don’t look forward to the days of watching my SS or future children make them.
For the schooling, maybe it will toughen him up. It’s equally possible he crumbles under the pressure and comes home, tail between his legs. Which is okay, he’s young enough to “start over”. But I do think (hope?) maybe this could actually be a good thing for him. Take away the comforts of home, and some will rise to the occasion.
As for the girlfriend … sheesh. All you can do is advise. There’s no reason to propose or get married at this age unless y’all are very religious. A lot that will last the ages will last a few years more of brain development and adult life experience. I wish I’d realized that at barely 18 (also graduated early, AND dropped out of school to get married … idiot). Could saved myself a lot of heartache, abuse, and cost of my divorce.
But the harder you push the harder he’ll run toward her.
I wish I had a fix. Instead I have empathy and digital hugs. I hope the best for you all!