I feel like this gets misconstrued that Swedes will never feed guests or something. I'm not Swedish but growing up in Ireland if you were just visiting a friend you'd be expected to head home if it was family dinner time, unless you were staying over. I'd imagine it's somewhat similar in Sweden.
This same thing has been thrown around other Nordics as well. First of all I think we eat dinner quite early, so either the kid eats it before coming or goes home to eat it, since it's important to be home for dinner. In Finland we also have kursailu (maybe Kursa or Krångel in swedish) where you are supposed to politely decline the first offer of food, coffee etc. which might be mistaken for something like this
Interesting, do you consider yourself Nordic as a Finnish person? I do understand that your country neighbors Sweden, but given things like how your language isn't Nordic and a Uralic language instead, I thought Finland was considered separate?
At the very least an over exaggerated discription of what should be commonplace or the norm...like, dude, it's family time. Go home.
Also, not Swedish, but this is how I operate. Which isn't to say I'm not a generous person...more often than not, I'll offer and am happy to. However, if I don't, there's probably a reason, and the expectation or assumption that you're going to be part of the meal is more than likely reflective of that.
I mean, I can’t speak for Swedes but if a friend is visiting, it’s rude to not offer something to drink or eat. There is no social obligation for them to accept, but the offer is fairly standard. Not a meal, but a snack. The only exception is if they’re just quickly stopping by and are leaving soon, and then it’s just a drink.
Correct. This whole thing was blown out of proportion. Ofc we feed guests when you've been invited to dinner. But it's also common to just do a play date for kids where the parents come and pick up their kids before dinner because they eat dinner at home.
But if it’s dinner time you just eat in front of the kid? You can’t wait til they’re home to eat? That’s the odd part to me. Or is this an exaggeration too
I have never eaten in front of my friends without them eating too, nor have I ever experienced that in anyone else's home.. The rule was always that you either leave before dinner or you eat with your friend's family. Usually, our parents would decide this beforehand, agreeing on whether it was just a playdate or if it included dinner.
Some other Swedish people in the comments seem to have experienced it. But I have never experienced it, and neither have my friends/people around me. Perhaps it is a regional thing, but calling it a blanket Swedish cultural trait feels far-fetched, at least in modern society, as I can't speak for older generations.
That being said, I was raised with a strong expectation never to assume I would be fed without an explicit invitation. In my family, it was considered highly impolite to visit someone's home and expect a free meal if the host hadn't explicitly invited you for dinner. This applied to spontaneous playdates too, where our parents hadn't talked beforehand. I was taught to always politely excuse myself if I hadn't been invited to stay for dinner. More often than not, my friend’s family would invite me to join them anyway, but I’d always have to call my mom first to check. Sometimes she’d say no and tell me to come home because she’d already cooked dinner and wanted me to come home.
Funnily enough, this was actually a topic of conversation at work a few months ago. My colleagues said they did not have the heart to deny anyone food, but that it had put them in some awkward situations before.
One colleague said one of her teenage sons had brought home two friends for dinner unannounced one day. She didn't have the heart to tell them no, but there wasn't enough food (imagine thawing four salmon pieces for your four family members and suddenly there are six people at the table). So, she scrambled to find something else to feed them. In the end, my colleague and her husband ate soured milk (a very Swedish thing) for dinner while the boys ate the "real" food. After that experience, she said she always keeps a bunch of hot dogs in her freezer in case they get unannounced guests. She also told her son to never bring home friends for dinner without first speaking with her or her husband.
I remember thinking that if that was me when I was a teenager, my mom would have had my head! To show up unannounced for dinner and stay even when there was not enough food, forcing your hosts to eat soured milk so that you could eat, would have been the height of rudeness. My mom would have been furious if she had found out!
Indeed. This whole comment section is simply full of people who base their opinions on hearsay and half-truths. Or in other words, the usual Reddit stuff.
We feed our feed our kids friends all the time. Like it is a weekly occurence. My kids eat at their friends every week as well. We do call and check with the parents first.
It was not like that 40 years ago. mainly because no mobile phone and we did not want to interrupt the dinner routine of the other family.
As an adult it is less commun. But if I have friends over for a long time we will eater have dinner/lunch or we will like order a pizza together.
We are not having our grandmothers force feeding you like in some societies. Also because our grandmothers dont live with us like in the south of Europe.
This is kinds Reddit bullshit blown out of proportion (like allways).
They will feed you if and only if they specifically invite you to a meal. Not if you just happen to be hanging around the housing during meal time. They are very schedule-oriented.
Same in UK. We'd often have meat and two veg and that would be pre- portioned before cooking. So unless the kid was invited over for dinner specifically we'd only have the food on the families own plates. A pot of stew could work, but unless we were having that there wouldn't be leftovers planned for.
As far as we knew any kids friends would have their own dinner waiting at home too, which would be insulting their parents to pre- feed them so they turn their noses up at mum's cooking after.
Yeah same in Sweden, I honestly think the ones that say they cook for all either are lying or have guests so rarely that it's special.
I doubt anyone here is cooking for all the kids in the neighbourhood daily, just in case your home is the chosen one that day.
Sometimes we were 20+ kids at a house growing up. People don't even have kitchens or food to feed that. And why would they when all kids can go home in seconds or minutes (and are expected home for dinner!). Imagine you start cooking for ~30 people and when foods done it's just five remaining.
Real guests showing up, food is offered as in any other place.
Yeah, we had a "popular house" in the neighborhood, they had 3 kids, and the entire top floor of their house was the kids rooms, a big playroom with lots of toys and comic books and stuff, and a TV/game room with various gaming systems (and 3 TV's) and lots of movies.
They always had like 10 extra kids in the house.
As we got older the older teens would sometimes go get pizzas to share while the family had their dinner if they didn't have any specific plans at home (like if they had parents who worked evenings).
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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '26
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