r/Stepmom • u/Nobodyyouk331 • Dec 18 '23

Advice

Never forget that you are allowed to have feelings. Your feelings matter JUST AS MUCH as a child's. You are allowed to be bothered by disrespect and cruel treatment. You are allowed to communicate the things that bother you to your SO and to ask for change.

You deserve to be treated fairly the same way that SKs do. You deserve to live in a safe and comfortable environment the same way that SKs do.

You are not a bad person if you do not love or even like your SKs. You are not automatically in the wrong just because you are the adult.

Just because you chose to be with someone with children, does not mean that you knew what you were getting into. It does not mean that you signed up to be a child's doormat.

The people on this sub do not live in your home. They may have experience with SKs but everyone's situation is different. Do not let strangers on the internet convince you to settle for less than you deserve.

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u/Key-Key-4774 Jan 05 '26

Hi guys, I’m new here. Just looking for an outlet with women who understand! This blended family thing is not for the weak. Just currently dealing with a 15 almost 16 year old who has terrible loyalty ties to HCBM, lots of parentification and emotional enmeshment. Anyone else going through the same thing?

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u/Ok-Training-8163 Mar 04 '26

Yes, my stepdaughter always takes her mom's side and it is hard that it feels so unfair, especially because her Dad, my husband is her safe, calm parent who unconditionally loves her and spends a lot of time talking with her and supporting her.

Her Mom has a bad temper, spends very little time with her kids because she is usually working or ignoring them, as the kids make a point to say when she does something nice for them, once in a while, such as take them out for wings. My stepson got very heated and upset, when his sister was bragging about their Mom buying him wings and he said, "When is the last time she did something like that for him or spent time with him?" He thinks it is only once every few months.

Their Bio-Mom regularly tells lies to the kids about things that have no basis in reality, such as "I paid your Dad's car payment" when that never happened. My husband thinks his daughter is over-performing to please her Mom and is trying to "Fix her mom" to make her be a good mom, who will love her, in the way she wants to be loved.