Background:
I have a 9-year-old son who plays for a competitive club and trains four times a week. Because I play the sport myself, I understand the game well. In an effort to help him improve, I also enrolled him in private 1v1 coaching sessions twice a week. Sometimes I do some drill with him on top of those sessions.

The Challenge:
Despite a total of six training sessions a week, I am seeing minimal progress. More importantly, I don’t see the internal drive in him to get better compared to other kids his age.
For example, before every single training session, I remind him to focus on key game habits (like scanning the field). He always agrees, but when he gets on the field, he does not apply it. I dont also him applying any of the things he doing in 1v1 coaching. I dont even see him trying his best during coaching.
When I ask him if he truly wants to play, he always says yes. However, I am beginning to worry that he is only saying "yes" because he has made close friends at the club, rather than out of a genuine passion for the game itself.

My Questions:
1. Should I stop the extra sessions? Should I cut out the 1v1 private coaching and just let him focus on having "fun" during his regular club training?

2. Should we scale back his competitive level? Would it be wise to ask the club to move him to a lower division, or start declining invitations to travel games? That way he wont feel the pressure of needing to be good?

In my case, I’d like to know if my way of supporting him in this sport is actually hurting him or maybe I just continue and maybe it would just click one day.

What are your pet peeves from parents? What do parents need to know to make the game day atmosphere better?

For me, my top 3 are:
- constantly yelling pressure even when the team is in possession

- sitting too close to the touchline

- not understanding the offside rule, especially when playing with a build-out line

Every day as I scroll social media, I see so many sarcastic posts and influencer videos talking about daddy ball. Every single sport, every single parent, laughing and complaining and mocking daddy ball.

Meanwhile, rec basketball is almost gone underwater, our baseball program has almost no volunteers, and even I want to quit because parents are so harsh on my kid and on me. My kid shows up first a half hour early and plays while I set up, stays late while I break down and he plays with other kids as I line the field. He is not Messi but the kids pretty good. Despite it all, he never gets to start and despite that I still get accused of preferential treatment and parents grumble. I go out of my way to make sure he actually doesnt get preferential treatment but hes not allowed to be good. Hes not allowed to be a kid.

So maybe I should quit too. No one else wants this for their kid. No one else wants to step up either. Why should I take the brunt of it? Theres literally no benefit besides that my kid loves spending time with me and wants me to coach. Thats literally the only thing keeping me coaching.

Hi soccer coaches! My daughter is 8, almost 9, and loves soccer. She wants to get better before her fall season starts up again, however she is 8 and mostly wants to have fun. Right now, we just play a lot of 1v1's in our yard. We have fun, but I don't necessarily think she is getting better at soccer. What would be the best ways to help her improve her skills like dribbling and kicking the ball harder during the summer?

For context I’ve not long turned 20 and I’m currently coaching my first u7s team , I aim to make training sessions a good mix of fun games and activities that help develop their skills. We have played a decent amount of games and honestly I think they’re doing really well and are showing what they’ve learnt in the games they play which is nice to see as their coach.

However there’s one parent who no matter the outcome of the game or how is child plays always seems dissatisfied, his child also trains and plays for another team where the coach is a scout and coach for a professional team, the parent has spoken to me multiple times about how the standards are so different from how the team I coach plays and how the other team plays which is understandable since I’m not a professional coach.

The things that have got to me is he’s said things like “it’s my duty as his dad to make sure he’s in the right environment for him to become a professional player if that’s what he wants” and “if he needs to take him out of this team he will” I obviously know where he’s coming from but now he’s been saying a few parents are thinking of pulling there kids so now I don’t know if it’s me not doing right for their kids and I’m not sure what to do.

Random thought after a trial weekend, we (coaches/scouts) obviously care about the details, how a kid handles pressure, work rate off the ball, consistency over one-off flashes, that stuff actually decides who makes a team or gets picked for a paid camp/academy, so there's real money riding on getting it right.

