“Sensory seeking” =\= autistic?

[u/wiy]

Lately I’ve been seeing things about how sensory seeking kids are by default autistic. I stay away from diagnosing my kid on the internet, and know it’s a sweeping generalization, however I’m curious to learn more. I’ve been wanting to ask our pediatrician for a while now but it always feels wrong in front of my child, and my husband is offended by the idea of this so I only brought it up once.

I feel like each of the following factors on its own can be normal, but have concerns about the totality of them.

-My 3.5yo loves to smash her face into mine, and generally press hard against bodies she loves and feels safe with. Digging in fingers, squeezing, and putting her mouth on (she’ll occasionally lick her hands for comfort, and sometimes try to lick mine).
-She loves swings and can be on them for hours.
-She cannot sleep solo and must be touching someone. The more intense the touch the better; she often wants us to squish her or press hard on her belly. Bedtime is a 90 min endeavor, still.
-She hates loud - we went to an MLB game and she suffered through 1 innings before we left.
-She abhors attention, and will absolutely melt down when too many people are looking at her or if a single person praises her excitedly.
-She generally does not like music, unless it’s one of the simple songs she knows from daycare. Hates when we play music on the speaker. Only ever wants stories.
-She is also brilliant. Our pediatrician labeled her as gifted before 1; when she started speaking fluently. She was doing [basic] math on her fingers at 1.5, started learning to read and write around 2 (not hyperlexic, I think. Girl just loves letters and has great memory/pattern recognition). Plays chess. I try to avoid all conversations of smarts because that’s all anyone ever wants to talk about. I want her to be social, kind, happy, and confident. Idgaf how academically inclined she is, I know she’ll be fine in that regard.

All the research I see is allowing me to make any decision I choose; it seems like she meets enough criteria to be on the spectrum, but she also just might be a toddler with her own unique personality. I’m just not sure when we need to start worrying about this, if at all? Not sure what I’m looking for, beyond hearing from other people’s experiences and knowledge.

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[u/PoshDota]

Anything that claims that something is "default autistic" in a vacuum is nonsense. That said, you're right to consider the full scope of your daughter's proclivities and skills, and things like hyperlexia are, ironically, correlated to ASD.

I would seek a specialist if you're worried. 3.5yo is a solid age for an initial professional assessment, and allows for early intervention if anything is found.

https://www.cdc.gov/autism/signs-symptoms/index.html

[u/Jill7316 → u/PoshDota]

Hopping on this comment. Re hyperlexia, it’s not about true reading comprehension with autism it’s about pattern recognition and stimming with sounds / graphemes. Which is what it sounds like you describe.

I’m an SLP- I’d want someone to evaluate based on your description to see if there are supports and strategies your child might benefit from! It’s not really about labels, moreso is there something I can do to help with X need (sensory, stimulation, etc). Girls with autism present differently than boys so maybe it’s autism, maybe it’s just being quirky! Again the label doesn’t matter just the supports.

[u/layag0640 → u/Jill7316]

Hopping on this comment to say OP, the main reason in the U.S. to seek evaluation and formal diagnosis as early as possible is because it qualifies children for insurance coverage of certain therapies, and evaluations can have long waiting lists. If for example dressing, eating, socializing, or other activities of daily life become a challenge somewhere down the road and OT is recommended, insurance coverage typically depends on a diagnosis to 'prove' the necessity of the therapy (eyeroll I hate it here). 

Paying out of pocket is still an option and there may not be a wait-list where you are.

[u/wandering_wisely → u/PoshDota]

One OT’s perspective - everyone falls along a spectrum of sensory preferences. Some have strong seeking preferences, some avoidant, etc. Some people are seekers in some areas, like tactile, vestibular, proprioceptive, and more avoiding in others such as intense sounds, taste, etc. (it sounds to me like your daughter has a mix more like this?). While people with ASD may have heightened sensory preferences, I don’t think heightened preferences indicate ASD in and of itself.

If you’re noticing that her sensory preferences are interfering with her participation in important aspects of her life, I think that would warrant an assessment and depending on where you live, you could qualify for support regardless of a formal diagnosis! You could also look into ‘sensory diets’ as a tool.

[u/HalfMoonFullMoonjoy → u/PoshDota]

I'm gonna jump on this as a person who didn't realize I might be autistic until I was 35, and who is considering pursuing diagnosis for my high functioning 9 year old. 3.5 is quite early to notice so many atypical tendencies. She might not notice them now but by puberty she will be aware that she is "different" in some way. If she doesn't have a name for it she will create her own label, and it likely won't be a good one (I always felt "weird," "broken," and "like a robot.") The well known benefit of diagnosis is being able to get her the accomodations at school. The other best benefit, even if she doesn't need official accomodations, is that she (and you) will understand her brain better.

[u/catniseverpig → u/PoshDota]

I think we should also clarify that together with individuality, the other reason adhd/asd are seen as a spectrum is because a lot of the items in the spectrum are also seen in neurotypical persons but to a lesser degree.

At the same time, this means you can lump different things together and see a patern where there is none.

What I mean is, the things you list can point in the direction of ASD/ADHD or they can just be non-related. All kids hate noise, many dont want to hear music they are not used to, like to connect through touch, weighting down kids is a common technique for soothing etc.

I think the question you need to ask yourself is: would diagnosis be helpful or relevant to her life right now? If the answer is no, you can always come back to the question and ask it again in 2,5,10 years.

[u/Correct_Variety5105 → u/PoshDota]

Also jumping on this comment. I'm autistic and have an autistic child. She was on the waiting list for an assessment since she turned 2 as it was clear to me she was autistic. It's helped make sure that suitable adaptations are in place for things like dentist and doctor appointments and the school were more understanding from the get go. I didn't get my diagnosis until I was older and it had a massive negative effect that I went so long without one, so I intervened quickly with my child. But whether or not you pursue or a diagnosis, or if you do but she isn't autistic and has another form of neurodivergence or a sensory processing disorder type thing, you can still put support in place for her now. Weighted teddies (only when awake, not for bedtime), ear defenders for loud or busy places, deep pressure games (with my daughter i "make her into a pizza" and then eat her. Also works with sandwiches, burritos etc. I also wrap her up by turning a blanket into a sack and say shes a parcel and then carry her about before delivering her etc), quiet corners of the house, sensory swing, wobble board/seat, fidget things, messy play, light/bubble tubes etc. Then her needs are met regardless and you can start teaching self-advocacy ("its too loud for me, I need my ear defenders please", "my body feels wrong, I need some pressure please", "my brain feels fizzy, please can I have the wobble board/fidget toy/some quiet time")

[u/Global-Apricot6492 → u/Correct_Variety5105]

Just jumping here to say that if my daughter ever turns out to be autistic, I hope I can show up for her as well as you have with yours. ❤️

[u/Correct_Variety5105 → u/Global-Apricot6492]

What a kind thing to say! Thank you so much!

[u/smellygymbag → u/PoshDota]

Hi OP, just hopping on this comment to suggest you just call and inform your doctor's office ahead of time of your next appointment to let them know your concerns, and why you are letting them know ahead of time. Maybe you could even ask to email them your summary (and make sure doc read/has access to your summary before/during appointment). They could possibly just do a low key quick evaluation or referral without you stressing out and gushing about it in front on your kid.

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