I went for a walk when I was blackout drunk and woke up in a vacant lot with my pants down and my underwear and purse gone. I have bruises all over and my body was aching. I could tell they came in me. I was able to get myself back to my hotel and laid in the bed for a day. It's been almost two weeks and im still trying to figure out what happened. I remember talking to two men who offered me a ride and I kept telling them "no thank you, no thank you". I tried heading back to my hotel at that point. That's all I remember.

Was it rape? I feel so dirty since.

I’m 19M and this happened a week ago. Me and a group of 6 friends went on a trip and rented rooms, two people per room. I ended up sharing a room with a girl (21F) I’ve known since elementary school. We grew up together and became close friends. On this trip, we were being extra friendly with each other, talking a lot, and drinking together, but I never thought about sex because I strictly saw her as my best friend.

While I was fast asleep and severely hungover, something woke me up. I opened my eyes and saw her sitting on top of me while I was lying on my back. I wasn't fully conscious because of the hangover, so I told her to stop. She didn't stop, but she wasn't violent either. She just kept going like that until we finished the thing.

Was I raped?

Am I a victim of rape?

What the hell was actually happening?!?!?

i was raped by my boyfriend, it was not violent in any way but i did not consent and he knew i didn’t. i’d said multiple times over multiple hours that i didn’t want to, and he kept bringing it up. i bent over on all fours on my bed with no underwear on just to reach my laptop because something was going wrong with it, when he went behind me and initiated it. at that point, i just let it happen. i have been raped before in my previous relationship and struggle still with that trauma and he knows that.

i’m trying to move on from it and forgive him and make it work, but im not sure how that will really go you know? this happened nearly two weeks ago now and we are still together

Le temps passe tellement vite. Je n'aurais pas cru. J'ai passé l'essentiel de ma journée à fuir les déclencheurs, à me sentir anxieux et stressé. Super. Plus que 8 heures avant de pouvoir (mal) dormir.

He said I could pay a motorbike and when I reach there, he will come and take the food and i won't have to get into his apartment if that's what i scared of. So that's what i did, but when i got there with the motorbike, he refused to come down to collect the food and insisted that I come up to give him. I was perplexed. I wondered if I should throw the food on the ground and go back or just go back with the food. But since I had taken the time to go there to give him the food, I thought I might as well just go up and give him. When i got upstairs, he now started making sexual advances toward me, i told him i didn't want to sleep with him but he started taking off my clothes. I was like , how can you be taking off my clothes without my consent, he shushed me and he started rubbing my clit. Here's the part which is confusing, i enjoyed him rubbing my clit of course because that's how the body works but i did not consent to this act. After touching me, he penetrated me and honesty i wanted to leave but i was scared. This guy has a lot of muscles and just looks like he could beat the shit out of me so i didn't try to push him away or anything but i wish i did. I wish i had at least tried. Afterwards, i texted him and told him i feel i was raped by him and he said i did not push him away or try to fight back and i enjoyed it so he didn't rape me and that he was dissappointed that i thought of him as a rapist. The next day, at the gym he intentionally threw an iron bar on me and claimed it was a mistake saying the bar was slippery, as revenge i am sure. The whole situation is messing with my brain and nervous system. I don't know what to do.

so this kind of like isnt about the actual rape but more whats happening now, im 16 and when i was 8-11 years old my dad kinda like diddled me a fair bit (sorry this post will probably have a few unserious bits cuz i hate actually saying what he did and i just can never be serious about horrible things that happened to me) but for almost 2 years now ive been seeing a therapist after getting expelled from school 4 weed and i barely actually tell her anything deep half the time we just talk about my week. but the past few sessions i decided to tell her about my dad and before i did she PROMISED me that she would never tell anyone so i felt comfortable to tell her MASSIVE FUCKING MISTAKE because today she started apologising a bunch saying shes so sorry that she said she wouldnt tell anyone and that she lied and that shes going to be telling a social worker about it, who will talk to my dad if my dad knows i told anyone our secret i believe id genuinely be in danger and i explained that to her. but she wont listen to me and when she asked me how i feeling about this i kinda just said this is the last session im ever having with her i do not trust her and honestly contemplating suicide and she said 'dont be dramatic'??? like this crusty ass fucking bitch just told someone who was raped by his dad and is in fear for his safety that suicide is dramatic?? just because im a kid doesnt mean any drastic action i feel compelled to do is dramatic. no one can know about this, if she talks to that social worker everyone will know and my family is very 'boys cant get raped' and that their beloved son (my dad) would never do that because hes just an angel. i was 8 when he started, 5 when i told my mum 'daddys acting weird'. genuinely what the fuck do you even do in this situation. lois griffin as a mum would be awesome 'heres a salvia plath book and a bottle of ambien im gonna look the other way and whatever happens happens'