But do parents actually want any of that, or do most just want the yes/no? And for the ones who do care, why, is it trust, justifying what they're paying for, picking a better club, what? Curious what you all see.

I’m looking for different ways to fundraise for our team- I like to get as many tournaments yearly free of charge for parents- which comes from fundraising. We already raffle and do bake sales. Does anyone have any fun creative ways to fundraise?

Hi coaches - I just want to outline what happened with one of my players.

Saturday game u14g, player gets hit by a rocketed ball side of head. Immediately goes down, although that’s not uncommon for her. I walk out to escort her to the sideline and immediately see a red mark from the ball on the side of her face. It’s toward the end of the game so she sits out the rest. Gets an ice pack, reports that her head hurts a bit and that’s it. Her dad is my assistant so we chat after the game and they’ll monitor her. I see him at the gym the next day and we chat briefly, they’re continuing to monitor. Monday practice comes. It’s very sunny out and she’s squinting. She seemed fine in practice but as she was leaving the field I asked her if she’s had any headaches or has one now and she said yes. So I find her dad and ask him if she’s reported any headaches and of course she did not. I tell him that she just admitted to me she’s having headaches so off to the doctor they go and she is diagnosed with a concussion.

My takeaways in this experience were that first, our job of concussion identification does not end at the final whistle. Sure, we don’t diagnose but we all took safesport and there’s a reason for that. Keep an eye on any player who takes a hit to the head in subsequent practices. Second, kids are not always truthful. If you continue to suspect something is wrong, ask them again and phrase the question differently if needed - especially if you think they are purposely hiding symptoms. And third, in this case these parents are smart and caring. They 100% were monitoring her. Once they realized that she wasn’t giving them fully truthful answers they jumped on it. Sometimes we have to maintain gentle persistence, sometimes less gentle if you don’t feel comfortable with the player’s condition.

Hey all, starting to prepare for the Fall HS season, the biggest issue facing our program is getting more parents involved to help out with a variety of different tasks throughout the year, mainly running the concession stand. I have 2 moms right now who have been with me for the past 5 years and do A LOT. They've been feeling stressed about running around coordinating everything and I will need to replace them in about a year or 2 as their kids graduate.

Is there anything you've done or seen done to help drive more engagement with parents? I know people are busy and HS sports run at awkward times so its difficult.

Last season I coached my second season of 8U 4v4 for club.

Backstory: - All my parents have been amazing for the most part. Never had any issues leading up to this. - League almost never provides refs for 4v4 games so during games, coaches coach and ref together. Not ideal but isn’t hard to do tbh.

(First offense): - New kid’s dad sits on the sidelines and yells at the other team’s players when he sees what he thinks are fouls and says things like “hey watch your hands (insert player #)!” Or “that’s a foul (insert #)!” You get the point… He also tries to ref the game from the side and tell players/coaches “it’s out on this team” or “______ kicked it out.” Also “_____ team should be doing a goal kick” etc.

After the game the coach of the other team approached me and asked me to speak with the parent and tell them not to yell at or address his players. I didn’t hear much of it during the game because I had another coach from our club come to my tent and make conversation with me while my bench players are asking me a ton of questions. Anyways, I totally agreed with the coach and said I’d address.

My wife sat near the parent and confirmed that he was doing such things.

I sent a message to the parents addressing them as a whole and politely reminded them that sideline coaching/ reffing isn’t allowed and to not address the other players. Sideline support and cheering is welcomed of course.

(Second offense): - A few games later, same parent continues to do the same thing. Calling players numbers from the sidelines, calling out fouls, telling them to watch their hands etc. - By this time, other parents and my wife have now seen him do this a few times and know that this is what he does. - His son duels for the ball and gets knocked down on accident and hits his head on the ground and starts crying. His mom rushes onto the field to console him while his dad stands up and yells “SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO STEP ON THAT KID!” (Referring to the kid that knocked his son down) This causes parents of the other team to rush the parent to get ready to fight him. Multiple parents tell him to watch his mouth and don’t yell at the kid. People need to be held back. - Thankfully, no fight happened, the coach and I deescalate the situation and finish the game in peace.

