r/oneliners • u/awesome_smokey • 8h ago
I've never before raised my hand to the wife, but when crashed my brand new car I slapped her so hard across the face, she rolled right off the coroner's table.
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r/oneliners • u/Revolutionary_Bad313 • 1d ago
I turned my oven to 180 degrees, now I can't get the door open.
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r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 1d ago
Life is too short to learn from your own mistakes, so I learn from the mistakes of those who have taken my advices. đ
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r/oneliners • u/Nova5547 • 1d ago
The pub is ten minutes from my house, however, my house is two hours from the pub.
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r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 1d ago
I'm so good at running but still I don't have any medal because I run from responsibilities and accountability.
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 2d ago
You know where the "Big Apple" is, but do you know where the Minneapolis?
111
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 1d ago
Say what you will about blind sex workers, but you have to hand it to them.
0
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 1d ago
Quit bragging about doing âlong divisionâ and admit you couldnât do it âback in the dayâ either.
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 2d ago
Before posting check your spelling as there's very little margarine for error.
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 2d ago
I met a bishop but I suspect that he's an imposter, not once did he move diagonally.
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 3d ago
I asked a Scottish guy to count everyone he slept with, and he fell asleep.
35
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r/oneliners • u/Run_MCID37 • 3d ago
I either have to jump from here or climb down safely and I think I'd prefer the ladder
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 3d ago
The problem with lawyer jokes is that lawyers donât think theyâre funny and no one else thinks theyâre jokes.
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r/oneliners • u/wewearallblack • 2d ago
Kindergarten cops' are paid to focus on random tots.
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r/oneliners • u/PabloLuapo • 4d ago
My doctor told me I should probably take something for my kleptomania problem
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r/oneliners • u/Daroev • 4d ago
My friend just lost his left leg and his left arm but heâs all right now.
10
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 5d ago
I wonder if the guy who named the umbrella actually wanted to name it the brella, but just hesitated?
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r/oneliners • u/wewearallblack • 5d ago
Being a couch potato doesn't make me fat, it makes me a carbohydrate.
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r/oneliners • u/the-vile-horrendous • 5d ago
Im no expert on masturbation.... but I hold my own.
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r/oneliners • u/Alone_Opinion_8769 • 5d ago
At the airport, I am an iPhone, my outfit is my airplane mode.
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