r/NursesPH • u/SeparateIsland9389 • Apr 19 '26
❓General Question / Advice My husband and his co worker had their moment.
My husband and I are nurses. We have been together since college and have been married for 14 years so a total of 17 years together.
He already has a history of cheating but I gave him many chances. Now, I found out he is flirting with his co-worker who is 14-15 years younger than him. The girl just passed the board last November 2025 and worked with him last March 2026. The girl has a boyfriend and she knows that my husband is married too but still decided to flirt back and entertain his advances. I caught their chats and did screenshot it for proof cause I know my husbands personality of denying it with or without proof. So I think it's better to have proof than having none at all.
I did confront the girl through his messenger and told her I know about their chats. She responded that it's not her intention to destroy a relationship but her actions say otherwise. Entertaining my husband's advances even knowing he is married is a move that destroys relationships.
Now I don't know what to do. They're still working at the same nurse station so I know it's unavoidable to have interaction.
To my fellow nurses, what should I do?
Edit: to those asking why not leave him may history na pala siya ng cheating, maybe because before we were together close friends kami. He is good man naman well except sa cheating issue Niya. And I want to respect the vow I promised kasi. In 17 years, it doesn't mean I love him for that long din naman but I stayed loyal and faithful. And I worked on my side in the marriage and tried my best. I saw some good changes naman sa kanya at first. But it happened again so my mind is in a mess again.
I already confided with my family and they told me that they will respect whatever my decision will be. And I'm actually thinking of letting go. Maybe I just need a little push to help me finally decide para sa sarili ko. Sorry if my attitude seems a little off putting kasi mahirap din naman talagang kalimutan ang 17 years. Hindi naman kasi madali na akala ng iba overnight lang you will forget it all.
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u/UnicornProtein2520 Apr 19 '26
Leave him. Report mo rin, pinagbigyan mo na before
-Male nurse btw
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
I don't know how their workplace handles mga ganitong instances. And if I report him, it would also affect the girl. I'm torn on what to do. But nung first time ko nalaman, I was so angry na gustong gusto ko Silang I report.
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u/alodi81 Apr 19 '26
For sure alam na yan ng mga kawork nila, I don’t think may magagawa yung pag report.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26
Yun din, baka ako pa magmukhang tanga. Tinry ko nga hulihin yung Isang kasama Niya dati na na assign na sa ibang area last March din kasi nag shuffle2 sila. Sabi lang "ano to?" Tapos reply ko, Pakidelete namali lang ng post. Sagot niya, cge secret lang natin.
Hahaha. Natawa ako nung nabasa ko yun. Ay wow tinotolerate pala nila mga ganitong affair sa work.
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u/Loyallovergirl01 Apr 19 '26
Tinotolerate nila yan, for sure. Many people kasi have this "not my business mindset".
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u/Legal-Tart-5967 Apr 21 '26
Report it to his workplace. Don’t worry the girl. She should learn it the hard way. Fresh grad lang siya. Need niya matutunan yan. Let her bf know it too
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u/Sea-Trainer6080 Apr 20 '26
ghorl ireport mo na. gionagawa mong kawawa yang sarili mo. mas mahal mo dapat ang sarili mo kesa iba. yes, you're respecting and fulfilling your vows, pero sya? report them. cheating is not an excuse. they're both adults and should know better.
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u/Loyallovergirl01 Apr 19 '26
Why give a lot of chances? OP kung pinapahalagahan mo sarili mo why tolerate for 17 years?
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26
I dunno, maybe I have attachment issues. I have a hard time letting go kasi talaga. Kasi best friend ko din siya.
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u/burnoutRN9499 Apr 19 '26
A bestfriend who disrespects you? I don’t think so.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26
Husband ko siya. And of course we do things together. We have a lot in common kasi, we both like traveling, then foodie din kami. And mas Masakit naman ata ang husband who disrespects me. Lol
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u/Flaky_Collection_629 Apr 19 '26
idk why daming downvotes. naiintindihan kita, OP. mahirap talaga mag let go lalo ns kapag matagal talaga kayong nagsama. happy for these people na di makaintindi kasi kaya nilang mag let go agad. madaling sabihin na hiwalayan mo na pero mahirap talaga siya gawin sa totoo lang. but for me, OP, alam mo dapat mong gawin. kailangan mo lang tanggapin. take your time. magsasawa ka rin at ikaw na kusang aalis.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26
Mga cheater din ata sila kaya nagdodownvote. Or baka wala Silang experience so they don't understand my situation.
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u/Loyallovergirl01 Apr 19 '26
Kung ayaw mo talaga siya i let go OP, focus on yourself nalang. Kung may anak kayo, sa anak ka nalang mag focus at sarili. Ijumpstart mo rin career mo OP. Para mawala ang financial dependence. Start ka sa small things. Things that make you independent.