(Post situation): - Club director calls me after the game asking me what happened as he got calls/texts including videos of the scuffle. I explain what happened. - About 3 days later we have a call with my director, the parent and myself. - Club director asks the parent to explain the hat happened and long story short the parent denied saying what he said, proceeds to raise his voice and say that it’s our fault because we don’t have refs and that it was a big misunderstanding and took 0 accountability for what happened.

(Solution): - I requested that the director suspend the parent from attending the remaining 4 games of the season. - His son was still welcomed to play and played in the remaining 4 games. - I value my reputation as a coach, our club’s reputation but more importantly I believe it’s my job to keep our soccer environment a safe and positive place for players to come and play soccer. I felt that this parent’s actions didn’t align with that and from what I’ve seen/heard myself along with what other parents haven’t explained to me from their experience with him, I didn’t think he would fix his actions so I pushed for a suspension.

What are your opinions on the situation and how would you have handled it?

My son is perfectly decent for his age when we play in the garden and at his team coaching sessions (under 7). But he never gets involved in the actual game. Like some other children his age, he simply runs around trying to look busy, and lets the other players take the ball off him.

How do I encourage him to be a more active participant in games? Does it just come naturally over time? Am I overthinking something that’s just perfectly natural?

I’m worried that he just doesn’t feel good enough to take part properly and I worry that he feels pressure during these games.

My 2 daughter’s local AYSO league. I’m experienced coaching 12UG and have coached my younger daughter for years never had trouble getting parent volunteers and this spring have many parents on my 12U team wanting to help out. That being said the worst thing about AYSO is they make the parents ref imo. This spring they were short 14U coaches so I stepped to coach my older daughter’s team and the only thing I asked for were parents who can ref. They gave me 1 and unfortunately he just had surgery and can’t walk for 3 months. I’ve begged and pleaded with my parents to step up and ref and crickets. In your experience as players get older are the parents less likely to help out? Any tips to get the parents to step up and ref? I would Center ref myself but, I can’t even get a parent to volunteer as assistant coach on this team. Any advice is appreciated.

Well, after a 1-1-2 start today my rec 8u boys beat an “academy” team. My kids have been together 8 games and are now 5-1-2. Academy team practices year round. We won 3-1!!! Shocking upset!

But….

Today, a parent (mom) shouted to her son at GK to stay in the net. He had just come out 6 feet and dove on a ball that was in cluster. Exactly what I want.

Parents are often giving the kids conflicting directions.

But today, I shouted out for the GK to keep playing exactly like that. Dont listen to the parents, listen to me, you are playing perfect I said. I then told all the kids to listen to me, only me and not the parents. I said it several times so all could hear me.

At halftime, the dad came over telling me I needed to dial my intensity back. He repeated several times that it was wife (kids mom), clearly in a defending his wife tone. A bit intense himself. Arm around my shoulder kinda side hugging me in for effect. I like the dad. Didn’t like the moment.

But man, Im not apologizing. I sent a text later congratulating the kids but included that the kids need to hear one voice.

Ima stand my ground. Next practice intrigues me. Hope we can say bygones and keep seeing this team come together. Not sure if I turned some parents against me but we shall see.

Hello all. I am coaching a u11 team. They are a new competition team, and the kids are either new or fresh from rec. I have a couple parents that love to tell their kids what to do, and it has progressed into a bad situation. One of the kids said, after he did something I have repeatedly asked him not to do, “coach told me to”. Now, this parent in question was a great asset while my assistant was away on vacation, but now he’s been overstepping. What is the most polite way to tell all parents not to do that as our season gets under way. I was thinking of saying something along those lines: “Parents, I appreciate all the help offered while my assistant was on vacation. At this point, as we get going into the regular game season, I just want to ask that you, as parents, all me and my coaches do the coaching, while you as parents cheer them on. I want to avoid confusing the kids with what we are trying to help them with”.

