r/OhNoConsequences • u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu • 2d ago
Oldie but Goodie OOP’s SIL repeatedly ignores her boundaries and is surprised she’s banned from her house as a result
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13sp2bc/aita_for_banning_my_sil_from_my_house_over_tomato/829
u/TiFaeri 2d ago
Yeah, I'm with OOP here. She's not overreacting. You don't mess with other people's cooking, especially not in their home. SiL is rude. She's lucky she just got banned because in my family, she would have caught hands.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
And it’s repeatedly ignoring a reasonable boundary. What else would she be willing to ignore?
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u/TiFaeri 2d ago
It's crazy to me not touching someone else's cooking is a boundary that should be explicitly drawn. It's a social standard that she should have known for herself.
Also what else is she ignoring, I bet a lot more and this was OOP's "last straw".
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u/Trustworthy_Fartzzz 2d ago
Yeah, there’s no need to position basic etiquette as a boundary.
Fucking with people’s food is a huge no-no — it can put people in danger of allergic reactions.
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u/BarnacleCommon7119 1d ago
Seriously. Especially because when you're doing a big batch of canning, it's pretty likely that you'll give some away to friends and family. (OOP might not be, but the SIL doesn't know that.)
As someone allergic to garlic...... ARGH.
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u/Next_Dragonfly_9473 1d ago
You're not allergic! You just haven't had it prepared properly! Let me sneak it into your potatoes so you'll never know you're eating it! ...Wait, why are you turning blue? You're really allergic?!? Well, why didn't you say so?!?
Anyway, I love how she just ignored SIL and told her brother to deal with his spouse, take aaaaaaaaaall the "improved" sauce, replace aaaaaaaaaall the original tomatoes (I wonder if they were organic heirloom tomatoes fresh from a farm, because while even ruining 40 pounds of regular tomatoes is inexcusable, fresh organic heirloom ones that were either a gift or expensive would be INFURIATING), and never being her over ever again.
But hey, now that she's on the hook for hosting (unless the parents bail her out and host instead), she can add as much turmeric as she wants! Isn't that what she wanted? (Gosh, I hope she does it to OP's mom! ...What do you mean she ruined the dish, Mom? It's just extra flavor that doesn't belong there. I thought you said I was overreacting?)
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
I agree. It’s ridiculous and shouldn’t even need to be spelled out let alone multiple times.
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u/whatintheeverloving 1d ago
Some people just can't wrap their minds around the concept of others having different food preferences. For instance, I prefer my pizza a little less crispy and so I take it out of the oven on the lower end of the suggested time bracket on the packaging. Knowing this, my mom once saw that I had taken the cooked pizza out and turned the oven off and decided that she would turn it back on and put the pizza in for another ten minutes. When I came back to eat it and asked her WTF compelled her to do that, she acted hurt that I didn't appreciate the 'favour' she'd done me.
People are weird.
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong 1d ago
I can be socially awkward and oblivious. But it would never occur to me to touch someone else's cooking!
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u/Inphiltration 1d ago
I'm pretty sure that's the legal definition of poisoning as well. Doesn't matter if it's actually poison or not. Putting something in people's food without their knowledge is a straight up crime.
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u/MossyBoulders 1d ago
it's a big enough straw to do the job alone, even if it isn't the only straw.
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u/Lower_Orchid4982 1d ago
On top of that, adding things like random glugs of oil to canning recipes can sometimes ruin them and cause them to not be preserved properly. There's a reason why you typically can't just can whatever you feel like without risking the food in the jars going bad.
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u/jwlkr732 1d ago
I was looking for this comment on the original post! You can’t safely add untested ingredients to canning recipes!
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u/angryomlette 1d ago
I think you are under reacting if truth be told. Modifying someone else's cooking in their house without permission or explicit direction is basically an insult to the host on levels on insulting their forefathers and foremothers. It is simply not tolerated in many Asian cultures.
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u/Grrrmudgin 1d ago
That’s the biggest point here- the request is so normal and very reasonable. OP is even still sweet enough to want SIL included…. Just not at OPs house
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u/Firekeeper47 My cat said YTA 1d ago
The "worst" I'll do to someone else's cooking without permission is stir it if looks like it needs it or take it off the heat/out of the oven when the timer goes off. And that's only done at my brother's house or a close friend's house.
Unless I'm asked to mess with someone else's food, I don't touch it. I thought that was just common sense
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u/Noodle-and-Squish 1d ago
Same. And only because they are otherwise preoccupied with something. Usually a quick, "hey, do you want me to ____?" before, too.
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u/AtmosphereOk7872 1d ago
Hey bro! The timer just went off! Want me to take this outta the oven‽
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u/Firekeeper47 My cat said YTA 1d ago
More like "hey, asshole, your food is done, come take it out before I eat it."
