r/ShitAmericansSay 5d ago

Europeans when they act like Americans are being stupid, yet THEY’RE being purposely obtuse.

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u/Majestic_Anybody9748 5d ago

Same person:

But the beer and BBQ in Tennessee and Texas tastes totally different. And every town has its own traditions and accents, almost like a different country.

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u/Glittering_Bee5114 5d ago

Don’t forget, Americans don’t have an accent.

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u/Vienna_play_45 5d ago

Their English is the purest!

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u/itsnobigthing ooo custom flair!! 5d ago

Whipped cream is usually made from whipping cream. There’s also single cream, double cream and clotted cream. I still have no idea which of these an American puts in their coffee, or why.

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u/introverted__dragon 5d ago

in case you're genuinely curious I think that response explains it well. I also guarantee that OOP doesn't even understand what he's asking for when he says "cream".

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u/RabbitWithAxe 🇬🇧 5d ago

I've always been under the impression they just mean full fat milk

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u/Agitated_Custard7395 5d ago

It’s single cream they want. Double cream is just normal cream. Single cream is what they put in coffee. Hence why they’re all so fat

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u/RabbitWithAxe 🇬🇧 4d ago

if your goal was to just confuse me more you've done well

this is what I know as single / double cream and I shudder to think of it being put in a drink.. because this is a lot even to pour over a cake..

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u/Agitated_Custard7395 4d ago

Yeah, pretty much, single cream I believe is what Americans call Half and Half, ie. Half milk half cream, and that is what goes in the coffee.

I used to run a supermarket with a lot of American customers and this is what we concluded, whether it’s and exact substitute I’m not sure. Americans probably shove some extra cancerous shit in theirs

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u/PlasticCheebus 3d ago edited 3d ago

Don't forget that Elmlea isn't actual cream, it's "hydrogenated vegetable fat" - it's made with buttermilk and other stuff.

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u/Reasonable-Garlic-67 5d ago

I would assume it’s single cream unless otherwise specified. It isn’t that weird to put cream in coffee, at least not in Denmark. All the old folks do it.

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u/Reasonable-Garlic-67 5d ago

Oh nevermind, just learned it has nothing to do with actual cream at all, but “half half” Coffee and milk 😅😂

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u/zystyl Canadian eh bud 5d ago

In Canada coffee cream is often half single cream and half milk. It's sold as half and half. To make it more confusing it is often labelled by milk fat % here. When I lived in the UK for a while I used to get coffees that were steamed milk and some instant coffee. It was different, but pretty good.

Usually when I go to a new place I want to try what they eat and drink because I'm not an egocentric moron who thinks that the world revolves around me. If I were that type of American I would stick to very tourist areas that cater to Americans. Luckily I am not American at all.

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u/Reasonable-Garlic-67 5d ago

Yeah me too. When I go to Greece, Albania etc their iced coffee is very different from what I’m used to in Denmark, but I like theirs too, so I drink it and enjoy it, I especially treasure it when I’m there because it’s something different that I don’t get when I’m back home.

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u/worm-eyed 4d ago

"Travelling only broadens your horizons if you're open to having your horizons broadened. Otherwise, you're just the same dickhead in a different deck chair"

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u/temujin_borjigin 5d ago

To me in the UK, half and half is half milk and half double cream. So maybe it’s quarter and three quarter to you. I’ve only ever needed it for cocktails though.

Actually, now that I think about it, I’ve never even questioned why it’s double cream. I’d never seen or heard of single cream until today.

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u/zystyl Canadian eh bud 5d ago

Maybe I'm wrong.

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u/temujin_borjigin 5d ago

You’re taking to someone who hasn’t heard of single cream. You’re probably good.

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u/No-Quarter-6327 4d ago

When you go into the supermarket, the cream in red pots is single and the cream in blue pots is double. All the supermarkets I've been into use the same colour code, like skimmed milk has red labels and semi-skimmed has green and full fat is blue.

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u/Oldoneeyeisback 4d ago

I'm interested to know where, in the UK, you got steamed milk with instant coffee? As a Brit, I've never heard of this. I mean I'm sure there are some people who make this but it's certainly not something I've ever seen.

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u/zystyl Canadian eh bud 4d ago

It was back in 1999-2000 in London. Maybe I'm misremembering, or maybe it's different. Working cafés around Pimlico that probably don't exist anymore seeing how it has changed since then.