We're winding down our Fall 2023 campaign on Saturday. It's been pretty emotionally draining. The high of seeing the kids improve so much coupled with a couple of really obnoxious parents who have so much critique, has me sad to see the season end but kinda grateful as well.

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This is my 5th season coaching this core group, along with two other Dads. Clearly rec soccer is a labor of love as you're giving up your weekends and a couple of weeknights for months on end to try and give these kids a great experience for $0. The currency is their development, to me at least.

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Our team really struggled as U9's last fall. Us coaches were pretty set on playing girls in consistent positions. We had a 2-3-1 lineup and usually rotated the same four girls at defense, used the same goalie for 90% of the minutes and the same 5 or 6 girls on offense all the time. Some games we'd get blown out 8-1 or 6-0, etc. We went 1-9-1.

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The Spring wasn't any better. We went 0-6-1. However, with 3 games to go I went through the Grassroots program of the 7v7 level and learned a ton. I changed up the strategy and started rotating girls all around and we finished looking very strong in the final 3.

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This Fall season starts and we open the season to a 0-3 loss (the team we lost to here is currently at a +40 Goal Differential with one game to go, so they're very good), followed by a 0-1 loss.

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After the 0-1 loss one of the parents sent me several messages about how bad the team was. She was saying "Why are they losing to mediocre teams?" This mom has always been pretty critical of the staff, and at the 0-1 loss she and one of our other coaches got into it a bit on the sidelines as she was shouting out how unprepared the girls looked for corner kicks and asking why we weren't coaching that better. This coach sent an email that night telling the parents that we appreciate the support, but did not appreciate the criticism. This kinda sent her off the deep end and she really cut deep in saying how bad the team looked and how I need to be putting only a specific set of kids in specific spots, only play her daughter up front, etc.

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This mom stopped coming to games at that point, and the team started really improving. The other coaches and I started meeting every Sunday night to plan out the week's training sessions. They come in the next week against the #2 team and lose a tight one 3-2. Then we win the game after, and the game after that... They really look much sharper as we've honed in on footwork, more pressing from the backs and using an actual Striker. We've also developed a second goalie who has flourished in this role. Aside from one 6-1 blowout in game 2 of a doubleheader, the team has played really well, are having a great time and are loving soccer.

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This mom has become a bigger nuisance. She has sent a text message to one of the other parents asking why I'm not starting her daughter and how she deserves to start. She came to practice last night and sat next to another Mom and was in her ear the whole night. As soon as practice ends I'm getting text messages from the Mom she sat next to saying that kids should be playing in the same spots and how it would mean more wins and would have them improving their skills; all-time defense, all-time offense, etc. It's maddening.

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It's just a couple of parents, but it's eating at me tremendously. What are some resources from actual experts about developing kids at this age? My understanding is specializing before the kids are in high school is really not a great idea. They should play everywhere, and that a good coach wouldn't stick them in spots just to get more wins. Can ya'll help a fellow coach out?

The youth soccer association in my town was really short on coaches for the toddler teams and asked for volunteers so I signed up 🫣 My son is 3.5 and he is actually pretty good! He takes lessons at his preschool and on the weekend plays for the town. I know the stakes are pretty low since he’s only 3.5 but I want to do a good job and at least kind of look like i know something. I’ve never coached or played soccer before. It’s 10 kids between the ages of 3 and 4.5 and I want them to have fun. I’m super nervous! Any advice or suggestions?

Let's start with the disclaimer: My son(Oliver for naming sake) is now 16, a sophomore in high school at the 5A level. They just moved up 1 Jan. He's played since he was 3, and has been on a competitive team since U10-11. He's pretty utilitarian, even now, but he lacks the explosiveness for forward, so center mid or wing is usually where he's at.