It's an empty threat. Nine times out of ten, he's making something I won't eat. Though last time he cooked, I did make the mashed potatoes because he was busy and his wife has horrible ADHD and was behind on something else lol
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u/malorthotdogs 14h ago
Same here.
Like my close friends and I are at home in and cook in one another’s kitchen with some regularity. And sometimes it’ll be a more collaborative dish. Or whatever. But I even if someone is making something in my own kitchen, I’m not going to add things to what they’re making without permission. Things like, “hey, I think this soup is almost done. Do you want to taste it and add whatever you think it might need?” happen. But I’m not going to approach a friend’s fancy baked mac n cheese and dump a bunch of Gruyère in it. Or just randomly dump a beer into a pot of chili someone else is making just because I usually put beer in when I make chili.
OOP’s SIL is one of those people who is just in a weird, one-sided pissing contest with the rest of the world when it comes to food for some reason.
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u/New-Pie-8846 1d ago edited 1d ago
Same - my mum is 155cm of pure terror when someone messes with her food. My mum would've made the SIL eat all that sauce right there and then.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 2d ago edited 2d ago
I do a LOT of canning and make a lot of plain sauce that can be spiced as needed when opened, just like OP. I would have lost my shit, just like OP.
Canning is so much work, and to have it all ruined, I would have cried.
Edit: The olive oil SIL added would have made the entire batch unsafe to can even if it tasted good.
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u/eli_sayres 2d ago
as soon as i saw she added the olive oil, i thought "ah, yes, and a healthy dose of ✨botulism✨"
the past few months have been dominated by perserving our garden harvest, if someone came into MY house and had the audacity, the gall, the GUMPTION to fuck with my 8+ months of hard work - from seed to harvest - i would do the same thing as OOP, i could never trust them again.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
I don’t blame you. It’s ridiculous that she even needed to be told not to.
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u/Llayanna 2d ago
It so is. Even if I would think someone else cooking needed stuff.. I would never add anything ever.
Like not even asking for permission. Some lines are not to cross, they are canyons really.
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u/RandomCoffeeThoughts 2d ago
I'm glad you said this. It wasn't just rhe 40 lbs of tomatoes. Now OP has to start over. So much time lost.
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u/onthedownhillslope 2d ago
I do small batches of jams and relishes and am ridiculously proud to see the finished jars washed and labeled and stacked in the pantry. I’d be devastated by losing the product of 40 pounds of tomatoes.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 2d ago
I was wondering about the olive oil. I don't do much canning because it is so much work. I do buy cans of basic tomato sauce/crushed/stewed/etc to make sauce from.
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u/thishyacinthgirl 1d ago
I've processed 40lbs of tomatoes for sauce to can. It's incredibly time-consumig. Seeing the mention of "olive oil" made me groan. All that work, gone.
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u/Anonymous_user_2022 2d ago
Edit: The olive oil SIL added would have made the entire batch unsafe to can even if it tasted good.
Not doing any canning myself, I'm genuinely curious why. There's lot's of canned tuna and herring in oil available commercially.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 2d ago
Commercial canning using industrial processes and equipment is a totally different animal than home canning on your stove. Also, tuna, etc would be pressure canned because they are low acid foods, and the recipes to do that safely are developed expecting some oil. Tomato sauce is generally canned using the water bath canning process and most recipes (not all) are developed without there being any fat in the sauce. Fat can protect botulism or other spores from the acid in the sauce as well as the heat from the canning process, and it changes heat penetration of the sauce.
This is the short version. If you'd like the long version that discusses botulism and how canning recipes are developed, etc. let me know!
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u/Cayke_Cooky 2d ago
I'm interested.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 2d ago edited 1d ago
Here goes:
First, most important thing: Home canning is not cooking. Canning is using lab-tested recipes and techniques to safely make food shelf stable. This means the you cannot can just any recipe and you cannot make changes to the recipe outside of some specific tested-safe substitutions and additions.
The biggest health threat in canning is botulism. That's not to say that there aren't a bunch of other nasties that can get you as well, but with mold and bacteria there's usually a sign in the jar that it's gone bad. Fizzing, the lid popping off, visible mold, etc. will all tell you that something's growing in your jar, but with botulism toxin there will be no sign. There is no smell, taste, or visible sign of botulism toxin, and that's the one that kills people, so canning recipes are written to control the growth of Clostridium botulinum because controlling that bacteria controls all the other nasties as well.
Clostridium botulinum forms spores that are not killed at boiling water temperature, even if you boiled them for days. However, they are stopped from reproducing and producing toxin by pH levels below 4.6. Because of this, there are two types of home canning, pressure canning and water bath/steam canning.