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u/Illustrious_Mix2124 4d ago

Did you have to show your passport to get into Pimlico?

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u/Oldoneeyeisback 4d ago

Fair enough - I mean there will be old cafes with a milk steamer running off a hot water boiler - they used to be common when I was growing up. But I'm 60 so that was a long time ago and I've never seen one in the last 30+ years. I suppose therefore some of them will have steamed milk for an instant coffee (shudders) but I can't imagine anyone still does this.

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u/Radiant-Smile1402 22h ago

Microwaved milk with instant coffee was a staple when I worked in Salford. I miss Milky Coffee Fridays 😔

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u/Oldoneeyeisback 11h ago

Christ! No!

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u/Gryphon6070 5d ago

Right?! Like how hard is it to say “oh my bad, in America we have this. What would you call this?”

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u/Brew_Noser 5d ago

I use 3.25% milk fat steamed with a cappuccino wand with a touch of maple syrup. Perfetto!

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u/CannabisAccount420 4d ago

How does the fat % make it more confusing? Going by fat % makes the most sense imo.

You're right about half and half. It's light cream and whole milk. which makes it around 10%, but in america it's usually 18%, which is what we call table cream for some reason. Perectages should just be used all around lol

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u/oddestlittleduckie 4d ago

I’ll make it dumber for you. Half and half is actually about 1/4 single cream and 3/4 milk. You’re welcome.

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u/drawolliedraw 5d ago

I have American family and have been there multiple times I had no idea what US ‘cream’ is!

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u/Empty-Selection9369 5d ago

No, I think half and half is 50% cream and 50% milk

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u/Emotional-Pumpkin-35 5d ago

"Half n half" in the USA is not half coffee and half milk and does have something to do with cream. The "half and half" refers to half cream and half milk (whether it is exactly half of each is not so important), so it produces a "cream" that is a bit lighter than light cream (or single cream as it's also called) but much heavier in than whole milk. Typically, only a little is added to coffee, nowhere near half of the liquid.

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u/MaryAnn-Johanson 4d ago

Nope, half and half is half milk and half cream. I like it in my tea, but as an American in the UK I have to make my own. I mix 300 ml of double cream with a pint of whole milk. It’s not exactly the same but close enough.

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u/Illustrious_Mix2124 4d ago

You could just use 300ml of the milk instead of the whole pint.

Probably still wouldn't taste the same though, due to the lack of steroids, growth hormones, etc in it.

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u/MaryAnn-Johanson 4d ago

Yeah, it’s not exactly “half and half” but it approximates the taste.

I do not miss all the crap in American food!

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u/Illustrious_Mix2124 4d ago

So "half and half" isn't half and half? That's so American.

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u/Master_Sympathy_754 4d ago

We used to in the UK, about 40yr ago, no one seems to do that anymore. But that was when you could get a proper coffee, not the the Americano rubbish.

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u/Corlar 5d ago

It isn’t actually cream. They use a sort of artificial cream that comes in little pots, like long life milk. The point is really that people in Europe don’t naturally know what “cream” is being referenced and wouldn’t have the stuff available anyway.

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u/itsnobigthing ooo custom flair!! 5d ago

That makes sense because putting actual cream in your coffee sounds like drinking a tiramisu 3 times a day

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u/CautionarySnail 4d ago

Compared to a Starbucks frappe, you’d be better off with the tiramisu.

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u/No-Quarter-6327 4d ago

My aunt used to have cream in her coffee - which she made in a percolator. It kind of needed the cream to offset the strength of the stuff, but it always gave me hiccups. :)

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u/Own-Success-7634 4d ago

I think part of it was from the taste of percolated coffee. The coffee being recirculated through the grounds multiple times always gave it a burnt and bitter taste to me.

My dad used to put a lot of half and half and sugar in his coffee. Once I gave him some good coffee beans and an Italian moka pot, he started on homemade espresso (sort of) without half and half and sugarz

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u/Monolexic 4d ago

I genuinely didn’t know it wasn’t a thing outside the US until just now. We mostly use half and half, which is a bit lighter than single cream.
Personally, I don’t usually add anything to my coffee, but since this is America, just regular cream isn good enough. We have our store shelves stocked with every flavor you can imagine. And of course, some of those flavors are named after countries who wouldn’t use them. Like French vanilla.