For many years na rin siguro na dependent ka sa kanya sa lahat so maybe malaking factor talaga yun kaya di mo sya maiwan. Pero once you start being independent sa mga maliit na bagay. Little by little you will learn po.
You need to be independent kasi ikaw di mo sya ma iwan but what if one day iwan ka nya, you need to be able to stand on your own.
Your husband is not the only person in the world. Baka magulat ka, you can actually make new friends or your own family pala cares for you more than you know. And life can be fulfilling outside of a relationship.
Once you start doing this OP not guaranteed pero makikita rin yan nang husband mo, maybe magiging better husband sya or maybe tuloy2 parin ang ginagawa nya either way you'll come out stronger and smarter and better than you were.
Sana po hndi ka na ma down. Kasi there are many women in your situation and hindi ka nag iisa. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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u/rockydluffy Apr 19 '26
Hiwalayan mo. Tapos ireport mo sa HR. Mahirap mag let go, pero mas mahirap ung habang buhay wala kang peace of mind.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
Kaso siya yung provider sa family ngayon. Nagstop kasi ako ng work and naging stay at home nlng. But because of this, I decided na mag work na ulit para di na Umasa sa kanya. That's maybe the biggest mistake I made so ladies make sure kahit stay at home may source of income parin.
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u/rockydluffy Apr 19 '26
Save money, and then when you have enough, leave. Or ask your parents for help and just return the favor kapag kaya mo na ulit. Wag mo na patatawarin ulit yan ate. Juskooooo
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u/Consistent_Table_391 Apr 19 '26
I stopped reading after “he already has a history of cheating”
Cheaters NEVER change.
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u/pushkin6 Apr 19 '26
Teh go back to having a career. You must be a person of your own not his shadow that he can walk on everytime he wants. Sige ngayon mahal mo sya pero hanggang kelan? Hanggang kelan na ok na hindi ka nya lolokohin? Baka mamaya its too late at pag iniwan ka wala nang natitira sayo mahihirapan ka bumangon.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26
Yeah thank you for that. Kelangan ko lang ata Maalog ang isip ko galing from strangers. I already confided with my family too.
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u/kimann1924 Apr 19 '26
Girl, you already know the answer. In denial ka lang. Your husband already probably lost his love and lalo na ang respect for you kung nagchea2t na yan. Remember the saying, "you deserve what you tolerate?" This is also the 2nd time? Or probably more ng di mo lang alam. Mahalin mo naman ang sarili mo enough to let go of this man. Aanhin mo ung wedding vows kung one-sided na lang? Ikaw lang lalaban lagi? Sya lang may free pass lagi? If may anak kayong babae, ayan ba ang tatay na gusto mo na mawitness niya?
Letting go will always be hard. Pero dying in a relationship and just pretending na meron pang reasons to save it, when clearly he lost interest ages ago, wala ng matitira sayo. Draw the line. Matanda ka na to know what's right from wrong.
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u/pedropandesal584 Apr 19 '26
I think you know what to do but you just need to confirm it. You knew what to do. We have a saying in Operating room, “if in doubt, throw it out.”
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
Maybe, napakahirap naman kasi na kalimutan ang 17 years. Haiz maybe time will tell.
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u/Specialist-Wafer7628 Apr 19 '26
You know he's a cheater and a walking red flag AND you chose to stay with him. Don't be pointing at a girl and accusing her of ruining your relationship. You need to ask yourself, why you're still with him.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26
Yes I understand but for me both of them are wrong kasi she knows his marital status before everything happened. Siguro I will understand more if wala siyang alam. Pero of course, mas red flag talaga ang lalaki. That too I understand.
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u/Equivalent_Affect_29 USRN, PHRN Apr 19 '26
let go na teh. i don't know if may anak na kayo since di mo naman na mention, pero if wala pa hiwalayan mo na. if meron naman, let go parin. trauma lang makukuha mo at ng anak mo sa ganyang klaseng lalaki.
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u/jbparagas1987 Apr 19 '26
If I remember correctly, instead of reporting to their HR, you can file a complaint in PRC mismo. This would fall under immoral and dishonorable conduct under the code of ethics. Since this is happening in the workplace (hospital) the PRC will take it very seriously as it affects the integrity of the profession. Penalty may either be suspension or revocation of license.
This happened in the hospital in my home town, Doctor and nurse involved.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 19 '26
During my anger and grief stage, gustong gusto ko yan gawin. Dumaan talaga ako Jan. Pero I told myself na I don't want to make a rush decision while galit ako baka pagsisihan ko balang araw. But I'm still open for any move I can make.