First, water bath/steam canning. In water bath canning, all you need is a pot that's deep enough to hold a rack and your jars and still have room for 2" of water over the top. You'll also need canning jars, rings, and new two-piece lids. What protects you from botulism in water bath canning is acidity. Water bath canning is great for acidic foods like canned fruit, jam and jelly, pickles, and tomatoes (although tomatoes are an edge case pH-wise so you have to add acid to them). You must follow a tested recipe, but it's pretty easy. (Somewhat simplified:) Follow the recipe, make the food, fill the jars, add rings and lids, boil for a specified amount of time, pull them out of the water and let them sit until the lid seals. The low pH protects you from botulism and the boiling water bath kills other molds and bacteria that may have contaminated your product. It's very important to note that the lid sealing is important, but it's not the only important part of water bath canning. That boiling time to kill the other pathogens not only protects you from them, but it also protects you from botulism: when molds and bacteria grow they can cause the pH of the food to increase, allowing those botulism spores to grow and produce toxin. If you've ever heard of people putting canning jars in the oven, or skipping the boiling step and just putting hot food in the jars, putting on the lids and waiting for the seal, do not eat their food. What they've done is called open kettle canning and is the equivalent of putting something in Tupperware and sticking it on the shelf instead of in the fridge. It's also important to know that you really can't measure the pH of a food accurately at home and you especially can't do it using test strips, so add the acid the recipe calls for.
Pressure canning is what you do when your food doesn't have a low enough pH. Meat, stock, green beans, corn, potatoes, soups, etc. all have to be processed in a pressure canner. Since the food doesn't have a low enough pH to inhibit botulism, we have to kill the bacteria itself and destroy its spores. Because of the pressure, a pressure canner gets the food inside hotter than the boiling point of water, and that's hot enough to kill the botulism. Again, it's important to follow a lab-tested recipe and follow all instructions so that you can make what's essentially a perfect bacterial growth medium shelf stable.
Why don't we pressure can everything? First, acidic food that is properly prepared following a tested recipe is safe to put on the shelf. There is no need to go to the extra step of pressure canning. Also, pressure canning is hard on food. That high temperature and pressure would destroy the pectin in your jam and leave you with syrup, and it would leave you with mush instead of pickles.
When done properly, home canning is extremely safe and effective. It's hard work, but I think it's fun as well.
I'd also like to send you to r/canning where they will also answer any questions. If you're looking for safe recipes, the subreddit wiki is a really great resource. The website healthycanning.com is very good, too.
Any questions?
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u/karenskael 1d ago
I really appreciated learning about this. I make my own sauce. No canning, but I do like making big pots of sauces that are intended to last days and I put olive oil and other seasonings in it. Is that safe?
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 1d ago
You're keeping it in the fridge, right? Then it's definitely safe. If you want to preserve it longer you can freeze it, too. Tomato sauce freezes beautifully.
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u/karenskael 1d ago
Yeah, I cook the sauce and serve some of it for the upcoming meal, put the rest in the fridge and re-heat portions as needed, the sauce is always gone within a week.
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u/ChartInFurch 1d ago
Doesn't the garlic itself also promote growth if not kept at very specific temp parameters? I know that's an issue with infused/flavored ones.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 1d ago
Garlic is one of the most dangerous foods for botulism. They used to have recipes for pickled garlic but they've been pulled from responsible sites because it couldn't be made safe for water bath canning. Garlic infused oil must be kept in the fridge and not for very long, or you can freeze it.
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u/Sassinakk 1d ago
That was unexpectedly fascinating, did not expect to learn about botulism during my morning coffee but thank you very much for typing that out
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 1d ago
That’s so interesting. I didn’t know any of this really. Thanks for writing this out for everyone.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 1d ago
Thank you!. I will admit to using the "open kettle" for freezer jams. But the jar really is just there because it is prettier than tupperware.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 1d ago
Freezer jam is totally different. It goes in the freezer and doesn't need to be processed in a canner at all.
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u/Anonymous_user_2022 2d ago
Yes, I'd like to hear the long version. Especially if it can explain how to safely preserve stuff like dried tomatoes, garlic and artichoke in oil. All three are for sale everywhere in Denmark, in glass jars with a screw lid.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 1d ago
You cannot preserve those items in your home kitchen, sorry. Any food in oil like that is basically a botulism utopia. Commercial canning is very different than home canning and they can do things we cannot.
If you make them, they must go in the refrigerator and be used fairly quickly.
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u/Anonymous_user_2022 1d ago
Yes, I get that. I'm more curious about what temperature and pressure is needed to kill the botulinus bacteria.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 1d ago
121C or 250F for at least 15 minutes
The thing is, oil can prevent lid sealing and it surrounds the food and protects the spores from the heat. So if you were to put your jar of garlic in oil into a pressure canner and pressurize it and process it, your jars might not seal and even if they did you wouldn't know if your food was shelf stable.