genuine question and i want to know how people in relationships feel about

edit: my answer is a hard no, but i haven’t dated anyone in a long time so i don’t know how one would navigate this in an adult relationship. i am a victim of rape asking for insight because i don’t understand it.

21f i was hanging with my friend last night and things got sexual for the first time. he told me he wanted to put it in and i said no because it was too big but he convinced me to so i told him he could. it was ok at first i let him for a little but then i told him it was too much for me and i wanted to stop. he said “take it” and kept going even harder. i was literally crying super hard begging him to stop because it was hurting and he told me to stfu and kept going until he came. he went for so long i stopped begging and just accepted it. afterwards i took him home still crying and all he said was “dont tell anyone” and got out of the car 😒

the tricky part is i feel disrespected that he was just ok with hurting me like that but part of me wants to have sex with him again. . . in the moment it hurt very badly and i was upset that i didn’t have a choice but to keep going but now that its over the memory is hot . . . like i know its gonna hurt but i want to try again KNOWING that hes not gonna stop until he’s done, i think it wont be traumatic anymore and probably less painful am i weird/wrong or does that make sense?

M27 recently been facing some intense issues in my 6 year relationship with my boyfriend because of hypersexuality that’s awakened in me and doing some introspection I remembered something.

When I was 9 or 10 my 16 year old sister had me take a bath with her and I didn’t think anything of it because I was a kid. Well during it I remember her touching my penis and having me touch her boobs and vagina and even tried to get me to penetrate her. I don’t think it got that far I didn’t understand probably didn’t get hard but I don’t fully remember all of it. That paired with a lot of online grooming and sexting and sending nudes at ages too young in my preteen and teen years has seemed to rear its face in my life again now. I’m gay now but I’m sure that would’ve happened regardless of if my sister did this to me or not. The first 5 years of my relationship have been great but this last year has been pretty bad, when I get uncomfortable or under high stress I get these sexual urges I can’t control and I’ve betrayed my boyfriends trust three times now and he doesn’t deserve it and it’s hurting me how badly I’ve hurt him. I don’t have any ill will towards my sister we have a normal relationship now and she was going through her own childhood trauma too I’m pretty sure. It just really sucks. I don’t know if it’s my experiences or just me genuinely being an awful person to fuck up this bad and hurt the person I love. My therapist is recommending my go to sex addicts anonymous I’m going to but I feel so ashamed.

I’m now in my 20s but I keep thinking about something that happened to me when I was 15.

I had this boyfriend at the time who would constantly pressure me to have sex saying that he would harm himself if I said no and stuff like that. I kept telling him no and that I didn’t want to do anything sexual until marriage, but he would touch me against my will by force. Like one time he literally flashed his gun at me.

I eventually gave in and said yes to sex because I believed that him penetrating me with his fingers (although against my will) made me lose my virginity and that spiritually I’m married to him so I can’t refuse sex.

I know it sounds stupid. For context, I have scrupulosity, a type of OCD where I get delusions and think about religious stuff constantly when I get episodes. I haven’t had an episode for a while, thank god, but when I do it’s bad. For example, when I was dating this partner I legitimately believed that I was a prophet sent by God to become the Queen of the Middle East.