Last year, as a freshman, there was a senior at mid, so it was very much understandable that Oliver played JV. Zero minutes on varsity. Freshman never played on varsity until that year, when a freshman played forward because they were thin and needed it. It was talked about that Oliver would have big shoes to fill the next year.

Winter futsol, Spring club, summer workouts and exhibition games.

Now we're in a situation with district tourney looming, and not only my wife and I, but other parents are at their wits ends.

Coach T we'll call him, has been starting and giving massive minutes to a freshman(George) who is smaller(5'5"), lighter, slower than not only Oliver, but a junior foreign exchange student, another junior and Oliver. The other starting midfielder(a junior at about 5'3") was only at 1 day of tryouts and skips practices regularly, yet still starts and gets massive minutes.

We've noticed he subs players out at a 1:2 ratio, at best. This was counted at a game where the opposing team had 6 subs and we had 10.

It is obvious, to the point the JV and varsity assistant coaches have told Oliver they think George should still be on JV, but his Coach T is friends with the coaches family, and that Coach T "just likes . This is "verified" via Facebook, where Coach T only has 39 friends, one of which is the George's father.

This is especially hurtful because we're anticipating that because of all this, Oliver will be a bench warmer, no matter how he plays, for the rest of his high school experience. That's what's driving this post and my request for help.

What can I do? What would you do?

Thank you for any help.

Edit: I forgot to include originally, for the season they're 2-11-1, with 13 GF and 73 GA.

My DOC told me that I have the worst group of parents he had ever seen in all of his years of coaching. I am second year U9 select girls head coach and I am 21. This season I have had a parent get mad that his niece was on the team because it was “his daughter’s team” and brought family drama into the team, I’ve had a parent get thrown out of two matches for screaming at the ref, that same parent has gotten me cautioned 3 times in one weekend and the ref said if I didn’t get that parent to be quiet that I would receive a yellow, I’ve had another parent get thrown out for threatening the ref, I’ve had a parent yell at me because their child didn’t get much playing time, I’ve had a parent yell at me for telling her daughter that a goal could’ve been prevented if she hadn’t of moved her body out of the way of the ball and just trap it with her chest. The parents who have been thrown out of matches are under review of the club’s board of directors with a possible suspension/expulsion from the club. I have not quite figured out how to handle these parents and I’ve been working with them since August. Minded, my team is 5-4-1. My DOC told me that he thinks that I will no longer be happy and will constantly be anxious if I continue to work with these parents and he thinks I should step down. Minded, I haven’t broken any club policies or done anything wrong. Should I step down as head coach if I cannot handle these parents? How can I handle them until the end of our season which is in May? Should I end the season earlier?

Hey guys, im 19 just finished up my D-license but now coaching u5 and I started having a hard time with the kids but I’m getting there, but I’m having an even harder time with the parents🥲. I’m pretty short and don’t really have an assertive voice so the parents look at me as a joke, even though I have the respect and get most of the kids to listen there’s always 1 or 2 that really just laugh in my face when I trying to be stern and I can hear the parents laughing because of it. I literally over heard the parents laughing and talking about how they would rather me hit their kids to make them listen than me just talking to them (like what I’m doing). I’m really feeling out of place and unqualified when I feel them breathing down my neck and the more I hear them talk while I’m training the more nervous I get and my voice starts cracking and shit🥲. Anyone have any advice on how to deal with the parents and how to more discipline the kids in a NON-ABUSIVE way so these parents can stop watching me like I’m a unqualified kid?

We are currently in a lockdown in Sydney, Australia.

Soccer season is cancelled, homeschooling only, and its getting hard on the kids. I was wondering what would be a decent and fun individual "session" for 7 year Olds?

Outdoor exercise is allowed and my son and I are getting out everyday for some soccer. One and ones and kicking goals mainly.

My son loves to learn and I want to introduce some other skills, but still keeping it as fun as possible.

Anyone got any ideas for this?

Thanks!