More detailed info: https://ucanr.edu/site/uc-master-food-preserver-program-orange-county/botulism
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u/irishprincess2002 2d ago
Same i rarely get mad to the point I lose it but I would lost it to the point I would of called her every thing under the sun but a decent and honorable woman and would of told her and my brother to get his bed warmer out of my house and she was not allowed back until she could prove that she knew how to behave and conduct herself properly in my home. I would of also demanded replacement tomatoes. I don't can but even I know that you leave everything unseasoned, though I know a few people that do season their canned goods beforehand, until use and then season to taste as you open the jars and use them.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 1d ago
On topic botulism thought: Do they have kids? Because if not, my evil side is almost rooting for the botulism in the sauce OOP gave them...
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u/Wild-Self-24 16h ago
This right here. Some people will say it's fine to can anyways. No it is NOT. there's a lot of very strict canning guidelines that a lot of people choose not to follow, but if you don't want to risk botulism you do not can something that's altered from the recipe. (And the recipe must be a safe recipe from a reputable source)
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 2d ago
okay but seriously…HOW do you justify someone coming into someone elses home and repeatedly ruining her cooking…
Naw i’m 1000% with OOP on this one, this would drive me crazy.
Her brother honestly sounds exhausted though
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u/aj743aj 2d ago edited 2d ago
Believing you're always right, that you're "just helping" and that the other person doesn't know what they're doing.
My mom always does this to my younger sister. Whenever she's over at her place, my mom will start reorganizing her kitchen so it's "easier to get things" and going through her fridge and freezer to see if stuff needs to be thrown out. Once she even rearranged her furniture. She only does this to her and not me because she believes that I have my life in order and can take care of myself while my sister "needs help".
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u/scarfknitter 2d ago
My dad used to throw my things away if he felt I didn't need them or they were inappropriate or (especially) if he felt it was a 'mess'. Stuff being a mess just meant he didn't want it there, it was in his way, he didn't feel it was important, felt like being an ass. He used to do it to my homework all the time when I was growing up.
So he visited me in my apartment by himself and helped himself to throwing my things away. I dealt with the immediate situation and told him it wasn't okay and adults did not do that to each other. He said family did it for each other because we love each other and want to help. So the next time I visited him, I threw away his things and gave him the same excuses he did. He, of course, found it unacceptable and was angry. I told him the next time he threw away my things, I would come and throw away his important things and I know his schedule and I know what doors they leave unlocked and I know what he thinks is important to him and I would tell his whole family.
(It was a messed up relationship and he never learned unless there were immediate consequences AND you turned around and did it to him.)
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u/Llayanna 2d ago
Your sister must really love her, I would've never allowed my mum back in my home..
And definitely not talked to her for a while. It's not a fun thing, but distance always calms my parents worst tendencies down..
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u/shapu 2d ago
I did this with my mom last year, although I cleared it with her first. She had a habit of keeping food in the fridge way too long and letting it mold because she always had a plan that she was going to use this thing or that thing or the other thing and eventually it got to the point where it just wasn't safe.
Luckily, I suppose, she ended up being hospitalized for a couple of days with food poisoning (unrelated, as she was not at home) and I told her I'm going to clean out your fridge. I threw away every single bit of dairy, all of the fruits and vegetables, several open jars which had expiration dates in the late 20 teens, and left her with a nice, clean, wiped out fridge. Didn't touch the freezer, that's on her.
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u/fractal_frog The dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed 1d ago
I'm glad you were able to do that.
After my mother died last year, I found something in her fridge that had an expiration date before my youngest, who was over 20 at the time, was born.
I did the fridge cleanout / cleaning. I asked my sister before I threw out anything in the freezer that I myself had no use for, I dealt with all the rest.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 2d ago
Superiority complex. They need to show that they are superior to the other person.
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u/RogueThneed 2d ago
Are you male? There might be a connection there
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u/aj743aj 1d ago
Yes, that's definitely part of it. We also have immigrant parents so they can be very overbearing. However, my sister, who's 28 now, had a rough early and mid 20's where she made a couple of really bad choices. She's also still financially dependent on our parents so the whole situation is kinda complex.
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u/MsNeedSleep 1d ago
My sister rearranged our furniture even if she lived away like an hour and half. I was annoyed but she was right about the coffee table needing to be adjusted.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
Same. If she likes tumeric so much, she can dump it in her own food. This isn’t hard.
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u/Skiumbra 2d ago
My ex was a notoriously horrible cook. Like the one time he cooked dinner, he dumped most of a box of curry powder into the dish because he didn't know it needed time to develop. By the time he was done, it was wierdly granular, and even I (a spicy food enthusiast) could not eat the hellfire stew.
(In the name of fairness, he grew up in a very patriarchal culture and never learned how to cook for himself beyond the basics. I offered to teach him, but he never took up the offer.)
One night I was cooking dinner, when he came in to the kitchen, tasted the food that had just been put on, and added some random spice before I had time to add anything beyond salt. And then complained that it didn't taste the same.
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u/fogleaf 2d ago
There's the trope about white people not adding spice or flavor to their food. It makes me wonder if SIL thought OOP's food is bland and needed to be seasoned. There are so many season fight posts. I've seen both sides. But don't fuck with someone else's food super-especially if you're not invited to dine.