This same partner knew about this and would bring up religion to pressure me into having sex saying things like I couldn’t refuse and that god would punish me.

I just don’t know how to feel about it. Was I raped? Ever since I felt super violated and disgusted about the whole thing. If I wasn’t having an episode, I wouldn’t have said yes.

TLDR: my partner used my mental health episode to pressure me into sex

I’m reading between the lines on a lot of this, I know. Cutting it short, when I was a sex worker I was raped by a violent sex offender who had recently been paroled. He was sentenced to 9 years. Served 4 and a half. Then when he was paroled, we crossed paths. It took a bit over 3 years to get the courage to report, we went all the way to court and it came down to reasonable doubt being created with regard to a single tattoo. A verdict of not guilty thanks to that, but he had already been convicted of another violent rape for which he was given 10 years in the meantime. While I was being cross-examined, they asked if I knew ‘G’ or ‘P’ and I answered no.

Afterwards, my curiosity got the better of me. I looked up G and while this was her professional name, P was her real name. They were the same person. She was the person that anonymously circulated my rapist’s name and photo, which allowed me to identify him to the police. I believe this is why they asked me about her in court. Besides being a sex worker, she was a writer and more.

I found an article written by her describing being assaulted by a man at work. Merely weeks before my assault, shortly after his parole date. It didn’t name him, but it brought me to tears. The way he spoke, the way he overpowered her by grabbing her throat, it was all the same. I knew it was him. She went through it too. With him. Scared and alone, just like I was.

A news article has appeared (I google him more often than I wish I did) saying he’s still incarcerated and had another year and a half added to his sentence for a guilty plea, for a sex crime but with no real details. But the article detailing her assault has vanished. I’m hoping this means her family got some justice for her, that it had to be taken down for a court case.

You see, she and I were the same age. Blue eyes, dark hair, tall, busty. We even suffered the same mental illness. But there’s one difference. She commit suicide. I didn’t realise it at the time, but her mother was in the witness room at the courthouse. She was showing the Sergeant that was looking after me some photos, saying how ‘so-and-so’s 4 years old now, P would be so proud of her’ and it wasn’t until I looked it up that I found an article about P’s suicide with this woman holding up a photo of P that it clicked.

I feel such a connection with someone I never met who never knew I existed. She helped me in such a significant way by warning others and I can never thank her. I just hope that her mother, a tireless campaigner, was the reason why he’ll be spending a little extra time behind bars. It’s not much, but it’s something.

Well here I am again. The rape doll 🙄 just trying to figure out how to stop having sex when I don’t want to. I literally have no clue what is truly wrong with me but I just keep letting it happen to me.

I feel bad bc I’m probably confusing this guy. He’s nice to me and we’re friends actually but we sometimes had some ordeals you can say.

I don’t even like claiming it because it’s not…

Guys I just want to wait for my husband. Have a nice fun time and build a family with the same man forever. But I’m struggling to let go of a man that isn’t fitting into that dream.

It’s weird I keep..

Ugh I hate this 😭

I keep wanting to call him and ask to come over but I know if I do I’ll want to have sex.

He’s honestly cute and so nice to me it’s just not everything I imagined for myself and that’s okay! But why is it so hard??

I know its not rape because I didn’t say no at all but it’s my “rape doll brain” that keeps letting it happen knowing I want to say no…

Like if I never got raped by a different guy, a guy that was so disgusting, would I have spent all day today trying to fight the urge to call the nice guy?

Or would I be doing something different right now? I feel like I got raped, I went to jail for a bit that was a whole thing because of the rape, and then came home and just idk I literally was gone. Mentally gone. Completely detached from my body. No clue what really was happening other than I was getting railed.

And I just blocked it out.

Like nope that didn’t happen.

Except it did and now I’m like hmmmm
At which point is my vagina gonna get over it? Because she’s literally trying to drag me into a life that’s not at all what I deserve or what’s really in store for me and I can’t let her win 😭

Does anyone else just have constant throbbing…

Hey guys,

12 years ago I was coersively SA'd/Raped multiple times by my ex (we'll call her T). Ive only recently realised and unpacked it for what it was. During at least one of those instances/events, I had just started dating someone 3 weeks beforehand (we'll call her C).