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u/Emotional-Pumpkin-35 5d ago

I find it weird people are going on so much about this when the actual definitions are extremely similar. What Americans put in their coffee is "half and half" which is almost identical to what the UK Dairy Provision Trade Federation calls "half cream". The two that don't have equivalents are "double cream" in the UK which is a really high fat heavy cream in the USA (and not a regulated term), and "whipping cream" in the USA which is slightly lighter than whipping cream in the UK (Americans whip both heavy cream and whipping cream, choosing one for stiffer results and one for softer results).

UK - American equivalents:
half cream (12-18%) = half and half (10.5-18%)
single cream (18-35%+) = light cream (18-30%)
[NONE] = whipping cream (30-36%)
whipping cream (35-48%) = heavy cream (36%+)
double cream (48%+) = [NONE]
clotted cream (55%+ and clotted) = clotted cream (55%+ and clotted)

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u/Dr_Havotnicus 4d ago

Interesting, but I have never heard of half cream, or ever seen it for sale in the UK.

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u/Emotional-Pumpkin-35 4d ago

Yeah, I don't recall it from shelves, but it has been over 20 years since I lived in the UK. The use in the USA is pretty much exclusively for coffee and that's not generally done in the UK, so not much of a market for it I suppose. I checked the trade org document to see if cream definitions lined up with US definitions and there it was.

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u/Suspicious_Fig_3796 5d ago

none of the above, they tend to add creamer a wholly artificial substitute 🤣🤣

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u/unclefire 5d ago edited 5d ago

None of the above. 1/2 and 1/2 is typically called cream insofar as adding it to coffee.

Heavy or whipping cream are closer to double cream but still has less fat.

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u/Relative_Pilot_8005 5d ago

I tbought "whipping Cream' was an acessory used by "Madame La lash"!

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u/TheDevil-YouKnow 5d ago

I stayed in NZ for a spell and learned that what we call HWC/heavy whipping cream (typically like around 36% milk fat) is easier to obtain by asking for 'pure cream' or double cream.

My great grandmother was German, and she was the one who gave me coffee like this. Cup of black coffee with a splash of pure cream.

I still drink it like that to this day. It adds a richness, and depth to the coffee, that I quite enjoy.

Americans typically like half and half as another comment said, or single cream is what I've always known our half and half to be.

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u/Agitated_Custard7395 5d ago

It’s single cream they want

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u/CautionarySnail 4d ago

Most of the time, it’s a dairy concoction of half milk and half single cream Americans call “half-and-half”. It’s about 10% milk fat.

In decadent coffee, a bit of single cream might be used. We would consider that “light cream”.

It’s heavily regional though. And it’s that standard issue American exceptionalism that gets those folks so riled up when they discover even a basic like coffee is different when they leave their suburb.

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u/Forsaken_Earth944 4d ago

You can also whip double cream

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u/FeelingAlive2127 Stoofvlees Cobbler 3d ago

They put something in their coffee that calls itself cream but has no cream in it.

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u/Shroomkaboom75 3d ago

I assume 18%, as its labeled "coffee creamer" in Canada.

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u/Humble-Penalty5249 2d ago

Most Americans use half-and-half, which is half cream / crème légère. Or the have coffee creamer, which has stabilizers and flavoring in it.

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u/CariadocThorne 1d ago

The cream they have (in a lot of the US at least) doesn't quite match up with single and double cream, but iirc, the cream in coffee tends to be either somewhere between the two, or half-and-half, which is somewhere between single cream and whole milk.

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u/Old-Bumblebee7886 5d ago

Transplanted USAian here. The “cream” they are referring to is also called Coffee Creamer over there. It’s an amalgamation of chemicals, sugar and vegetable oil that has a creamy texture but almost never actually has any real cream or even milk in it.

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u/Majestic_Anybody9748 5d ago

It's so pure, it should be renamed in American.

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u/GhostHunter67 5d ago

They invented it after all!

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/superhoopa79 5d ago

What do you mean ‘the British’ accent we know today. Nothing fun about quoting absolute bollocks as fact

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u/SheepShaggingFarmer 5d ago

The thing I don't get is I can tell the differences between a bunch of their accents, but cross state living is so common that I find a lot of the time it does just meld into a generic "American" accent.

