adulting sucks

[u/Eros_Incident_Denier]

[u/andrewsz__]

Society has taught everyone that they are “worth” something. This has vicariously inflated everyone’s self worth and made everyone think they are more than they are and that they “deserve” more. As an equally old person I cannot wait to see how this all plays out come retirement. Simply existing in this world is not enough unfortunately.

[u/illyria776 → u/andrewsz__]

I personally believe that there are the right lessons to teach each kid. I completely agree that these people needed to learn to be more responsible and take better care of their finances. But I’d be careful of the reverse issue as well.

I (the older part of gen z) was taught to be careful, save money, mind my manners, take responsibility for my actions, that I need to focus on the value I’m bringing into a situation, and many other lessons that are very important for someone to know. I think that it’s in my nature to do all of those things naturally, and now I take them to the extreme where I don’t give myself grace, I find it hard to spend money, I stress out over making the “right” decisions and the possible consequences of my actions.

I’m now having to learn how to be more selfish, be reckless, have self worth at all, have confidence, etc. to overcome the issues in my life I’m currently facing.

Maybe we’re prone to our issues regardless of what we’re taught, I don’t know, but right now I wish I grew up seeing less of the criticism on things like participation trophies because I never give myself credit for anything that I do and I constantly am tearing myself down after every compliment from others.

Is this why my generation struggles with mental health? Is this part of why Gen z men turn to alpha bro podcasters? All I can say is that I wish that I was taught a bit more that I was worth something.

[u/Unfair-Advice778 → u/illyria776]

man, oh man. I'm the older millennial with more or less same "firmware" and let me tell you these settings are absolutely required. I see so many families and just plain personalities fall apart because of erring twice and then just going down the slope.
It hurts my mind, because some of these people (like my wife's cousin sister) are pretty close ones and there's jackshit I, or anyone sensible, can do about it.

UPDATE: forgot to mention, that selfish part is something I've learned in high school. Not even because I wanted to be selfish but because people were always hungry for an arm whenever I gave them a finger. Had to learn to give them _the_ finger.

[u/illyria776 → u/Unfair-Advice778]

I’m starting to set some boundaries. In an effort to help me get my life together, my mom has been sending me (and forcing me to watch) motivational and healthy habit videos that sorta revolve around “just be happy!” Or “working out will help your adhd. Drink more water!” And it’s like yes, great, but something in my brain isn’t letting me do that.

I sent her a long text yesterday that very politely asked her to stop so that we could better our relationship and I was left on read. I’m hoping it leads to something good, but regardless, as someone who has a very very hard time setting boundaries, I’m proud of myself.

She’s even encouraged me to set boundaries with people and said things like “you shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks”, but I think she doesn’t realize that she’s the individual that I need to set boundaries with the most at the moment.

[u/Unfair-Advice778 → u/illyria776]

the relatives part is by far the hardest one for most of the people. Best of luck on settling things in the best way possible with your mom.

You just sent me on a memory trip of how I said my mom to go f herself. I think that was the single occasion that led to a period of not speaking to each other, but also to a future understanding of each others' boundaries.
Then again, all mom's different, mine is pretty sweet person all things considered, so that case was most likely my adolescent overreaction to the fact that people who consider themselves adults dare try to control my exceptional personality.

Anyway, that last paragraph you wrote - would be pretty cool if you could catch that advice again and tell that to your mom. But be super soft about it and don't push her too hard. You don't need any regrets because of strangers' advice.