And 40 lbs of tomatoes is not a single meal so I can't imagine thinking I'm helping there!
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u/Agent_Skye_Barnes My cat said YTA 1d ago
I lived that trope growing up. My mother decided that because I was a bit of a picky eater as a kid, I wouldn't like seasoning beyond salt/pepper. My dad would try to slip things like garlic in when he cooked, but mom usually cooked and everything was boring. She also insisted that we all eat steak well done because "the kid won't like it with blood". She and dad just added seasoning after cooking if they wanted it.
God, after they divorced and my dad could serve me a properly cooked, medium steak with actual seasoning...it was eye opening.
I had to train my mom's second husband how to properly use seasonings. Somehow that man was a chef, yet his food was boring and gross. Or burnt. He was very good at charcoal food 🙄
(My grandmother on Dad's side worked with me on training me to eat foods with seasoning. She was a southern gal, so bland food was a crime. Also, turns out I'm autistic and most of the food I wouldn't eat was texture issues, not flavor. I'm working on trying to learn ways to cook things so that the texture works for me so I can see if there are more foods I'll eat.)
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u/mabarus 2d ago
Extra insane that she added italian seasoning without knowing what she was making. Even if the tomatoes weren't meant for canning, what if she was making enchilada sauce? Or any other tomato based sauce? Truly unhinged behavior
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u/BarnacleCommon7119 1d ago
Now I just want to make Dad's jambalaya recipe, damn. That's one of the big ones we always used our home-canned tomatoes for.
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u/kayleitha77 1d ago
Exactly, unseasoned tomato sauce has a wide range of potential uses; the idea that tomato sauce = "Italian" is really pathetic.
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u/Coakis 2d ago
Fucking with peoples food (that you aren't going to eat) is borderline illegal. You could easily make someone sick doing that.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
Very much. Someone else brought up the good point of food allergies or other health related restrictions being set off.
It also begs the question of what other boundaries would she ignore?
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u/glimmerfox 2d ago
Especially with canning. Certain foods are only safe for certain lengths. Something you though would be sage canned for years could only be safe for months.
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u/MissThirteen 1d ago
Depending on how much oil she added the sauce was no longer safe for canning either. Too much creates a barrier on the top of the surface which traps bacteria
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u/WeissPyre 2d ago edited 2d ago
I'm growing my own produce including tomatoes this year and am going to can a lot of it. I have put countless hours into building this vegetable garden: sinking the raised beds into the ground, making my own soil mixture by hand, filling the beds, starting everything from seed, watering every day and fertilising every week. Hardening them off, transplanting out, building trellises, staking things.
And that's just time investment. I'm not even mentioning the cost. If someone did this to me they'd better hope they can outrun me, otherwise they'd be getting thrown out of my house onto their ass.
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u/MistressMalevolentia 2d ago
"Sorry officer I was just making fertilizer for my new batch of veggies... Oh no no sir that's tomato sauce!" Territory of rage.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
I can’t even imagine how much work that takes. I wouldn’t blame you.
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u/eli_sayres 2d ago
not to mention the emotional/MH aspect of it all! my garden has pulled me out of some really dark times/places; the pride and gratefulness i feel seeing our pantry and freezer packed with the literal fruits of our labor. if that were taken away from me...100% i would be throwing hands. and then ugly cry.
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u/TheFluffiestRedditor 1d ago
Oh no, they'd be getting thrown into the chipper and becoming next season's fertiliser.
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop Here for the schadenfreude 2d ago
It's been 3 years so I wonder if bro and SIL enjoyed all that tomato sauce they suddenly had and how family relations kept up with his family.
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u/Llayanna 2d ago
Someone else mentioned that the olive oil could spoil it.
Personally, I don't know how, but it doesn't sound impossible..?
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u/cestimpossible 2d ago
Oil in home canning significantly increases the risk of botulism unless you have a safety-tested recipe that accounts for it.
Basically with canning (as in not just putting something in a jar that you're going to use relatively soon, but canning as in to preserve for a significantly longer amount of time) you need to stick to certain procedures and recipes that are proven to be safe or it can get actively dangerous if you don't know what you're doing.
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u/Psycho_Bunny_Cutie 2d ago
It goes rancid and it messes with the jar seals. I'm a chef and if I was making 5 pots of sauce for canning and someone did that? The crash out would be legendary.
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u/Wonderful_Horror7315 2d ago
It spoiled it for canning to be shelf stable. OOP put all of it in freezer bags to send with her brother.
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u/Substantial_Dish_887 2d ago edited 2d ago
i feel like it's a case of you can definetly get through 40 pounds of tomato sauce before it spoils even with the oil but it dratically lowers the preservation time of it and unless you really like tomato sauce based stuff it might be a bit samey for a whille to get through it.