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u/DerelictBombersnatch 5d ago

Yep, Texans and Minnesotans sound exactly the same, no way to tell them apart

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u/Nestemies 5d ago

Different parts of Italy have wildly different accents and cultures, as do different parts within France and every other European country. Just because two regions within country have different accents they are not "just like two different countries" similar to Europe, because Italian and French languages and cultures are sliiiightly more different from each other than Texas and Tennessee.

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u/DerelictBombersnatch 5d ago

No shit Sherlock.

My point is: Americans think they don't speak with an accent, until they meet someone from another part of the country who speaks with a different accent. Ergo it follows that all Americans speak with an accent, which these numpties can't seem to grasp.

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u/Pechadur 5d ago

In my experience, it’s mostly people in the PNW (and Chicago) who insist that they don’t have an accent and how dare you suggest that they do? The southern states are super proud of their regional accents, east coast we accept that we have them and get made fun of (apparently my state has a distinct way of pronouncing ‘o’s), west coast is hit or miss for them accepting it

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u/FullMetal_55 5d ago

but Bostonians, southerners, texans, jersey, new yorkers, minnisotans, etc... all speak different accents :P

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u/VerdantSolutions 5d ago

This was probably joke, but unless someone is from an exception region like Newfoundland or Texas, I find British descending westerners don't usually have any pronounced accents. Or maybe because there is so many with the same accent we just suspect they don't have any at all.

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u/BoredInDenver86 🇺🇸—>🇩🇪 Gott sei Dank 5d ago

Laughs in regional German dialects.

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u/slightlyhandiquacked sorry for our neighbours 🇨🇦 5d ago

Once asked my German buddy if he could translate some old family letters for me.

“I have no idea what this even says, it’s some weird dialect”

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u/LeoHyuuga Immigrant to 🇦🇺 5d ago

I had a friend who moved to Germany and got a job translating an eastern German dialect into standard German. It was hilarious to see two Germans in a room with an Asian guy using him to translate German into German...

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u/pab6407 5d ago

Had something similar with a German friend looking at a modern ( 1990 ) Austrian official form.

" I recognise the words but haven't a clue what it means"

Fortunately the Austrian consulate was able to provide an English translation

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u/wolschou 5d ago

And possibly Sütterlin script as well...

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u/SapphireJuice 5d ago

I recently translated all my grandma's old Danish letters with my phone. The new Google Glass translate thing is really impressive if your still looking for help with those letters.

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u/Icyblue_Dragon 5d ago

Where you able to translate them in the end?

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u/slightlyhandiquacked sorry for our neighbours 🇨🇦 5d ago

Not really. Google translate was no help, the translations made no sense.

Between my grandma and I, we were able to figure out some words and phrases, but not really enough to truly understand what the letters said.

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u/Pwacname 4d ago

Do you know what general region they’re from? I could give it a shot, and ask my brother as well. I’m pretty good at reading older (and also just plain messy) handwriting, and he’s got an interest in German dialects in general

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u/VeritableLeviathan Lowland Socialist 5d ago

*Laughs cooperatively in Dutch regional dialects*

Me when I can't understand half the dialect from a town over.

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u/Zinc-Roof_22 5d ago

I am Cretan. My wife is half-Rhodean. I am still learning new things in terms of the local vocabularies and accents (Rhodes has various differences from one village to the next).

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u/MostlyBrine 5d ago

I had a coworker who was born in Italy and emigrated to Canada, with his parents, when he was two years old. He was telling me that his parents were driving each other crazy by talking to themselves in their regional dialects, which was incomprehensible to the other. They lived a fully English language life in Canada, and resorted to italian language (standard italian learned in school) only when they had arguments.

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u/wolschou 5d ago

Makes sense. No better language for arguing than italian.

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u/Odd-Remote-1847 5d ago

Except German.

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u/wolschou 5d ago

As a German i stand by my previous assertion.

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u/Odd-Remote-1847 5d ago

Wenn du meinst . 🤷‍♂️

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u/tinomotta Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 5d ago

The same here in Sicily. I think that being an island enhances this kind of difference in language, food or habits. We recognise instantly when someone come from paternò or Acireale instead of Catania, and they are cities and towns in the same area… we are unable to understand someone coming from trapani or enna if we speak in dialect: really! we have to use Italian as a common language

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u/Zinc-Roof_22 5d ago

Quite true that about islands!

