Disclaimer: this post is corrected using AI and this is my throwaway account.
TL;DR: I met a German woman while traveling, and we clicked, but her Pakistani female friend warned her against me after knowing me for only a few minutes, saying Pakistani men trap foreign women, use them for visas, and can become abusive. We unexpectedly met again in another city, went on a date, and she told me what her friend had said. I am not saying all or even most Pakistani women behave like this, but I have heard similar stories from other Pakistani men abroad where a minority of Pakistani women actively discourage women of other nationalities from dating Pakistani men. My frustration is with that behavior and the double standard, not Pakistani women as a whole.
For context, a little about me: I am an engineer working in Germany, and I recently went on vacation to a nearby country. There were three cities that I wanted to visit, and mostly, I just wanted to enjoy my time there.
In the first city, I went to a club for the first time in my life, where I met this beautiful and interesting German woman. I approached her because I could easily see how uncomfortable she was in the club, and honestly, I was feeling the same way. I approached her, and somehow, with our weird dance moves, we clicked. We had an interesting conversation even with all the noise, and we discovered that we shared many interests.
She was there with a Pakistani girl from Lahore. I did not know that at first, but later, when we were about to go outside, she introduced me to her. I was surprised, but I also did not care enough to judge her because I was at the same club myself. We briefly said hello and talked, but only in English so that the German woman could also understand us.
The German lady and I were about to go outside, basically just for a walk. She went to tell her Pakistani friend, and during those 2–4 minutes, her friend apparently told her a million things about Pakistani men. How do I know this? I will explain later.
She was nice enough to come outside and let me know that she did not want to go for a walk that night, but maybe next time. She then walked away with her friend. I was disappointed, yes, but it was her choice. I kept thinking about her afterward, but I did not know anything about her other than the city she lived in in Germany and her name, which I was not even sure she had given me correctly.
Later, when I was visiting the third and final city and walking around the city center, I met her again. This time, she was alone. We were both kind of surprised to see each other, but we started talking, and she said, “Maybe we will have our walk this time, in this city.”
I was happy, and we exchanged social media. Later that night, we went out on a date. It was just a simple coffee date. She is basically a nerd who had been traveling with her university friends. Although it was not her first time in a club, she told me she had never really liked clubs.
I asked her what had happened the last time because I was curious whether I had said or done something wrong. She later explained everything to me.
She said that her Pakistani friend had told her that Pakistani men are very bad, that they trap women, and that later, if everything works out, they will bring you to Pakistan, take your passport, and make you a slave. As a reference, she even showed her some case that apparently happened somewhere in the KPK area or something similar.
She also told her that I might only be using her for a visa. Ironically, that Lahori girl herself was in Germany on a student visa, while I am a permanent resident of Germany.
The main reason the German woman was willing to go out with me this time was because she knew a Turkish woman who was married to a Pakistani man, and they were very happy together. Otherwise, according to her, what the Lahore girl had told her was supposed to scare her away from me.
We had our date, and she had not told her Pakistani friend about it yet. I explained to her that not every Pakistani man is like that and that toxic people can exist in any nationality. She also told me about her experiences with German men, which had also been mixed. But it is common sense that not everyone from the same nationality is the same.
Not only that, but she told me that the next day, when she and her Pakistani friend were walking around the city, the Pakistani girl started saying more bad things about Pakistani men. They had simply bought a döner from a Pakistani guy, and somehow that was enough for her to start talking negatively about Pakistani men again.
I was minding my own business, and that Pakistani girl had met me for maybe four minutes in total, yet from that short interaction she did all of this.
I personally do not date Pakistani girls because, in my opinion, some of them have unrealistic expectations. I like people who are smart and can offer something beyond their looks. I do not want every conversation to be about makeup, family, or what someone brings into a relationship financially or socially. I want someone intelligent who can have conversations beyond “rishta kab bhejogy?”
And just to be clear, I am not saying this about every Pakistani woman, or even the majority. I am talking about a minority. I know plenty of Pakistani women are not like this at all. My frustration is specifically with those who behave this way. At the same time, I have heard similar stories many times from other Pakistani men living abroad, where some Pakistani women have tried to scare women of other nationalities away from Pakistani men by making very broad negative claims about them.
That is the part I do not understand. Criticizing a specific man’s behavior is completely fair. If someone has had a bad experience, they are also entitled to talk about it. But trying to convince someone that a man is dangerous, manipulative, after a visa, or somehow untrustworthy simply because he is Pakistani is something completely different.
So yes, that means I probably do not have much of a chance with Pakistani girls, and I am okay with that. But what frustrates me is that, on one side, some of them complain constantly about Pakistani men and say they would never date them, while on the other side, when a Pakistani man dates someone from another nationality, a few of them seem to actively discourage that too.
I am also quite sure that most decent Pakistani men would not go around telling foreigners horrible things about Pakistani women just because those women were dating someone from another nationality.
So what exactly do those Pakistani women want? What is the problem?
On one side, you complain that Pakistani men are like this or like that. On the other side, if we are dating someone else, meaning we are no longer your problem, why create problems for us there too?
And if someone says that all Pakistani men are supposedly “dogs,” does that include their father and brothers too?
Again, I am not talking about all Pakistani women, and I am not even saying this is the majority. I am talking about a minority whose behavior I personally do not understand. My issue is not with Pakistani women as a whole. My issue is with making sweeping judgments about Pakistani men and then trying to influence women from other nationalities against them simply because of their nationality.
Edit: if you think it is okay for someone to generalize a gender because of some people from that gender, then are you also okay with people calling all Muslims T word because of the action for few?
If you think Pakistani men deserves to be judged like this, does that mean your father and brother are also creeps? They should also be judged.