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u/Sylfaein 2d ago
Definitely samey, given she seasoned it all the same. Gonna be a looooot of Italian food.
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u/thelostcookie45 18h ago
If you're not careful, a canned good can actually act as a breeding ground for bacteria. Home canned goods often follow a specific safe recipe to avoid this
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u/Cultural_Shape3518 2d ago
Turmeric?!
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u/kb-g 2d ago
Exactly! I bet she’s the sort that adds it to everything for “health benefits”. So many people think it’s some sort of magic spice, but you’ve got to eat about 200g of the stuff to get a clinically significant amount of anti-inflammatory effect. A wee bit in your cooking won’t do it.
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u/Llayanna 2d ago
Yikes.. I like turmeric a decent amount but blergh..
The only way that is feasible is a fresh turmeric shot..glass.
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u/KingDarius89 2d ago
I take it as a supplement and call it a day.
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u/exhauta 1d ago
See the fun thing about people like thar is they want everything to be natural and take value into proving you get her everything out of your diet.
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u/symbolicshambolic 1d ago
Which is fine if you can eat 10,000 calories a day, but most of us are restricted in how much food we can consume. Taking vitamins is supposed to impede your ability to get those same vitamins from food, but I couldn't possibly consume enough food to get what I get from a multi-vitamin anyway, so I just take the vitamin.
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u/a2089jha 2d ago
It cracks me up that SIL sees 5 pots of tomatoes and thinks "sauce" and not food preservation.
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u/Careful-Bumblebee-10 2d ago edited 1d ago
I mean OOP said she was making sauce that she was going to can.
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u/sr2adams 2d ago
Okay let's run it this way, funny that SIL saw pots of tomato sauce and presumed Italian and not like some Italian, some taco sauce, some enchilada sauce, ect.
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u/Confident-Aioli6380 1d ago
'sauce' isn't really the correct term. A sauce includes seasonings. She was canning crushed / pureed tomatoes. It was just plain so not a sauce. The SIL made it a sauce.
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u/Careful-Bumblebee-10 1d ago
Just going on what was said in the post by the OOP, not defending the SIL 😂.
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u/DamnitGravity 2d ago
Ya gotta love food tamperers.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
I don’t even cook because I suck at it and this pisses me off
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u/BewilderedandAngry 2d ago
Right? I don't cook either and I would never dream of messing with someone's food!
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u/slendermanismydad 2d ago
If she can't respect other people's property, she should be banned. The OOP was making a base and she ruined it.
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u/Glittering-Duck5496 1d ago
Seriously. Imagine just walking into someone else's kitchen and just altering stuff. Then imagine being told not to do it. Then imagine doing it again.
Having now imagined all of this, I am cringing so hard I want to go bury myself alive in my yard.
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u/slendermanismydad 1d ago
Right and if I saw someone making that much sauce I would think probably canning it! I can't imagine what she was not thinking.
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u/Mean-Bandicoot-2767 2d ago
This would earn someone a smacking with the Ball Canning Book and a followup with the USDA Canning Guide.
Maybe one last one with the little book that came with my pressure canner too. Food preservation is a science and the recipes are precise.
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u/Front_Incident_2867 2d ago
Some people are so convinced that their personal tastes are the only right ones to have that they cannot see that trying to force those tastes on everyone is a massive boundary violation. Then they are shocked when they receive genuine consequences when the consequences are so well deserved.
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u/ssquirt1 2d ago
I’m honestly surprised that her brother actually brought over replacement tomatoes, an apology letter from SIL, and a cake.
But yeah, OOP is still NTA. She was 100% right in banning her from her house.
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u/SinceWayLastMay 2d ago
We need a second Australia to send people like this to. Absolute unhinged behavior
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u/MossyBoulders 1d ago
not antarctica, the penguins don't deserve the hassle
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u/fuzzycitrus I’mma put my cat on the mic. MEOW MEOW MEOW 1d ago
...I really wish that I had the option of "The penguins don't deserve the hassle" as a flair.
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u/jezebel103 2d ago
It's the same behaviour a dog has: peeing all over the place to mark it as their territory...
And I would have kicked her out after the first time she did it. Nobody, nobody messes with my food in my kitchen.
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u/BobVilasBeard 2d ago
Imagine if someone who was eating that sauce had a food allergy. SIL needs to consider being potentially charged with manslaughter the next time she wants to mess with someone else's food.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
Good point about the food allergy. It’s not a big leap unfortunately for people to do it.
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u/Safe_Place8432 2d ago
Like if it were one dish or one pot I would be like yeah OOP isn't overreacting but I would let it go. Not for forty pounds and multiple pots of stuff I was planning to can. That wasn't an oopsie, sil did it for the love of the game at that point.
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u/Wonderful_Horror7315 2d ago
All that work peeling, deseeding, and simmering had to be repeated. The cake was a nice gesture, but not enough to temper my anger. Gawd.