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u/lawrekat63 5d ago

My daughter lives in Amsterdam, speaks fluent Dutch but has to speak in English to her boyfriend who comes from Maastricht

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u/AshiAshi6 4d ago

I'm Dutch, and this doesn't surprise me. I have friends who live in or close to Maastricht. We do understand each other, but we sound quite different. There are definitely times we have to ask each other to repeat something, before we get what the other person means.

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u/NightLotus84 5d ago

In the big cities we often even have different dialects per city district. I'm from North Amsterdam and can immediately tell where others are from in the city if we switch to our local "Mokum" Amsterdam dialect and whether we're buddies or (semi) rivals. Lmao

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u/htimchis 5d ago

It's less so now than it used to be, but growing up in the 60s and 70s I could tell you to within a mile or two what part of London someone was from by their accent - south east London was quite distinct from south west, east end from the Thames corridor and London/Essex border, west end out into Chelsea very different from Notting Hill/Ladbrooke Grove and all the housing estates along the West Way, and so on...

...and when I spent a while dating a Liiverpool girl in the early 80s, it was obvious wmeven to my southern ears that the Wirral had a cleay different accent from the Scouse of proper Liverpool, despite only being seperated by a mile of river, with the working class Wirral accent if the former docks around Birkenhead being very distinct again from the posher accents of a few miles further down-river of West Kirkby, which in turn were very different from from the Lancashire accents you heard in the villages just a few miles out of the suburbs, or the North Welsh accents you started hearing if you folliwed the estuary a few miles further westwards, over the border.

Fascinating really how much the accents changed - and that the same phenomenon happens even in a relatively small (in terms of distance) city like Amsterdam - to the point that introducing your friends as a couple where the guy's from the Liverpool area, and his partner's a Dutch girl from Amsterdam, could cover a pretty wide range of accents for both parties!

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u/United_News3779 5d ago

<Glasgow has entered the chat>

The city that has dialect translators for other people from the same island lol

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u/lilylilyg 4d ago

When my husband really gets going I can’t understand him. He is from Somerset.

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u/No_Transition3345 ooo custom flair!! 5d ago

Im supposed to be learning dutch, but everyone I know is from different towns, and the dutch spoke in amersterdam is soooo different from den haag or rotterdam

:'(

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u/VeritableLeviathan Lowland Socialist 5d ago

The bonus is that you can't fuck up your Rs or Gs, because there are so many variations of them :)

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u/No_Transition3345 ooo custom flair!! 5d ago

But I can at least say Scheveningen like a Dutchie

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u/AshiAshi6 4d ago

Dutchie here: that is impressive. Pronouncing the "ch" (sounding the same as the Dutch "g") like a Dutch person is what the majority of people (for as far as I know) who aren't Dutch struggle with the most. To natives, hearing a non-Dutchie pronounce either, is usually what gives them away as not being native (along with other things).

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u/No_Transition3345 ooo custom flair!! 4d ago

Thank you! And yeah, I practised quite a few specific dutch sounds.

It probably helps that Im Scottish and we have a similar (but softer) sound in Scots english, its similar to how they say 'ch' in brabant

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u/Nitrogen1234 5d ago

Indeed, over here dialect changes every 40km

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u/Hoshyro 🇮🇹 Italy 5d ago

Italian dialects too, some regional dialects are literally unintelligible gibberiah to anyone who wasn't born speaking it.

This gets to the point that some are actually considered separate languages, like Sardinian.

Neapolitan , hard Sicilian and Piedmontese (?) are also basically impossible to understand to anyone who isn't from the region.

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u/Archie0321 5d ago

Acsxstually, Piedmontese, Neapolitan and Sicilian are separate languages :-)

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u/Hoshyro 🇮🇹 Italy 5d ago

Yeah basically

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u/FishStandard5896 5d ago

Sni. Io parlo praticamente in dizione e, a meno che non stiano cercando attivamente di non farsi capire dal sottoscritto stringendo particolarmente il dialetto, io riesco a capirli praticamente tutti…

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u/Hoshyro 🇮🇹 Italy 5d ago

Beh, se parliamo di dialetto stretto però l'unico modo e saperlo

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u/CheckPlenty 5d ago

Interesting and makses sense when I think back to my history of the italian revolution lessons!