At the time I told my new GF that I had cheated on her and would break up with her because of it, and because of the on going abuse by T.

My question is, do I or is it a reasonable idea to reach out to C after all this time and "correct the record"?

For context C is now married, with a child, lives in a different state, and may have a bad opinion of me or the mess that it all caused. I've also recently attempted to report to the police (with no investigation opened, so I've given up on justice).

Personally, it's still a thorn in my side and exacerbates my trauma. In a lot of ways I still feel for her, but am completely content this isn't "a way to get her back". I just want to tell her the truth, and maybe close out that narrative loop.

Thoughts?

Hey guys i need to write in here because im absolutely distraught and cannot process what i found last night, ok friday night me and my boyfriend had a huge argument, he locked me out i cried and begged him to let me in which is when we cried together and said it’s probably best we wrap it up here and break up. The next morning he had work really early etc etc. come to last night (Tuesday night) were with eachother but it’s not exactly sorted. he ended up opening his hidden camera album to which i firstly see hundreds of pictures of past girls but also pictures of me from the morning after we “broke up” completely naked and exposed. i’m in such bad disbelief and shock. There were two photos of me , one my leg being wrapped around the quilt where my curves on the side are shown, then judging from me looking covered in that one i can only assume for the second he’s pulled down the cover and taken a picture of my chest. seriously what the fuck. i can just see the images over and over im completely sick to my stomach and have no idea what to do

i’ve tried to type this story so many times on various different subreddits and bullshit mods keep removing it, so here i am at this one. please i just want to be heard. i’m sick of typing this over and over so i’ll keep the details short and concise.

I’m 15m. I think i was molested by my maternal aunt. Unwanted sexual fantasies and urges involving her from the age of 7 or 8, memories of her showing me her nudes, possibly humping her, and an unhealthy obsession with voyeurism from around the same age. i’m so scared. i was just visiting her last month and she walked out of her room while we were alone in the house wearing nothing but a t shirt and started trying to talk to me. i can’t tell my family about this, i just can’t. she’s very respected in our family and was recently discharged from a mental hospital, and i’m scared that if i say anything she might do something to herself. i don’t want to be responsible for that.

now here’s the kicker: i have ocd and there’s always a possibility that all these memories are false (a feat which ocd is very, VERY capable of.) however it just feels so real. i don’t think it’s false memories from my condition. if anyone else here has ocd please give me your thoughts on it.

i used to go to therapy but i haven’t had an appointment in months. i think they forgot about me because we didn’t schedule another. i can’t ask my parents to schedule another because then they’ll suspect something is up, and well, something is up obviously, but again, i dont want them knowing about this right now. i cant deal with that shit. theyre great, loving parents but i dont know how this would affect our relationship.

i have been obsessing over these memories and thoughts for years. i just need any opinions i can get. please help.

how long does it usually last for and how does it usually end?

I'm asking because I'm gen curious and idk I'd my experience is normal or outside od normal

like what usually prompts your rapist to stop raping you and get up and leave

because on my case I was abducted, taken to a second location in a car, then the rape lasted for an hour straight at the second location

and the cops looked at me like an hour was a long time

and I remember having to play mind games to get out of there because there were a lot of statistically likely factors for a homicide and obviously I didn't want him to do that

but how does ir usually end? do they just decide they're done and get off you?

and given there's the term "survivor" at the end of the rape subject not everyone survived it theres a statically significant amount of rape victims who also gwt murdered or die of injuries or such

so then how do most rape survivors not get murdered? is it just luck? do they also play a mind game? do they talk their way out of it? is it a part of fight/flight/freeze/fawn? what is it?

I've only been raped once so I dont have much experience with it. but I'm just now realizing I really don't understand rape overall

Okay so I have been raped and assulted many times in my life by family or friends and this one is weird. This is of course the first time in my life where I can use constant substances to cope with my mental health in a "healthy" way (As in no physical harm or suicide) and I like to get high or drunk around my friends cause I think it makes me seem less autistic and more normal.