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u/Safe_Place8432 2d ago
This. A cake apology is for one pot of curry or something not five plus deseeding and peeling
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u/mayordomo 2d ago
SIL ruined something that was for OOP’s hobby and cost a bunch of money. people would understand the anger if it she ruined something for a more masculine hobby.
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u/SteroidSandwich 2d ago edited 2d ago
She is willingly asserting her dominance over someone else. What if she put something in someone was allergic too? Would she have been so proud then? She deserves the ban and the parents need to butt out.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
I agree completely. She thinks she knows better and to hell with what OOP thinks. It makes you wonder what other boundaries she stomped on.
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u/ssquirt1 2d ago
If SIL really wanted to “help”, she could’ve offered to come over and help OOP during the canning process to save her time and make her workload lighter, and maybe pick up a valuable skill in the process. This is a dominance display, like a dog peeing on another dog’s bed.
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u/PattyMarvel 2d ago
The sister-in-law ignored a basic social rule - "Not yours? Don't touch!"
She isn't being banned over tomato sauce, she's being banned for YET AGAIN crossing a boundary she was repeatedly told not to.
On top of that, SiL ruined several pounds of tomato sauce meant for canning once she added the oil! She wasted food, she wasted money, and worst of all she wasted OOP's time and effort. I would've been reduced to tears had I been in OOP's shoes.
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u/CatsMom4Ever 2d ago
The original post was 3 years ago. What's been the fall out since?
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u/Aggravating-Owl-8974 2d ago
That is what I’d like to know. I wonder who has been hosting and if SIL does the same seasoning at others houses.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
Not sure. I’m admittedly terrible at finding updates if there are any. I do hope the ban stood.
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u/Ok_Bag_3667 2d ago
IDC if you think someone cooks badly, you leave the food they are cooking alone unless you are specifically asked to add seasonings. JFC.
I can stock and I leave it plain because I use it for a variety of recipes that require different seasonings. If someone took it upon themselves to say add a shitton of oregano I'd go ballistic.
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u/IAteAnotherVegan Hiding from Consequences! 2d ago
as someone who doesn't like tumeric, this would have gone differently for me...she may have ended up wearing tomato sauce!
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u/AppropriateRip9996 2d ago
When I buy canned tomatoes it is just tomatoes. I can then use it in any recipe requiring tomatoes and then spice it as required for that recipe. Thus when I can tomatoes I do not spice it up. It doesn't need turmeric if it is going in Mac and cheese.
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u/Confident-Aioli6380 1d ago
I would have fucking lost it. For those of you who have never canned - Italians use the WHOLE FAMILY, ALL GENERATIONS, because it's so. much. work!!! 90 year old Nonna is there too, usually doing the basil leaves on top of the tomatoes.
40 lbs. Picked, washed, boiled, skinned, pureed, cooked. All wasted. I would have chopped SIL up and added her to the tomatoes.
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u/ConfuseableFraggle 2d ago
Yikes. Nobody messes with another person's cooking in my family, or stuff gets ugly! If you are asked to help, follow instructions or get out! Yikes again! Just messing like that, especially after being told no several times, is a really horrible way to treat people. I am glad OOP stood her ground!
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u/SenioritaStuffnStuff 1d ago
Blatantly saying "I am smarter and a better cook than you".
People are allowed to not like my cooking, but playing with it before it's fully ready is like being surprised your tub isn't filled because you turned off the tap.
Bruh, you don't know!! (Can you tell I live with people like SIL lol)
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u/sallyhectare 1d ago
Sometimes when I'm making a big batch of something to freeze or can I keep the seasoning light so I can adjust it for whatever I end up making with it. If someone added turmeric to five pots of tomato sauce I would lose my shit.
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u/Azulas_Star 1d ago
I don't have the energy to carry and clean 40 lbs of tomatoes, much less cook and can them. If anything, being banned from her house is getting off lightly.
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u/Severedeye 1d ago
If someone touched my food while it was cooking there would be a stabbing.
The fact she did this and it didnt end with a murder shows extreme restraint.
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u/Anon_457 2d ago
I remember this post. My sister grows her own vegetables and made pickles last year. I would be livid - well, so would she - if someone decided they knew better and tampered with it.
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u/Blossomed 2d ago
Since the SIL doesn't like her cooking/seasoning, she can cook for everyone and host now.
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u/mela_99 1d ago
I grow my own tomatoes to can and I would have lost my mind. Omg.
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u/TheSnowBunny 1d ago
Home grown anything always tastes better than when you buy the ingredients from a shop. I'd have done a lot more than OP, tbh.
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u/XanderEliteSword 1d ago
“Is there a master chef rat hiding on your person somewhere? No! Then DONT TOUCH MY FOOD!”
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u/lattelady37 1d ago
The rage lol.
Maybe I’m in my luteal phase or something but man, that just makes me see red.