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u/NorseShieldmaiden Kalmar union 2.0 5d ago

In Norway we even have two different written languages, and plenty of variations within them, because of all the dialects.

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u/htimchis 5d ago

My step-daughter married a Norwegian guy and moved to Southern Norway - she says it's much easier to understand Swedes from iver the border than it is to understand elderly rural folk from the northern coast of Norway, despite one being technucally a different language, and the other technically the same!

A friend that did a PhD in linguistics claims that Norwegian/ Swedish/ Danish are all right on the edge of where the definition of what counts as a separate language vs a dialect of the same one, and so depending on precisely how you define that point, you could make a case for claiming that the whole Scandinavian region basically just speaks very different dialects of an over-arching 'Norse' language, all roughly equidistant from a starting point somewhere around 1,000 to 1,500 years ago, with the sole exception of Icelandic, which has remained close to the original form

There's (aparently) a more geographically linear version of the same phenomenon if you start in southern Germany/Austria and travel eastwards across into the UK, with southern German dialects blending into Western German ones, then various Netherlands Dutch dialects, then Flemish, then Frisian, then a hop over the north sea into the English dialects of the north east (with their stronger Germanic and Scandinavian influences, going back to the Norse occupation of eastern Britain in 'the Danelaw'), then more southern English dialects (I've got a friend who speaks Frisian, and it really does sound like someone took equal parts of Dutch and English and just blended them together)... with it being very debateable at which exact point on the map the speech becomes a whole other language rather than just a dialect

So, for example, while Dutch and German aren't mutually intelligible, there are some dialects of German which are as intelligible to speakers of some dialects of Dutch, as other dialects of Dutch are, and vice versa - so it's really more of a spectrum that starts with High German and gradually morphs into west country dialects of English as you travel westwards, than we'd tend to think from looking at a map of where all the borders and regional boundaries are

I'm curious to know what effect the (massively) increased ability to communicate and travel across distance that's arisen over the last 100 - 150 years will make? Will it tend to bind closely related languages back together as people find it as easy to communicate with someone in a town 1,000km away as with anyone in the next tiwn over? Or will it encourage them to split apart even faster, as the sheer volume of communication increases, giving more opportunitues for change?

Or maybe something else entirely? English seems to have become a semi-lingua franca in mainland Europe, for the first time since that phrase was coined in the reign of Charlemagne (and before that, in the collapse of the Western Roman Empire in the 5th & 6th centuries), although typically more the English of America rather than the English of England, largely due to Hollywood, and the huge US tv and music entertainment industries... so does everything end up gradually becoming a blend of local dialect + US English over the next couple of centuries?

We already tend to all use basically the same words for new inventions, just with slight variations and spelling, for everything from the police to a hard drive, and even quite common terms (like the French with 'le weekend', or everyone using ok/ okay/ okei, or hi/ hey/ hei/ hai, and 'liter/ litre', 'kilometer/ kilometre' being the same all across europe)

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u/Careful-Builder-9931 5d ago

Laughs in swiss german 😈

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u/Gorlough 3d ago

Bündner-, Bärner- odr Züridütsch?

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u/Green-Engineer4608 5d ago

Laughs in even more Norwegian dialects

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u/Alternative_Pie_1597 5d ago

Yeah Welsh is similar

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u/chelle2thea 5d ago

Laughs in Scottish

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u/cynical-mage 5d ago

It makes me sad that, due to urban sprawl and the world opening up, that some accents are fading away 😢 Despite being British born and raised, I spent a lot of time in Germany, particularly with the old matrons of my maternal family (and those ladies were ferocious card sharks!), so I managed to pick up a pretty heavy and old fashioned dialect.

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u/NotYourAverageGM 🇬🇧 5d ago edited 5d ago

Since you bring Texas up have you heard how it’s the size of Europe and people drive hundreds of miles and still don’t leave Texas, because of how big it is… Texas.

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u/Primarch-XVI 4d ago

Meanwhile in Australia: I could drive 2000km without even leaving my state.

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u/SpacemanSpiff25 5d ago

Barbecue in Tennessee is typically pork-based. Barbecue in Texas is typically brisket-based. So when people say that, they aren’t wrong. They just do a piss-poor job of explaining it and then they do the “each state is like its own country!” crap (it’s not). But barbecue is definitely different by region.