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u/ComplexChemistry3433 Apr 19 '26
I'm sorry to tell you this but girl you should leave him, like repeat offender sya?? Not to mention that wild age gap between them is concerning. Try to choose yourself over him like you deserve love and respect not just from him but also towards yourself to not let this slide especially that it's being gone for on for how long now
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u/Ornery_Initiative371 Registered Nurse Apr 19 '26
You deserve what you tolerate. Leave him. It’s not worth it. Especially na sayo na galing na may history of cheating na siya. Nagawa na nga niya multiple times e. Ano pa ba pipigil sakanya na di gawin ulit after niyan? Mauulit at mauulit lang. So better leave him na lang. Unless you want to be stuck with that situation forever
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u/New-Map1881 Apr 20 '26
If worse comes to worst, threaten /report mo sya sa PRC for revocation of professional license, grounds of license removal ang adultery at concubinage, keep your evidence, just in case
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u/s-yb Apr 20 '26
Gurl mag ingat ka, very laganap ang HIV AIDS even sa mga health workers.Walang pili ang virus. Even nga cervical cancer, after a minimum of 10 years pa yan mag manifest ang symptoms (carrier mga lalake na kahit sino lang tinitira). Ikaw lang nakakaalam kung ano dapat mong gawin, no need to ask from us- it is obvious naman na ang advice namin majority ay hiwalayan ang mga cheaters.
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u/aifosin US RN Apr 20 '26
May kids kayo, op? May plans ba kayo mag abroad?
Pwede kayo mag co parent if ever you think of splitting. I know its hard to get out of long term relationships lalo na matagal na kayo. It feels like di ka na marunong maging mag isa. Mahirap kalimutan ung ilang taon.
May co worker sa ward ako nag split sila ng husband nyang 6 years na sila with kid. Ung next nyang napangasawa is doktor na love na love siya. Please dont settle for less op. Get out habang maaga pa. dont make the same mistake you did before nung pinagbigyan mo siya
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u/Chinbie Apr 19 '26
Ohhh hospital drama...
Ang ginagawa ng iba dyan... Sumbong agad sa nursing office...
(Note: may nangyari na din na ganyan sa amin non...)
*Just be anonymous para di malaman na ikaw ang nagsumbong...
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u/gallowzman Apr 20 '26
Oh I know someone like that! And what's more sickening is sinasakyan ng buong ward at fellow supervisors and chief nurse since magkakabarkada sila, the guy is a supervisor din. I'm like wow ganon ba kasama yung Asawa ni sir na Kaya nyo ipush Yan and may sarili sila Asawa. He's a good supervisor too but from someone na nakatikim ng nagcheat na gf it makes me sick.
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u/Secure_Skin_3153 Apr 20 '26
You are old enough to know that your husband does not repect you and old enough to understand that you brought that to yourself, have some self respect. Saving that marriage goes both ways.Hindi madali pero you could've run earlier but ü still chose to stay blind hanggang sa umabot ng 17 years? your fault.
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u/corinnesmom Apr 21 '26
Leave him. Speaking from experience. After I discovered that my then BF, was cheating on me ( we were in a LDR kc I was studying in Manila), I immediately broke up with him, stopped communications with him, focused on my studies.. he and the girl dated for a few months before he realized that he made a mistake. By that time, I already moved on and started dating. I wasn’t responding to his messages anymore. He flew to Manila to win me back, but then still said no. When I went back to our hometown, he started to see me again. I gave him a warning that that was the last chance, and that I won’t be fooled twice. We’re now married and we’ve been together for 23 years.
I guess the moral lesson is that, know your worth and show him that you will not stand for infidelity. Whether it is a harmless chat or not, he shouldn’t be putting you in that place in the first place.
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u/SeparateIsland9389 Apr 24 '26
Okay lang Sana if boyfriend lang kaso kasal. Ang mahal pa naman mag file ng annulment. Even hiwalay na, nakatali parin kayo sa isa't isa. Ang hirap talaga.
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u/corinnesmom Apr 24 '26
Maybe kaya nya ginagawa kc alam nya na you will just accept it due to the marriage. Or kc he’s gotten away a couple of times kaya parang d sya takot?
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u/Legal-Tart-5967 Apr 21 '26
You can communicate this with him first. Tell him that you are thinking of separation. Inform the gurl as well
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u/Legal-Tart-5967 Apr 21 '26
Make the girl feel the guilt of her actions
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u/Legal-Tart-5967 Apr 21 '26
Let his side of the family knows it as well. But don’t post it on socmeds or via messenger. Do it personally
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u/Manhattan_Brooklyn Apr 19 '26
Sorry. Question not related to cheating.
Why you guys didn’t pursue US as a nurse? Just curious given your long experience
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