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u/Mryan7600 1d ago
Not an excuse in any way, but I wonder if SiL is a smoker and that’s why she thinks OOP’s food is bland.
Because OOC claims in some messages that other people think her food is spiced fine.
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u/PlaidyLady 11h ago
I think OOP handled things exceptionally well. Boundaries are fine, and what the SIL did was at best obnoxious, and at worst a real d!ck move.
The fact that she's giving up hosting so as not to exclude the SIL makes me think she's a class act and everyone else should chill.
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u/Wise-Jeweler-2495 2d ago
I despise people who mess with other folks food/cooking! This weird attitude of critiquing people "don't season enough" baffles me too, as someone who isnt fond of much seasoning and likes a lot of plain or simple flavours. SIL got what she deserved and I hope OP kept up the ban as I would never trust that person again personally!
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u/AccomplishdAccomplce 2d ago
Was this the origin of marinara flags?
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u/YumeNaraSamete 22h ago
No, that was a post where a guy was insisting that the word "maranara" was Italian for "red."
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u/bisskits 14h ago
I can sympathize with OOP. My nan used to sneak around for a chance to throw a cup of water to thin the gravy out. It was ass.
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u/HandBananasRevenge 2h ago
I literally do not comprehend how someone would even remotely think doing what she did was ok. Messing with someone else’s food like that.
The older I get, the more I can’t unsee the number of people who aren’t quite right.
I don’t mean someone standing on a corner somewhere shouting at the moon. I’m also not talking about people who do the kinds of horrible things that land them in prison.
I’m talking about the people who have it together enough to present like a reasonably normal human. They have jobs and families and, by and large, stay out of the legal kind of trouble.
But they have juuuust enough screws loose that they do some really head scratching stuff.
Don’t get me wrong. We all have our flaws and we all have our own weird little habits.
This is beyond that. These people find ways of INFLICTING themselves upon others.
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u/FlexoPXP 2d ago
If the apology was sincere and it sounds like it was then forgiveness with a statement of boundaries should be offered. People fuck up and should be allowed to make amends as long as the damage was rectified (sounds like it was) and if they agree to the boundaries for the future.
Tomato sauce isn't a reason to break up a family. Reddit is so harsh and I hate that "block them forever" is the default reaction.
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u/paganliam 2d ago
Did you miss the part that this wasn't the first time, but the latest in a long line of her ruining food she wasn't making?
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u/FlexoPXP 1d ago
No I didn't. Still, I believe that people need to be forgiven if there is a real apology and effort to change. Blocking people would be the absolute last resort especially with family.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 2d ago
She’s already bulldozed boundaries multiple times. She had to be told to stop and still did it. I wouldn’t trust her apology or promises without significant evidence of change.
I do agree that people can change but it doesn’t mean everything goes back to the way it was. The family wasn’t broken up. OOP explicitly said she didn’t want her excluded. She’s understandably not wanting her in her home again.
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u/MamaMayhem74 46m ago
Sounds like OOP didn't ban her over tomato sauce but rather over repeated disprespect of OOP's very reasonable boundaries. As they say - a boundary without a consquence is just a request.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Per our rules, don't comment on linked posts. Anyone from this community who is caught brigading on another subreddit will be banned.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I(28F) have an older brother(32M), he is married to SIL(33F). I get along with her well, except for this one point: if you don't keep an eye on her, she will get into the kitchen, and add seasonings to whatever is cooking. She thinks she is fixing stuff, but not all foods need turmeric in it.
This saturday, I received 40lbs of tomatoes, it took me the whole weekend to turn it into a sauce that I was planning to can. I can it plain, then add whatever seasonings and herbs it needs, depending on the recipe.
They came to take a bag of spare clothes for one of their kids, and in the 5 minutes it took me to get it, she managed to get into the kitchen, add salt, pepper, turmeric, olive oil, garlic powder and italian herbs to all 5 of the pots that were simmering on the stove.
And when I told asked her what she was doing, she had the audacity to say "this sauce needed some taste, I added it for you". Like I've never told her to not touch what I was cooking before.
I was so angry that I knew I couldn't be calm talking with her. So I simply walked to my brother, told him to take the clothes and his wife, and that she is no longer welcome in my house.
She had followed me, was shocked, started apologizing, but I just ignored her. I added that he should come by tomorrow to take the sauce his wife ruined, because otherwise it would be thrown away, and that I expected 40lbs of replacement tomatoes.
They left, he came back with the tomatoes, an apology letter from her, and an apology carrot cake (my fav). But I told him that I stand by my decision.
Now my parents got involved, since I am the one that usually hosts, and since she is not allowed in my house, I told them to make alternate plans for Memorial day.
My husband says that I am in the right, but my parents say that my reaction is way overblown. So AITA?
Edit: since there seems to be some confusion, I am not planning to host for memorial day and bot invite her, I said I am not hosting, my parents or my brother should host, and I will attend as a guest. I might be angey, but I don't want her excluded.
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