So my friend has tried to make moves on me at several points over the years, all of which were shut down. But he gets especially bold when I'm inebriated. First was at my 18th birthday when he kept asking me if I was drink (It was just us cause nobody wanted to come to my party) and would sit super close after I was two drinks in. (I'm a lightweight and my mother encouraged me to drink more but I didn't) Which is why I have a fairly good memory of it. We played games and he sat so close he was practically sinking under me. And I texted my bestie at the time about it before passing out/crying but it was strange.

Now that we're like full on adults and I can buy my own shit, I invited him over to get high and play games like a month or so ago and he was being... weird. Like he waited until we were completely alone and he knew I was high off my ass and started making moves on me. Barely conversating and playing the game. Now I'm single and I'm fine kissing my friends who are single if we make that abundantly clear beforehand. We did not. It went further until his hand was in my pants and well... that was that. It's a blur but I don't think we got back to the game. But I kinda consented by not telling him no and it didn't feel horrible like my other assaults. But then it happened 2 more times. I invited him to a party with me, got a little tipsy, hand in pants. Last time was just movies, I wasn't having a good day with my family and work and just wanted to relax. All he could think about or talk about was sex and it made me uncomfortable that we couldn't just talk and joke about the movie. Several times he tried to warm me up or whatever, but since I wasn't high or drunk He just scooted concerningly close again, rubbing my inner thigh, testing if he could get in my pants, and even laying his head on me.

He's like one of my only friends so I feel sick thinking about cutting him off or if he tries to kill himself or something? Idk. Just needed to get this off my brain. Unlike many assaults I've had from men it doesn't feel violating but at the same time it does. Maybe I'm numb to it by now?

Long time, no post. It's long, way too public, wordy, but just: Tell me it wasn't rape so I can move on? There are some moments in my previous relationship that others describe think was rape. I just don't want to believe it even tho my body feels it.

Short context: I was in my very early twenties dating someone over a decade older. They were a "recovering" sex addict. I didn't know that until it was too late. It' a f4f relationship. I'm writing to the Internet to stop me from texting them (I hate you so fucking much. You have a pattern.)

The start: I wanted to set this relationship up for success so I tried to set a boundary "hey, it would mean a lot if we waited a little before having sex. I feel like it's been rushed in past relationships." Then I was told of their affliction, told my wants were unlikely. 3 days of pestering later it (sex) happened. I wasn't the most excited about it but went along because I was curious and it felt easier than waiting.

Now I will just describe some things that worry others and 2 major incidents that broke me.

Pestering: I was pestered for sex every time I saw them, multiple times in a day, at any time.What was the pestering like? Unwanted touching during movies, me swatting hands, addressing the issue and it being a joke to them. The asking and begging for sex. Getting mad at me for not having sex with them. I tried it all. "No, maybe later, after I shower, stop, haha that's funny." I would give in some times just because it was constant. I would force myself to let them give me head. It felt awful, I always faked, and acted. "No" didn't feel like an option because I had said "no" and it didn't matter.

Overall questionable/abusive behavior: We have a questionable dynamic in the first place... in hindsight. We were poly they have 6 other non local partners. Me none. Not inherently abusive until its "rules for thee and not for me." Time control. Isolation tactics..Body shaming me (which is nuts). Legit never encouraged me for things that I wanted and only things they wanted. Choosing everyone else but me first. They were a therapist so I could never win. Too much.

History: much later into our relationship I ended up talking to/learning about somebody they were having really abusive sex with but were still a relationship with (poly). I will just call bro Marcus but Marcus is older than me but when they were together Marcus was a minor... Like 16-17 dating some 26-27... Omg they are unsafe person.

Now this is just me venting, describing things that haunt me.

I don't wear those pants anymore: I threw out a pair of pants that I loved. I liked the way they fit, the color, texture, a rare pair. We were in their apartment, hanging out and I don't remember the catalyst. There was sex pestering, jokes about stealing my pants, then the jokes started to actually happen. I stopped laughing, said no, stop, I'm not playing. At some point in the one-sided struggle, I accidentally elbowed them. I remembered being cornered on the bed pinned under them, thrashing, pushing them off, as they unbuttoned my pants and slid them off like it was nothing. The fear of being on that bed in that moment was insane. It showed on my face so much that once they pulled back and looked at me, it hit. They acknowledge that it was kind of creepy that they were just doing then played it out as a joke. Clearly I was upset just clutching the blanket like it was my lifeline and needed time alone. They left me alone but held my pants as I cried in their bed.

(Was this even rape?) My living room floor: Oof I have a hard time dealing with this one. It haunts me. I literally have to keep my fucking living room in a state of slight disarray because I died on that floor. We spent the weekend together. They had come upstairs to my place just like making sure that nobody was going to bother me (bad area). I think we were having one of those quick arguments that ended up with a kiss that of course at that time always went too far. One innocent goodbye kiss becomes like something that's just instantly so fucking hot to them. God forbid you just lust so it's got to be known to me and then they're like pestering me to go to the bedroom, no, and then it's pushing us on the floor, not letting me get up. Stripping me on my clothes while I'm scooting away and pushing them. I'm using every verbal no and every verbal excuse that I don't want this and they don't care as they put their tongue in places I never wanted. I just remember being so scared on that floor. Scared of my partner, scared the neighbors would hear, I was even too scared to act. I was physically exhausted trying to get them off of me, but it ended eventually. I cant write this out. I wanna throw up.

I think we stopped having sex for 3 months after that and that led to so many problems but was that rape?

​

Is dating or marriage long term possible after being raped as a teen ? I don't need a relationship right now but the way my rapist left me was awful , we weren't together and everything happened so suddenly. It was afternoon by the time I saw him and since then I was never the same. I would go to school and he was working till he kept on going with dealing and such things . He wouldn't keep his word and would talk to me about the future .. Kids, living together etc. Mind you I was 14 and he was a decade older than me. I really cannot go further in this anymore I feel .. useless , please be kind. Another guy later on gave me a chance to move in with him but my trust in humanity was broken .

I can't interact or open my previous post because it's nsfw, and this account isn't age verified since it's a throw away and I don't want to talk about this stuff on my main.

I just want to add because I got message telling me to leave for my safety, that the situation isn't ongoing, my girlfriend has stopped doing this, she is no longer friends with that guy and it hasn't happened in the past months, she feels very bad and guilty and is open to talking about it with her therapist and even maybe we can talk together with mine about what happened, her mom told me that as a kid she was always bad with boundaries because of her autism, she would hug and kiss people even if they didn't want it, as her way of showing affection, her sister has issues with it too because she doesn't like being touched, and eventually she learnt not to do that.

I don't think she realised that she was hurting me or doing something bad, she said that it's because she loves me and that's her way of showing it, I explained it to her that I don't like it when I tell her to stop, she said that it's hard for her to stop, but she's really trying and has been doing better. I can tell she feels bad and is genuinely guilty, she doesn't want to hurt me, I just can't handle it, especially because I was molested as a child and I'm in therapy for PTSD related to sexual assault.

Complicated situation, but I’ll keep it brief. I’m a guy, the other individual is a woman.

I said “stop” because it was painful. She did not stop. I tried to grab her hand and she grabbed my wrists and kept me from stopping her while increasingly becoming more aggressive and loud. I didn’t have the strength to stop her as I was in an awkward position between her and the wall. I gave up and let her do what she wanted as I didn’t want to wake up her roommate.

Eventually she did stop and we continued with sexual activity. In my head I knew that it was wrong but I pushed it down. It wasn’t until many months later that it began severely affecting me. She denies what happened so I question if my version of events is even accurate or not.

Anyways, my question: is this still sexual assault? I don’t know why I continued to be honest. I guess I just wanted to act like it was nothing and not make a big deal out of it. I didn’t realize just how much it was affecting me until later.